Being a Dom mean being a jerk?

[Shadowstep91]

I won't go into websites I was using. (Not familiar with this site rules) But I was chatting with submissive women.

One thing that was always conflicting for me. Is apologizing and being considerate not typical of a Dominant person?

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

One reason (of many) I never got into certain things. Where is the line short of being a cruel, mean, bullying asshole?

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[SpunThings]

My husband is not a jerk and is perfectly capable of apologizing for something, even when it relates to him being in charge.

 

[EmpressJosephine]

I won't go into websites I was using. (Not familiar with this site rules) But I was chatting with submissive women.

One thing that was always conflicting for me. Is apologizing and being considerate not typical of a Dominant person?

If you are a good and proper Dom, you're always considerate and should not need to apologize!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[itotia]

Dominant =/= jerk. There is nothing wrong with a Dominant being considerate, but apologising repeatedly is something that I'd find to be a character fault regardless of their respective chosen role in the lifestyle. It would make me wonder what you were doing - or what you thought you were doing - to warrant the apologies.

 

[babslovesherdaddy]

My Dom is quite literally the kindest person I have ever met. Doesn't mean He won't tan my hide though. (Thank goodness!)

 

[julia2442]

i don't think being a Dom means being a jerk at all, and i also disagree with the whole notion of lumping all Doms into one category. they are as different as we are as subs, which i happen to find pretty fabulous. but at the same time, there are people who call themselves Doms and Dommes who will spew hatred across your screen all day long if you let them. make no mistake. those aren't Ds. those are assholes.

nobody cares for me the way my Dom does. nobody knows me the way he does. i've never had a bond so deep with anybody. i know that the way he feels isn't just consideration--it's adoration. and it's absolutely mutual.

 

[Shadowstep91]

I appreciate the response on this. And when it comes to apologizing it would not be anything of a serious nature. Ex I would be chatting and something came up with a fur child of mine. Without a word I would go take care of them and be gone for hour's.

When I would come back and apologize I was told I am not a real Dom. Dom's don't apologize they just do what they want and there submissive know there place.

I am very much a noob to this world. But when I receive conflicting information I'd like to get it set straight.

 

[seela]

*snip*
When I would come back and apologize I was told I am not a real Dom. Dom's don't apologize they just do what they want and there submissive know there place.

I am very much a noob to this world. But when I receive conflicting information I'd like to get it set straight.

Don't let anybody tell you you're not a real Dom. There are no set guidelines as to what doms do and don't do. They're all individuals and all relationships are different, so it's completely impossible to say that a real dom is xyz, but never abc. As long as what you do is consensual, you're in the clear.

Good manners are good manners, not a representation of D/s scale.

Welcome to Lit!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Primalex]

Without a word I would go and be gone for hour's.

You got this wrong.

You are not a Dom, because you are an asshole and because you think you can fix being an asshole with an apology.

 

[hotsweetdesire]

I appreciate the response on this. And when it comes to apologizing it would not be anything of a serious nature. Ex I would be chatting and something came up with a fur child of mine. Without a word I would go take care of them and be gone for hour's.

When I would come back and apologize I was told I am not a real Dom. Dom's don't apologize they just do what they want and there submissive know there place.

I am very much a noob to this world. But when I receive conflicting information I'd like to get it set straight.

Nothing wrong with apologizing, it's called being a gentleman and having respect. There are many that take the role of being a Dom because they think it gives them free reign to be abusive and an asshole. Personally, as a sub that's a turn off and I'll run the other way. Although some subs like being a doormat, so to each their own.Be the Dom you want to be and find a sub that appreciates it.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

Ex I would be chatting and something came up with a fur child of mine. Without a word I would go take care of them and be gone for hour's.

I don't see that that has anything to do with D/S. To me, that's just being inconsiderate.

 

[Shadowstep91]

I don't see that that has anything to do with D/S. To me, that's just being inconsiderate.

Well when you have a nine month old puppy eating fiber glass insulation off an air handler you kind of have to pick what deserves a more immediate response.

And I was chatting with the person on d/s at that time.

 

[xanderra]

I won't go into websites I was using. (Not familiar with this site rules) But I was chatting with submissive women.

One thing that was always conflicting for me. Is apologizing and being considerate not typical of a Dominant person?

As far as being new I understand how you feel. It all comes down to personal preference. There are many different styles out there and you will learn from trial and error. I know I have just don't dwell on one person's thought of you.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

That's fine, but why not simply say 'I need to take a time out for a while and go take care of this. I'll be back and we'll pick up where we left off.'?

 

[Shadowstep91]

That's fine, but why not simply say 'I need to take a time out for a while and go take care of this. I'll be back and we'll pick up where we left off.'?

I see your point that you are making. But that dog is basically my son I rushed him off to a vet right when I saw it and gave no thought to an online conversation.

 

[Shadowstep91]

In our house the animals rank highly too. But we would inform each other as soon as possible when we expected to return or where we were, when we would not be home by. Jus a quick call, no lingering. Contact is a big deal for us, as is responsibility for the animals. Who ever would be needed would like you certainly deal with a crisis first, but communicate before returning home. ( not least because other animals might need attention or plans made)

An apology here would, as Seela says, by courtesy, not groveling. Not accepting the treatment could equally be seen as not being respectful as a sub one could argue.

Yes that is something I will remember in the future.

 

[Primalex]

Don't let anybody tell you you're not a real Dom. There are no set guidelines as to what doms do and don't do.

Of course there are!
If there wouldn't be any rules, everyone would be a dominant, even the submissives.

 

[xanderra]

I would ignore anything from Primalex I am just assuming he is trolling instead of offering constructive advice.

 

[removed9556]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[removed9556]