beginner and single question

[lilfear1]

I am a man and I am single, but I want to get into BDSM. How should I go about this?

 

[Primalex]

I am a man and I am single, but I want to get into BDSM. How should I go about this?

If you are heterosexual, you should look for a woman.

 

[KayceeCharles]

First, determine which part of BDSM are you actually interesting in... bondage? Dominant? Submissive?They don't necessarily all go together.

And are you hetero or gay, as primalex pointed out?

There are dozens of different sub-disciplines of BDSM, some involving pain, some involving humiliation, but they are, by essence, about control and surrender of control.

So, which half are you leaning toward?

 

[SpunThings]

First, determine which part of BDSM are you actually interesting in... bondage? Dominant? Submissive?They don't necessarily all go together.

And are you hetero or gay, as primalex pointed out?

There are dozens of different sub-disciplines of BDSM, some involving pain, some involving humiliation, but they are, by essence, about control and surrender of control.

So, which half are you leaning toward?

Just to note, some people into BDSM aren't into power exchange.

 

[lilfear1]

First, determine which part of BDSM are you actually interesting in... bondage? Dominant? Submissive?They don't necessarily all go together.

And are you hetero or gay, as primalex pointed out?

There are dozens of different sub-disciplines of BDSM, some involving pain, some involving humiliation, but they are, by essence, about control and surrender of control.

So, which half are you leaning toward?

I am hetro sorta, I am ok with transman f2m or the right m2f. I want some pain, bondage, maybe a sub with limits.

 

[KayceeCharles]

Pardon me being unclear... Are you mostly top or mostly bottom? It's okay to be a switch, i.e. both, but which one are you primarily?

(And as been pointed out, not all BDSM are about power exchange, there are nuances in everything)

 

[KayceeCharles]

Just to note, some people into BDSM aren't into power exchange.

Thanks for clarification. For OP's reference, kinkly has an FAQ on power exchange levels, with 5 generally recognize levels but it's really a spectrum.

https://www.kinkly.com/definition/12056/power-exchange-levels

 

[lilfear1]

Pardon me being unclear... Are you mostly top or mostly bottom? It's okay to be a switch, i.e. both, but which one are you primarily?

(And as been pointed out, not all BDSM are about power exchange, there are nuances in everything)

well to answer your question, I have only had 1 dildo inside me from my ex wife. I have also only had sex with women, I have gotten a bj from a guy recently though. I am trying to try new things, but I do not have someone to experiment with.

 

[KayceeCharles]

Sounds like it's time to set up Fetlife profile and see if there's a local dungeon meet you can attend to observe and see what turns you on.

 

[lilfear1]

Sounds like it's time to set up Fetlife profile and see if there's a local dungeon meet you can attend to observe and see what turns you on.

Well I have set up a fetlife, and did find a kink club here, but I don't really know how it all works

 

[SpunThings]

Thanks for clarification. For OP's reference, kinkly has an FAQ on power exchange levels, with 5 generally recognize levels but it's really a spectrum.

https://www.kinkly.com/definition/12056/power-exchange-levels

I have never heard of these levels before. I only mention that so the OP doesn't think this is universally used terminology.

 

[MastersDelight]

Well I have set up a fetlife, and did find a kink club here, but I don't really know how it all works

Being new, you could contact the event organizer for the event you plan to attend. Let them know you're new, and unsure of what you want or are looking for but are keeping an open mind. Most event organizers are very friendly. They'll welcome you and maybe even introduce you to a few people to help get your feet wet and can answer questions you may have.

When you say you don't know how "it" works. What do you mean? BDSM, events, power exchange? I know it's hard to clarify when you're not sure yourself but a few more details or specifics could be helpful.

 

[MeekMe]

Thanks for clarification. For OP's reference, kinkly has an FAQ on power exchange levels, with 5 generally recognize levels but it's really a spectrum.

https://www.kinkly.com/definition/12056/power-exchange-levels

I have never heard of these levels before. I only mention that so the OP doesn't think this is universally used terminology.

Never heard of it either. Sounds like a load of shit to me. Generally recognized? By that site alone because I've never come across it. People will make up anything to sound like an authority on something.

 

[MeekMe]

I am a man and I am single, but I want to get into BDSM. How should I go about this?

What do you want out of this? Are you just interested in getting your kink on? Do you want an ongoing relationship involving kink and/or power exchange? What are your interests?

The last thing you asked about was "self BDSM" and wanted ideas. Are you looking for solo bondage? The more you explain, the better we can point you in a suitable direction.

 

[MeekMe]

Double post.

 

[lilfear1]

Being new, you could contact the event organizer for the event you plan to attend. Let them know you're new, and unsure of what you want or are looking for but are keeping an open mind. Most event organizers are very friendly. They'll welcome you and maybe even introduce you to a few people to help get your feet wet and can answer questions you may have.

When you say you don't know how "it" works. What do you mean? BDSM, events, power exchange? I know it's hard to clarify when you're not sure yourself but a few more details or specifics could be helpful.

when I said how "it" works I meant events.

I do not just want to get my kink on. I would love a long term relationship kink included.

as I stated previously I am hetero but would be ok with a transman (f2m)

Pain is mostly what I am looking into if i had to chose one. possibly to include piercing/branding.

 

[MastersDelight]

when I said how "it" works I meant events.

I do not just want to get my kink on. I would love a long term relationship kink included.

as I stated previously I am hetero but would be ok with a transman (f2m)

Pain is mostly what I am looking into if i had to chose one. possibly to include piercing/branding.

Well... That depends on the event really.

Munches: A gathering of kinky people in a vanilla setting, like a bar or restaurant. Usually for hanging out and socializing. It's the easiest place for new people who want to get involved. No invite needed but you can find and RSVP for on Fetlife. I encourage you to contact the host so that they can introduce you and help you break the ice a little easier.

Lectures and education: Is exactly that. Sometimes organized by link friendly businesses or groups. They are classes that offer education in just about anything you can think of. (Bondage, impact, rope, coloring for littles etc) In my area there's one for interrogation play coming up that sounds really fun. No invite needed usually, but affiliation with an established group is preferred. Again, these can be found listed on Fet with information on how to register.

Play parties: Are usually invite only. Can be in public or private spaces. Although the private ones are far more fun. Depending on your state there are rules on public parties. Like in my state there's no full nudity or penetration of any kind allowed. Private parties, anything goes as far as the host allows. These you get invites for after introducing yourself, making friends, and just generally showing you really are a kinkster and not going to out anyone.