Thoughts on seduction to bdsm

[SoulAssasin247]

I am a very dominant man but I enjoy romance as well. I like taking possession but don't want to humiliate who I am with.

In my opinion in order to seduce a woman into bdsm you have to take over her mind and build trust. When the time is right you demand what you want with supreme confidence and make her feel like you're her protector.

Just my opinion anyone else care to share.

 

[MeekMe]

I've found that a conversation about expectations works just fine for me.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

I've found that a conversation about expectations works just fine for me.

Hello haven't met you before. I go by SA, Soul or Hulk on lit.

I wanted to know what are your requirements for submission to a dominant male ? If you are submissive I assumed you were.

 

[MeekMe]

Hello haven't met you before. I go by SA, Soul or Hulk on lit.

I wanted to know what are your requirements for submission to a dominant male ? If you are submissive I assumed you were.

My requirements..? ;;

I just look for compatibility. I'm sure there are other things at work here, but I don't have a general list of things because that changes from person to person. I suppose the only sure thing is that I need to like them as a person.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

My requirements..? ;;

I just look for compatibility. I'm sure there are other things at work here, but I don't have a general list of things because that changes from person to person. I suppose the only sure thing is that I need to like them as a person.

Understandable the women who I have dominated were my lover and my submissive. I never planned anything out just took control and led her. Eventually through my actions and words they became more willing to do anything I want.

 

[Bramblethorn]

In my opinion in order to seduce a woman into bdsm you have to take over her mind and build trust.

May I ask what your sample size is here?

 

[SoulAssasin247]

May I ask what your sample size is here?

My sample size of what ? Experiences? People? Personal life or on lit ?

 

[SpunThings]

I am a very dominant man but I enjoy romance as well. I like taking possession but don't want to humiliate who I am with.

In my opinion in order to seduce a woman into bdsm you have to take over her mind and build trust. When the time is right you demand what you want with supreme confidence and make her feel like you're her protector.

Just my opinion anyone else care to share.

I'm much like MeekMe. We talk about things. He does things, or tells me to do things based on those conversations.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

I'm much like MeekMe. We talk about things. He does things, or tells me to do things based on those conversations.

I think I am a little different then. I don't plan or think about being dominant it just comes out. You ladies seem like you talk and expect for this to happen. It's nice to hear both of you ladies take on this. Thank you ?

 

[MeekMe]

That would be because we identify with being submissive and actively engage in relationships involving power exchange of some kind. No need to talk somebody into doing what we do, we find the people that want to do it. 'We' is being used as a general term.

 

[MastersDelight]

Yeah, it's basically just finding someone I'm attracted to, getting to know them as a person for a while before getting into kinks. If our kinks match, great, lets take the next step of negotiation and explanation of limits, if not, that's cool, we can still hang out.

Edit: I wanted to add that if I'm talking with someone and they come at me with their super domly domness and they're the dommiest Dom who ever Dommed. I'm out.

I'm also out if they ask or demand that I use a title with them. (Sir, Master, Lord, etc.)

 

[SoulAssasin247]

I have never been in a situation like that before. I just take over when I am in a relationship. When we're having sex dominance comes out and she always loves it. I have never been in a relationship where these talks existed. Ionly have been in serious monogamous relationships or one night stands.

 

[Farawyn]

I'm also out if they ask or demand that I use a title with them. (Sir, Master, Lord, etc.)

YES.
This. Is. A. Deal. Breaker. (For me. Or so I would think...)


If the words stick, don't say it.

 

[MastersDelight]

I have never been in a situation like that before. I just take over when I am in a relationship. When we're having sex dominance comes out and she always loves it. I have never been in a relationship where these talks existed. Ionly have been in serious monogamous relationships or one night stands.

I'm monogamous too .

We always had a little rougher sex (holding me down, dirty talk, light bondage, etc.). When we started exploring BDSM we talked to see what we would be interested in trying, what we didn't, and what we were interested in but scared to try. We researched, so we could play safely, then compared notes. Within what my Master likes, I have no more hard limits. I do scene with others sometimes. My Master must approve and be present. We always negotiate with the other Top together so no boundaries are crossed and he can shoot something down if he doesn't like it. I would NEVER do ANYTHING BDSM related without negotiation, for my own safety. I don't scene with Tops I've never seen do a scene before with someone else. I don't scene with a Top that can't provide me reliable references. I don't scene with a Top who isn't ok with my Master being present for the entire scene. He's my failsafe, he knows when something is wrong and can end things if he feels my safety is compromised. I don't scene with a Top who doesn't have his own witness to protect himself if things don't go according to plan.

 

[SpunThings]

I have never been in a situation like that before. I just take over when I am in a relationship. When we're having sex dominance comes out and she always loves it. I have never been in a relationship where these talks existed. Ionly have been in serious monogamous relationships or one night stands.

Before we even knew we were into his taking on the role of a dominant, and me a sub, we still negotiated and discussed what we liked. In retrospect he always took the lead in introducing something new. That wasn't without talking about it with our pants on first. We have solidified that dynamic over time. Now, when it comes to sex and intimacy, he says and I do.

We negotiate every aspect to our relationship. Most people do in some way. Is this a fling, long term? Do we live apart or move in together? Who pays for dates? What social gatherings do we go together? Do we keep our bank accounts separate?

Why should sex be different? What if you meet someone who is dominant in the bedroom, but doesn't know the word to communicate it? How do you deal with that power struggle?

 

[Blue]

They (MastersDelight, Farawyn, Spun, Meek and whoever else) negotiate what happens with their partners because that makes everything safer and increases what they get out of it. You say the women you've been with apparently just went with your dom side without any negotiation and liked it, which may be the case sure, but it doesn't mean that their experience was as comfortable or as enjoyable as it potentially could have been had you both discussed what you want.

 

[Blue]

I'm also out if they ask or demand that I use a title with them. (Sir, Master, Lord, etc.)

*In a voice that sounds as though my vocal chords aren't capable of closing properly*

Why, good evening slave, I'm Duke Edward von Frederic Applebee "Billy" Françoise of Marquis house IV and I order you to refer to me as such for the rest of the week.

 

[MastersDelight]

*In a voice that sounds as though my vocal chords aren't capable of closing properly*

Why, good evening slave, I'm Duke Edward von Frederic Applebee "Billy" Françoise of Marquis house IV and I order you to refer to me as such for the rest of the week.

I lol'd at the super tiny "s"

http://imgur.com/QqfzTJH

 

[Farawyn]

They (MastersDelight, Farawyn, Spun, Meek and whoever else) negotiate what happens with their partners because that makes everything safer and increases what they get out of it. You say the women you've been with apparently just went with your dom side without any negotiation and liked it, which may be the case sure, but it doesn't mean that their experience was as comfortable or as enjoyable as it potentially could have been had you both discussed what you want.

I concur. As always.
*fangirl*

 

[Farawyn]

*In a voice that sounds as though my vocal chords aren't capable of closing properly*

Why, good evening slave, I'm Duke Edward von Frederic Applebee "Billy" Françoise of Marquis house IV and I order you to refer to me as such for the rest of the week.

I lol'd at the super tiny "s"

http://imgur.com/QqfzTJH

Ahahahaaa!


Know your place, md!

 

[MastersDelight]

Ahahahaaa!


Know your place, md!

Oh I know my place.
http://imgur.com/dTAECIA

 

[Farawyn]

Oh I know my place.
http://imgur.com/dTAECIA

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I'm an unowned sub, and, as such never offer myself up to bottom a scene unless I'm at least with a top I trust or the Top is going to be part of the scene. Even then, things can go wrong if you do not negotiate upfront. I bottomed for a Female Top who I'd met several times before at munches as a favor to her because she wanted to top with this other guy who she'd not seen perform before.

I got a very good spanking/flogging/cropping complete with nice purple bum, but neither of them really did any aftercare. Both very nice people, but as a single sub, I should have known to negotiate for that upfront, but didn't, and I paid the price over the next few days in sub drop. It was very rough for me.


I know what I'm looking for, but I don't in the real world ask right out the gate "Do you identify as a Daddy?" Because, yeah, that would be weird. I can state that here and on Fetlife because, well, I don't want a straight up sadist trying to schmooze me over to the dark side, and setting those boundaries now keeps those offers at bay, way least until I'm more comfortable with them.

Generally speaking, just because a person is Dominant does not guarantee they're going to seduce or convince me of anything. The chemistry and ability to get along also need to be there

 

[Farawyn]

*snip*

Generally speaking, just because a person is Dominant does not guarantee they're going to seduce or convince me of anything. The chemistry and ability to get along also need to be there

Yes. The jagged edges of both involved have to fit.

 

[_Necrosomantic_]

I am a very dominant man but I enjoy romance as well. I like taking possession but don't want to humiliate who I am with.

In my opinion in order to seduce a woman into bdsm you have to take over her mind and build trust. When the time is right you demand what you want with supreme confidence and make her feel like you're her protector.

Just my opinion anyone else care to share.

Call me curious Hulkster, but I'm a bit confused by the whole " take over her mind and build trust " statement, seems like a bit of an oxymoron. How can one " take " someone's will, yet build trust at the same time? Perhaps you meant earn? I don't know, elaborate.

I don't believe that I approach BDSM any differently than I would a " normal " ( whatever the fuck that is ) relationship. If I'm interested in someone, I talk to them, find out what they like, what they don't, see if we are compatable. As for putting on a show of supreme confidence or demonstrating that I will protect them as a way to seduce a woman, I can't say I agree with that either. I'd far rather she came to those conclusions on her own as opposed to me demanding she holds a certain image of me, don't think I've ever met anyone worth a damn that would just go along with something like that. Plus, women can smell posers from a mile away.

But hey, whatever makes you happy, Soul