First story feedback

[SCM_AUTHOR]

Hello everyone,

I've recently published https://www.literotica.com/s/bi-hooker-bye-crook and am looking to get some constructive feedback.

What did you like, what did you hate? Don't be shy, I can take it! Thanks in advance for taking the time to read it and thanks even more if you're moved to comment about it.

 

[GoldenCojones]

First the good. It was well written with no jarring mistakes that pulled me from the story. The action was good and well timed. You drew me in and I read the entire story, even though it isn't my kink. So good job with that.

To the bad: This piece feels unfinished. You alluded to a blackmail scheme, but you never finished it. Your title mentions crook, but other than two prostitutes who never take any money there are no crooks. Unless the mark is a crook, but you never state that. He's an asshat for sure, but not a crook. And the ending hints that he knew it was a dude he was banging at the end and that he loved it.

I just don't think anything of the three major plot possibilities were wrapped up so I don't know where you were going with this story and by the end of the story, I, as a reader, should at least get the satisfaction of understanding the story.

Overall, it was well written. It just needed 500 more words. Good job. Please keep writing. There are a lot of people out there who will enjoy your stories.

 

[SCM_AUTHOR]

Thank you very much, all good and fair points. I feel I should explain that this is just chapter 1 of what I hope to turn into a decent book. I should have picked out a standalone title for this shouldn't I?

The plot points should make more sense once part 2 makes it through the edit!

Thanks again, really appreciated.

 

[sr71plt]

I should have picked out a standalone title for this shouldn't I?

If it was known to be the first chapter of a series, it should have been titled as a first chapter.

 

[SCM_AUTHOR]

Ok, I'll get it amended, I still have an oustanding query with Lauren on the category so will add this in to that thread. Thanks.

 

[SCM_AUTHOR]

A month on and still no response from Lauren, does anyone know who else can change a category/title? Chapters 2 and 3 are now out and in the correct section. Thrilled with the reception. Had a title on Amazon for nearly a year now but nowhere near the amount of interest compared with Literotica.

 

[Sammael Bard]

To change an existing story's category or text, you need to your submission page, submit the text along with the changes and add - EDITED after the title. Changes are made within 7 days.

And it's Laurel, BTW, not Lauren.

 

[SCM_AUTHOR]

Aha! Thanks very much!