What is the most hilarious misuse of a word/phrase/idea you have ever seen?

[Kimikimidoll]

Let me explain:
A while ago I was reading a modified story about the myth of Hades and Persephone. Now, he manages to keep her tied to the underworld because she ate some pomegranate seeds or part of the fruit or something..
When the author came to describe that scene, she described is as Persephone 'biting into the fruit, the red juices trickling from the corner out her mouth in haste,' etc etc
Now anyone who has ever seen or eaten a pomegranate will know.. that you can't bite into it, unless you were a goat or something. Since she was uploading it week by week, I hoped she'd realize this mistake, or at least, not mention it again.
But no. Every chapter after that had either a flashback or a mention of how she bit into that damn fruit, again and again, and mind you it was a serious story. It was distractingly hilarious.
I'm sure I've done the same- even extensive research might not help with the realism, somethings you won't *get* unless you've actually done it.. but that was too big of a gaffe, imo.

 

[lovecraft68]

The worst one I saw was "He slid his arms around her slender waste"

Scary thing is that is a very easy one to make because spellcheck is not going to correct it.

There was another one where someone's head shuddered. It wasn't his mind shuddering figuratively, they were saying his head was shuddering...maybe I'm wring, but I don't see that as possible.

 

[Kimikimidoll]

The worst one I saw was "He slid his arms around her slender waste"

Ugh *raises hand* guilty. Between bought and brought. "He bought her..." really puts a nice spin to the stories, doesn't it..

There was another one where someone's head shuddered. It wasn't his mind shuddering figuratively, they were saying his head was shuddering...maybe I'm wring, but I don't see that as possible.

Epileptic fit maybe?

 

[Bramblethorn]

There are two NC stories on Literotica that are supposed to be "ravished by burglars" but ended up as "ravished by buglers".

 

[Learin]

"I got a rape on my desk for negligence."

Pretty sure it must've been 'rap'.


Oh, another one, and this one is very common in First Time stories and Noncon:

"I slid deep inside her. I plunged the rest of my cock and tore through her maidenhood."

Did that author mean to tear through her virginity or her hymen?

 

[Porkwarrior]

Somewhere I read a story about teenage lust, might have been alt.fiction.adult or something like that in the good old days of the wild west internets. It was based on a misspelled spam email, but morphed into a story called Barley Legal, about teenagers who fooled around in a barley field after school.
One time she caught a VERY sharp barley seed in a very awkward place...was a fun cute story.

 

[sr71plt]

The most amusing ones I see are the waste/waist mixup and rate/rape.

 

[CyranoJ]

There are two NC stories on Literotica that are supposed to be "ravished by burglars" but ended up as "ravished by buglers".

Fuckin' buglers. You can't trust 'em.

 

[PennLady]

This was years ago and not for fiction, but --

A friend of mine is dyslexic. At the time, she was in grad school and writing a paper on (believe it or not) romance novels. More specifically it was about the elements of a romance novel, and what would make for a successful story. I went to help edit and proof, which is a big job with her.

She had done the best she could, and run a spell check so that even if the words were incorrect, they were at least spelled properly. She had a tendency to just pick the first option from spell check, which led to a lot of snorts and giggles as I went through -- and she laughed too -- and we got things sorted out.

I got to a line in the section about what makes for a well-received heroine, and she was going for: "intelligent and independent." However, with her dyslexia and the spell check, what she got was: "intelligent and indecent."

I lost it.

Still, hey -- it wasn't entirely inaccurate, depending on the story!

 

[PennLady]

Fuckin' buglers. You can't trust 'em.

They're just a waist...

 

[ElectricBlue]

Back in high school, during geography class, Joe had to present a project about the Great Barrier Reef, and how coral is made.

"Well," he started, "you get these lime secreting orgasms and they...."

Never found out what they did, on account of the whole class bursting into laughter. The geography teacher nearly died.

 

[Privates1stClass]

Had a friend in school who was somewhat dyslexic and a poor speller to boot. To the question: An octopus is a sea creature which has eight (fill in the blank) ___, he wrote "testicles."

The teacher turned about three shades of red when she asked him to read his answer to the class.

 

[Kimikimidoll]

I got to a line in the section about what makes for a well-received heroine, and she was going for: "intelligent and independent." However, with her dyslexia and the spell check, what she got was: "intelligent and indecent."

I lost it.

But..but aren't good heroines intelligent and indecent? We all know the best ones are!

 

[Kimikimidoll]

Had a friend in school who was somewhat dyslexic and a poor speller to boot. To the question: An octopus is a sea creature which has eight (fill in the blank) ___, he wrote "testicles."

The teacher turned about three shades of red when she asked him to read his answer to the class.

Awww...
But how many testicles DOES an octopus have? :/

 

[KayceeCharles]

Just the other day, I read someone's sentence. The FMC just walked in from the rain,

"... then she whipped her face off with a towel"

WTF?!

 

[Learin]

Maybe it was a tribute to the movie Face Off.

 

[sr71plt]

Just the other day, I read someone's sentence. The FMC just walked in from the rain,

"... then she whipped her face off with a towel"

WTF?!

I laughed. Those are gems when you run across them.

 

[lovecraft68]

One from my own story that I posted here, but when I cleaned it up and added to it to publish I found:

"A torrent of lame erupted from her mouth"

Obviously it was supposed to be flame.

But the funny thing is we all know people that have torrents of lame erupting from their mouths on a daily basis.

 

[holliday1960]

"He waited with baited breath."
Sounds mighty fishy to me...

 

[sunandshadow]

Ugh there are so many common cases of writers using the wrong word, they drive me crazy.
weary/wary is one I see allll the time.
faction/fraction, I hate that one...
dominate when they wanted dominant is strangely common.
queue/cue/clue is another. There is no such thing as "your clue to leave"!
peaked/peeked/piqued and piquant/picante


Not that I'm immune to making these kind of errors; even though I always know whether I'm trying to write thing or think, the wrong one often comes out of my fingers. Or I'll try to write an but compulsively mis-complete it as and. Nor is it helpful that my new cool illuminated keyboard drops keystrokes so much I'm thinking I need to replace it...

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

I once typed coke instead of cock. Me and my friend giggled at the guy trusting his coke deep into the woman. I still giggle about it. Don't put your coke in there! hehehe

My biggest pet peeve but this more of a grammar mistake and I don't find it funny, it's when people use of instead of have. Like I should of called a cab instead of taking the bus. NOOOOOOOO you should HAVE called a cab.

 

[sr71plt]

My biggest pet peeve but this more of a grammar mistake and I don't find it funny, it's when people use of instead of have. Like I should of called a cab instead of taking the bus. NOOOOOOOO you should HAVE called a cab.

Unless it's in a quote and illuminates the character speaking. Because there are people who do, indeed, use that phrasing.

Now, on the coke . . . I've seen a coke bottle . . . well, I don't think I need . . .

 

[lovecraft68]

I once typed coke instead of cock. Me and my friend giggled at the guy trusting his coke deep into the woman. I still giggle about it. Don't put your coke in there! hehehe

My biggest pet peeve but this more of a grammar mistake and I don't find it funny, it's when people use of instead of have. Like I should of called a cab instead of taking the bus. NOOOOOOOO you should HAVE called a cab.

I make the coke/cock mistake a lot. I have had characters...

Drinking a can of cock. Picking up a six pack of cock (must be a group sex thing) sucking coke, drinking cock through a straw, and when in reference to a woman with a drug addiction she was snorting cock and cutting cock into lines with a razor

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

Unless it's in a quote and illuminates the character speaking. Because there are people who do, indeed, use that phrasing.

True. And people do tend to say should of, would of could of, and not should have...etc, and I think it's because the contraction, should've sounds like should of, so I'm sure it's just a case of people being confused and I should quit being so damned critical so often!

Now, on the coke . . . I've seen a coke bottle . . . well, I don't think I need . . .

Yes exactly, hehehe
Probably my favorite typo I've ever made.

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

I make the coke/cock mistake a lot. I have had characters...

Drinking a can of cock. Picking up a six pack of cock (must be a group sex thing) sucking coke, drinking cock through a straw, and when in reference to a woman with a drug addiction she was snorting cock and cutting cock into lines with a razor

LOL!!! YES!
That last one though, ohhh ow!