Difference between sex with a Dom vs non-Dom male

[BlendInd]

Can any ladies enlighten me as to the differences (emotional or physical) they feel when they are with their Dom versus when they are with a non-Dom?

Thanks.

 

[_Necrosomantic_]

Can you enlighten us as to the reason for this vague personal question you are asking strangers, while not offering anything from or about yourself, beyond a preemptive " thanks "?

 

[Lascivity]

Can you enlighten us as to the reason for this vague personal question you are asking strangers, while not offering anything from or about yourself, beyond a preemptive " thanks "?

It seems like a legit enough "just curious" question to me - it's a forum, so people don't have to answer if they don't want.

Anywho, women I've spoken with tell me that even if they can convince a non-dominant guy to do dominant things to them, it doesn't feel the same. There's no weight to it, and they're not as turned on.

 

[_Necrosomantic_]

It seems like a legit enough "just curious" question to me - it's a forum, so people don't have to answer if they don't want.

Normally, one would give a reason for the curiosity and maybe a bit of an explanation behind what motivates them to ask. Was " just curious " myself about that, not making demands. Merely pointing out that you are more likely to get those legit responses if you offer more than the bare minimum.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[_Necrosomantic_]

But, the way you asked for the motivation behind it came off rather vicious. OP is a new user, likely didn't know that more info on motivation would be helpful and could appreciate a constructive heads up rather than what seems like more of an attack...

While I can appreciate that what was intended to be flat candor could be construed as hostility, that's neither here nor there. If I mean to offend, it's obvious, but such is not the case.

Generally, you don't ask someone's name without first introducing yourself, nor would you ask a personal question without first prefacing, blah blah formalities. All I was alluding to, is that OP may garner more responses, or at least less superficial/short ones, by offering more him/herself.

Edit:

I think necro is looking out for we regulars.

Um, I have no answer for the question though, it would just be nice if we could meet the new year with good will

A late Xmas gift of Elle putting it better than I could, lol. My point remains, but no ill will intended. To OP or anyone else here.

 

[MeekMe]

Can any ladies enlighten me as to the differences (emotional or physical) they feel when they are with their Dom versus when they are with a non-Dom?

Thanks.

Not sure why you're only asking for answers from women. Woman =/= sub and dom =/= man.

There's nothing different to me. Spending time with someone is spending time with someone and whether power exchange is involved or not there's no difference.

 

[SpunThings]

Can any ladies enlighten me as to the differences (emotional or physical) they feel when they are with their Dom versus when they are with a non-Dom?

Thanks.

I only have sex with one person, and don't have experience with anyone else. With that said, we didn't always have authority exchange with our sex. After the initial excitement of being a new couple wore off, we went long periods without sex. I rarely initiated, and was rarely "in the mood". We didn't know then what we know now, which is that I require power exchange (or at least to be thinking about it) to get off.

So sex without power exchange can be ok, or mediocre, but rarely great.

 

[BlendInd]

For me the difference is a lot more mental. I'm definitely on the submissive side, so I'd ask a non-Dom lover to tie me up, spank me, choke me, etc but they were often really uncomfortable in that role, they didn't want the control I wanted them to take and it made the actions a lot less pleasurable for me because I was clearly not being dominated despite him going through the motions. Whereas with a Dom I know that sexually he is in control, all he has to do is tell me to kneel and I can feel myself get wet.

We're there any more specific things you were curious about?

Thank you Nekole for your response. Judging from your response, it seems that you enjoy your time more with a Dom lover than a non-Dom lover. So what is it about a non-Dom lover that appeals to you?

 

[BlendInd]

Can you enlighten us as to the reason for this vague personal question you are asking strangers, while not offering anything from or about yourself, beyond a preemptive " thanks "?

Fair question Necro. And to be honest, it was something that I literally thought of while taking a shower (my thinking room). People obviously seek out Doms for a reason. Let's say pleasure to make it simple. Could these pleasure seekers also have sex with non-Dom's? Sure they could, but why? Would it be less pleasurable for them? Maybe. If these pleasure seekers could have a Dom, why then, would they settle for a non-Dom (assuming that it is a less pleasurable experience)? I have no ulterior motivations other than my train of thoughts running away.

I understand that some strangers may not feel comfortable with providing an answer, and I respect that. However, I believe that there are other users on this forum that are more than happy to answer questions that some of us have. It is a question that I believe people from this forum could answer for me, hence why I posted it here.

 

[BlendInd]

Not sure why you're only asking for answers from women. Woman =/= sub and dom =/= man.

There's nothing different to me. Spending time with someone is spending time with someone and whether power exchange is involved or not there's no difference.

You're absolutely right about gender being irrelevant to the roles of a sub and a Dom. I asked for answers from women because I was curious from a woman's perspective.

Sure, spending time with someone is spending time with someone. But those that seek out the power exchange, surely the power exchange has a difference, otherwise, why bother?

 

[CutieMouse]

I've had terrible sex with men who ID'd as dominant.
I've had great sex with men who ID'd as dominant.

I've had terrible sex with men who didn't ID as dominant.
I've had great sex with men who didn't ID as dominant.

Ultimately, how they saw themselves (kinky or not; dominant or not) was far less important than chemistry and compatibility.

 

[Bluespark]

I've had terrible sex with men who ID'd as dominant.
I've had great sex with men who ID'd as dominant.

I've had terrible sex with men who didn't ID as dominant.
I've had great sex with men who didn't ID as dominant.

Ultimately, how they saw themselves (kinky or not; dominant or not) was far less important than chemistry and compatibility.

Ding!ding!ding!ding!
Ladies and gentlemen we have a winner!
Dom, sub, vanilla, whatever without the chemistry without the spark there is nothing and trying won't make it happen.

 

[frmtutanota]

That's awesome ^^^^

 

[Bluespark]

That's awesome ^^^^

Awesome...it's what I do.
Thanks

 

[MeekMe]

You're absolutely right about gender being irrelevant to the roles of a sub and a Dom. I asked for answers from women because I was curious from a woman's perspective.

Sure, spending time with someone is spending time with someone. But those that seek out the power exchange, surely the power exchange has a difference, otherwise, why bother?

CutieMouse said it nicely. Power exchange and kinky sex aren't always hand in hand, btw. Lots have kinky sex without power exchange and lots of power exchange without sex.

My point was that I am interested in people and no matter if the power exchange is there or not the sex is great with someone I'm compatible with.

 

[cfuhrer]

My husband is my PYL, and the only man I've ever slept with.

We weren't kinky for probably the first year or so. We were learning about each other and I was learning about sex in general and my preferences specifically.

Now, we have a five year old, two careers, just bought a house - ya know, life - so kink is a rare thing. But the sex is still there, and still good.

I guess this was the "long story" to cutiemouse's "short"; in my relationship chemistry is everything, kink is just a facet.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

If we are going for the snippy answer:

Sex with a Dom= Good sex
Sex with a non-Dom= akin to sex with a dishrag

On a serious note, sex with a dominant male is invigorating sex. It is challenging sex. it is very much an "I can best you, but I choose to hold back" sex... and it is an engagement of the minds as much as it is the bodies, and therefore more satisfying (to me at least).

Knowing your Dom has slightly wicked urges that he can successfully master control over is, in a word, hot.

 

[cfuhrer]

Knowing your Dom has slightly wicked urges that he can successfully master control over is, in a word, hot.

Quoted for truth.

 

[midwestyankee]

I've had terrible sex with men who ID'd as dominant.
I've had great sex with men who ID'd as dominant.

I've had terrible sex with men who didn't ID as dominant.
I've had great sex with men who didn't ID as dominant.

Ultimately, how they saw themselves (kinky or not; dominant or not) was far less important than chemistry and compatibility.

CutieMouse said it nicely. Power exchange and kinky sex aren't always hand in hand, btw. Lots have kinky sex without power exchange and lots of power exchange without sex.

My point was that I am interested in people and no matter if the power exchange is there or not the sex is great with someone I'm compatible with.

Let's look at this from the other side of the curve because what CM and Meeks said here is absolutely essential to understanding how this all works.

One of the worst sexual experiences I have ever had was with a former lover, but after I had clarified and refined my preference for being the dominant partner. We got back together after a hiatus of a few years and while we both agreed that we felt a good deal of the old chemistry and that turning a dinner date into something more, once we got into the bedroom kit all fell apart. She, as I could have predicted if my hard-on hadn't interceded, was uninterested in taking the submissive side of the equation and I, likewise, found that I had little interest in being a co-equal lover. In this case, sex with a dominant was just meh. Because the chemistry fell apart. Our initial expectations of sex-like-we-used-to-do were not met and no amount of domaines could have rectified things.

Sex with a dominant is only great when one's own response to being dominated is to eroticize it. And, usually, with someone with whom the personal chemistry and general compatibility are also high.

 

[teaching_alice]

Can any ladies enlighten me as to the differences (emotional or physical) they feel when they are with their Dom versus when they are with a non-Dom?

Thanks.

I admit I'm really new to it, but I noticed the Dom I dated (briefly) was slower than the (college) guys I normally date. He wasn't in a rush to jam it in and finish. There was like, a method to his actions, a plan, maybe? I think the BDSM relationship requires creativity, and there's so many elements to play with. Sometimes it was sensory deprivation, sometimes the lack of touch was more powerful than any touch could be. And that's all inside the giant power dynamic, which is a turn on of its self.

Even without the mental part, I find Dom/mes to be more methodical, patient, and able to play my body like an instrument.

 

[Miles Long]

Let's look at this from the other side of the curve because what CM and Meeks said here is absolutely essential to understanding how this all works.

One of the worst sexual experiences I have ever had was with a former lover, but after I had clarified and refined my preference for being the dominant partner. We got back together after a hiatus of a few years and while we both agreed that we felt a good deal of the old chemistry and that turning a dinner date into something more, once we got into the bedroom kit all fell apart. She, as I could have predicted if my hard-on hadn't interceded, was uninterested in taking the submissive side of the equation and I, likewise, found that I had little interest in being a co-equal lover. In this case, sex with a dominant was just meh. Because the chemistry fell apart. Our initial expectations of sex-like-we-used-to-do were not met and no amount of domaines could have rectified things.

Sex with a dominant is only great when one's own response to being dominated is to eroticize it. And, usually, with someone with whom the personal chemistry and general compatibility are also high.

I can really relate to this.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]