My husband likes it when I'm in control, but this isn't natural for me

[Lovehim11]

I have a wonderful husband that I love very much. We have a decent sex life but I think we're both a bit inhibited. I'm a bit of a sub and he is too. He likes ass play but seems to shy away from any actual penetration. He like to be lightly restrained and says he likes it when I'm in control. Sometimes when he's on all fours, I'll grind my pelvis into his ass and he seems to like it.

The thing is, this isn't natural for me and he's kind of shy about talking about what he wants. I really want to make him happy and I feel like maybe there are other things that he wants, I'm just not really sure where to go from here.

Any suggestions? I don't want to push him too far or embarrass him.

 

[Franglais71]

Have you tried introducing sex toy, maybe a dildo pushed up against his ass when you grind him from behind, if he likes it, you could get a double ended dildo, some of it in your pussy and some in his ass, or even a strap-on fucking him with it! Speak to him see what he wants, or maybe he wants to see you being taken by a bull as he watches helplessly...

 

[Lieve]

leave pen and paper somewhere with a question, see what the answer is

 

[NightL]

I don't want to push him too far or embarrass him.

he would tell you to stop... or ease back. So just go for it as hard as you care to. "Do you like this?" will get you a response...

as for "this isn't natural for me" - well I am sure you may do many things in your daily life that you are not so keen on - perhaps some are just because you know your husband appreciates it.

I was in a similar situation with one of my early relationships - my partner liked pain and I was "REALLY???!!!" - but I loved the person tremendously and dished out what got them going. I never grew to like delivering as such but I was well rewarded for the effort. I got over my qualms when I realised how turned on they became.

It has never been part of relationships since - so I didn't choose to seek it out again. I have wonderful memories of very intense and exciting times purely because I pushed my own boundaries upon my partner's requests.

 

[Nezhul]

Well if you are both kind of a sub, I'd recommend you both taking turns in domming. This way you will both get what you desire.

I recommend you both learning to play the dom role from time to time. Even if it's not natural to you, I don't think it actually feels bad to please him that way. Treat it like a gift to him. And arrange so that he gives similar gifts to you, even if there's something he may not be particularly into aswell.

The only things you will have to work around are those that you actually actively dislike doing. But that's what everyone has to face from time to time - a consensus will be found I'm sure.

Pleasing your partner is fun, and it will be fun both for you and for him.

Also as an afterthought - I have no idea if it may work, or if it's a stupid idea entirely, but you can try treating you playing the dominant role as an act of submission of sorts to him. Maybe it makes it easier?

 

[Joeknoxville]

That's exactly what we do together. And as you so eloquently stated, pleasing your partner is fun, and it will be fun for both you and him.

 

[Lovehim11]

Thanks for the tips everyone. I appreciate all of the advice.

 

[yukonnights]

Thanks for the tips everyone. I appreciate all of the advice.

Some good suggestions already ! I would like to add a couple of thoughts: First, if you haven't already done so, I would suggest you hang out a little on the BDSM Forum (including the BDSM CAFE sub-Forum). Even though you guys are new to this, there are some great folks over there with a lot of experience in these things. (Trust me, it's not all whips and chains)

And second, please don't panic over the term BDSM It's a very broad term and what you guys are exploring fits into this niche. And instead of thinking about all of this too much, I like to think of it simply as "bedroom games". And as such, they are just that...intimate erotic explorations (e.g. games).

If you really want to have a marriage of open honesty, I can't think of a better way to get there than through the openness and vulnerability of "bedroom games"