How To Best Portray Myself?

[twentywhales]

Hi. For those who haven't seen, I'm totally new to all of this. I'm in the early twenties, I'm shy, lack confidence, and obviously a virgin. But clearly I want to improve on all of that, but whether it's on the chat, or forum things (yet to learn most things on here)
If I was wanting to chat to someone, would anyone have any advice on how to start talking to someone? As I doubt explaining what I just have would help me, "HEY I'M SHY AND LACK CONFIDENCE AND WANT SOMEONE TO TAKE CONTROL TO GUIDE ME THROUGH" Yeah, I don't think that would capture the imagination of most people...

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you if you read this

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Anything will work with the right person, and everything will fail with a few. I mean, back in 2001 I told someone to fuck themselves, and we've been close for 15 years. I said to her, FUCK YOU, and she said, STICK A FIRECRACKER UP YOUR ASS, and we were on our way. I say whatevers on my mind.

It doesn't work for everyone.

You can always go with questions like, WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE ACTION HERO? Or WHAT IN HELL WAS ESTELLA'S PROBLEM WITH PIP?

 

[SueVanDouser]

Be polite and considerate. You'll instantly stand out above most here.

 

[Penuche]

<snip> I doubt explaining what I just have would help me, "HEY I'M SHY AND LACK CONFIDENCE AND WANT SOMEONE TO TAKE CONTROL TO GUIDE ME THROUGH" Yeah, I don't think that would capture the imagination of most people...

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you if you read this

You know what? Being that honest would get you more attention and understanding than if you try to bluff instead. Also, in some ways, your lack of experience might be a good thing - you've had less of a chance to learn bad habits.

No, I'm not offering, but I bet there's somebody who'd jump at the chance.

BTW maybe have a look at the asshat thread here and then go and do all the things which don't annoy or upset people. ttp://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=387054

One thing which keeps cropping up is that your PM or attempts to chat will get a warmer welcome if your profile is filled in and you've posted often enough in the playground so that people have a feel for what you're like and whether they can feel comfortable with you or not. Have fun.

 

[Fierywhore]

^^^^^^ this is really good advice

 

[lovecraft68]

Stay out of the General Board, they prey on low self esteem to make themselves feel better about their own.

 

[Emerson40]

Hi. For those who haven't seen, I'm totally new to all of this. I'm in the early twenties, I'm shy, lack confidence, and obviously a virgin. But clearly I want to improve on all of that, but whether it's on the chat, or forum things (yet to learn most things on here)
If I was wanting to chat to someone, would anyone have any advice on how to start talking to someone? As I doubt explaining what I just have would help me, "HEY I'M SHY AND LACK CONFIDENCE AND WANT SOMEONE TO TAKE CONTROL TO GUIDE ME THROUGH" Yeah, I don't think that would capture the imagination of most people...

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you if you read this

Just be yourself.

Lurk a bit and read the other boards and forums. Find something that your find interesting and can contribute to, and dive in.

Welcome to the boards. Looks like you're off to a fine start.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Just be yourself.

Lurk a bit and read the other boards and forums. Find something that your find interesting and can contribute to, and dive in.

Welcome to the boards. Looks like you're off to a fine start.

^^^^^Inventor of the YOUVE GOT A FRIEND sandwich board portable glory hole.

 

[Mindfondler]

Hi. For those who haven't seen, I'm totally new to all of this. I'm in the early twenties, I'm shy, lack confidence, and obviously a virgin. But clearly I want to improve on all of that, but whether it's on the chat, or forum things (yet to learn most things on here)
If I was wanting to chat to someone, would anyone have any advice on how to start talking to someone? As I doubt explaining what I just have would help me, "HEY I'M SHY AND LACK CONFIDENCE AND WANT SOMEONE TO TAKE CONTROL TO GUIDE ME THROUGH" Yeah, I don't think that would capture the imagination of most people...

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you if you read this

There's lots of great advice above. I'd like to add a personal perspective.

I must admit that I shuddered when I read your words "portray myself". They remind me of my dating experiences in my twenties, when I'd think deeply beforehand about the way that I wanted to present myself: polite, serious and on my best behaviour. Anyone who knows me will understand that I'm far from those things in reality!

As it turned out, my dates were rarely disastrous, and I earned myself quite a lot of second dates, but invariably the liaisons would fizzle out quickly after that due to a lack of "spark". I also felt the strain of trying to maintain a persona that wasn't really me: it wasn't a lie, but it was an unrepresentative view of my qualities.

When I first met my wife, it wasn't on a date. We were at cross-purposes to the extent that we both thought that the other was spoken for, so we hit it off as friends with the freedom to express ourselves fearlessly -- and to mess about a lot. That, in turn, provided the necessary "spark" between us to deepen and extend our relationship.

My advice therefore boils down to "be yourself". It comes with the warning, though, that some people won't respond to that approach, or may react negatively. I think you need to accept as a fact that some pairings are just never going to work (and that's particularly painful when the chemistry only runs one way). I'd suggest that your strategy needs to be to weed those out at the earliest stage as a waste of time and energy -- and that means putting yourself on the line. The good news is that you don't need to succeed very often in order to put the unproductive experiences behind you.

I understand also that it can be difficult to know what "yourself" really is. I've always found it very helpful that I have some close female platonic friends who have been a regular touchstone for me. With no additional baggage, these relationships have been great testing grounds for me to explore my own self and to understand alternative perspectives on the sexual landscape. I'd encourage you to take up some friendships of that type, with the shared clarity that there's no hidden agenda at work.

I hope that's helpful. As I said at the start, it's a personal perspective, but I'm crossing my fingers that you might be able to take away elements of it for yourself.
.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I was doing laundry when my future wife sat atop the washing machine I was using, and said HI.

 

[NightL]

Just be yourself.

Lurk a bit and read the other boards and forums. Find something that your find interesting and can contribute to, and dive in.

Welcome to the boards. Looks like you're off to a fine start.

^^^^^Inventor of the YOUVE GOT A FRIEND sandwich board portable glory hole.

Tell us all about your glory hole cock sucking anecdotes Jimmy. I know you are itching to tell.

 

[Anonymaso]

You may be better ditching Tinder or whatever the cool kids are uploading cock pics to these days and starting conversations on sites about things you like and are therefore happy talking about. If you're a massive gamer (for example), maybe you'll do better on a gaming forum than a dating site?

I can imagine given you're in your 20s and obviously self conscious about it that you find this process intimidating but girls are people too. They're just people and they're as self conscious as you are. You don't have to lead with your relationship history - or lack thereof. You're not deceiving anybody. Now I'm in my 30s, when I got together with my partner neither of us spoke about past relationships; except for in general terms in reference to our own past. We didn't exchange resumes! Unless you're specifically asked about it, just leave it out of those first conversations and focus instead on what you have in common. Obviously if things go beyond a few real-life dates and/or become physical you'll need to say something but honestly, it won't be a huge deal to the right person. As far as performance anxiety goes, just don't worry about it. As I say, I'm a little older than you but there are few things more awkward than persuading a new lover to un-learn moves that may have worked on his ex but leave me cold. Just pay attention to any guidance and what actually gets your partner going as opposed to what you think you're supposed to be doing or have seen in porn. Ask her what she likes and let her show you. Much more fun for you both.

As Mindfondler says, trying to 'portray' yourself in a certain light isn't likely to net you anything meaningful. You do already have a bit of an advantage online, in that you can consider and edit what you type before the other person sees it. That should really be all the filter you need. Don't get drawn into playing the 'politician game' of agreeing with everything a girl says and professing to adore clothes shopping just because you want her to like you. While you want to find a relationship, it needs to be the right one and starting out with people online allows you to be reticent and consider how compatible you really are. Also, be aware that it's easier to misunderstand text, because it isn't accompanied with facial expressions or tone of voice. Try not to jump to conclusions about the other person's feelings or agenda and don't be shy to ask for clarification if you're not sure how something is meant.

The other way guys often fall down is when it comes to suggesting a meet. Going from online to real-life is hazardous for women and guys can be thoughtless about this or even get offended if the girl is cautious. Always suggest a public place that is 'safe.' By this I mean a coffee shop rather than a bar. Start out with just a drink to see how you get on and if there is physical attraction. Don't give yourself the pressure of a dinner date right off the bat. Never ask for personal details like number/address etc. Wait until they're offered to you. Let the girl do things on her terms such as choose the location and for extra bonus points suggest she brings a friend. While you may find this intimidating, she will feel far more secure, which should help her to relax. Don't let things drag on till you've nothing to say and leave first so she's not worried about being followed.

Best of luck

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Good, Bad, or whatever I am who I am, and folks can luv me or avoid me according to taste. No one believes my accomplishments, history, or pedigree, and I aint trying to sell a used car. And I do the same...if someone makes me think theyre a dum fuck I don't fool with them.

 

[twentywhales]

Wow. I wasn't expecting all of that, and I'm currently busy so I can't reply fully, but thank you all for your help, words and advice. By portray myself, I did mean, how to put across what I am, in the best light, as I suck at wording sometimes! I do like being myself however, especially around my friends and such, so I won't be changing myself to just to land something Again, thank you all.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Just be You

We're even newer here than you are. Our basic plan is just to write our own personal true stories of our past, comment on as many other topics as possible, and just have fun.
We're not even sure if this is the right forum to share real life stories. So far fantasy seems to rule.
But after 60 years we are virgins again!

 

[sidonie45]

You are who you are. We cant be everything to everybody.
Be yourself, and take it slow. This has been the main prevailing advice, and it is the best one.
When I first started, I checked for how long they were a member for, and how many posts they make, before I would answer a PM.
If someone was a member for 6 years and make 5 posts in all that time, I stay well clear of them.
Welcome to Lit, and I hope your experience is a positive one.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

You are who you are. We cant be everything to everybody. Be yourself, and take it slow.
Welcome to Lit, and I hope your experience is a positive one.

Thanks. Since the last post here we lost our virginity. I sure don't remember that!
Your advice almost sounds like my good friend Popeye........... "I yam what I yam."

At our age we are who we are and it's too late to change. Thanks to my wife taking over when I pouted like a baby and gave up on Literotica, she made 100's of new kinky friends. I won't leave now no matter how many professional writers piss me off.

This is what I think happened. The perverbial Bear always goes after the honey. The male members are the bears and my wife has the honey pot. To add to this I'll paint yet another picture. She has five honeybees tattooed on her honepot.


I still say writing trues stories and writting from the heart in simple bar room English can't be all bad. Many famous writers have done this as long as there have been books.
So when I find time I'll figure out where to start my long group of stories written in short words for Dick and Jane.