Question for those leaving personals ads

[DropBear91]

I've not had much luck outside one lucky chance that helped me learn more about myself and what sexually satisfies me (not a sexual relationship but bdsm that broaden my mind). Other than that experience i've had way too many catfish encounters of men being females (not on this site, i just joined here the other day) but you'd be surprised how many fake profiles are on dating sites and chat boards that their main goal is to get you to send a dick pic as if they are collecting them. :/ it really is all about luck imo of finding a person who fills everything you want, and for most i'd assume they never find that.

 

[toointhebush]

Sassy

I've not posted an ad as I view Lit as a place to meet and chat with new people (with similar interests online. I think that there are probably other more salacious sites where the odds of one person hooking up with another would be much better.

I have responded to posts from women whose profile and/or post I found interesting. I always try to be detailed, conversant and intelligent. The success rate of long-term connections is minimal. Perhaps, it's my personality, but I find it hard to believe that blunt crude force works. Women are neither that stupid or hard up on Lit. That said, that is the system that charities use for solicitation. They send out a mass mailing for contributions and if only 2% donate, they resend to the group of known givers (who they have now targeted). Perhaps, certain threads or personals work the same way.

 

[DropBear91]

I've not posted an ad as I view Lit as a place to meet and chat with new people (with similar interests online. I think that there are probably other more salacious sites where the odds of one person hooking up with another would be much better.

I have responded to posts from women whose profile and/or post I found interesting. I always try to be detailed, conversant and intelligent. The success rate of long-term connections is minimal. Perhaps, it's my personality, but I find it hard to believe that blunt crude force works. Women are neither that stupid or hard up on Lit. That said, that is the system that charities use for solicitation. They send out a mass mailing for contributions and if only 2% donate, they resend to the group of known givers (who they have now targeted). Perhaps, certain threads or personals work the same way.

Agreed on the mass sending, i did make a personal my first day here just because figured i would, but on a general principle i've found that when looking for what you want sending a message to every person who fits it only gets maybe 1 out of 40 response back. I don't know the makeup of this sites male to female ratio but i know on dating sites it's a literal 5 to 1 male to female ratio making it very difficult to even get a response back. Sometimes your hope gets up in finding something to please you especially if you've been at it for awhile.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I've not had much luck outside one lucky chance that helped me learn more about myself and what sexually satisfies me (not a sexual relationship but bdsm that broaden my mind). Other than that experience i've had way too many catfish encounters of men being females (not on this site, i just joined here the other day) but you'd be surprised how many fake profiles are on dating sites and chat boards that their main goal is to get you to send a dick pic as if they are collecting them. :/ it really is all about luck imo of finding a person who fills everything you want, and for most i'd assume they never find that.

I spent the first 3 years that I was here, mostly in the "how to" section and reading stories. I came here because I thought it would be a good place to talk to like minded people without fear of judgement. I was wrong on many occasions and have now just learned that if I want to vent sexually, do it to friends who aren't going to fill your inbox with offers of help. "I had 3 orgasms today" in a confession thread led to PMs asking if I wanted 4 or 5 or more. "I had sex today" led to PMs that said "But not with me"

I am not even a little surprised to see how many fakes are on sites like this. I am one of the few who always does image searches if it seems too good to be true. But I have also been here for many years now and am happy to say that those who have taken the time to talk to me as a lady and taken time to get to know me and actually care about more than just what kind of panties I'm wearing that day, are still around.

I've not posted an ad as I view Lit as a place to meet and chat with new people (with similar interests online. I think that there are probably other more salacious sites where the odds of one person hooking up with another would be much better.

I have responded to posts from women whose profile and/or post I found interesting. I always try to be detailed, conversant and intelligent. The success rate of long-term connections is minimal. Perhaps, it's my personality, but I find it hard to believe that blunt crude force works. Women are neither that stupid or hard up on Lit. That said, that is the system that charities use for solicitation. They send out a mass mailing for contributions and if only 2% donate, they resend to the group of known givers (who they have now targeted). Perhaps, certain threads or personals work the same way.

This frame of mind, is what I view as someone who has better chances of getting reactions from women vs the "I'm horny, help me" ones.
But this is again, why I asked.

Maybe you all are right. Maybe even the 2% that respond, is why they keep choosing that route.

I am always curious about our differences (men vs women )

Thank you so much for those of you who have responded.

 

[DropBear91]

I'm now in the little over day just posting on posts am having more fun doing that. As someone who is extremely socially awkward and shy and way too passive to approach people in a real setting previous times when i would be on dating sites and sending out mass messages it was a shoot and forget thing, woman would respond and after initial messaging would most often be surprised i wasn't just straight asking for boob shots. I think that was when i realized woman at least on most sites i've been on get so swamped with weird messages (which they sent me some they have and i appologized on behalf of sane men) asking them to watch them cum or send tit shots, that at that point i kind of gave up with the whole online finding thing, made a shot in the dark first here didn't do anything so now am just having fun. The bad apples have ruined it for the good apples on some sites.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I'm now in the little over day just posting on posts am having more fun doing that. As someone who is extremely socially awkward and shy and way too passive to approach people in a real setting previous times when i would be on dating sites and sending out mass messages it was a shoot and forget thing, woman would respond and after initial messaging would most often be surprised i wasn't just straight asking for boob shots. I think that was when i realized woman at least on most sites i've been on get so swamped with weird messages (which they sent me some they have and i appologized on behalf of sane men) asking them to watch them cum or send tit shots, that at that point i kind of gave up with the whole online finding thing, made a shot in the dark first here didn't do anything so now am just having fun. The bad apples have ruined it for the good apples on some sites.

And yet, some people never seem to learn this.

I think online sites do allow people to be braver then they might be in real life, which is a comfort in some way. But I think I look at it as. If you wont say that in real life, why would you assume that it will be well received here?

I'd never walk up to a guy in real life and ask him to show me his dick (even if I thought he'd love it if I did) so I wont do that here.

Now would I tell him he had a nice smile, or pretty eyes. Yes. So I am comfortable doing that here.

 

[Blase]

I've never gone the "Hey, I'm horny!" route. I'm not looking for cyber drive-bys, especially with guys pretending to be girls. So my ads always say something.

Does placing ads here work? Yes. It's hardly like turning on a faucet (which I understand is the opposite of most ladies' experiences here), but it does work. Answering ads, at least for me, works somewhat better. And at times, getting in contact with a woman for a reason not related to a personal ad (either mine or hers) leads to an unexpected sensual connection.

I will say, one thing I do that many do not is to have my personal ads linked in my profile. Anyone looking at my profile with an interest in learning more has an easy way to do so. And my threads do not consist of pages of self-bumps.

 

[Chris_Michael]

Well, let's take a look at several factors.

1.) Prior to the internet, men had to either be brave enough to chat up a lady they were interested in or they could pay for sex. Regardless of which choice they made, the costs were high. It takes confident men to talk to a woman, and it takes an even more confident man to approach a pretty lady at a social event.

2.) On the internet, when any person sits behind a screen without having to worry about their identity being exposed, they can act uncharacteristic compared to their day-to-day lives at work, in the home, and outside anywhere.

3.) Also, communication online is EASY. Perhaps hundreds or even thousands of people will read any one comment a person says, but would they stand up in front of a thousand random strangers and say the same thing? Most likely not, just because of fear.

4.) Men chase the women still. The demand for women is still high. There has got to be a cost *somewhere.*

So, in a society of booming technology and an increasing ability to hide your true self, it takes the bravery out of walking up to a woman, looking her in the eyes, and saying "Hi." It seems to good too be true! The feeling of rejection is pretty much gone. This is the perfect way to date now.... right?

Well... not exactly. You see, if you're a man and you think this way, you also have to remember that every man in every part of the world is thinking this way, too. Remember that whole "cost"? Yeah, here it is. The cost of talking to women online is that there are dozens if not hundreds of men trying to compete for one woman. And guess what! That drives mens' standards down through the floor. That's why men will hit on any woman on Lit, regardless of profile information and even pictures.

This sounds ridiculous, right? "Chris, no... that's wrong... My standards are fine. I love big women. I love curves. I love personality."

Bullshit.

Men are competing for a spot and they will do or say anything to get in on a piece of the action. And what's even worse is that men will do the craziest shit, thinking that women have similar mindsets online. Oh boy, if you think a woman wants your cum inside them before dinner starts, you're not going to make it far... but I'm digressing...

Another thing to take into consideration is the value of SEX. Sex is never free, ever. There's no free lunches and there's no free blowjobs. However, when men get online, they forget the basics to relationships (FWB, LTR, etc.) and that is FRIENDSHIP. Men forget that step. They don't have a passion to give. Their passion is the hopes of receiving (PUN). Their goal is selfish.

If men can go back to the basics, back to the simple times, things will be much better. Treat women with respect, expect respect, and be a friendly and unselfish person. That just may be enough to pay for that lovely night with a very lovely woman.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I've never gone the "Hey, I'm horny!" route. I'm not looking for cyber drive-bys, especially with guys pretending to be girls. So my ads always say something.

Does placing ads here work? Yes. It's hardly like turning on a faucet (which I understand is the opposite of most ladies' experiences here), but it does work. Answering ads, at least for me, works somewhat better. And at times, getting in contact with a woman for a reason not related to a personal ad (either mine or hers) leads to an unexpected sensual connection.

I will say, one thing I do that many do not is to have my personal ads linked in my profile. Anyone looking at my profile with an interest in learning more has an easy way to do so. And my threads do not consist of pages of self-bumps.

I feel like anything that says something does better. And the getting in contact with someone outside of an ad, is how I have met many of the friends I have today. I don't mind PMs as long as someone has something to say, or reads what I may have just typed. Like when I was posting in the Kik threads saying that I was not looking to add anyone to Kik, just offering opinions. I still got guys PMing me to try and convince me as to why I should add them.

Well, let's take a look at several factors.

1.) Prior to the internet, men had to either be brave enough to chat up a lady they were interested in or they could pay for sex. Regardless of which choice they made, the costs were high. It takes confident men to talk to a woman, and it takes an even more confident man to approach a pretty lady at a social event.

2.) On the internet, when any person sits behind a screen without having to worry about their identity being exposed, they can act uncharacteristic compared to their day-to-day lives at work, in the home, and outside anywhere.

3.) Also, communication online is EASY. Perhaps hundreds or even thousands of people will read any one comment a person says, but would they stand up in front of a thousand random strangers and say the same thing? Most likely not, just because of fear.

4.) Men chase the women still. The demand for women is still high. There has got to be a cost *somewhere.*

So, in a society of booming technology and an increasing ability to hide your true self, it takes the bravery out of walking up to a woman, looking her in the eyes, and saying "Hi." It seems to good too be true! The feeling of rejection is pretty much gone. This is the perfect way to date now.... right?

Well... not exactly. You see, if you're a man and you think this way, you also have to remember that every man in every part of the world is thinking this way, too. Remember that whole "cost"? Yeah, here it is. The cost of talking to women online is that there are dozens if not hundreds of men trying to compete for one woman. And guess what! That drives mens' standards down through the floor. That's why men will hit on any woman on Lit, regardless of profile information and even pictures.

This sounds ridiculous, right? "Chris, no... that's wrong... My standards are fine. I love big women. I love curves. I love personality."

Bullshit.

Men are competing for a spot and they will do or say anything to get in on a piece of the action. And what's even worse is that men will do the craziest shit, thinking that women have similar mindsets online. Oh boy, if you think a woman wants your cum inside them before dinner starts, you're not going to make it far... but I'm digressing...

Another thing to take into consideration is the value of SEX. Sex is never free, ever. There's no free lunches and there's no free blowjobs. However, when men get online, they forget the basics to relationships (FWB, LTR, etc.) and that is FRIENDSHIP. Men forget that step. They don't have a passion to give. Their passion is the hopes of receiving (PUN). Their goal is selfish.

If men can go back to the basics, back to the simple times, things will be much better. Treat women with respect, expect respect, and be a friendly and unselfish person. That just may be enough to pay for that lovely night with a very lovely woman.

I'm in love. Can we go on that night that will pay for itself now?

 

[Chris_Michael]

I'm in love. Can we go on that night that will pay for itself now?

Me?! Uh oh no... you have to pay for me. $200/hr

 

[SassySheDevil]

Me?! Uh oh no... you have to pay for me. $200/hr

And what will this money buy?

 

[Dreamer74111]

I would have to agree with Chris. Sassy, I have enjoyed reading this thread so thanks for posing the question. As someone older, I can remember when you courted a girl, showed politeness, courtesy, respect and chivalry.. I know I'm dating myself..But I pay attention to how many guys open doors (cars, business, etc), offer to help put on a ladies coat, ask someone if they need help, etc today. It's a small percentage, as a result if they don't do any of the above in real life why would they do it online? They just revert back to the neanderthal stage.

 

[Penuche]

<snip> I pay attention to how many guys open doors (cars, business, etc), offer to help put on a ladies coat, ask someone if they need help, etc today. It's a small percentage, as a result if they don't do any of the above in real life why would they do it online? They just revert back to the neanderthal stage.

Ah, yes, but... the very conspicuous few who remember their manners and treat female litsers as human beings stand a far better chance. The rest have a choice: Either resent the so-called lucky few, or learn from what they did right and join the lucky few.

I'm going to mention (but not name, seeing as he's absent and can't defend himself) one litser who's been given a lot of flak at times, some of it deservedly. The man who seemed at times to have a large mostly female fanclub, with an apparently unfair share of female litsers wanting to chat, cyber etc with him.

He didn't get that by just talking to anyone suspected to be female; he was kind, helpful, and welcoming to new litsers. He was interesting, and able to talk about almost anything, not just sex. The first contact was courteous, not in a spirit of 'me so horny, lonely, and bored'. He read profiles etc first.

Granted, he was also apparently unable to say "no", the biggest flirt I've ever known (IMHO outdoing one bisexual bloke who won the Cthulu award a few years running for being the most shameless flirt on London's Pagan scene), and had a bad reputation for being a manwhore. Even so, it's possible to learn from what somebody does right without copying their faults and mistakes.

Learn, damn it.

 

[Tallulah82]

It's the online equivalent of digging a pit and lying at the bottom, hoping some hapless woman comes along and gets impaled on your cock.

In my experience on Lit I agree with other female posters - I find it frustrating that a man hasn't even bothered to list some basic details in his profile. I too have pm'd trying to give a friendly word that could actually help a guy get what he wants on here but it falls on deaf ears so I reckon what the hell. They can moan about not getting any action but if they are too lazy to even write how old they are or where they are in the world then its their own damned fault.

Lunation - you made me laugh. But your profile is empty. I sigh and I weigh up whether I should spend my time messaging you for basic info or whether I should reply to the ten pm's I have in my box from guys who make the effort at the initial stage of setting up their account (I don't really have 10 guys....)
So, while you are laying there waiting and hoping to impale someone - I deftly jump over the pit and move along.

If I see an Ad that interests me - I PM directly rather than on the thread. But, with regards to which ads i reply to - all i can say is it is most likely to be the humorous, witty approaches that gets my attention. I read the ad, scan the profile and some of their posts (yeah, that helps too - no profile, no posts? not interested).

But hey. This is just me

 

[SassySheDevil]

I would have to agree with Chris. Sassy, I have enjoyed reading this thread so thanks for posing the question. As someone older, I can remember when you courted a girl, showed politeness, courtesy, respect and chivalry.. I know I'm dating myself..But I pay attention to how many guys open doors (cars, business, etc), offer to help put on a ladies coat, ask someone if they need help, etc today. It's a small percentage, as a result if they don't do any of the above in real life why would they do it online? They just revert back to the neanderthal stage.

Maybe dating yourself, but also giving me a smile as I can say I miss these old fashioned values, and yes, I can't think of anyone that still does these. (Maybe the occasional door opener)

Ah, yes, but... the very conspicuous few who remember their manners and treat female litsers as human beings stand a far better chance. The rest have a choice: Either resent the so-called lucky few, or learn from what they did right and join the lucky few.

I'm going to mention (but not name, seeing as he's absent and can't defend himself) one litser who's been given a lot of flak at times, some of it deservedly. The man who seemed at times to have a large mostly female fanclub, with an apparently unfair share of female litsers wanting to chat, cyber etc with him.

<snip>
Learn, damn it.

The first part of this, is I suppose, what I am wishing was common sense.
The second. Maybe he will come back a wiser man (with a great accent)

In my experience on Lit I agree with other female posters - I find it frustrating that a man hasn't even bothered to list some basic details in his profile. I too have pm'd trying to give a friendly word that could actually help a guy get what he wants on here but it falls on deaf ears so I reckon what the hell. They can moan about not getting any action but if they are too lazy to even write how old they are or where they are in the world then its their own damned fault.

Lunation - you made me laugh. But your profile is empty. I sigh and I weigh up whether I should spend my time messaging you for basic info or whether I should reply to the ten pm's I have in my box from guys who make the effort at the initial stage of setting up their account (I don't really have 10 guys....)
So, while you are laying there waiting and hoping to impale someone - I deftly jump over the pit and move along.

If I see an Ad that interests me - I PM directly rather than on the thread. But, with regards to which ads i reply to - all i can say is it is most likely to be the humorous, witty approaches that gets my attention. I read the ad, scan the profile and some of their posts (yeah, that helps too - no profile, no posts? not interested).

But hey. This is just me

No, I don't think that's "just you" I think most of the women on here do the same thing, I know I do. ( I had looked at his profile also) And I will do the same thing. If I get multiple messages, I will respond first to those who've taken time to either send me something to reply to, or someone who has info in their profile that I can talk about or see if I have anything in common with.
I know that guys do it sometimes too, as when I get all moody and remove everything from my profile, it never fails and I get a PM saying something about my lack of info in my profile.

 

[SassySheDevil]

So I saw a lot of great responses. Some were funny some serious....I did like your picture though cute....and I finally realized there were words there..go figure. Seriously, my feeling about it....Id rather put together a nice ad...something well thought out for what I'm actually looking for. I can't see wasting my time nor someone else's on an ad that is ludicrous.

haha I could only make those words so big

It saves guys time in the long run I'd think. I know us females can be annoying with 20 questions (or in my case, 100) Filling out profiles, or having something to say, means less we have to throw at you.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Nothing annoying about it....you've questions and we should give answers as needed. Men and women just think differently is all.m

But because I will assume you aren't just looking for someone to help get you off, you don't mind those questions. Those who just want release, often don't like getting personal.

 

[Dreamer74111]

Maybe dating yourself, but also giving me a smile as I can say I miss these old fashioned values, and yes, I can't think of anyone that still does these. (Maybe the occasional door opener)

Anytime I can make a lady smile I consider that a good thing, since a unselfish person derives pleasure from the the simple things in life...like making a lady smile!

 

[SassySheDevil]

Anytime I can make a lady smile I consider that a good thing, since a unselfish person derives pleasure from the the simple things in life...like making a lady smile!

haha I am easy to amuse also. But I understand what you mean. I often put others first too.

 

[Penuche]

<snip> Men and women just think differently is all.m

So you claim - IME that's not always true - it's a product of social conditioning etc.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I admit that I had hoped some of the guys who leave these kinds of personals, would come offer an opinion, but I am not shocked.

 

[coacheric]

Ok, I will say that I open doors and all that. We have also raised our boys the same way. When I hold a door open nobody thinks much of it. I will say that when the boys do it there is sometimes a nice comment or smile.

But I will also say, around my area at least, that I see a lot of men and women holding doors open and being all around nice and friendly. It's not like when I go upnorth and it's everywhere but it happens. We talk to the cashiers at the grocery store. I tend to hang out BS'ing to long at the party store with the owner.

Nod and wave boys, nod and wave. It keeps everyone wondering what's going on!

 

[SassySheDevil]

Ok, I will say that I open doors and all that. We have also raised our boys the same way. When I hold a door open nobody thinks much of it. I will say that when the boys do it there is sometimes a nice comment or smile.

But I will also say, around my area at least, that I see a lot of men and women holding doors open and being all around nice and friendly. It's not like when I go upnorth and it's everywhere but it happens. We talk to the cashiers at the grocery store. I tend to hang out BS'ing to long at the party store with the owner.

Nod and wave boys, nod and wave. It keeps everyone wondering what's going on!

lol and you wondered why my daughter tried to add your boys to social media

I see that stuff here in the smaller towns more than the bigger cities. Kinda why I like my country living.

I try to always be polite. My inner bitch sneaks out once in a while. But my kids laugh at me all the time for what they call my "sweet voice" like when I am on the phone talking to people.

 

[coacheric]

I've heard that sweet voice. It makes me excited. :*

 

[DarkSimian]

I've been off and on on Lit for about 4 yrs, and never placed an ad. Why? Because the odds of me meeting someone, even if was just for sex, are up there with Powerball odds. So, I chat, and post, and write dirty little PMs, and hope to meet people of like minds. I have meet someone from here, and she was a wonderful person. But time and distance ended that. So, I keep coming back, and hoping to make new friends...