Sex, stress and marriage.

[Wetpinkpetals]

I've always dealt with stress by orgasms, self administered in my younger years, and when I became sexuality active it always go helped me to be fucked silly. In my current relationship, my hubby and I have great sex when we actually have sex, but we don't have sex often. For me, I could do it multiple times a week, or even a night on some days...but he doesn't initiate unless he's horny, which is about 1 month. There have been stretches of up to 3 months where we don't have sex. He claims it's stress related and that he doesn't know why he isn't in the mood. I try to initiate and he's unresponsive. It's so hard for me to understand not wanting to have sex; I've explored every potential reason I think of. Can stress really eat away at your sex life like it has ours? Do you have any suggestions on how to help this?

 

[scorpio1121]

I may be able to shed a little light by telling you about my own experiences. My wife and I had for the first few years of our relationship has sex every other day and it was always fantastic. A year and a half ago we opened a business and dropped to one income instead of two. We are now at about once a week sometimes once in two weeks. Stress is a large player but it is also just being worn out. I or she may want to but it would take effort that we just dont have at that time. We would try 3 am sex but I would go back to sleep and she would be up the rest of the night. So that didnt work.

Two things to try. Ask him to be honest about his need / want for sex. as men get older our testosterone levels can drop and it significantly reduces our sex drive/libido. I had a blood test done and this was the case for me. I didnt have the desire to have sex so i didnt complain if she was too tired as well. I wanted it and missed it but didnt care. But, when I went on testosterone treatments my libido came up significantly and it also helped with sustaining my hard on. Tell him it is important that you are on the same page and want to know his stance on this. Second, try exercising. does wonders for the sex drive as well.

If he misses sex and wants it back then start with a blood test.

 

[Whiskey1965]

For me it was SEX then marriage then stress,less sex and then no marriage and then lots of sex with her friends!

 

[newrandomperson]

Stress may well be contributing but I suspect it could also be other issues. Problem is that he himself may not even know what they are at this point, least not with some more investigation.

As Scorpio says it may also be that he is simply not as interested in sex at this stage, but he may be reticent to admit that as he does not want you to feel like you are not desirable to him (which I doubt is the case at all). It could be something physical, it could be a mental block or some other aspect that he has not quite figured out yet which, of course, will only add to the stress.

Like anything else though it comes down to dialogue, and if there is an open dialogue between you both it will help the situation. In my previous relationship that lack of dialogue is what hindered us the most, so I would urge you not to follow my route there.

Apart from that good luck, I hope it works itself out for you both

 

[ReadingExcitesMe]

I'm kind of in the same boat. Interested to see what some other people think about this...

 

[Jake1945]

It is very easy for a couple to get caught up in kids, jobs, etc and simply not find time or energy to initiate sex. However, if you are trying to initiate sex and he is not responding at all, then he definitely needs a check up for hormones or whatever else could be a problem. While I am guilty of not being as affectionate as I should have been and therefore not getting her into a receptive mood, I sure as hell never said no if she was interested.

 

[naughtoldperv]

I may be able to shed a little light by telling you about my own experiences. My wife and I had for the first few years of our relationship has sex every other day and it was always fantastic. A year and a half ago we opened a business and dropped to one income instead of two. We are now at about once a week sometimes once in two weeks. Stress is a large player but it is also just being worn out. I or she may want to but it would take effort that we just dont have at that time. We would try 3 am sex but I would go back to sleep and she would be up the rest of the night. So that didnt work.

Two things to try. Ask him to be honest about his need / want for sex. as men get older our testosterone levels can drop and it significantly reduces our sex drive/libido. I had a blood test done and this was the case for me. I didnt have the desire to have sex so i didnt complain if she was too tired as well. I wanted it and missed it but didnt care. But, when I went on testosterone treatments my libido came up significantly and it also helped with sustaining my hard on. Tell him it is important that you are on the same page and want to know his stance on this. Second, try exercising. does wonders for the sex drive as well.

If he misses sex and wants it back then start with a blood test.

we maybe could be more helpful if you mentioned your ages.............
My X wife and I were in business together and I think that was what made us 'X'. Not healthy for most relationships to mix love and business!

 

[yellowrocket]

Are you two working the same shifts? Fatigue is a killer for my drive. There are so many health issues that can impact sexuality to a degree that I won't try to cover them all, except to say it could be as simple as that. Emotional issues and stress all play a big part too. And a bad performance can lead to anxiety which can lead to another bad performance and it can spiral for awhile. Been there myself.

So as much as we'd all love to help you get banged multiple times daily, the best we can do is make suggestions.

 

[Wetpinkpetals]

A wonderful tidbit

I received an email from a fellow lit user and I just wanted to pass it along to you guys.
Mating in captivity by Esther Perel is a brilliant talk on this very subject. I think someone here will also appreciate it. I found it on youtube.

 

[The_gladiator]

I am in the same boat, it's one of the things that calms my anxiety and helps me destress. However she is rarely in the mood these days, I feel like I try to get her there, but it just isn't working, very frustrating.

 

[JustAnotherMarylander]

.....

 

[JamesRTickit]

I can contribute

I lost any interest after my divorce, completely wiped me out of any feelings.
Stress and worry are the two biggest factors.
They say the best birth control is a mortgage.

I have been writing on a similar thread and the advice is to check out physical issues, then sit down and talk about it. Usually one partner will not be willing to engage and then that says something else is a problem - not just stress, fatigue or worry.

The other issue is that I had erectile dysfunction for a year but I had a number of partners and I made absolutely sure they came as often as they wanted, fingers, tongue, toys anything that works.

So identify the real problem.

 

[BiTodd]

I've always dealt with stress by orgasms, self administered in my younger years, and when I became sexuality active it always go helped me to be fucked silly. In my current relationship, my hubby and I have great sex when we actually have sex, but we don't have sex often. For me, I could do it multiple times a week, or even a night on some days...but he doesn't initiate unless he's horny, which is about 1 month. There have been stretches of up to 3 months where we don't have sex. He claims it's stress related and that he doesn't know why he isn't in the mood. I try to initiate and he's unresponsive. It's so hard for me to understand not wanting to have sex; I've explored every potential reason I think of. Can stress really eat away at your sex life like it has ours? Do you have any suggestions on how to help this?

I do remember a time in my life when i was worried about money and work and i felt alot of pressure from my partner to provide . We also had other issues that got in the way. So even though i am a very sexually oriented fellow i have had the displeasure to experience a time of nonexsistant sex. I did not intiate sex with her for quite a while but did have tons of solo time to try and relieve the stress.