Club manners

[lilfear1]

I found a club and I have had a tour of the place. I was wondering how the d/s works. I currently do not have a partner, but I know there are doms. How do I go about finding a dom in the club. I am a guy looking for fem dom. Is it the same as picking up a date? or if I like the dom we just hook up?

 

[MastersDelight]

I found a club and I have had a tour of the place. I was wondering how the d/s works. I currently do not have a partner, but I know there are doms. How do I go about finding a dom in the club. I am a guy looking for fem dom. Is it the same as picking up a date? or if I like the dom we just hook up?

It's just like vanilla dating. Find someone you like and just go from there.

Good luck.

 

[DiscusDave]

It's just like vanilla dating. Find someone you like and just go from there.

Good luck.

I would add that yes, it is indeed like vanilla dating, but keep in mind that some clubs have certain levels of decorum and any bevy of rules for specific etiquette while in the physical spaces. That's more of a technical thing than anything else, but something to keep in mind.

But! With both the club rules and any potential Dommes for you, if you don't know something, ask. BDSM and kink is all about consensual activities, and consent presupposes prior knowledge of something. So ask and be open to listen and learn.

Otherwise, don't be afraid to just express your interests and be honest with what you would like. It's all about enjoyment and connections.

 

[MastersDelight]

I would add that yes, it is indeed like vanilla dating, but keep in mind that some clubs have certain levels of decorum and any bevy of rules for specific etiquette while in the physical spaces. That's more of a technical thing than anything else, but something to keep in mind.

But! With both the club rules and any potential Dommes for you, if you don't know something, ask. BDSM and kink is all about consensual activities, and consent presupposes prior knowledge of something. So ask and be open to listen and learn.

Otherwise, don't be afraid to just express your interests and be honest with what you would like. It's all about enjoyment and connections.

Thank you Dave.

I wasn't sure what kind of decorum or protocol clubs have, as I've never been. I frequent munches and play parties, which have much different social outlines.

He's right. Being new you'll have a bit of room to make mistakes or ask questions. Don't stress to much, and have fun.

 

[lilfear1]

It's just like vanilla dating. Find someone you like and just go from there.

Good luck.

what is vanilla dating

 

[MastersDelight]

what is vanilla dating

Just plain Jane dating. Without the kink.

 

[lilfear1]

Just plain Jane dating. Without the kink.

oh ok, thank you

they did give me a list of rules and talking to someone is not good unless they speak to you, because they could be playing...

 

[DiscusDave]

oh ok, thank you

they did give me a list of rules and talking to someone is not good unless they speak to you, because they could be playing...

Yeah, clubs themselves have certain rules to follow that are meant for safety and respect issues. Again, those are usually for whilst in the physical spaces. If going to physical BDSM club spaces interests you, then familiarizing yourself with them and interacting with club officers or volunteers is a good idea and will just make sure you're doing good rule-wise.

Once you know you're sitting pretty within the rules of whatever space your in (which honestly is usually much easier than you would initially think), that's when you can blossom a bit and be yourself. People will have interest in you, you may have interest in people. Friendships may blossom. Crushes may spark. Who knows! But that's the excitement. As you are starting out, just take things slow, ask questions, and be true to yourself. Step by step. As you discover more of yourself, you'll be able to judge how much of that newly discovered self to share with a special someone(s).

 

[lilfear1]

Yeah, clubs themselves have certain rules to follow that are meant for safety and respect issues. Again, those are usually for whilst in the physical spaces. If going to physical BDSM club spaces interests you, then familiarizing yourself with them and interacting with club officers or volunteers is a good idea and will just make sure you're doing good rule-wise.

Once you know you're sitting pretty within the rules of whatever space your in (which honestly is usually much easier than you would initially think), that's when you can blossom a bit and be yourself. People will have interest in you, you may have interest in people. Friendships may blossom. Crushes may spark. Who knows! But that's the excitement. As you are starting out, just take things slow, ask questions, and be true to yourself. Step by step. As you discover more of yourself, you'll be able to judge how much of that newly discovered self to share with a special someone(s).

Outstanding information, thank you. Yes I am going to be going to the bdsm club, its the only place that I know have like minded people. do people have sex in those clubs? I am assuming they do, I was just asking, this one is pretty open only the dungeon and one room have walls and doors

 

[DiscusDave]

Outstanding information, thank you. Yes I am going to be going to the bdsm club, its the only place that I know have like minded people. do people have sex in those clubs? I am assuming they do, I was just asking, this one is pretty open only the dungeon and one room have walls and doors

Glad it was useful.

As far as sex goes, I can't speak for your specific club. Some allow it, some don't. I know the club nearest me allows it with a rather funny rule attached, and I quote: "If you're going to have sex, at least have the decency to make it kinky. Pull her hair! Spit in his face! Bring out the cuffs! Or at the very least ball gag someone!"

But again, can't speak for all. I know of many that don't. Simply because, well... juices. Sex is juicy. And to potentially cut off the spread of said juices and (heaven forbid) anything that could be potentially in said juices, some clubs just don't allow it. Again this would be one of those "never hurts to ask" type moments.

And hey! What are we? Chopped liver? The club may be the only physical place you know of with like-minded people, but there is always this site and these boards. Talk about some kinky like-minded people.

 

[lilfear1]

Glad it was useful.

As far as sex goes, I can't speak for your specific club. Some allow it, some don't. I know the club nearest me allows it with a rather funny rule attached, and I quote: "If you're going to have sex, at least have the decency to make it kinky. Pull her hair! Spit in his face! Bring out the cuffs! Or at the very least ball gag someone!"

But again, can't speak for all. I know of many that don't. Simply because, well... juices. Sex is juicy. And to potentially cut off the spread of said juices and (heaven forbid) anything that could be potentially in said juices, some clubs just don't allow it. Again this would be one of those "never hurts to ask" type moments.

And hey! What are we? Chopped liver? The club may be the only physical place you know of with like-minded people, but there is always this site and these boards. Talk about some kinky like-minded people.

those rules you quoated were super funny. I love this site, but can't find someone to be physical with in here. I mean, this is a computer.

 

[MeekMe]

Outstanding information, thank you. Yes I am going to be going to the bdsm club, its the only place that I know have like minded people. do people have sex in those clubs? I am assuming they do, I was just asking, this one is pretty open only the dungeon and one room have walls and doors

Do not assume they allow sex. I don't know what club you're looking at, but double check with them. They may have a site with all the info you need. The club here offers more info through fetlife.com. They often make groups with all their rules plus discussions on events and sometimes people post to meetup to go to the club together. Some clubs can allow sex and others may not have the means to do so. It really depends on the area with local laws and regulations and what the club has the ability to do.

Also, like any gathering, prepare to mingle. It's unlikely that you will be picked up for play without doing any legwork. It's probably best to go in with the mentality of getting to know lots of different people. The more people that know you, the more likely you'll be introduced to someone interested in the same things as you.

 

[lilfear1]

Do not assume they allow sex. I don't know what club you're looking at, but double check with them. They may have a site with all the info you need. The club here offers more info through fetlife.com. They often make groups with all their rules plus discussions on events and sometimes people post to meetup to go to the club together. Some clubs can allow sex and others may not have the means to do so. It really depends on the area with local laws and regulations and what the club has the ability to do.

Also, like any gathering, prepare to mingle. It's unlikely that you will be picked up for play without doing any legwork. It's probably best to go in with the mentality of getting to know lots of different people. The more people that know you, the more likely you'll be introduced to someone interested in the same things as you.

Thank you for that advice, that is what I really wanted to know as I don't know how these clubs go. I guess just relax and take it one day at a time.

Everyone in this site is so nice, I really appreciate all the advice given.

 

[AKentuckyLady]

Thank you for that advice, that is what I really wanted to know as I don't know how these clubs go. I guess just relax and take it one day at a time.

Everyone in this site is so nice, I really appreciate all the advice given.

I suggest that you find the leaders of the group or club and let them know what you're looking for. They can guide you, answer your questions, let you know if someone is available.

You might also want to ask if the group is on Fetlife. Most are, and you can see who the other members are, message them there, or see if they have a relationship status so you can avoid the awkwardness. You'll also be able to see upcoming events on Fetlife and RSVP to them.

The club I belong to doesn't allow sex, and has some other rules due to the location of the club and that it's a public club that we don't outright own. Larger kink communities have private play spaces where anything goes. It all depends on the individual community.

Good luck, and have fun

 

[lilfear1]

I suggest that you find the leaders of the group or club and let them know what you're looking for. They can guide you, answer your questions, let you know if someone is available.

You might also want to ask if the group is on Fetlife. Most are, and you can see who the other members are, message them there, or see if they have a relationship status so you can avoid the awkwardness. You'll also be able to see upcoming events on Fetlife and RSVP to them.

The club I belong to doesn't allow sex, and has some other rules due to the location of the club and that it's a public club that we don't outright own. Larger kink communities have private play spaces where anything goes. It all depends on the individual community.

Good luck, and have fun

the group is on fetlife, I have talked to the owner but I didn't ask about sex and it wasnt mentioned. He gave me page of rules and there was nothing in there about that. Most of this club is open (curtains) there are two rooms, Dungeon and a bedroom