The Isolated Blurt Thread XXX: Well Endowed Cock Sleeves

[Fata Morgana]

I don't know.

What I do know is that it's really hard being a little girl sometimes.

Did I tell you about the doll I got for Christmas? Again, I was at the table. I fed my little baby a bottle and she pissed on my nightie. My family laughed and laughed and I threw the her and cried. And then my sister ate all the little doll food crystals.

That kind of shit scars you for life. My Dad was responsible for most of my scarring. Told me he bred spiders in the shed and hid behind my bedroom door with a sheet over his head pretending to be ghost. Chased me with a dead crab once and I nearly drowned face down in about ten inches of seawater. I just gave up on life til my mum pulled me up and told me to stop being a twat.

 

[removed9556]

 

[silver gurl]

Week #7 of back spasms. Nothing seems to work. Except wine.

 

[Saint Peter]

Spines are the devil.

 

[Mr Noone]

Well here in Britain it is tradition to throw slugs at weddings, not confetti. It's you yanks who are uncivilised.

Exactly. If we didn't throw the slugs they would never get anywhere, and then who would fertilize all the roses? The slugs need us. And I, for one, shall not shirk my slimy duty.

My daughter married a Hertfordshire man, little village outside Bishop's Stortford. Nice, simple C of E ceremony, reception in a marquee in his parents' very large back garden. (They're rather posh.)

Anyway, in the "programme" along with the order of service and hymns, etc., she included a list of differences between British and American wedding traditions. How all we colonials laughed and laughed at the slug toss!

 

[removed9556]

 

[silver gurl]

Spines are the devil.

Indeed. X-Rays on Tuesday. Might be an excuse to get a massage.

 

[Phelia]

That kind of shit scars you for life. My Dad was responsible for most of my scarring. Told me he bred spiders in the shed and hid behind my bedroom door with a sheet over his head pretending to be ghost. Chased me with a dead crab once and I nearly drowned face down in about ten inches of seawater. I just gave up on life til my mum pulled me up and told me to stop being a twat.

I have a cousin who gave me a phobia of floating pool chairs from ages five to seven. I'd wake up breathless and sobbing from nightmares about meeting my demise at the hands of a palm-frond-print lounger. She was very convincing - would do amazingly well in PR.

 

[Jennifer]

Ectopic pregnancies are hot.

And they are able to be aborted which is always fun.

 

[trysail]

That's because it was a great moment in history. A little known fact is that, long before Laika, Fata's slug was actually the first animal in space. It attained geostationary orbit a couple of picoseconds after she threw it.

I knew Laika.

That slug was no Laika.


​

 

[girlsmiley]

That kind of shit scars you for life. My Dad was responsible for most of my scarring. Told me he bred spiders in the shed and hid behind my bedroom door with a sheet over his head pretending to be ghost. Chased me with a dead crab once and I nearly drowned face down in about ten inches of seawater. I just gave up on life til my mum pulled me up and told me to stop being a twat.

The good times. Lol

The worst was probably being left behind. We were still living up in Queensland back then. Went to the theme park up there. Dream World. I nearly drowned. A man pulled me out of the water and dragged me to shore. I wasn't allowed on most of the rides because I was too small. And all I remember was watching the boat. One of those old paddle boats. Very cool. And I turn around and my family was gone. So I cried and tried to find them. They came back for me. I stayed with the ice cream lady. Gave me nightmares for years though.

 

[Fata Morgana]

I have a cousin who gave me a phobia of floating pool chairs from ages five to seven. I'd wake up breathless and sobbing from nightmares about meeting my demise at the hands of a palm-frond-print lounger. She was very convincing - would do amazingly well in PR.

Anything to do with water used to scare me. Still does actually at times. I had a paddling pool with viking ships on the bottom, the dragon heads on the ships scared me and I was frightened to get in. Even walking through the verucca bath thingy at the swimming baths shit me up.

 

[Mr Noone]

And yet who can forget the legendary Al Capone, tossing back slug after slug in his carefree manner? Our nations are not so very different after all.

Two nations separated by a common language, according to some Irishman.

 

[Fata Morgana]

I knew Laika.

That slug was no Laika.


​

You're taking the slug tale rather hard. Were you raped by a slug in your younger days?

 

[lovetoread]

oh dear me

Study Finds Only Half Of British Women Can Identify a Vagina, Can You?

 

[pete]

The good times. Lol

The worst was probably being left behind. We were still living up in Queensland back then. Went to the theme park up there. Dream World. I nearly drowned. A man pulled me out of the water and dragged me to shore. I wasn't allowed on most of the rides because I was too small. And all I remember was watching the boat. One of those old paddle boats. Very cool. And I turn around and my family was gone. So I cried and tried to find them. They came back for me. I stayed with the ice cream lady. Gave me nightmares for years though.

glad they came back, otherwise you might've been adopted as a carny!

srsly though, that must've been awfully terrifying

 

[Fata Morgana]

The good times. Lol

The worst was probably being left behind. We were still living up in Queensland back then. Went to the theme park up there. Dream World. I nearly drowned. A man pulled me out of the water and dragged me to shore. I wasn't allowed on most of the rides because I was too small. And all I remember was watching the boat. One of those old paddle boats. Very cool. And I turn around and my family was gone. So I cried and tried to find them. They came back for me. I stayed with the ice cream lady. Gave me nightmares for years though.

For fuck sake we've got some sad tales between us haven't we.

 

[Fata Morgana]

oh dear me

Study Finds Only Half Of British Women Can Identify a Vagina, Can You?

For sure. I'm looking at a cunt all day at work.

 

[girlsmiley]

Anything to do with water used to scare me. Still does actually at times. I had a paddling pool with viking ships on the bottom, the dragon heads on the ships scared me and I was frightened to get in. Even walking through the verucca bath thingy at the swimming baths shit me up.

We had a pool with a huge orca painted on the bottom. I used to get scared sometimes swimming in it. Staring at me. Coming to kill me.

I'm still afraid of killer whales to this day.

 

[removed9556]

 

[trysail]

My daughter married a Hertfordshire man, little village outside Bishop's Stortford. Nice, simple C of E ceremony, reception in a marquee in his parents' very large back garden. (They're rather posh.)

Anyway, in the "programme" along with the order of service and hymns, etc., she included a list of differences between British and American wedding traditions. How all we colonials laughed and laughed at the slug toss!

That, sir, is a tale worthy of anything Dennis Muir ever did on My Word !


​

 

[removed9556]

 

[trysail]

For sure. I'm looking at a cunt all day at work.

Phil, again, eh?

​

 

[Phelia]

Phil, again, eh?

​

Or she might have a mirror taped to the underside of her desk. I know I do.

 

[Fata Morgana]

We had a pool with a huge orca painted on the bottom. I used to get scared sometimes swimming in it. Staring at me. Coming to kill me.

I'm still afraid of killer whales to this day.

THAT would have got me sectioned for sure. Orcas used to scare me from watching that film with Richard Harris called Orca funnily enough. He killed the orca's wife and kid so he was out for revenge and killed everyone that mattered to Harris, which included biting Bo Derek's leg off (not all bad then). Harris drank a lot and muttered darkly in a vague Irish lilt whilst looking out to sea. Eventually Orcy had enough of his shit and tossed him on an iceburg with his tail and left him to die and swam away laughing his tits off.

The worst bit of that was the female miscarrying on the deck in shock. Eyer would have shit breeze blocks cos it looked like a human fetus.