my first story on Literotica, need feedback (especially who's lived in UK)

[prettynun2010]

my first story on Literotica , need feedback (especially who's lived in UK)

My first story just was approved on Literotica, and I need feedback to improve my writing.

story theme : group sex, interracial, older men/younger woman, cum swallowing, anal sex, blowjob, fouresome, public sex.

Especially from who's living in UK, because that's the location in my story.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-fat-older-men-change

I plans to do more 2-3 chapters in the future.

 

[Bramblethorn]

When asking for feedback, it helps to say what category the story is in (so people can tell whether it's something they might want to read) and maybe the length. This one's Group Sex, one page.

 

[Penuche]

My first story just was approved on Literotica, and I need feedback to improve my writing.

Especially from who's living in UK, because that's the location in my story.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-fat-older-men-change

I plans to do more 2-3 chapters in the future.

PM sent, with feedback, because I don't want to pick holes in your work in a public place.

Please, at least get your stories read and corrected by somebody with English as their mother tongue. I thought that your story idea was good, but the way your words expressed that idea was distractingly bad. :-s

Do keep writing - it's far easier to correct and improve faulty English than to make boring stories readable.

 

[prettynun2010]

I just posted the edited version of this story yet, waiting for approving.