Figuring out my little kinks

[littleautumn91]

Hi everyone!
Ok, I'm just going to get it out in the open: I am very new to all of BDSM. But I am a very lucky girl!
A little bit about my relationship:
We met in 2007, he and I instantly became great friends. We are so different, but have a lot in common. We started a "vanilla" (pardon me if I misuse any terminology ) relationship in 2010, instantly close. The move-in-right-away, you're-the-other-piece-of-my-soul kind of love. We are approaching 6 years together and 8 days ago he, very sensitively, told me how much he is into BDSM and wants to explore it with me. He had a D/s relationship with his ex for 3 years, but said he feels so differently about me than he did about her, he could never hurt me (mentally or physically) or potentially say something that would make him lose me. This was and wasn't a shock to me, I mean after spending so long together you kind of just know things about the other person. I mean we have explored kinky sex and fantasies, and the sex is mind-boggling, but I am just now excitedly learning that there is a whole other aspect to all of this! But he still feels like he is going to scare me away. I keep reassuring him that our bond is unbreakable, he could never scare me away. I know that time will reassure him.

So now to the good stuff!
It turns out I must have a A LOT of free time on my hands, because I have spent the last week reading so many articles and this forum (first time posting!) Trying to learn all that I can with an open mind. I have mostly been reading about dynamics and the relationship, 24/7 lifestyles, and talking openly with my partner.
Three days ago, I don't remember exactly what I did, but he came out of the bedroom, took one look at me, giggled and said "You are so cute. You are such a little and you don't even know it."
That small interaction lead to the explosion of my world as I knew it.
My entire adult life, I have thought that I was weird, strange, not normal. Because big girls don't cuddle with stuffies at night (I have a collection in the back of my closet just waiting for me). Big girls don't color and play games and watch disney movies with awe. Big girls don't act the way I do. I have been living the last 10 yrs trying to supress a side of me that I didn't know what it was, why it existed, or what to call it besides my inner child. Turns out I'm a little, and proud of it!
Every part of me makes sense now. And now I know that when I enter little space, I am safe and loved and that I love myself, because Daddy showed me the real me, and I am his good girl.
I feel that we have a very strong DD/lg lifestyle without me ever even knowing it! And I am taking it (and loving it) one day at a time, one new thing at a time. I have a very patient mentor.

Does anyone else remember when they discovered, or finally recognized, their inner little?

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Blue]

_____

 

[Nezhul]

My moment was actually much less romantic. I just downloaded a random porn clip from a file-sharing network, many-many years ago. I don't even remember what it was, but I remember the "Oh, holy shit, that's fucking awesome!" kind of feelings I had when I opened it and saw a tied girl being done things to. It was a revelation, almost like a light bulb flashing on above my head. Since then, I knew I was interested in kinky stuff. It was just about figuring out what exactly I liked.

In retrospective, however, I remember fantacising about things like prisons and forced stuff from WAY before I knew what vagina was. From kindergarten even. So, yea, I just never made a mental connection until I saw that one clip.

Also, one piece of advice to you both. Not wanting to hurt you - that's totally cool. But most people distinguish between "hurting someone" and "spanking someone". Or using whips, or floggers or anything else. My point is, that some of the BDSM practices may be associated with pain, but pain that feels good in the end of the day. You shouldn't shy away from trying this, because "hurting" and "delivering pain" are often two very different things.
And some of that stuff, like spanking or even some floggers - they may not even BE pain in a conventional meaning. it's like associating deep massage with pain. It may hurt when your muscles are stiff, but it feels so very good still.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I think I've always known who and what I was, I didn't know there was a name for it. I discovered that when I came to Lit a year ago, trying to figure out what type of Dom I was looking for. I had tried M/s years ago, and it wasn't for me.

Having a Daddy who makes you feel safe enough to be yourself is a very wonderful thing, isn't it?

I adore mine.

 

[littleautumn91]

Thank you for the welcome, Elle!

My moment was actually much less romantic. I just downloaded a random porn clip from a file-sharing network, many-many years ago. I don't even remember what it was, but I remember the "Oh, holy shit, that's fucking awesome!" kind of feelings I had when I opened it and saw a tied girl being done things to. It was a revelation, almost like a light bulb flashing on above my head. Since then, I knew I was interested in kinky stuff. It was just about figuring out what exactly I liked.

In retrospective, however, I remember fantacising about things like prisons and forced stuff from WAY before I knew what vagina was. From kindergarten even. So, yea, I just never made a mental connection until I saw that one clip.

Also, one piece of advice to you both. Not wanting to hurt you - that's totally cool. But most people distinguish between "hurting someone" and "spanking someone". Or using whips, or floggers or anything else. My point is, that some of the BDSM practices may be associated with pain, but pain that feels good in the end of the day. You shouldn't shy away from trying this, because "hurting" and "delivering pain" are often two very different things.
And some of that stuff, like spanking or even some floggers - they may not even BE pain in a conventional meaning. it's like associating deep massage with pain. It may hurt when your muscles are stiff, but it feels so very good still.

Nezhul, thats great. I feel like too many people push down those fantasies and never really let themselves explore what they want/like. So far I feel as though BDSM is such a wonderful way to discover our innerselves. And I am loving how friendly everyone in this forum is.
Thank you for your advice, I completely agree! I think he doesnt think I feel the same way about it as he does. But we are exploring more and the right kind of pain definetly increases the pleasure. I think he's starting to realize I'm not fragile and that I enjoy it very much.

 

[littleautumn91]

I think I've always known who and what I was, I didn't know there was a name for it. I discovered that when I came to Lit a year ago, trying to figure out what type of Dom I was looking for. I had tried M/s years ago, and it wasn't for me.

Having a Daddy who makes you feel safe enough to be yourself is a very wonderful thing, isn't it?

I adore mine.

Lit has already been such an eye-opener for me. And it is great to be able to talk to friendly, like-minded people

Yes, it truly is something very special and I love that he is showing me more of himself as I discover more about myself. What a wonderful adventure this lifestyle has been so far!

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Denny---<-----that's me! The male half

We're still not so much into BDSM in the real sense. For us it's been simple bondage games later in life.
What we've really learned since joining Lit is we are all different yet many have the same kinky fantasies and dreams. What we like here is we can share our thoughts whether we do any of those things or not and don't feel weird and strange.

Wecome and good luck.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Denny---<-----that's me! The male half

Simple bondage games count, don't they? It's not a competition

Denny-------------- HA! I'll have to ask my slave girl. I don't believe in pain or forcing anyone to do anything. We're pretty vanilla in many ways.
Give me some tarp straps and a feather duster and beware!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Denny---<-----that's me! The male half

Denny----------- I got here on Lit from another forum. On there I was looking at lots of photos and games with Germans. You know, those kinky perverts across our pond?
One thing led to another and Dollie liked the idea of tickle games in German pubs.
We don't have any German pubs in Florida but the owners of the redneck biker bar liked the idea. A new game was born!

I'm getting too old for this !

It's just another kink so I'm on topic like I always am!

 

[twister947]

Well, I think that sounds pretty good.

Lots here do not believe in forces but consentual activity, not all, but lots. Not all like pain, lots do. The spectrum is broad, . It seems to me there is room for a wide variety of participants under such broad umbrella.

UMBRELLA?!?
Pervert.

 

[SpunThings]

We're still not so much into BDSM in the real sense. For us it's been simple bondage games later in life.
What we've really learned since joining Lit is we are all different yet many have the same kinky fantasies and dreams. What we like here is we can share our thoughts whether we do any of those things or not and don't feel weird and strange.

Wecome and good luck.

Bondage is the B in BDSM, so you are into this in the real sense.

I don't remember any revelatory moments. For me it has been a much more incremental growth of learning what makes me tock, and being comfortable with it.

 

[Farawyn]

3 different men asked me if I was submissive and I was not having sex with any of them.
I am very bawdy and outspoken offline, so it floored me.
I followed up a bit...and there you go.

 

[littleautumn91]

Bondage is the B in BDSM, so you are into this in the real sense.

I don't remember any revelatory moments. For me it has been a much more incremental growth of learning what makes me tock, and being comfortable with it.

I think that is wonderful! I always tell myself, I can only take the step that is in front of me. I think taking it step by step allows you to cherish everything as well.

 

[cascadiabound]

I've always been sexually adventurous, not particularly inhibited, able and happy to explore sexuality without significant embarrassment. Sex is good...feels good, is fun...keep trying new things ~why not?
However, I was not fully aware of nor had the language for D/s stuff or the idea that I might be submissive until I started reading the stories in the BDSM category here. But the more I read the more clear it became to me that these things were in line with my needs, my wants, even if I had not thought about them before...or even possibly suppressed such ideas.

I read one multi part story that was less fanciful than many...no crazy rich Prince wanting to take a perfect young thing give her everything in an ivory tower setting and mold her into a perfect submissive (those are fun to read, but they are vacuous like cotton candy)...no this one was regular people, regular jobs, rather middle aged and second marriages, nearly grown kids and just ordinary issues....but with BDSM component. It felt normalized. There was a shibari element...and this was the first I'd heard of that. But I was off to the races pretty quick looking at images on Tumblr, tutorials and getting all of our old climbing ropes out.

Registering on the forums opened my eyes up to a whole bunch of other things. Talking to people here. Expanding my vocabulary and our activities in and out of the bedroom. It has taken me awhile to figure out what kind of submissive I am. Maybe I am still figuring this out.

The kinks I have around DD/lg are even more complicated for me to understand than my basic needs to submit and be controlled. To have elements of pain mixed into my pleasure. To have elements of humiliation twisted around my sexuality. I am still figuring this stuff out. Mostly just bring amazed at what it does for me and not attempting to explain the unexplainable.

I definitely am a bit of a "little", but some of the stereotypical "little girl" age play is absolutely not for me. I find that the parts of DD/lg that appeals to me is the tenderness and care between daddy and baby girl. That he is her protector and caretaker and fan/ support. That she can just lean on him a bit. Be cuddled, AND disciplined. Have him brush her hair and then pull on it hard when he fucks her furiously.
It was not easy for me to find any psychic place for myself in the DD/lg corner of D/s as I have been so fucking angry with my actual father for so long...the idea that any kind of daddy anything could be a positive force in my life seemed, well borderline ludicrous.

However, playing with these ideas...exploring my submission in the context of DD/lg has actually produced the unexpected effect of helping me to release my anger. Move past shit I can't do anything about. And the joy I feel when I can trust enough to say "daddy"...to let go of my usual self control and comportment and be a little who does not have the answers for everyone else...these are amazing. I find clarity and freedom and a purity that I did not know was within me.

I am still on a path. I think still rather early in my journey with this stuff. I am going to just keep doing the best I can.

 

[Raingirl85]

For me I've always been the way I am, but was very afraid of admitting it was BDSM and very much in denial. My word was kinky. "I'm just a little kinky," is something I think I said defensively like a billion times. I ended up with Dominants and sadists while remaining willfully ignorant of all things BDSM.. like imagine having a D/s relationship without ever having heard of those labels, engaging in acts you don't know (or want to know) the name of, playing with sex toys (brought in by your Dom partners) that you also don't know the names of. It was pretty ridiculous.. at some point I turned a corner and accepted and embraced myself, and then finally let myself start learning about BDSM... and it wasn't just DDlg, it was basically dozens of things that I would read and be like "oh, there's a name for that too? I thought that was just me.." Or things that I thought were just totally made up by my ex's..like I had a Dom (not that I called him that or knew what it meant) who had a St. Andrew's Cross. I thought he invented it himself. I called it his "frame in the air" lol.

So for me it wasn't an "Aha!" moment, more of a gradual acceptance of a truth that I had always known deep down. And a period of catching up on all the jargon for the stuff I'd been doing for years!

 

[cookiecat]

Whether it's an "aha" moment or gradual growth, it's pretty nifty to see how people figure this stuff out.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[DaddyAsh]

For me it was the first time at the old Taboo in Atlanta. I finally know why I became an Eagle Scout...

I grew up in a place where the township had more churches than businesses, So I was very sheltered, till I moved to Atlanta. As for kinks they are constantly evolving, as I learn new things...

 

[cookiecat]

For me it was the first time at the old Taboo in Atlanta. I finally know why I became an Eagle Scout...

I grew up in a place where the township had more churches than businesses, So I was very sheltered, till I moved to Atlanta. As for kinks they are constantly evolving, as I learn new things...

How'd you discover your interest in being a Daddy?

 

[cookiecat]

<snip> the idea that any kind of daddy anything could be a positive force in my life seemed, well borderline ludicrous.

However, playing with these ideas...exploring my submission in the context of DD/lg has actually produced the unexpected effect of helping me to release my anger. Move past shit I can't do anything about. And the joy I feel when I can trust enough to say "daddy"...to let go of my usual self control and comportment and be a little who does not have the answers for everyone else...these are amazing. I find clarity and freedom and a purity that I did not know was within me.

I am still on a path. I think still rather early in my journey with this stuff. I am going to just keep doing the best I can.

This is why I love D/s relationships and specifically, DD/lg.

Being able to face fears, insecurity, past junk with someone who's right there, pushing but holding your hand too - it's amazing.

At times I wish I were adult enough or strong enough (or whatever you want to call it) to face those demons in my head by myself. I used to beat my self up about being a hot mess in certain areas of my life until I realized there are guys out there who like providing control and structure. And spanking.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[DaddyAsh]

How'd you discover your interest in being a Daddy?

Acctually, I am new to the Daddy side of thing...

I hang out a lot on Twitch, in the we hours of the morning, due to night terrors, there I am part of a comunity, and well respected. I had been repressing my Dom side for my wife (read beat down and depressed) and started talking another damaged soul (I have White Knight Syndrome), when she told me she was both a little and a kitten. We discussed bondage, and because of my experience with puppies and ponies, I could relate. The more we talked the deeper friendship got. She is a lesbian, but soon I started to Dom her, but she never really took the kitten roll, she took the lg role, and called me Daddy. My heart soared, so I did more research, and realized I had been this type of Dom sense I started being a Dom. Like all good things it came to end, rather abruptly, when this kitten talked back to her owner, and said "The only thing wrong with him is he has a dick." Well that raised the owners ire, and found out I am litteraly double her age, so she ended our friendship. That said somthing was awoken inside of me, I began to feel again, I liked it best when she called me Daddy, and I treated her like a lg.

She gave me a lot of strength, saw how much abuse I had taken, and helped me move towards my Divorce, yes I miss her friendship, she has a much younger Daddy, is allowed to talk in public with me again, but never allowed to play video games with me (Dom's we are so Jelly)

 

[guns44]

I have discovered that in the bedroom I am a submissive, and want to serve and be told what to do