Question for those leaving personals ads

[SassySheDevil]

You're welcome!

I'd love to say that the only reason that I posted my personals ad was to give me an excuse to bump this thread, but that would be stretching the truth a little.
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haha I'll take whatever works. I do hope your personals gets attention. You are a sweet guy.

 

[Mindfondler]

I do hope your personals gets attention. You are a sweet guy.

Thanks for that vote of confidence.

I hope you are getting the responses that you wanted.

Thanks! I haven't had any responses at all (either to my posting yesterday or to the two earlier personals ads that I linked in it), but I'm hoping that's because my ads are deliberately narrow in scope rather than badly written.

Still, I'm trying again, just in case they can attract someone who missed them previously.
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[Mindfondler]

I'm resurrecting this thread to add a postscript. I'd be curious to hear any thoughts in the context of all of the discussion that's taken place here.

I'm feeling a little jaded after my latest attempt to post a carefully constructed, respectful and informative personals advert (see the link in my signature) resulted after several days in just a couple of tentative bites and no enduring leads.

At the same time, I'm reading that ladies on Lit who post vague one-line adverts receive literally hundreds of responses (albeit of varying quality).

Is it just a numbers game? I'm wondering now whether I would have been better off posting a short, vague and general personals advert and then seeking to whittle down a presumably greater number of responses according to my unstated preferences. That seems unfair, though, on the majority of those respondents, by raising their hopes needlessly and then dashing them.

I'm also pondering whether there's very limited scope on Lit for a couple openly seeking a play partner (as opposed for singles or those already in relationships who are looking for something quiet on the side — perhaps those are more enticing prospects).

Are my expectations too high, or have I failed on my pitch in some way? I'd be grateful for any constructive views.

Cheers.

MF
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[barefootgirl69]

I'm resurrecting this thread to add a postscript. I'd be curious to hear any thoughts in the context of all of the discussion that's taken place here.

I'm feeling a little jaded after my latest attempt to post a carefully constructed, respectful and informative personals advert (see the link in my signature) resulted after several days in just a couple of tentative bites and no enduring leads.

At the same time, I'm reading that ladies on Lit who post vague one-line adverts receive literally hundreds of responses (albeit of varying quality).

Is it just a numbers game? I'm wondering now whether I would have been better off posting a short, vague and general personals advert and then seeking to whittle down a presumably greater number of responses according to my unstated preferences. That seems unfair, though, on the majority of those respondents, by raising their hopes needlessly and then dashing them.

I'm also pondering whether there's very limited scope on Lit for a couple openly seeking a play partner (as opposed for singles or those already in relationships who are looking for something quiet on the side — perhaps those are more enticing prospects).

Are my expectations too high, or have I failed on my pitch in some way? I'd be grateful for any constructive views.

Cheers.

MF
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Dear MF,

That is a wonderful advert! I hadn't seen it until just now when I was reading this post.

I think that may be a part of why you haven't received many responses. A lot of subs simply don't look there when they are new here. I know that I was too afraid! Did you also put this in the main Literotica Personals?

I think the reason more women get responses is because we are female, and you know how that works! Women, I think, may be less apt to rush to an advert of any kind.

There is no advice I can give, but I can vouch for you being a gentleman and someone I am proud to know and call friend.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I'm resurrecting this thread to add a postscript. I'd be curious to hear any thoughts in the context of all of the discussion that's taken place here.

I'm feeling a little jaded after my latest attempt to post a carefully constructed, respectful and informative personals advert (see the link in my signature) resulted after several days in just a couple of tentative bites and no enduring leads.

At the same time, I'm reading that ladies on Lit who post vague one-line adverts receive literally hundreds of responses (albeit of varying quality).

Is it just a numbers game? I'm wondering now whether I would have been better off posting a short, vague and general personals advert and then seeking to whittle down a presumably greater number of responses according to my unstated preferences. That seems unfair, though, on the majority of those respondents, by raising their hopes needlessly and then dashing them.

I'm also pondering whether there's very limited scope on Lit for a couple openly seeking a play partner (as opposed for singles or those already in relationships who are looking for something quiet on the side — perhaps those are more enticing prospects).

Are my expectations too high, or have I failed on my pitch in some way? I'd be grateful for any constructive views.

Cheers.

MF
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You have to remember that men and women often want different things from personals. So if a woman goes to read them, she likes the details. She likes the info. She will often even look at the profile.
(Not always btw. Just a general statement)
Guys leaving personals (and yes I know you and many are different) are usually after a fast hook up, a quick fix/release. So while I've heard they do get replies, I'm still not believing it's as many as they claim.
I don't know if you remember or not. My best friend at the time, who was a male, went in under his male name and said something about being a woman and he got a ton of PMs from horny guys who didn't even bother to pay any attention to anything other then "female"

I don't personally answer ads looking for hook ups, cause that's not what I'm looking for. So hopefully the women who do answer those ads can chime in.

But I've always said that I love your ads. They are well written. Possibly limited because you are looking for a specific location and a couple vs singular.

When I started that last thread, I'd have been more than happy to give you the 250 messages I got in the first few days. It was ridiculous.

 

[Mindfondler]

That is a wonderful advert! I hadn't seen it until just now when I was reading this post.

Thank you! You're very kind.

I think that may be a part of why you haven't received many responses. A lot of subs simply don't look there when they are new here. I know that I was too afraid! Did you also put this in the main Literotica Personals?

No. I was taking literally the instruction in LadyG's sticky not to post the same ad on the main personals forum and the BDSM sub-forum (which is presumably where it belongs).

I think the reason more women get responses is because we are female, and you know how that works! Women, I think, may be less apt to rush to an advert of any kind.

Yeah. I hoped that I'd be able to reassure readers by being informative and showing empathy to their concerns, but it appears that this hasn't worked.

There is no advice I can give, but I can vouch for you being a gentleman and someone I am proud to know and call friend.

Thanks! I'm very grateful for your generous words of support.
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[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I think you wrote a fine ad, however keep in mind that however pure your intentions may be for fun, frolic, and connection, there are serious trepidations surrounding the engagement of an online "anything". For some of us with submissive tendencies, it simply doesn't work, not to mention the idea of going into a relationship knowing from the word "go" that you'll be second to your Alpha sub, Mrs MF. That in and of itself can be intimidating.

So, my assessment is that your ad is well-written, specific, and sensitive. What you're seeking is probably a unicorn best sought after in real life, not online.

I do wish you luck, though.

 

[thejabber27]

/the jabberwocky appears!!!(five months late but still)

I wrote a few horrible ads back in the day, I got some responses but nothing that worked out. I found that getting to know people in the threads was much better in the long run, you make more friends and they flesh people out more than a series of PM's can.

 

[Mindfondler]

Thanks to Sassy and RA for those thoughts!

You have to remember that men and women often want different things from personals. So if a woman goes to read them, she likes the details. She likes the info. She will often even look at the profile.

My sentiments exactly! That's why I provided a lot of details in the advert, and I also have a profile that expresses quite a lot about me.

But I've always said that I love your ads. They are well written. Possibly limited because you are looking for a specific location and a couple vs singular.

Thanks! Perhaps those limitations have reduced the target audience to zero.

I think you wrote a fine ad, however keep in mind that however pure your intentions may be for fun, frolic, and connection, there are serious trepidations surrounding the engagement of an online "anything". For some of us with submissive tendencies, it simply doesn't work, not to mention the idea of going into a relationship knowing from the word "go" that you'll be second to your Alpha sub, Mrs MF. That in and of itself can be intimidating.

So, my assessment is that your ad is well-written, specific, and sensitive. What you're seeking is probably a unicorn best sought after in real life, not online.

As it happens, I was previously also running a personals ad looking for the same thing in real (off-line) life. Obviously, that had a very narrow target audience (i.e. in and around London, UK) which, judging from the lack of responses, was vanishingly small on Lit.

I do wish you luck, though.

Thank you! I appreciate that.

Returning to the point that barefootgirl69 made earlier, can anyone suggest how I might best draw attention to readers of the main Personals section, without replicating the whole advert there? I'm trying to think of some words that might encourage tentative subs to dip their toes into the murky waters of BDSM Personals.
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[SassySheDevil]

How are you feeling about your ads now Mr mindfondler?

 

[MrGoatee]

Nice thread and a tricky question. Tbh i'm seeking friendships, but putting out an ad that says nice guy seeks female friends goes down about as well as rampant sausage seek objects to slip into

I try most options depending on my mood but in the its hard. I'm married but she has lost some sparkle through a lot of things, I however need sparks. She's aware and not worried because she knows my boundaries yes i'll be naughty but its within those limits. But in the end if I can meet somebody, make them feel good and enjoy the interaction - that's what counts

 

[SassySheDevil]

This thread was so much fun when it was in the personals. But I still love seeing it bumped and responded to.

 

[NextDoorSecret]

I just read through it. I do not like when posts get moved from where they were originally placed, the OP nearly always had a reason for placing them where they did.
This was an interesting thread.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I just read through it. I do not like when posts get moved from where they were originally placed, the OP nearly always had a reason for placing them where they did.
This was an interesting thread.

Thank you.

 

[DarkSimian]

Although I have never placed a personal myself, it is sometimes fun to read through them. And it is interesting to see some of the responses, both male and female. I wonder, if I was so bold, to create an ad, what would it say?

 

[OxfordDon]

I placed a personal a year or so ago - still chat to two of the ladies who replied!!

 

[NextDoorSecret]

Here's a little gold nugget for all those who are seriously looking for a "pyl."

Do NOT ask for a "slut" or "whore" right out the gate. That tells me that you are either really inexperienced or maybe just someone who needs to buy a vowel? It takes a little getting to know a person before you call her degrading names until a common ground and mutual understanding is established.

Don't expect him/her to drop to their knees immediately. That is one of the most ridiculous phrases I've read ( and been asked to do) and my gut reaction is to tell you to get on your own goddamned knees and fuck off.

I don't know. That first one kind of stuck a nerve because no matter how experienced in the lifestyle you may be, no matter how good you think you are at being someone's Dominant... if you are advertising for a "whore/fuckmeat/cum dump" etc, it shows a complete and utter disrespect for your potential partner, regardless of whether he/she is into that or not.

/endrant

This post stood out to me. When I see a posting referring to themselves that way I always question if it's indeed a woman. I know that there are women that are actively looking for certain things, different strokes as it were.
When I see a post from a man looking for that I assume his inbox must have cobwebs.
Someone here has a tagline that says "Selectively Slutty" (I apologize that i don't remember who it is)
I found it brilliant. Most women ARE selectively slutty, meaning that if you flip our switch there may be no end to what we are willing to do to you or let you do to us, or call us, but to think being gifted with a dick makes us want to our panties of fall to our knees cold because you suggest it is laughable.

 

[Mindfondler]

How are you feeling about your ads now Mr mindfondler?

Thanks for asking!

Mrs MF and I have had two adverts running for the last couple of weeks:

Caring couple seeks submissive female (18-45) to nurture — UK/Europe (Main Personals)

Looking for a smart, funny and adventurous young lady for a double D/s experience (BDSM Personals)

We thought that the adverts were both respectful, clear and informative, but neither of them has secured us any enduring contacts, despite a few endorsements along the way from Litsters who have met us. That's been a disappointment to us both. Without any feedback, we're unable to determine whether our advert was somehow off-putting, not of interest, or if it just missed its target audience.

Curiously, the minimal interest in our advert seems to have originated from beyond the UK and Europe, with those Litsters saying that they'd be interested were it not for geography. Is this just a reflection of the relative numbers of Listers in different countries, or does it indicate something else? As it happens, we already have good Lit friends on other continents. They're wonderful — we appreciate them a lot — and that's great apart from the time zone difficulties and the unlikeliness of us ever meeting face-to-face.

Mrs MF and I are currently deciding whether to continue plugging away on Lit personals (we're aware that it starts to look desperate if we repeatedly bump our advert ourselves) or to try another approach elsewhere. It's a shame if we have to abandon Lit as it has provided us with some good friends along the way, but at the moment it's seeming like a waste of our time and energy.

Any constructive suggestions are welcome!
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[DarkSimian]

Thanks for asking!

Mrs MF and I have had two adverts running for the last couple of weeks:

Caring couple seeks submissive female (18-45) to nurture — UK/Europe (Main Personals)

Looking for a smart, funny and adventurous young lady for a double D/s experience (BDSM Personals)

We thought that the adverts were both respectful, clear and informative, but neither of them has secured us any enduring contacts, despite a few endorsements along the way from Litsters who have met us. That's been a disappointment to us both. Without any feedback, we're unable to determine whether our advert was somehow off-putting, not of interest, or if it just missed its target audience.

Curiously, the minimal interest in our advert seems to have originated from beyond the UK and Europe, with those Litsters saying that they'd be interested were it not for geography. Is this just a reflection of the relative numbers of Listers in different countries, or does it indicate something else? As it happens, we already have good Lit friends on other continents. They're wonderful — we appreciate them a lot — and that's great apart from the time zone difficulties and the unlikeliness of us ever meeting face-to-face.

Mrs MF and I are currently deciding whether to continue plugging away on Lit personals (we're aware that it starts to look desperate if we repeatedly bump our advert ourselves) or to try another approach elsewhere. It's a shame if we have to abandon Lit as it has provided us with some good friends along the way, but at the moment it's seeming like a waste of our time and energy.

Any constructive suggestions are welcome!
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although I don't know you all that well, I would miss your instruction and the discussions you have had about D/S relationships; it has been quite educational

 

[Mindfondler]

although I don't know you all that well, I would miss your instruction and the discussions you have had about D/S relationships; it has been quite educational

Thank you! It's always good to hear that our little snippets of information are useful.

As we've explained in our introductory thread, Mrs MF and I are fairly new to the BDSM community, so we're certainly no experts, but we're learning a lot and it's good to share some of our experiences with others.
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[FknNemesis]

... I got some responses but nothing that worked out. I found that getting to know people in the threads was much better in the long run, you make more friends and they flesh people out more than a series of PM's can.

I tend to subscribe to that theory too. It's often how communities work.

Shortly after joining and participating to some threads I also posted an ad but that was mainly because after some days of spending in the 'new posts' area I still hadn't seen any introductory posts - other than some personals which could be interpreted as such. In the meantime I saw an introduction thread though, sooner or later I may jump in it and do the overdue.

My ad was rather long, maybe too detailed even all without actually telling what I want. But that was done on purpose.


I got some replies too, despite having very few posts on my profile and not having an avatar yet then. Two were definite trolls, a third was more likely than not a started alt. Work in the next days kept me too busy to troll the trolls.

Since though I have had more thread specific related PMs than PMs because of the ad posted. There's only so much one can say in a personal - or wants to say. Participation to the community tells much more about one.

Although I know I spend too much time in the 'real D fanboys' threads and I avoid the 357 gazillion ongoing 'would you x to lister x?', 'are you also holding your dick in your hands now', and 'we all are frustrated so let's boost our own ego by sharing how little ago it was we last got off' threads mostly.

But community participation is IMHO the better path to walk. Then again the short personal posters generally are both lazy and impatient. They surely have other things on their mind. I would also guess they don't really enjoy single-handedly typing.

 

[Mindfondler]

Thanks for asking!

Mrs MF and I have had two adverts running for the last couple of weeks:

Caring couple seeks submissive female (18-45) to nurture — UK/Europe (Main Personals)

Looking for a smart, funny and adventurous young lady for a double D/s experience (BDSM Personals)

We thought that the adverts were both respectful, clear and informative, but neither of them has secured us any enduring contacts, despite a few endorsements along the way from Litsters who have met us. That's been a disappointment to us both. Without any feedback, we're unable to determine whether our advert was somehow off-putting, not of interest, or if it just missed its target audience.
...

In case anyone's interested:

Here's a further update on the above
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[mickyp123]

I have always likened lit to be a room full of little balls bouncing around, every now and then they touch and because of that change shape never to be quite the same again.
Unless you are out on the threads bouncing around the chances of interacting is lowered, i suppose you can sit in a hole leaving a note outside hoping someone will read it.

If your out there playing fate will give you a hand as and when she wants to, what will be will be

 

[Mindfondler]

I have always likened lit to be a room full of little balls bouncing around, every now and then they touch and because of that change shape never to be quite the same again.
Unless you are out on the threads bouncing around the chances of interacting is lowered, i suppose you can sit in a hole leaving a note outside hoping someone will read it.

If your out there playing fate will give you a hand as and when she wants to, what will be will be

I agree that playing in threads and creating a wider profile for oneself is helpful. I'm not sure that it makes a great deal of difference, though. In my case, my profile is filled in, I have clocked up over 2,000 posts over five years on Lit, and I'm reasonably well known here. Even so, I'm struggling to get any replies to my personals adverts on Lit -- even helpful feedback from those who aren't directly interested but fit my criteria and are therefore in a good position to advise.
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[LinusRules]

I would think Darwin would say a Lit personal ad was a form of natural selection. The style of the ad makes a match between like thinking people...ok, thinking might be a strong word.