New to BDSM and my experiences

[BeautifulBlueSky218]

I'm quite new to BDSM, it has always interested me. Even when I was younger, I had fantasies about it. I'll open about it little by little at a time. This is one of the reasons why I decided to join this Forum in the first place. So I could have a safe outlet to express myself that I normally wouldn't go to my family about and things I wouldn't normally tell my friends. For the longest time I was ashamed of some of the things I thought about and thought there was something wrong with me. Now that I'm 33 years old, I'm opening up more and more about my fantasies. I'll always remember when I had experiences with my old boyfriend and it made me realize that those fantasies never went away. It was slowly coming to life and happening in real life, than inside my head.

Over the course of time I met Dom's online and some of them ordered me to Submit to them almost immediately right away, before I even got a chance to get to know them, talk to them or even open up to them and tell them what my limits were. It indeed freaked me out. I think trust is very important in order to allow someone else to have control and for you to submit to them. I think it's very smart to be wise and to be careful on when choosing a Dom. I've always been cautious, I don't want to walk into something without knowing what I'm walking into. Human instincts usually tell us when something isn't right and when you find a connection, it's a wonderful feeling. For any kind of relationship. A lot of people have told me that if your depressed or suffer from any kind of mental illness that you shouldn't be interested in BDSM. I think this is false. Strongly believe anyone should be into something if they feel something so strongly about it, example: playing music, sports, following your dreams, being an actor, etc. Nothing should hold a person back based on what other people say or feel as if there's something wrong with them if it arouses them. Think it's smart to tell someone what your limits are, before starting anything. So you know if you connect or not. I've learned a lot since talking to others and I still continue on learning. I'll admit, I'm no expert.

I'm quite shy, soft spoken, quiet, though I'll always be very open and honest with people. If there's one thing I hate is lying. If you ask me a question, I'll answer it. Though if I feel uncomfortable I'll express it to you and eventually open up over time. Believe becoming a submissive slowly happens when you do find the right Dom that works for you. It's not something that should simply happen right away. Others may do that, but it doesn't happen like that for me. Trust is very very important to me.

As for addressing my frustrations, I'm tired of someone not taking it seriously or simply expecting me to submit almost right away or rushing things. I'm new to this and I don't want to be tricked or manipulated into something almost right the minute they meet me. I've met a lot of creeps and I'm glad it didn't scare me into hiding. I'm not a drone or a robot, I take this very seriously and tired of people trying to get off by being aggressive with me from the moment they meet me. This is just based on my experiences. I've also met Dom's who simply disappeared and never heard from them again after speaking to them online. This could be because we didn't form any kind of connection. This is simply my experiences alone and not pointing fingers or blaming anyone. It's just something that I went through. I'd like to meet others, chat, become friends with others until I know for sure on who's right for me. Believe it's very wise to choose wisely. Once you meet the right Dom though, I believe everything will go by smoothly. I'm very happy to those who have found their Submissive and Dom. Wish nothing but the best for those people too, because I love seeing people happy. If there's anything you'd like to give me tips on, suggest something to me or simply talk to me, be free to do so. Thank you. Again let me repeat: I'm no expert to any of this. Haha! These are simply my thoughts and my thoughts alone. I'm still learning.

 

[MeekMe]

As for addressing my frustrations, I'm tired of someone not taking it seriously or simply expecting me to submit almost right away or rushing things. I'm new to this and I don't want to be tricked or manipulated into something almost right the minute they meet me. I've met a lot of creeps and I'm glad it didn't scare me into hiding. I'm not a drone or a robot, I take this very seriously and tired of people trying to get off by being aggressive with me from the moment they meet me. This is just based on my experiences.

When people do this they are letting you know right away that you shouldn't waste your time on them.

I've also met Dom's who simply disappeared and never heard from them again after speaking to them online. This could be because we didn't form any kind of connection. This is simply my experiences alone and not pointing fingers or blaming anyone. It's just something that I went through.

This isn't a BDSM thing, it's an online dating thing. Ghosting happens all the time and isn't limited to "doms" that didn't form a connection. In a lot of cases they probably weren't looking for a connection anyway and just wanted a quick wank.

I'd like to meet others, chat, become friends with others until I know for sure on who's right for me. Believe it's very wise to choose wisely. Once you meet the right Dom though, I believe everything will go by smoothly.

D/s isn't magic or special. The reality is that it's still a relationship and will take work. Finding someone compatible will of course make things easier, but there will still be ups and downs and everything in between.

 

[firefighterscott]

I'm quite new to BDSM, it has always interested me. Even when I was younger, I had fantasies about it. I'll open about it little by little at a time. This is one of the reasons why I decided to join this Forum in the first place. So I could have a safe outlet to express myself that I normally wouldn't go to my family about and things I wouldn't normally tell my friends. For the longest time I was ashamed of some of the things I thought about and thought there was something wrong with me. Now that I'm 33 years old, I'm opening up more and more about my fantasies. I'll always remember when I had experiences with my old boyfriend and it made me realize that those fantasies never went away. It was slowly coming to life and happening in real life, than inside my head.

Over the course of time I met Dom's online and some of them ordered me to Submit to them almost immediately right away, before I even got a chance to get to know them, talk to them or even open up to them and tell them what my limits were. It indeed freaked me out. I think trust is very important in order to allow someone else to have control and for you to submit to them. I think it's very smart to be wise and to be careful on when choosing a Dom. I've always been cautious, I don't want to walk into something without knowing what I'm walking into. Human instincts usually tell us when something isn't right and when you find a connection, it's a wonderful feeling. For any kind of relationship. A lot of people have told me that if your depressed or suffer from any kind of mental illness that you shouldn't be interested in BDSM. I think this is false. Strongly believe anyone should be into something if they feel something so strongly about it, example: playing music, sports, following your dreams, being an actor, etc. Nothing should hold a person back based on what other people say or feel as if there's something wrong with them if it arouses them. Think it's smart to tell someone what your limits are, before starting anything. So you know if you connect or not. I've learned a lot since talking to others and I still continue on learning. I'll admit, I'm no expert.

I'm quite shy, soft spoken, quiet, though I'll always be very open and honest with people. If there's one thing I hate is lying. If you ask me a question, I'll answer it. Though if I feel uncomfortable I'll express it to you and eventually open up over time. Believe becoming a submissive slowly happens when you do find the right Dom that works for you. It's not something that should simply happen right away. Others may do that, but it doesn't happen like that for me. Trust is very very important to me.

As for addressing my frustrations, I'm tired of someone not taking it seriously or simply expecting me to submit almost right away or rushing things. I'm new to this and I don't want to be tricked or manipulated into something almost right the minute they meet me. I've met a lot of creeps and I'm glad it didn't scare me into hiding. I'm not a drone or a robot, I take this very seriously and tired of people trying to get off by being aggressive with me from the moment they meet me. This is just based on my experiences. I've also met Dom's who simply disappeared and never heard from them again after speaking to them online. This could be because we didn't form any kind of connection. This is simply my experiences alone and not pointing fingers or blaming anyone. It's just something that I went through. I'd like to meet others, chat, become friends with others until I know for sure on who's right for me. Believe it's very wise to choose wisely. Once you meet the right Dom though, I believe everything will go by smoothly. I'm very happy to those who have found their Submissive and Dom. Wish nothing but the best for those people too, because I love seeing people happy. If there's anything you'd like to give me tips on, suggest something to me or simply talk to me, be free to do so. Thank you. Again let me repeat: I'm no expert to any of this. Haha! These are simply my thoughts and my thoughts alone. I'm still learning.

Wishing you best of luck in your search.

 

[erOzica]

ll always be very open and honest with people. If there's one thing I hate is lying. If you ask me a question, I'll answer it. Though if I feel uncomfortable I'll express it to you and eventually open up over time. Believe becoming a submissive slowly happens when you do find the right Dom that works for you. It's not something that should simply happen right away. Others may do that, but it doesn't happen like that for me. Trust is very very important to me.

As for addressing my frustrations, I'm tired of someone not taking it seriously or simply expecting me to submit almost right away or rushing things. I'm new to this and I don't want to be tricked or manipulated into something almost right the minute they meet me. I've met a lot of creeps and I'm glad it didn't scare me into hiding. I'm not a drone or a robot, I take this very seriously and tired of people trying to get off by being aggressive with me from the moment they meet me. This is just based on my experiences. I've also met Dom's who simply disappeared and never heard from them again after speaking to them online. This could be because we didn't form any kind of connection. This is simply my experiences alone and not pointing fingers or blaming anyone. It's just something that I went through. I'd like to meet others, chat, become friends with others until I know for sure on who's right for me. Believe it's very wise to choose wisely. Once you meet the right Dom though, I believe everything will go by smoothly. I'm very happy to those who have found their Submissive and Dom. Wish nothing but the best for those people too, because I love seeing people happy. If there's anything you'd like to give me tips on, suggest something to me or simply talk to me, be free to do so. Thank you. Again let me repeat: I'm no expert to any of this. Haha! These are simply my thoughts and my thoughts alone. I'm still learning.

Beautifully said. A nice insight for a possible future...

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I'm quite new to BDSM, it has always interested me. Even when I was younger, I had fantasies about it. I'll open about it little by little at a time. This is one of the reasons why I decided to join this Forum in the first place. So I could have a safe outlet to express myself that I normally wouldn't go to my family about and things I wouldn't normally tell my friends. For the longest time I was ashamed of some of the things I thought about and thought there was something wrong with me. Now that I'm 33 years old, I'm opening up more and more about my fantasies. I'll always remember when I had experiences with my old boyfriend and it made me realize that those fantasies never went away. It was slowly coming to life and happening in real life, than inside my head.

Over the course of time I met Dom's online and some of them ordered me to Submit to them almost immediately right away, before I even got a chance to get to know them, talk to them or even open up to them and tell them what my limits were. It indeed freaked me out. I think trust is very important in order to allow someone else to have control and for you to submit to them. I think it's very smart to be wise and to be careful on when choosing a Dom. I've always been cautious, I don't want to walk into something without knowing what I'm walking into. Human instincts usually tell us when something isn't right and when you find a connection, it's a wonderful feeling. For any kind of relationship. A lot of people have told me that if your depressed or suffer from any kind of mental illness that you shouldn't be interested in BDSM. I think this is false. Strongly believe anyone should be into something if they feel something so strongly about it, example: playing music, sports, following your dreams, being an actor, etc. Nothing should hold a person back based on what other people say or feel as if there's something wrong with them if it arouses them. Think it's smart to tell someone what your limits are, before starting anything. So you know if you connect or not. I've learned a lot since talking to others and I still continue on learning. I'll admit, I'm no expert.

I'm quite shy, soft spoken, quiet, though I'll always be very open and honest with people. If there's one thing I hate is lying. If you ask me a question, I'll answer it. Though if I feel uncomfortable I'll express it to you and eventually open up over time. Believe becoming a submissive slowly happens when you do find the right Dom that works for you. It's not something that should simply happen right away. Others may do that, but it doesn't happen like that for me. Trust is very very important to me.

As for addressing my frustrations, I'm tired of someone not taking it seriously or simply expecting me to submit almost right away or rushing things. I'm new to this and I don't want to be tricked or manipulated into something almost right the minute they meet me. I've met a lot of creeps and I'm glad it didn't scare me into hiding. I'm not a drone or a robot, I take this very seriously and tired of people trying to get off by being aggressive with me from the moment they meet me. This is just based on my experiences. I've also met Dom's who simply disappeared and never heard from them again after speaking to them online. This could be because we didn't form any kind of connection. This is simply my experiences alone and not pointing fingers or blaming anyone. It's just something that I went through. I'd like to meet others, chat, become friends with others until I know for sure on who's right for me. Believe it's very wise to choose wisely. Once you meet the right Dom though, I believe everything will go by smoothly. I'm very happy to those who have found their Submissive and Dom. Wish nothing but the best for those people too, because I love seeing people happy. If there's anything you'd like to give me tips on, suggest something to me or simply talk to me, be free to do so. Thank you. Again let me repeat: I'm no expert to any of this. Haha! These are simply my thoughts and my thoughts alone. I'm still learning.

I think it's good to be able to understand your own wants and needs. Many people never can realize their own desires, which I think must be seriously frustrating. Also in realizing that you aren't sick and there's nothing wrong with you because of your sexual desires, that's a major triumph Coming here instead of involving friends or family is a good step too. I mean, what if you were totally into model trains, but none of your friends and family were? They probably wouldn't want to hear about that any more than they want to hear about your personal fantasies and desires, so glad that you found us.

Meeting and clicking with people online can be a tricky business. Sounds like you have a handle on it though. People tend to slide more easily into poor behaviour when they don't have to see you face to face and don't have to live with the fallout of their actions in their real world/daily life. But you seem to be able to recognize red flags, which is important. As you say, if they don't even bother to get to know you or understand your desires or limits, how interested are they in ensuring that you have a fulfilling experience? Probably.. not at all.

Anyway, sounds like you are on the right track. Taking your time, knowing what you want, feeling confident enough to tell someone to take a hike if it isn't working out or your needs aren't met, and your desire to choose wisely should all serve you well. Best of luck, and know you can always come back here and ask any specific questions, or open up points for discussion when you need to. Welcome aboard!

 

[S3xSlav3]

Im a little perplexed at the way subs seem to find Dom online outside of there day to day life. I never thought of anything like that. Im very lucky to be married to me dom. We have been married for 10 years and our Dom / sub relationship evolved very slowly over those years.

I think people should be looking for a committed relationship first.

 

[Herr_daddy]

Im a little perplexed at the way subs seem to find Dom online outside of there day to day life. I never thought of anything like that. Im very lucky to be married to me dom. We have been married for 10 years and our Dom / sub relationship evolved very slowly over those years.

I think people should be looking for a committed relationship first.

It isn't always as easy as that. While I, like you, have had a marriage slowly evolve from vanilla to what is in our case DD/LG over the course of 27 years I also can see the attraction to doing the online thing first in the event you're curious if you can even handle it.

While I'd NEVER do that, princess and I are insatiably committed, for one just getting started and/or incredibly shy I can see the allure. But I'd caution tread lightly and to guard ones hearts more closely than perhaps normal. A lot of fakes out there...

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Im a little perplexed at the way subs seem to find Dom online outside of there day to day life. I never thought of anything like that. Im very lucky to be married to me dom. We have been married for 10 years and our Dom / sub relationship evolved very slowly over those years.

I think people should be looking for a committed relationship first.

There are myriad levels of commitment. I think it's a bit unrealistic to try and shoehorn all relationships into the model that works best for you. People tend to work towards the commitment level they are most comfortable with, which can be wildly incompatible with what you prefer. That doesn't make their relationship experiences "wrong", though (for lack of a better term).

I do understand what you are saying I think, that trust is paramount, and it can develop naturally with a slow growing, steady relationship. But not all long term relationships have trust, and some instant bonds do have it, so again, no cookie cutter relationship pattern. There's nothing wrong with forging bonds some other way. Whatever is comfortable, to each their own.