Public Play

[katt91]

Hello all! I'm fairly new (to this board) I hope no one minds me posting another inquiry!
I recently attended my first play party and thought it was great! I was not brave enough to play at my first party but I'm really curious about the prospect of doing a "public" scene. But I'm also nervous about it. Generally the way I get over my fears is by learning about them. So I was curious, does anyone have any advice or tips they'd like to share regarding public play?
I'd really appreciate it!

 

[VelveteenFancy]

Public play is where I thrive and feel safe. Part of it is that am usual scoping out hard points for suspension. But usually I feel safer where there are DM floating around listening for RED, or others ready to help cut me out of rope encase there's a catastrophic failure. There are more ears and eyes to help create a stronger safety net. It might be naïve but somehow I feel safer in a public play are whether that be a club or a larger private play party, but that just might be me. Usually the folks are super open, and you can talk and pick their brains for a while. Admittedly though I spent my first month at the club talking and observing and figuring out who I wanted to play with before I proposed to play with them. Get to know the folks in your local kink scene most of them I bet are pretty awesome.

 

[Blue]

Deleted because I totally missed the concept of a "play party"

< Noob

 

[rexhame317]

Just do as much as you feel comfortable with . Start slow at first, negotiate something quick. Work your way up to a complex scene. And have fun

 

[Etoile]

I haven't really been to play "parties" but I have been to public play spaces. I'm usually there to play with someone I'm already involved with. We socialize a bit, and then we get down to business. I'm lucky that, as a bottom, I get to focus 100% on him; my play partner has to focus on both me and others.

So uh...I kinda ran out of things to say, but I'll subscribe to the thread and help if I can!

 

[Miles Long]

What specifically about public play makes you nervous? Are you afraid of looking silly? Of being judged by other party-goers? Is it because you will be playing with strangers and not sure how that will play out?

At the play parties I go to people generally do a good job of respecting scene space. Yes, people watch, but I've never heard any derogatory comments. People tend to be pretty supportive, and this applies to just about every kind of scene you can imagine. If you're nervous about playing with strangers (understandably so) I think it's totally fair to negotiate a fairly low-level scene. Anyone who isn't on board with that is probably someone you don't want to play with anyway.

 

[Etoile]

Ooh that reminds me. Watching etiquette. Being watched.

I know people have watched when I've been bottoming at a public space. Occasionally I manage to see them through the headspace. And I feel a little self-conscious, because I'm not super happy with my body. But I've figured out that nobody there is looking at my body. I mean, they might notice, but they're paying attention to actions and reactions. The top's and mine. Nobody cares if I missed shaving a bit behind my leg. Nobody cares if my tummy is bigger than I'd like. They're watching my face, his knife...that's what they're looking at.

 

[desertslave]

Ooh that reminds me. Watching etiquette. Being watched.

I know people have watched when I've been bottoming at a public space. Occasionally I manage to see them through the headspace. And I feel a little self-conscious, because I'm not super happy with my body. But I've figured out that nobody there is looking at my body. I mean, they might notice, but they're paying attention to actions and reactions. The top's and mine. Nobody cares if I missed shaving a bit behind my leg. Nobody cares if my tummy is bigger than I'd like. They're watching my face, his knife...that's what they're looking at.

Very wonderfully this.

Most people at play parties are feeding off (in a nice way) your reactions and energy. The packaging is irrelevant. If you shriek and squirm and babble, everyone will be having a grand time.

If you want to play but you're struggling with being self-conscious, ask if you can be blindfolded. It helps a bunch and (IMO) makes the entire scene even more intense. You will hear "crowd noise" and maybe people appreciating you, but once you get to being played with, it all melts away. I asked for a blindfold the first few times. The last of those times, my Sir took it off partway. I didn't even realize it until we were done! After that, he would usually tell me to watch him or to focus on something in particular.

And you never know, you might just get in touch with your inner exhibitionist.

 

[katt91]

The part that makes me nervous is the aspect of being watched. But not necessarily because of my body or those kinds of insecurities, as I am a bit of an exhibitionist.
It's sort of hard for me to articulate. I'm nervous about people watching the scene itself. I'm sort of nervous having to ask my top to stop or calling a safe word or something. Something I have no problem doing with him necessarily. But I somehow have a fear of doing it in front of other people. Does that make sense? I have never seen a sub call a safe word in a scene I've watched. So maybe that's why. I'm afraid people will think there's something wrong with him or me.
Is that crazy and irrational?
Maybe it's because I haven't watched enough other scenes.

 

[katt91]

I also meant to add that I would be playing with my partner of several months, not a new person.

 

[eve95nl]

Interesting topic. Can't offer much advise (sorry) but I'll read along; there's for sure something I can learn here.

 

[Blue]

The part that makes me nervous is the aspect of being watched. But not necessarily because of my body or those kinds of insecurities, as I am a bit of an exhibitionist.
It's sort of hard for me to articulate. I'm nervous about people watching the scene itself. I'm sort of nervous having to ask my top to stop or calling a safe word or something. Something I have no problem doing with him necessarily. But I somehow have a fear of doing it in front of other people. Does that make sense? I have never seen a sub call a safe word in a scene I've watched. So maybe that's why. I'm afraid people will think there's something wrong with him or me.
Is that crazy and irrational?
Maybe it's because I haven't watched enough other scenes.

Throw those insecurities to the gutter and have them wallow in their own filth because if you want whatever's happening to stop and a bit of reconsideration isn't changing anything then call out your safeword because nobody is going to think anything of it and I imagine very few people there who pick up on your reluctance will be the type who actually do enjoy pure unfettered suffering, and you shouldn't be aiming to please those people.

 

[Blue]

Ooh that reminds me. Watching etiquette. Being watched.

I know people have watched when I've been bottoming at a public space. Occasionally I manage to see them through the headspace. And I feel a little self-conscious, because I'm not super happy with my body. But I've figured out that nobody there is looking at my body. I mean, they might notice, but they're paying attention to actions and reactions. The top's and mine. Nobody cares if I missed shaving a bit behind my leg. Nobody cares if my tummy is bigger than I'd like. They're watching my face, his knife...that's what they're looking at.

So true.
Couldn't care less about the body, it's a nice addition but as long as there's genuine cries of who-knows-what-emotions and restraint tugging I'm more than satisfied.

 

[Etoile]

So true.
Couldn't care less about the body, it's a nice addition but as long as there's genuine cries of who-knows-what-emotions and restraint tugging I'm more than satisfied.

The first time I played with my sadist, it was at the Playhouse, and his goal was to make me scream. A genuine, blood-curdling scream.

Is it any wonder I keep going back?

 

[lydia_kitty]

If you're atcall an exhibitionist, I imagine the excitement of public play will squash your fears once you are in the moment. You'll need to focus inward on your own emotions vand feelings and use that safe word if you need to! Best of luck!

 

[katt91]

Throw those insecurities to the gutter and have them wallow in their own filth because if you want whatever's happening to stop and a bit of reconsideration isn't changing anything then call out your safeword because nobody is going to think anything of it and I imagine very few people there who pick up on your reluctance will be the type who actually do enjoy pure unfettered suffering, and you shouldn't be aiming to please those people.

Haha, thanks!
You know, I think just writing down my fears and posting them made me realize what a non-issue it was that I was worried about.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Miles Long]

At some point in your life you probably will find people who see using your safe word as a failure on your part or your top's part. They might have the attitude of "oh she couldn't take very much, what a weak sub" or "he hit her way too hard, how could he not realize that was too much before she safe worded!" You will find those people.

But the people who think that way are overly judgmental and ignorant, so it's worth your time to ignore them. Safe words exist precisely so people can use them. Whenever I top a girl I haven't played with before I always ask if she has used her safe word in the past and how comfortable she feels using it. If she really needs things to change or stop, regardless of how intense or not intense the scene has been, I want her to use her safe word when she feels she needs to. It lets me know I need to check in and see what's going on. Anyone who thinks using your safe word is a sign of weakness or failure isn't really thinking things through.

In fact, I have some friends who do scenes where the bottom says "hit me until I safe word." Those are really fun scenes to watch.

 

[katt91]

At some point in your life you probably will find people who see using your safe word as a failure on your part or your top's part. They might have the attitude of "oh she couldn't take very much, what a weak sub" or "he hit her way too hard, how could he not realize that was too much before she safe worded!" You will find those people.

But the people who think that way are overly judgmental and ignorant, so it's worth your time to ignore them. Safe words exist precisely so people can use them. Whenever I top a girl I haven't played with before I always ask if she has used her safe word in the past and how comfortable she feels using it. If she really needs things to change or stop, regardless of how intense or not intense the scene has been, I want her to use her safe word when she feels she needs to. It lets me know I need to check in and see what's going on. Anyone who thinks using your safe word is a sign of weakness or failure isn't really thinking things through.

In fact, I have some friends who do scenes where the bottom says "hit me until I safe word." Those are really fun scenes to watch.

Right!
We're semi-new to each other so he's still sort of learning what I can take. So there are times when I have to ask him to stop. It's not necessarily bad, I actually really liked being pushed to my limit.

 

[Miles Long]

Right!
We're semi-new to each other so he's still sort of learning what I can take. So there are times when I have to ask him to stop. It's not necessarily bad, I actually really liked being pushed to my limit.

As long as you and he are on the same page, that's what really matters. My suspicion is you're unlikely to come across many haters, but when you do they will certainly try to hate. Meanwhile you'll be getting your kink on having a grand old time.

 

[babslovesherdaddy]

I have so many fantasies about public play. In my fantasies, it's actually semi-public, as in a private party of people I know. I'd like to someday go to a club or something and just observe, at least once, given the right opportunity.

 

[Okletsgo]

A fantasy for me too.
I can see myself doing this one day but not there yet

 

[Blue]

_____

 

[Etoile]

Also, there is no such thing as a "true" dominant or a "true" submissive.

 

[HeadHuntress]

This is such an interesting topic and I think you have gotten great advice. I hope you work up enough confidence to put those fears fully to rest. When you do your first public scene please report back with all the delicious details.