Have you ever crossed a soft limit for a partner?

[Freya_Gin]

My silly hard limits made me think about "soft" limits, those thing we don't want to do but we might once in a while. I know that some folks in the scene don't really acknowledge soft limits. A limit is a limit, period.

As I told someone else recently, mine was scat. I'm NOT into scat at all but my ex-sub was. We had a session involving scat once (and I must say, even with a good swipe of Vick's under my nostrils the smell still got to me). She greatly enjoyed it, however. It was a wicked, deviant fantasy (to her mind) and she really got off on it. And I enjoyed helping live out her fantasy like that. I just wished it hadn't been scat.

What about you guys? Ever do something you would put down as a limit for someone you cared about? How did you feel about it afterward?

 

[Blue]

_____

 

[DaddyAsh]

Yes, I have, my first live in Sub, we had a no marking rule, (her job really frowned on hickeys and bruises) She had severely misbehaved... In public no less, so that night when we got I left Bruises on her inner thighs, and a three day no touching her self period. I when time was up, well that is another story, for another day.

 

[Primalex]

My silly hard limits made me think about "soft" limits, those thing we don't want to do but we might once in a while. I know that some folks in the scene don't really acknowledge soft limits. A limit is a limit, period.

I already don't believe in hard limits.

 

[Raingirl85]

Yes, both times it resulted in me enjoying the activity a lot and embracing it.. so it's really taught me that it pays to have an open mind, be willing to give things a try even if your initial thought it that you won't like it or be comfortable with it. You may surprise yourself.

 

[seela]

I've had and still have a hard time defining exact limits. They vary so much, it really depends on who I'm with and what's my mental state or whatever.

That said, I've had many of my limits trampled over and have enjoyed it. Sometimes I need to be pushed very hard and very far beyond my own comfort zone. Afterwards I always feel like shit until the feeling lifts and then I feel better than in a long time. Sometimes the shitty feeling lasts an hour, sometimes a week, but after that I feel great belongingness.

J calls it Stockholm syndrome. Maybe he's not too far off.

 

[midwestyankee]

I've had and still have a hard time defining exact limits. They vary so much, it really depends on who I'm with and what's my mental state or whatever.

That said, I've had many of my limits trampled over and have enjoyed it. Sometimes I need to be pushed very hard and very far beyond my own comfort zone. Afterwards I always feel like shit until the feeling lifts and then I feel better than in a long time. Sometimes the shitty feeling lasts an hour, sometimes a week, but after that I feel great belongingness.

J calls it Stockholm syndrome. Maybe he's not too far off.

So...Uppsala, perhaps?

 

[seela]

So...Uppsala, perhaps?

If I get to pick, I'll choose Visby.

 

[midwestyankee]

If I get to pick, I'll choose Visby.

I can see why.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I've never made some definitive list of limits. There are things I have strong feelings or opinions on but I've also changed my mind about things over time and depending on the situation.
I prefer to have an ongoing conversation about whats hot and what's not and what's scary.

There are things I've done for a partner, that I would not have chosen to do for my own sake. Some turned out to be hotter than thought and others left me as cold as I thought they would but it felt good to make the other person happy.

There was one time when I did go along with something, that I really wanted to stop. It was some idea about fairness and finishing what was started in combination with youth and inexperience that got me into it and it wasn't anything that would show up on a list of hard limits if I had one. It was the person and the situation that was wrong.

 

[timmyid2]

I think of soft limits as those actions that will break the mood for one or both of us. If one of us really wants or really hates something, then of course it has to be weighed by who wants/hates it the most. If she wants it so bad that that there are tears in her eyes, I'll probably do it for her.


Of course, some "hard" limits become softer when you are deep into sub space. It's just so hard to say "no" when your Dom asks you to beg for some more punishment. Despite a "no marks" agreement, I ended up with a badly bruised ass one day because every time he told me to beg, I did. And he did. And I had a yearly physical the next day.

timmy

 

[MeekMe]

Sure. A lot. It doesn't always feel great. It's not always completely horrible either. I'm not against at least giving something a try.

 

[Blue]

_____

 

[timmyid2]

I've never even considered the possibility of that happening.
HAH
What was your excuse?

My ass was simply red the afternoon of the session. The bruises developed overnight. Obviously, the bruises were from his hand and paddle. The bruises covered only my ass, straight across both cheeks.

I spent all morning rehearsing the plea for him to leave it out of the records. I practiced casually saying "just some S&M". My cop out was going to be "Slipped on the steps". I did not consider canceling the appointment, since I'd have to pay for that.

In the end, I wore underwear and opted out of the "digital exam" so he never looked at my bare butt. When he squeezed my balls, I was facing him with my underpants at my knees, so again no butt flashing.

I really lucked out.

timmy

 

[Raingirl85]

Haha something similar happened to me recently. I forgot that my annual OBGYN visit was the day after seeing my Dom. I was covered in welts and bruises (ass and thighs mainly). My obgyn just calmly asked if I was a victim of domestic violence (I think he could tell that was not what caused the marks). I said "no, it's all consensual." And that was that. He didn't bat an eye. Gotta love a good doctor. I'm sure they've seen it all.

My ass was simply red the afternoon of the session. The bruises developed overnight. Obviously, the bruises were from his hand and paddle. The bruises covered only my ass, straight across both cheeks.

I spent all morning rehearsing the plea for him to leave it out of the records. I practiced casually saying "just some S&M". My cop out was going to be "Slipped on the steps". I did not consider canceling the appointment, since I'd have to pay for that.

In the end, I wore underwear and opted out of the "digital exam" so he never looked at my bare butt. When he squeezed my balls, I was facing him with my underpants at my knees, so again no butt flashing.

I really lucked out.

timmy

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Raingirl85]

I have the inverse at the moment. I have to have regular medical checks that have moved from monthly to weekly for a period of time ( not for any terribly grievous reason) . I bruise very easily, and a medicine change has seemed to amplify that, so we are abstaining from spanking and flogging for sake of simplicity.

awww, im sorry

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[CoercedAnon]

I already don't believe in hard limits.

how do you work that, and still practice safe sane and consensual, though?

 

[SpunThings]

how do you work that, and still practice safe sane and consensual, though?

I'm not speaking for Primalex, but not everyone does.

 

[Freya_Gin]

how do you work that, and still practice safe sane and consensual, though?

Indeed. There's also RACK, Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Back in my pro domme days, long, long, long, long ago (okay, I'm not THAT old), I had a potential client who wanted me to trample him while wearing spike heels-- something that could be dangerous for both of us. I ultimately turned him down because I decided something that risky wasn't worth the money. Too bad, really, because otherwise he seemed like he'd have been a good sub.

 

[Submissive1tou]

Yes, definitely. If there is one thing I've learnt with my current Master it is to keep an open mind. Things that at the beginning of our relationship I stood steadfast and vehemently declared that I'd never do only to have them slowly broken down over time.

 

[Primalex]

how do you work that, and still practice safe sane and consensual, though?

That I don't believe in them does not automatically mean that if you tell me you are scared of the dark that my next move will be to lock you for a week in a pitch black cell.

But I challenge any limit, especially those dull "nothing illegal" limits.

 

[faithlessmaiden]

I have. It was talked about beforehand and we tried when I was totally comfortable trying. Ultimately I'm glad I did because it turns out it was something I ended up enjoying. Hard limits I would never cross no matter the partner.

 

[CoercedAnon]

I'm not speaking for Primalex, but not everyone does.

what is the difference between a limit and consent, then?
to me, they are synonymous.
in essence it is permission...either you consent to something, or don't...or have the consent on hold...which is the same as limits, is it not? you have hard limits (no consent), soft limits (consent is in a holding state) or you have no limits (full consent).

i am new to putting this stuff into practice, but have spent the last 25 years drowning in theory.

i am looking to understand how you, or anyone else, views limits and consent as different?

thanks, SpunThings.