Writing Challenge ~ March 2017 ~ Comments and Reviews

[Britwitch]

WRITING CHALLENGE REVIEW THREAD ~ MARCH 2017​

Just a few little rules for this thread:-

• This thread is for comments and reviews only. Submissions go here!

• Please keep your comments focused on the pieces posted for the challenge running from 1st – 31st March 2017 only, this is not really intended to be a thread for conversation/flirting/mayhem and so on (Sorry to be a bore!). Writers should be able to find reviews/comments for their pieces without having to trawl through pages of banter (no matter how amusing/sexy it might be!)

• Readers/Reviewers:- Please keep your comments and reviews polite and, wherever possible, positive. If you have constructive criticism or advice for writers please do give it but be polite about it! You don’t have to like everything you read but if you really don’t have anything nice to say about something then I would suggest you refrain from posting. And if all you want to say is you liked a piece and no more…that’s great too! We all know how writers like to be appreciated!

• Authors:- Please take constructive criticism as it is intended, as an attempt at improving possible flaws/problems/areas of confusion in your piece. They are not (hopefully!) personal attacks on you or your work.

• This is supposed to be a fun way to get to know new writers and potential partners, to exercise our writing brains, it’s not a competition, please keep that in mind!

• One more thing…suggestions for future prompts are very welcome and should be PM’d to me – Britwitch – as a link ideally.

Previous challenges and reviews can be found here.

Happy reading!

 

[Mac380]

Flowers in the park.

A nice well written piece, that was easy to read.
To be honest I thought the author was a lady till I read his bio. (Not sure if that is a compliment or not, but it should be lol)
Two things I'd suggest looking at:

What did Anthony do? She met him and he invited her into his circle, but you don't mention what caused them to meet, was he a teacher?

The story is written from Alex's point of view but one paragraph jumps to Wes observing her tear, to me it seemed out of kilter with the flow. Perhaps have her accepting a tissue from him to dry her eyes, so his observations are recognised and it keeps the perspective with Alex?

I'm no literary critic so my points may be awry but it's a good piece and I'm sure it is part of a very good story.
Thanks for sharing.

 

[PapaRomantic]

A nice well written piece, that was easy to read.
To be honest I thought the author was a lady till I read his bio. (Not sure if that is a compliment or not, but it should be lol)
Two things I'd suggest looking at:

What did Anthony do? She met him and he invited her into his circle, but you don't mention what caused them to meet, was he a teacher?

The story is written from Alex's point of view but one paragraph jumps to Wes observing her tear, to me it seemed out of kilter with the flow. Perhaps have her accepting a tissue from him to dry her eyes, so his observations are recognised and it keeps the perspective with Alex?

I'm no literary critic so my points may be awry but it's a good piece and I'm sure it is part of a very good story.
Thanks for sharing.

Thanks, Mac - I appreciate your comments. I also take it as a compliment about my "feminine" writing style - I'm a sucker for a good romance and a happy ending!

I agree with you that it might have helped the development of the story to tell how Anthony and Alex had gotten together. My biggest issue was working with the word limit - I left that part out at first since I wasn't sure how many words I'd end up with. And to tell the truth - I don't know how they got together. I'm pretty sure he wasn't a fellow teacher - that thought never entered my mind

I also see your point about the voice changing when he wished he could wipe away her tear. I didn't think it was realistic to expect him to be carrying around tissues just in case he saw a beautiful woman cry! Maybe it would have been best to leave that part out. But some guys like emotional women, so I thought it added to her character development.

I haven't had a chance to thoroughly read your submission yet, but I will and comment. I just discovered this challenge, and I hope to participate in the future!

 

[Mac380]

Thanks for taking my comments in the manner they were intended, I'm sure you will rip mine to bits. It probably needs it as I have spotted a few bits that need tweaked also to add a few more paragraphs to create pauses in the flow.

Thanks, Mac - I appreciate your comments. I also take it as a compliment about my "feminine" writing style - I'm a sucker for a good romance and a happy ending!

I agree with you that it might have helped the development of the story to tell how Anthony and Alex had gotten together. My biggest issue was working with the word limit - I left that part out at first since I wasn't sure how many words I'd end up with. And to tell the truth - I don't know how they got together. I'm pretty sure he wasn't a fellow teacher - that thought never entered my mind

I also see your point about the voice changing when he wished he could wipe away her tear. I didn't think it was realistic to expect him to be carrying around tissues just in case he saw a beautiful woman cry! Maybe it would have been best to leave that part out. But some guys like emotional women, so I thought it added to her character development.

I haven't had a chance to thoroughly read your submission yet, but I will and comment. I just discovered this challenge, and I hope to participate in the future!