I need some advice

[pink]

Jennifer and I got in an argument on Christmas. She hurt me a lot, just thinking about it makes me tear up.

She usually comes home Monday evenings after work and stays all week until Friday comes around.

I still love her but honestly, right now, I wish she wouldn't come home tonight. I'm really hurt. I don't want to be around her right now.


Is this normal or am I just being a bitch?

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[MonaLittle]

It's kind of hard to give advice, Pink, when we don't know what the fight was about. Im not asking to hear the details, Im just saying that it's hard to have an opinion when we only know half the story.

If you need time away from her, you're an adult and her mom, not her best friend. Tell her you need some alone time. IMO. Keep in mind tho, Im not a parent so I could very well be way off base here.

 

[Oh_That_Guy]

I really don't mean any offense by this but asking for advice on the internet regarding family matters is pretty high on the list of things to never, ever do. Right below self diagnosing from a web site and slightly above asking for legal advice.
It would be very reckless to give any real information and without that information nobody can give any real advice and even if they could it's still a very bad idea.

 

[pink]

I really don't mean any offense by this but asking for advice on the internet regarding family matters is pretty high on the list of things to never, ever do. Right below self diagnosing from a web site and slightly above asking for legal advice.
It would be very reckless to give any real information and without that information nobody can give any real advice and even if they could it's still a very bad idea.

I have friends here that would not steer me wrong and pray tell, what private material have I really given out other than a fight with my daughter??????????????????????????????????????????


I don't have to give any details of the fight, to get some advice, other than she said things that hurt me.

 

[neci]

1. you have a right to keep your home a safe place.

2. barring her from your home extends the fight, and will place a larger burden on your relationship.

why not meet in a neutral place - coffee shop, ihop, a park, and talk about what happened? you are allowed to set guidelines for your home, including respect from adult children. the sooner you talk, the sooner the burden will be lifted. she either agrees to your terms and comes home agreeing to peace, or she doesn't and does not come home. the ball is in her court, and she can decide what to do. you have stated your piece, and have stood up for yourself.

 

[parodyluvr75]

Like Mona said, not knowing what the argument was about it's hard to give advice. I wish you good luck.

 

[lovecraft68]

This is a double standard situation. If you hurt her she is allowed to hide away for awhile and avoid you until she's over her snit.

But when a parent says, :"keep your distance for a bit, I"m pissed" now that is seen as an unfair rejection and fuel for your daughter to start with the "my bitch mom wants nothing to do with me" and she could stay away for a long time.

Not sure how old your daughter is, but late teens? Oh, forget it, the epitome of drama. I know I have two now in their twenties.

So the right thing to do as a person is say back off, you hurt me and its not okay.

As a parent though it seems we're supposed to constantly eat crow to not push them away.

There's no right answer to this.

 

[pink]

She is 22.

 

[Oh_That_Guy]

I have friends here that would not steer me wrong and pray tell, what private material have I really given out other than a fight with my daughter??????????????????????????????????????????


I don't have to give any details of the fight, to get some advice, other than she said things that hurt me.

Um nobody said you gave out any private information and yes, if you want advice that is actually helpful then you do need to give details. Otherwise how does anyone know what to say other than "sorry"? For all we know you had it coming.
It's just some friendly advice from a guy on a message board which seems to be what you were asking for. If you only wanted your friends to respond then a PM should have been used.

 

[MonaLittle]

I have friends here that would not steer me wrong and pray tell, what private material have I really given out other than a fight with my daughter??????????????????????????????????????????


I don't have to give any details of the fight, to get some advice, other than she said things that hurt me.

You're right, you don't have to share anything you don't want to.

Im reading everyone's reply's and I think I want to change my answer.. lol

The longer you let the riff go on between you, the harder it will be to get passed it. That's all I'm going to say. Now Im going to go find something to eat. Im starved.

 

[pink]

Um nobody said you gave out any private information and yes, if you want advice that is actually helpful then you do need to give details. Otherwise how does anyone know what to say other than "sorry"? For all we know you had it coming.
It's just some friendly advice from a guy on a message board which seems to be what you were asking for. If you only wanted your friends to respond then a PM should have been used.

I am quite capable of weeding out which replies will be of any help to me.



ummmmmm no, no details.

 

[pink]

Thanks for the advice. It gives me something to think about.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Oh_That_Guy]

I am quite capable of weeding out which replies will be of any help to me.



ummmmmm no, no details.

I'm not asking for details, I'm saying it's bad to give them but needed for good advice and therefore a bad idea to make a thread.
If you don't agree that's your business but when you make a thread you put everything out there for people to respond and responding the way you have to me is not a good way to get any kind of advice from anyone.

 

[smokeypearl]

Lovecraft is correct. There is a double standard when we deal with our children. You have to be extra careful and mature beyond belief. The things my daughter said to me, I let a lot of it roll off. I just kept it in my mind that She was going to look back and realize what she said was more in the heat of the moment and not meant to be remembered. So, I kept that in mind and didn't react but offered her a safe place to return to. She left home when she was 16. She did keep in contact and often came home and almost 8 years later, she came home to stay. She turned her life around and says much nicer things to me now.
Hang in there and don't say stupid things you will regret later

 

[pink]

Did you say anything that could have hurt her? It would be odd that this person you speak so well of suddenly behaved totally meanly totally out of the blue.


Neci's idea seems good to me.

I defended myself, yes. She laid into me about money. I gave my mom $150 for Christmas. I was trying to pay mom back for the money I have borrowed from her in the past. I was just trying to do the right thing, since I actually had the money to do so.

Jennifer was furious. She yelled at me saying that she had spent a bunch of money last month paying bills for me. I responded telling her if she had taken the time to look under our tree, she would have found money for her, also.

Now you know.

 

[pink]

Lovecraft is correct. There is a double standard when we deal with our children. You have to be extra careful and mature beyond belief. The things my daughter said to me, I let a lot of it roll off. I just kept it in my mind that She was going to look back and realize what she said was more in the heat of the moment and not meant to be remembered. So, I kept that in mind and didn't react but offered her a safe place to return to. She left home when she was 16. She did keep in contact and often came home and almost 8 years later, she came home to stay. She turned her life around and says much nicer things to me now.
Hang in there and don't say stupid things you will regret later

Thanks.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[pink]

But we don't have to. I didn't quote so you can delete.

These are hot, rash words, not deeply, personally hurtful attacks on your personality.

Sort it out together, talk, make up.

It's ok, I'm not shamed of what I posted. The fight was about money.

 

[pink]

Thanks everyone, for the advice.

 

[Fata Morgana]

If you're anything like me you won't rest until it's sorted and you're back on a more even keel.

 

[butters]

pinkie:

life's too short.

she lashed out not understanding your motives and best of intentions. you were so happy about being in a position to be able to gift some money back to them. her words hurt you, but now it's time to swallow that pain and gather your daughter back to your home - because it makes you both happier and you have to be the one showing maturity here.

since it does still sting, howabout sending her a text explaining how happy you'd felt to be able to go someway to repay her/your mom's kindnesses, that her words and actions had made you kinda pissed and kinda sad, and that you regret the argument christmas day. tell her you love her and invite her home for dinner and that you could use a hug.

please don't let this drag on into the new year.

 

[Fata Morgana]

I hate bust ups with me Mum. Everyone else can stew for a bit, but I hate it with her.

 

[parodyluvr75]

She sounds like a good girl who loves her mom and wants what's best for her (in her own view) but very rational. I can see why that would hurt your feelings, she was being pretty indelicate. If it were me I'd probably let the argument go and let her know I appreciate what she does. If she brings up the issue again, I'd reiterate i appreciate what she does for you but you're a grown woman and you have your own way of doing things and that's just how it is. I'm not sure how helpful this is and I wish you the best of luck.