Curious; How might a cheating wife react?

[UnkownGhost]

Hello,

I'm writing some non-erotic stories (action based crap based on my nightmares to be exact) but some of those elements involve infidelity. Naturally one sees all kinds of well written examples here on this sight.

Some authors have been kind enough to provide wonderful insight on situations where a character could easily go unnoticed.

I'm looking for a level of realism here so I thought I ask this here as it is more of a brainstorming question.

How should I have a cheating wife react to a missing husband? I ask this knowing that it all depends on the person but the thing is I really don't know the various responses and types of people. (if that makes sense personality types)

In some stories I see them being concerned only because they're concerned about keeping their infidelity a secret. In other stories I see them not giving a damn and judging by their actions I'd think they never would give a damn either. (Talking about women that psychologically abuse their spouses- the willing cuckolds).

I focuses so much on tiny details because the last thing I want someone doing is dropping the story because of an inaccurate element.

Thank you for your time.

 

[jomar]

Hi, pretty broad question. Depends on how you've set up the relationship. Might move from safety to questioning, who cares to caring...lots of roads to explore.

 

[SarcasticDarlin]

Curious you should ask...

I just so happened to be watching Forensic Files when I came upon this post. A large amount of the cases involve a cheating spouse and a dead/missing spouse. In one instance, the wife was having an affair and her husband wound you with four slugs in his head whilst blitzed off his ass in his own bed. When confronted, the wife said she slept in a different room and didn't hear anything as did the neighbors. All throughout she seemed slightly upset but mostly poised, calm, and collected. She even pointed to his union work as a possible motive.

In real life, I have seen every reaction from overpowering outrage accompanied by outrageous claims of another woman from the cheating wife, to aloof and almost maniacally carefree, even So far as overly dramatic in their grief or mourning of their missing husband as if he's already dead even though it's too soon to tell.

But as you said, it really does depend upon the woman's overall personality and her intrinsic behaviors combined with the reasons for her infidelity and her feelings or lack there of for her spouse.

I hope this long pointless response is at least slightly helpful. Good luck with your story.

 

[sr71plt]

It all depends on the person--with no limit on how one might react. It should be in keeping with the character you've got going, though, unless you provide an explanation on why they acted out of the established character. (Like in "Alfred Hitchcock made her do it.")

 

[Nathan_Brazil]

My ex yelled...

This is because you banged all three of my sisters!

Okay okay... It wasn't my ex, but it would have been cool!

 

[GoldenCojones]

Not all women who cheat hate their husband. Some of them love their husbands very much, they just need more sex than the husband provides. These women would react with great concern, fear that their husband had found out about their infidelity and left, and fear that he hadn't and something worse had happened to him.

 

[Hypoxia]

As mentioned, IRL reactions may run the gamut depending on the partners' relationship and personalities. Maybe you should decide how you *want* her to react. What best advances the story?

 

[NaokoSmith]

Pssst, ask for an editor too - there are a couple of typos in your post. Nothing annoys some readers more than a whole string of distracting spelling and grammatical errors.

A beta-read editor rather than just a copy editor (copy-editing looks for typos, beta-reading involves advice on characterisation, plot developments etc) would also help you think about the cheating wife's reactions.

 

[Handley_Page]

Hello,

How should I have a cheating wife react to a missing husband?
I ask this knowing that it all depends on the person but the thing is I really don't know the various responses and types of people. (if that makes sense personality types)

Thank you for your time.

A lot will depend upon the relationship between the Husband & Wife.
Do they depend upon each other for some things ?
or
do they mostly merely live in the same house, hardly speaking other than that necessary ?

The Wife might find it beneficial to report him as a "missing person". . .

 

[NOIRTRASH]

One of my core convictions is the universal practice of adultery. ANY PORT IN A STORM. If she'll do lunch with you, she'll do you. So you gotta make it clear why she stays with her husband, and what she stands to lose if he vanishes.

 

[SusanJillParker]

If I was writing the character of a cheating wife, I'd make her guilty. I'd make her feel responsible for her husband's disappearance. There's so much more you can do with that emotion that just making her feel happy that he's gone.

Moreover, if the police should find him dead, she's the prime suspect in his murder.

Guilt enables the wife to have some interesting internal monologue.

Guilt enables the wife to have flashbacks that will add more detail to the back story.

Guilt enables you to have a more three dimensional character than the flat character of a woman who cheats on her husband.

Guilt will allow you to show the reader what she's thinking, what she's feeling, what's she's seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, and why.

A guilty conscience is a good thing to have when writing about a cheating wife.

 

[49greg]

If I was writing the character of a cheating wife, I'd make her guilty. I'd make her feel responsible for her husband's disappearance. There's so much more you can do with that emotion that just making her feel happy that he's gone.

Moreover, if the police should find him dead, she's the prime suspect in his murder.

Guilt enables the wife to have some interesting internal monologue.

Guilt enables the wife to have flashbacks that will add more detail to the back story.

Guilt enables you to have a more three dimensional character than the flat character of a woman who cheats on her husband.

Guilt will allow you to show the reader what she's thinking, what she's feeling, what's she's seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, and why.

A guilty conscience is a good thing to have when writing about a cheating wife.

I agree with most of SJP's answers. In a story. I think my first wife, who was cheating for some time before we split up - and I was completely oblivious to it - would have felt nothing but relief at first, then would check the bank account to see if I was still getting a paycheck deposited.

But I think in a story here I would have guilt as the first emotion. Then worry about what hubby had done and where he was. If only to find out if he was dead or alive, was she going to be a suspect in a murder? There are stories in the non erotic world on TV and on paper about a spouse disappearing and faking a death so that spouse would be charged and executed. A great revenge.

And I think it's a great plot bunny. I hope the Original Poster doesn't mind if I add this to my list of ideas for future stories.

 

[UnkownGhost]

Thank you everyone for your input! (I wasn't expecting so much feedback) thank you!

To answers some questions.

I have two stories I'm hung up on.

1st Story. The wife actually (inspired by true events- not mine) cheats on husband with a long time friend she once dated. While the husband is in the house (basement - no he's not tied up or anything he's working a project and the wine has settled into the wife and her friend) for now he doesn't exist to her. I'm not sure if it would realistic for her to be concerned or not if what is planned happens to him.

2nd Story. Wife cheats on husband because she needs sex and he's been paralyzed. She thinks the pain medication has kicked in when they really haven't. Something crazy happens for him to go missing. He's gone; however, the chair is still there.

You all asked really good questions that I need to consider asking myself. And I really do like the suggestions a few of you mentioned especially about using guilt.

Thank you all for your time.

 

[Hypoxia]

I have two stories I'm hung up on.

As I said, the wive's reactions could be anywhere, and that applies to these two. If you want vanilla, the easy way is guilt, and panic for the second story, especially if wife is financially dependent. Use that in almost any vanishing-husband scenario. But if wife is *not* dependent, her reaction could be anything from a shrug, to a meltdown, to joy.

The two basic dramatic schemes are 1) comedy, the low are raised high, and 2) tragedy, the high are brought low. The crash of the high-flying cheating wife is tragedy. The exaltation of the cuckold is comedy. How do you want the stories to proceed?

 

[sr71plt]

Beta readers aren't editors. They are editors like someone in the waiting room of a hospital is a doctor or nurse working on who the one in the waiting room is waiting for.

Beta readers are another, separate, valuable pair of eyes likely to find some mistakes that an author can't find in his/her work, but "editor" is a profession requiring training; it's not just another pair of eyes.

 

[TxRad]

Beta readers aren't editors. They are editors like someone in the waiting room of a hospital is a doctor or nurse working on who the one in the waiting room is waiting for.

Beta readers are another, separate, valuable pair of eyes likely to find some mistakes that an author can't find in his/her work, but "editor" is a profession requiring training; it's not just another pair of eyes.

Not only training but talent as well. Two of the best editors I ever had both became published authors. Both did so after retiring as editors.

 

[UnkownGhost]

Just read some stories a wife that was concerned about missing husband no longer cared. In fact enjoyed the fact he was killed.

See it's stories like these (and others) and the research that confirm my suspicions. Yeah I'd like to find someone to truly love and trust ... I'm starting to think that's a foolish notion based on my observations.

 

[rjordan]

Just read some stories a wife that was concerned about missing husband no longer cared. In fact enjoyed the fact he was killed.

See it's stories like these (and others) and the research that confirm my suspicions. Yeah I'd like to find someone to truly love and trust ... I'm starting to think that's a foolish notion based on my observations.

You're asking too much of another human being. What you're looking for is a dog.

I don't mean that to be cynical, just practical.

rj

 

[Hypoxia]

You're asking too much of another human being. What you're looking for is a dog.

If hungry enough, your pet dog will eat you. Dogs are practical too.

 

[UnkownGhost]

You're asking too much of another human being. What you're looking for is a dog.

I don't mean that to be cynical, just practical.

rj

I'm looking at people that managed to stay married for10, 20,30,50 years and with kids, etc. I wonder how they do it. By today's standards that seems impossible and impractical.

If hungry enough, your pet dog will eat you. Dogs are practical too.

Hell yeah they are. Reminds me of plenty of funny stories when watching a neighbor's dogs NOT defend him. Neighbor would abuse dog to make it mean. I'd feed it.

I know relationships take a lot of work and no one is perfect. But what I'm talking about are not abusive husbands, but ones that care. Even though they aren't perfect they still have a lot of decent qualities.

I had the opportunity to discuss some elements of research with a contact. She revealed a lot of things I felt were interesting. Especially about cheating and cuckolding.

 

[rjordan]

I'm looking at people that managed to stay married for10, 20,30,50 years and with kids, etc. I wonder how they do it. By today's standards that seems impossible and impractical.

I was married to my second wife for over 25 years. I would like to think we would still be married today 15 years later if she hadn't died. There's at least one guy in this thread that has been married something like 45 years.

If he and I were to compare notes (we haven't and likely never will), it's very likely that we could not come up with a common "secret of success". There are a few basics that apply to all human interaction, but there are just so many variables it is impossible to come up with a formula for a long marriage.

Lots of good (long anyway) marriages got through infidelity, addictions, death of a child, inability to conceive, some more than one of those and that's far from an exhaustive list.

My only advice to a longer marriage is to find someone to marry right away. Power through that one as quick as possible; she's probably doing the same. That's your boot camp. Then you are better equipped to find the long-term wife...and a dog, a mutt. The wife should probably be a mutt too--lower maintenance.

rj

 

[NotWise]

I'm looking at people that managed to stay married for10, 20,30,50 years and with kids, etc. I wonder how they do it. By today's standards that seems impossible and impractical.

What are you looking at them for? We've been married for 34 years.

I think it would be really hard to keep a marriage together unless your parents did. You learn from them how to maintain a relationship. There are a dwindling number of long-term relationships, and so a dwindling number of examples for children to learn from.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I'm looking at people that managed to stay married for10, 20,30,50 years and with kids, etc. I wonder how they do it. By today's standards that seems impossible and impractical.

The Decline of Marriage is somewhat overstated. Yes, divorce is more common than it used to be, but from the last figures I saw the average Australian marriage lasts more than thirty years, and two-thirds of those marriages end up being "til death do us part".

It's a complicated discussion because longevity doesn't always measure success. I think part of the increase in divorce rate has come from people having more freedom to get out of bad relationships - that bit is a GOOD thing. The tough part is telling the difference between "bad relationship" and "good relationship that needs maintenance".

In any case, I wouldn't rely on LW stories as a guide to your prospects of real-world love.

 

[Hypoxia]

In USA most failed marriages are among those who failed in previous marriages. Hope springs eternal and is dashed on the rocks by the usual fuckups.

My partner and I hooked up in autumn 1978 and married a few months later. That's 37 years now. We were both unstable previously. We both got lucky.

Cheat? Never. Consider murder? Often. Relationships can be like that.

 

[UnkownGhost]

Cheat? Never. Consider murder? Often. Relationships can be like that.

HA! That reminded me something a comedian once said about true love.

Relationships are an alien concept to me. Never having been in one I've did all the research I could. The hows the whys. Even asked and found answers to that age old question why women prefer the bad boys over the nice guys.

Read the science reports, read articles, conducted an interview here and there.

When it comes to handling infidelity this site among others popped up. Reading stories both fiction and non-fiction has shed a lot of light on the concept.

For a while Cuckolding was very puzzling to me until Hypoxia cleared most of that up. Those scenarios were not abusive relationships as the people in them wanted that to happen.

Someone mentioned that the same went for Polymoria relationships. Once women get the taste of having other partners there is no going back to monogamy, if she does, she does it grudgingly (and may continue behind the husbands back). Which is why everyone says it takes a strong relationship to be able to do that. Cuckolding, swinging, etc. There is no stopping other than getting a divorce or leaving.

Honestly from my observations and research I don't think one or either partner loves the other. What am I talking about? Love is basically dead anyway right?

Of all the scenarios out there I've yet to find one factual or fictional where a couple engages in a polyamory, swinging, cuckolding, etc. activity. Stop and continue together. Because it can't. These activities destroy weak relationships. I find it odd because they both say the love each other. But if they did then love for what it is should make one or both stop because they do not want to cause their partner further pain. Like when someone stops smoking or stops drinking so much alcohol or stops doing drugs because the one they love doesn't like seeing them do those things. Even if they don't mind doing those things they stop.

Anyway I want to thank everyone for taking the time to answer my question and for reading my ramblings.