Frustrated loving wife. Any Hope For me?

[Sarahduk]

I was just wondering if anybody else has been in my situation but managed to persuade a reluctant partner. I know that people say that it's wrong to put pressure on a partner to do things they don't really want to do and I totally get that. But can reluctant partners change their minds and actually come to enjoy the experience. I'm married 20 years to a wonderful man who I love. He is older than me and beginning to lose his appetite sexually I think. I fantasise about MFM / FFM / MFMF a lot and have done for many years. He is ok with me having the fantasy but ive never been able to persuade him to take it further than fantasy. I'm in my late 40's and want to have more experience before I'm too old. I would never consider doing anything behind his back or without him but after years of trying I'm very frustrated and disappointed. I use literotica to satisfy my feelings by reading erotic stories on the subject in the loving wives section but it's only fuelling my desire. Any advice would be welcome or experiences from people in a similar situation. Thanks for reading xx

 

[Hipshot1554]

I personally think that the window for someone to change that much is of short duration. I think that most changes like that are brought about by a different partner. I've seen that happen too often to discount it.

 

[roc23]

I was just wondering if anybody else has been in my situation but managed to persuade a reluctant partner. I know that people say that it's wrong to put pressure on a partner to do things they don't really want to do and I totally get that. But can reluctant partners change their minds and actually come to enjoy the experience. I'm married 20 years to a wonderful man who I love. He is older than me and beginning to lose his appetite sexually I think. I fantasise about MFM / FFM / MFMF a lot and have done for many years. He is ok with me having the fantasy but ive never been able to persuade him to take it further than fantasy. I'm in my late 40's and want to have more experience before I'm too old. I would never consider doing anything behind his back or without him but after years of trying I'm very frustrated and disappointed. I use literotica to satisfy my feelings by reading erotic stories on the subject in the loving wives section but it's only fuelling my desire. Any advice would be welcome or experiences from people in a similar situation. Thanks for reading xx

Tough situation. Question is,do you really,really want to fulfill your fantasies? Masturbation isn't enough,I assume. And when you're older and those fantasies are harder to come by,do you think you're going to regret not having explored them?

 

[Sarahduk]

Tough situation. Question is,do you really,really want to fulfill your fantasies? Masturbation isn't enough,I assume. And when you're older and those fantasies are harder to come by,do you think you're going to regret not having explored them?

Oh yes I really really do want to fulfill the. And yes I know I'll regret not having done so but equally I'm not going behind his back so s solution is hard to imagine. I really want this so badly

 

[roc23]

Oh yes I really really do want to fulfill the. And yes I know I'll regret not having done so but equally I'm not going behind his back so s solution is hard to imagine. I really want this so badly

How about if you start out slowly. Tell him you'd like to be with a woman. No threesome. Just you and another woman. I never met a guy that was against his s/o fucking another woman. If you want to fulfill your fantasies with a reluctant husband you're going to have to take small steps.

 

[Kindtome621]

How would he feel about you chatting with someone...getting to know them that way....seeing where that leads?

 

[Sarahduk]

I certainly understand your frustration. Would he perhaps be open to you having an encounter with another man or another couple with him present and just watching? I'm seeing more and more of that happening as men get older and loose their ability or their desire. Often though they're still quite willing to watch and enjoy and be a part of the experience from the sidelines.

I would love that but he won't entertain the idea sadly

 

[tmmmbrrr]

I was just wondering if anybody else has been in my situation but managed to persuade a reluctant partner. I know that people say that it's wrong to put pressure on a partner to do things they don't really want to do and I totally get that. But can reluctant partners change their minds and actually come to enjoy the experience. I'm married 20 years to a wonderful man who I love. He is older than me and beginning to lose his appetite sexually I think. I fantasise about MFM / FFM / MFMF a lot and have done for many years. He is ok with me having the fantasy but ive never been able to persuade him to take it further than fantasy. I'm in my late 40's and want to have more experience before I'm too old. I would never consider doing anything behind his back or without him but after years of trying I'm very frustrated and disappointed. I use literotica to satisfy my feelings by reading erotic stories on the subject in the loving wives section but it's only fuelling my desire. Any advice would be welcome or experiences from people in a similar situation. Thanks for reading xx

I appreciate the quandary - it's personally familiar. How I've resolved it for myself is to accept a couple of things: A) that there is nothing outside of my marriage that would be worth risking my marriage for, B) while people can and do change in the course of life, nobody can change somebody else. Not really. It kinda sounds like you feel similarly.

Roc23 above suggested a lesbian encounter, presumably with your hubby's knowledge and involvement - if he chose. Speaking as a guy, if you're determined to have same sex experience, that would be the least threatening/most interesting way to go.

Good Luck and I hope you have a memorable experience.

 

[Trimjob69]

I was just wondering if anybody else has been in my situation but managed to persuade a reluctant partner. I know that people say that it's wrong to put pressure on a partner to do things they don't really want to do and I totally get that. But can reluctant partners change their minds and actually come to enjoy the experience. I'm married 20 years to a wonderful man who I love. He is older than me and beginning to lose his appetite sexually I think. I fantasise about MFM / FFM / MFMF a lot and have done for many years. He is ok with me having the fantasy but ive never been able to persuade him to take it further than fantasy. I'm in my late 40's and want to have more experience before I'm too old. I would never consider doing anything behind his back or without him but after years of trying I'm very frustrated and disappointed. I use literotica to satisfy my feelings by reading erotic stories on the subject in the loving wives section but it's only fuelling my desire. Any advice would be welcome or experiences from people in a similar situation. Thanks for reading xx

I don't know what to tell you but I love your profile pics

 

[Arianne6947]

Next time you two go out if you have the opportunity to wear a skirt take off your panties and slip them to him
hopefully he will get the idea

 

[Tommybowler]

sorry double post have a link to derick and clive getting the horn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17-IDPQEqaw

 

[Tommybowler]

You really have a few options and only you can decide what to choose.

My fwb last year was married to a man with zero sex drive, she enjoyed his companionship and spending time together etc but she needed to feel desired and to have a sex life, she was 40s one child and had never been taken from behind, never been rimmed, never had he clit licked, never been playfully spanked, and had almost never sucked cock. we played once or twice a week and her way of doing it was she would not tell her partner or give him any cause for concern, hers and his work schedules allowed her to be away over night with no questions as i was part of her job and also his, she had strict rules on communication, she would always text or call first and deleted all history on her second phone so as not to have anything to see if he should look.We we were introduced by a mutual friend who knew both of us and knew we both needed to get laid
So one option is to very carefully pick your fwb, have very strict rules on communications etc and don't act guilty!

Give up on your fantasies and stay as you are

Talk to him about how important it is to you and risk your marriage, i get from your posts this would risk loosing it all. but also consider what you could gain and weigh the two side up before jumping

 

[Erodicus]

Dilemma

I know a young unmarried couple where, after the initial frenetic sexual exploration began to wane, the guy (who was extremely good looking, popular and had a great sense of humour) began to withdraw from having sex - to the complete bewilderment of his partner. She tried everything she could think of to seduce him - walking stark naked past him in the house, buying sexy see-through lingerie, talking dirty to him. Everything she tried seemed to make him withdraw even further. She got angry when she found out that he was devouring massive quantities of porn (all hetero) and masturbating to it.

She went online to chat to other men to see if she could find out what turned men off wanting to have sex with a woman. It soon became pretty obvious that her bf was not your average male and that he had real hang-ups. Try as much as she could, he would not agree to get professional help. In the course of her chat sessions, she hooked up with a married guy in a nearby country. They had a weekend together and really clicked. She said the sex was ecstatic. So in frustration she left her boyfriend and her high level job and migrated to live with her new lover.

Being married does complicate your situation considerably, though. Every situation is different. If you have no intention of hurting your husband or endangering your marriage and if he wont give you the freedom to fulfil your fantasies, then it's going to be very tricky to maintain secrecy. Even if you are not discovered, in every case, even when everything seems to be unbelievably amazing, someone is going to get hurt. No exceptions - it's just a question of who and how much that will determine the ultimate outcome.

 

[JamesRTickit]

Basically you are stuck

If your husband is not interested then you have a simple choice.
You either reach out to other people or accept the situation.
The other issue is how important is it to you?
If it is a whim then you take one route.
If it is a near necessity for you then you go the other route.

Whatever you do, even nothing, is going to affect your relationship.
In ten years time are you going to turn against your husband because you felt you have missed out?

It all come down to how important this is to you.

 

[RawHumor]

Would he be open to you having occasional dates or hook ups with another woman (just the two of you)?

If so, that may tickle his interest and lead toward a FFM... and then the door would be open.

 

[Sarahduk]

Thank You

Thank you to all so far who have take the time to respond I really appreciate it. I'm beginning to realise the choices I have are truly limited and my preferred option isn't ever realistically going to be an option. I'm not rushing into making any life changing decisions but I'm beginning to at least consider that my marriage may not endure this. Your responses and the DM's of support are making me think so thank you again. This is a nice place to open up, a nice supportive community. xxx

 

[Green_Knight]

I've been following your posts on this subject for some while and it is clear that you are caught on the horns of a huge dilemma - and one that I don't think is going to resolve itself very easily. From all you have said, I don't think that your husband is going to change his mind. You have clearly gone about as far as you can without the risk of totally upsetting him by piling on the pressure. The only way you are likely to persuade him is on the basis of the lesser of two evils - by the threat that you might leave him if you don't get what you want - and I don't sense that you could do that or that you want to do it. Resorting to that kind of threat isn't going to do much for your marriage anyway.

The sad fact is that the average man's sexual prowess tends to diminish (and in some cases fall away completely) as they get older while women in their 50s can often experience an increase in desire for fulfilling sex which can go on well into their 60s or longer. Put the two together and you have a problem. A man who's prowess is declining may well fear that another man would be better than him with the risk that wife might prefer the other man - and not just for sex. If he feels that he is unable to come up to scratch, suggestions of a threesome aren't likely to go down well if he thinks he may be expected to perform.

Some years ago I met a married woman who was in a similar situation to yourself. We started an affair which her husband knew nothing of - though I have no idea whether he ever suspected but kept quiet about it. Our relationship lasted for 5 years, getting away for the weekend every three or four weeks. It was a very loving relationship as well as an intensely sexual one but there is far more to marriage than simply sex. In her case she loved her home and she loved the lifestyle she had, even if she was only 50% happy with her husband. It became clear that she didn't want to give that up for something that was still largely an unknown - you don't really find out what someone would be like to live with full-time from sexy weekends away.

Eventually, I became less than happy about being 'the other man'. I seemed to be sitting at home waiting for our next meeting while she started doing a lot more with husband. The relationship began to crumble and in the end husband realised what had been going on. We ended and they are still together. But we did have a fantastic five years that neither of us regret one bit.

I fear that you will never be content if you allow these next few years to go by with experiencing what you obviously desire so much. You don't say how much sexual experience you had before marriage but you clearly want to discover what sex with another man might be like. I suspect that, in the end, it will come down to the option of having an affair behind your husband's back. I'm sorry; I know that that is not what you want to hear but it may be what you need to do. But you need to make sure that you and the other man have a clear idea of what you're getting into and the limitations that each may have. A single man may end up with expectations of the relationship that go beyond yours. A married man may be looking for a way out of his marriage.

As a fellow easterner, I wish you well.

 

[pplwatching]

IMHO marriage is the union of two people, and that in order for that delicate union to continue to grow and be as strong and as intimate as possible we have to stay focused on the marriage and each other, including sexually. Working with my spouse towards common goals, sharing ourselves completely with only each other, and yes working through differences in our changing sexual tastes together is what makes our marriage uniquely ours and worth protecting at all costs.

Looking at a dictionary, the word adultery stems from the word adulterate; a verb meaning to render (something) poorer in quality by adding another substance. It is my personal belief that adding sexual partners to a marriage adulterates the marriage, although I am well aware that many people don't share that view. Your husband may likewise believe that adding sexual partners to a marriage very often creates unanticipated problems that are sometimes insurmountable.

Even in the worst moments our marriage something to be cherished, protected, and kept unadulterated. My wife finds other men sexually attractive, and even tells me when someone crosses her radar. She's a sexual creature, and being monogamous doesn't mean being sexually dead to anyone but me. But our emotions are not always rational things, and we can't always predict how we'll feel or react when we see our spouse being sexually intimate with someone else. Many people do not share well with others, and some can't even tolerate the idea that their spouse finds other people sexually attractive.

My wife and I are personally risk-averse. We believe that marriages need to be protected from outside influences, including additional sexual partners. We believe that because we each committed to this life style, that we have the right to expect fidelity from each other. I've seen a lot of people approach this issue very rational ways. Even when we think that as mature, rational, and consenting adults that we will simply "handle" whatever emotions might come rushing out in the heat of the moment, many people find themselves taken completely by surprise. They discover that they can't manage jealousy, anger, and other emotions and discover that their marriage is permanently altered for the worse. In our case, the risk is simply not worth whatever sexual pleasure we might find there.

If your husband feels likewise, then perhaps he shares our underlying reasons why. Regardless, his position isn't likely to be swayed. If you made a commitment to be monogamous, then he probably feels that he a reasonable expectation that you will remain monogamous. In that case, I personally believe that it's not right to resolve your differences by having clandestine affairs as others have suggested. That shows disrespect for a spouse's feelings and also disrespect for the marriage itself. It's just my opinion, but if a person is so set on having that sexual experience and thrill then it would be best to dissolve the marriage first out of respect for one's spouse.

My $.02

 

[rackhunter]

My wife and I began opening up and discussing my fantasies of sharing her ten or more years ago. At first she was timid about revealing her fantasies. Over time they became our fantasies. Unfortunately the fantasy which gets me going the most is a MFM threesome with her (including DP'ing her). Back then she opened up to the idea and we even approached a friend of hers about joining us (which never worked out). She also used to fool around online with three or four guys. One of them came to town on business and we contemplated meeting him but she backed out at the last minute. She's even ordered multiple porn DVD's with husbands sharing wives and MFM for us to watch. Fast forward to now. Two kids and jobs leave little free time for serious adult fun. I still bring up the idea and she still gets hot talking about it but I don't think she'll ever go through with it at this point. Occasionally she'll be riding my cock and and lean down to whisper that its too back there's not another cock for her ass. I'm not sure if she is still seriously into trying it one day or if she is just entertaining my fantasy now since she knows how bad I want it. It still makes for some hot times but it also frustrates me how bad I want this. So is there hope for you, I don't know. I can only tell you that as bad as I want this (and other kinky things...) I'm not willing to leave my wife just to experience them.

 

[policywank]

I think it can be easier to open someone's mind than to change it.

When it comes to this particular topic most of us have deeply held views, biases and assumptions. And there is a subtle but important difference between making a decision based upon those biases versus fully opening one's mind and arriving at a decision.

If your husband has fully opened his mind, contemplated his own biases and come to an informed and balanced view then it is very difficult to change that conclusion. And trying to do so can be very dangerous territory. But you can make efforts to make sure his mind is fully open and aware.

Help him understand that wanting other men does not make you unusual - many women feel this way. Nor does it make him less of a man (the men who believe their wife could never want another man are delusional). Women are just as capable of contemplating the pleasures of multiple partners as men. You are strong and in control of your own decisions and won't be stolen away by another man just because he is a good fuck. You know men find you attractive and enjoy it.

If there is any hope of changing his perspective it is in making sure that he is not burdened by the myriad assumptions that society projects onto the situation. It is a slow and deliberate effort to identify and negate those assumptions, but I think it is the only way to help him at least get to a fully considered and open-minded view.

 

[HonkOnBobo]

Next time you two go out if you have the opportunity to wear a skirt take off your panties and slip them to him
hopefully he will get the idea

If my wife did that to me she would be one well laid women that night... heck I would eat her out in the parking lot... not sure we would make home without some relief

 

[happyplayer]

Next time you two go out if you have the opportunity to wear a skirt take off your panties and slip them to him
hopefully he will get the idea

I don't think it will get his mind going the way Sarah wants it to go. That wont direct him to sharing her with another. But it should end up well that night lol.
PS You have beautiful titties xxxx

 

[astra_aspera]

Man in a similar situation

Thank you to all so far who have take the time to respond I really appreciate it. I'm beginning to realise the choices I have are truly limited and my preferred option isn't ever realistically going to be an option. I'm not rushing into making any life changing decisions but I'm beginning to at least consider that my marriage may not endure this. Your responses and the DM's of support are making me think so thank you again. This is a nice place to open up, a nice supportive community. xxx

Hi Sarah, your situation is so similar too mine that almost all the responses you have received seem to apply to a man in a similar situation. It would be awesome to exchange notes on your feelings and what steps you can take/plan to take. If you are interested send me a PM please.

 

[Sarahduk]

Thank you so much for all of you who have taken time to comment on this thread I really do appreciate it thank you. The great thing about this forum is being able to open up about things that you can't talk about with friends and family. I'm clear now on the pros and cons of my various options but won't make any life changing choices without a lot of thought, whatever happens the fantasy still gives me a lot of private pleasure xxx

 

[screwher]

Thank you so much for all of you who have taken time to comment on this thread I really do appreciate it thank you. The great thing about this forum is being able to open up about things that you can't talk about with friends and family. I'm clear now on the pros and cons of my various options but won't make any life changing choices without a lot of thought, whatever happens the fantasy still gives me a lot of private pleasure xxx

Hey Sarah, I would've liked to contribute here but I wasn't sure what I could. You know how I feel - for one night a week I'd love to put my mentality into your husband. And yours into my wife.