Why does it fascinate men to share there wives?

[Njgoddess127]

My husband and I are seriously considering it. I'm trying to understand why men are so into sharing. I want to know thoughts. Also ladies your comments would be appreciated also.

 

[blowit]

Would love to watch my wife with another man. Then 'reclaim' her by depositing my spunk over his.

 

[Justfantasies]

My husband and I are seriously considering it. I'm trying to understand why men are so into sharing. I want to know thoughts. Also ladies your comments would be appreciated also.

I grew up in a community where wife sharing was considered fun rather than evil, so it didn't seem like such a big deal. And I never felt all that much sexual jealousy,

I think a lot of it was just excitement. Like trying a new sexual position or something. And it was also exciting to know that I had something that other men valued

 

[Bigspurt]

Another Man

I think that another man would be better at "bringing my wife out of her shell". I've tried and I just can't get her to branch our from a pattern if sexual experience that seems to be etched in stone. It's the same MO every time. I was so bored with her frantic, trying too hard, BJ style that I softened up and gave up. I had even taken Viagra.

 

[cuckoldedhusban]

I imagine the reasons are varied. For me it was about her pleasure. Since I have and have always had a serious premature problem. I have never been able to give it to her the way she likes it. So she finds someone who can. It was actually hard for me at times to begin with, but I quickly became addicted to seeing, hearing, and smelling, how much she and her lovers enjoyed it. So much so that I very willingly accepted the role as her sub.

 

[michelle3]

men sharing their wives

My response to this is that I love o see my wife enjoying herself whether it be with me or another man. She sometimes has the desire to have another guy and I would rather have her with me and let her have what she wants than have her sneak around and meet up with other men. I like men sometimes too so it works out really well for us. I text her one day and asked if she liked a friend of mine named Fred and she did not remember him so I sent her a picture of him and she said sure and she fixed a nice dinned for us and then did not know what to do afterward. I had already told him that he could seduce her if he wanted and he readily agreed, so I got up and said I would get the dishes and winked at Fred, he got up and walked around behind her and messaged her breasts, she looked at me in surprise and I nodded for her to go ahead, so she and Fred went to the bedroom while I cleaned up the kitchen. When I was done I walked in and found her feet up on his shoulders and he was really giving her some good fucking, she loved it and of course she also loves black men so it was a wonderful evening for her and I. They spent most of the night either fucking or her blowing him and I had the pleasure of watching her having a really good time, now he comes over at least twice a month and they go at it. I love to see her happy and she certainly is. So if she wants to experience some other men by all means let her. I love to watch her and you will too. It is a big turn on for me and always is when we just trust ourselves and our wives. It does require self confidence and lots of trust but in the end it will make you closer to your spouse.

 

[mrrazor911]

My husband and I are seriously considering it. I'm trying to understand why men are so into sharing. I want to know thoughts. Also ladies your comments would be appreciated also.

@Njgoddess127........I began sharing my wife several years ago after a co-worker asked if he could talk to her. From there is expanded from talking to to flirting, texting, emails and finally sex. I find it very erotic to sit back and watch as my wife is pleasured by another man, as she reacts different i.e verbal communication is different, body language etc. I have since shared her with 3 men all good friends Good Luck

 

[Penuche]

I suspect there may be an element of "she's hot and you validate my preferences by thinking she's hot too, but I get to keep her and you don't" to it.

 

[turbocs37]

I don't know what the answer is for everyone but I have never been jealous of my wife. Her having fun with me or someone else is all good. Variety is spicy and if it's her being with another man or me with another woman, so be it. I just think that it should be open and honest.

 

[HoldYouDown]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo.../why-would-you-do-watch-your-wife-another-man

 

[hot4youngermen]

My husband and I are seriously considering it. I'm trying to understand why men are so into sharing. I want to know thoughts. Also ladies your comments would be appreciated also.

My husband approached me about two years ago with the idea, and at first I was shocked (and more than a little upset). I felt like he somehow should be too jealous to want to see me with another man. But then over time he started to explain that it was because he loved me that he wanted me to experience pleasure with someone else, and that for him it would be the greatest turn on to watch me being pleasured by someone while he watched. He assured me that he wasn't going anywhere and wasn't trying to get rid of me.

And as time went on I began to get turned on by the idea, especially if it was with a younger man. HOwever, I was still very skeptical that anyone else would be attracted to me, especially after having been what I considered a "dowdy" and somewhat boring mom. When, about a year ago, my husband found someone that was about 15 years younger than me I thought there's no way he could find me attractive. But he insisted that he found me attractive and wanted me. We started talking and I became very turned on by the idea of being with him while my husband watched.

So we set up a night at a hotel. Had some drinks and got comfortable and then went to the room. I was extremly nervous. More than I have been in years. But I was very turned on. FInally we started talking and he made me feel at ease, and then he started very slowly and gently and it was very sweet. And my husband was encouraging. And seeing his face when clothes started to come off made me realize how this really was a dream come true for him. It ended up being an incredible night, and we've done it another three times since then. I haven't felt this sexy and empowered in years. And the sex between my husband and I has never been better. Serioulsy mind-blowing.

My advice; find someone who will make you feel comfortable and give it a shot. I highly recommend someone younger. It's worked great for us.

 

[RipRespon]

My husband and I are seriously considering it. I'm trying to understand why men are so into sharing. I want to know thoughts. Also ladies your comments would be appreciated also.

For me it began from my fetish of being a voyeur, something that has gotten me off since I was very young. As a young man I used to spy on my step sister, my dad's girlfriends, and my neighbors. Once I realized how much trouble I could get into I stopped those activities. After I got married to a woman who's sexual needs were far greater than anything I could fulfill, I realized that I could finally explore my voyeurism fetish, which I did fully explore during our marriage.

I also am not a jealous person, so, it was easy for me to allow her to have multiple partners. She, however, was very jealous and possessive, so only she got to have other partners (which was okay with me, because as I said, I was into voyeurism and she always had enough energy to take care of my needs).

 

[bsanchez2100]

I suspect there may be an element of "she's hot and you validate my preferences by thinking she's hot too, but I get to keep her and you don't" to it.

The first part describes my feelings, not the second.

I have no pride of ownership (since no one owns her but her). But I do think she is the loveliest woman in the world, and I enjoy meeting others (male and female) who feel similarly. Particularly as her looks, while objectively attractive, are unusual.

 

[magicalmoments]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo.../why-would-you-do-watch-your-wife-another-man

That was an excellent article, I think any one, or combination, of these reason would be correct in any given circumstrance.

 

[sea7688]

I believe it is the excitement of seeing our wives pleasured. It is amazing watching my wife masturbate..it would be the next step to see her reacting to seduction and climax with another man

 

[Asian_Flower]

Maybe because they love seeing their wives become the centre of attention for two men and live out a fantasy that is truly so sensual and wonderful...........or so I've heard.

 

[beingtrue2me]

I have never ever understood this fetish or whatever but it seems to be a strong one with a lot of men. I can get crazy bitch jealous if another woman is after my guy so yeah, I don't get it.

 

[EctoJohn]

I can't understand it myself.
If I were lucky enough to be married, I'd be devastated for my wife to be with another man.
Doing it on purpose sounds crazy.

 

[Green_Knight]

I can't understand it myself. If I were lucky enough to be married, I'd be devastated for my wife to be with another man.
Doing it on purpose sounds crazy.

I totally agree. We mostly hear about the situations that work but not so often about the ones which don't. If a partner of mine really wanted to fuck someone else, she is more than welcome to but she should remember the old Irish toast:

Here's to me, and here's to you,
And here's to love and laughter.
I'll be true as long as you,
And not one moment after.​

and bear in mind that I might well find that I prefer someone else.

I grew up in a community where wife sharing was considered fun rather than evil, so it didn't seem like such a big deal. And I never felt all that much sexual jealousy...

I live in a part of my country where locals do indulge in swapping a lot. Part of the reason for that is that they tended to marry young and to someone they'd known since childhood. Swapping is an antidote to sexual boredom without having to try very hard to improve marital sex. (Good sex should never be boring.) In a farming community swapping is seen as preferable to having an affair because farms are family businesses and divorce would have disastrous implications. However, swapping is different to sharing. It works both ways and both sides have to accept that.

I suspect there may be an element of "she's hot and you validate my preferences by thinking she's hot too, but I get to keep her and you don't" to it.

That makes a lot of sense. To me, needing approval of his choice of wife by other men says that the husband is lacking in confidence. It doesn't matter what other people think of my choice of partner. It's my business, not theirs. What I cannot understand is that wife sharing is often explained as giving the wife freedom but it comes with a sense that the wife belongs to the husband and is his to share. Why do we hear so much less about husband sharing? Maybe that's because there's a more of a taboo element about wife sharing thanks to the risk that she might become pregnant by the other man.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo.../why-would-you-do-watch-your-wife-another-man

Some fascinating thoughts there. What I don't understand are comments such as "because he loved me that he wanted me to experience pleasure with someone else". In many of these explanations there seem to be strongly voyeuristic overtones: watching the wife with someone else is clearly as important as her pleasure - maybe more so. There are also suggestions in some cases that the husband is not satisfying the wife; if that were me I would want to know what was wrong and what I could do to solve the problem rather than hand her over to someone else to make up for my inadequacies. Surely a comment such as "another man would be better at 'bringing my wife out of her shell'" is too defeatist - if another man can do that then why not the husband - especially as his post then goes on to blame the wife for the problems.

Very puzzling but, at the same time, it would be boring if we were all the same, so I'll simply end by saying that if you're desperate to share your wife and she's genuinely as enthusiastic as you are, I'm sure I can help you out.

 

[SlutAddicted]

My view has changed over time because as I matured I started to see just how much of our perspective on sexuality (especially female sexuality) is conditioned and obscured by faulty assumptions and half truths.

The reality is that women are sexually superior to men. Female capacity for sex is effectively limitless and (due to the nature of men) they can find a sexual partner much easier than men. We as men find this very disconcerting and a bit of a threat to our sense of control and competitiveness. So to the extent that women choose not to engage in more frequent and varied sex than we do we attribute it to their fundamental nature which sort of evens the playing field and neutralizes the "threat"- women have greater capacity, we have greater desire so it sort of levels out.

But that perspective is based upon a series of mistruths and incomplete perspective. We convince ourselves that women are inherently monogamous (evolutionary psychology), only enjoy sex with a man they love, have a lower sex drive and don't crave variety like men do. And when we observe a sexually active woman who defies convention we attribute it to insecure or dysfunctional women seeking validation. Its a neat little package of assumptions that reinforces what we want to believe.

Obviously we are all different and some or all of those factors may genuinely apply. But we conveniently ignore factors such as sexually active women are judged harshly and ostracized by society, for women sex is often mediocre or unsatisfying, being sexually open can literally be a source of physical danger and her chances at true love may well be compromised because that man expects her to be pure(ish). Not only are these sanctions applied to women, but men who are not equally disdainful of sexually promiscuous women will also find themselves being judged negatively by society.

In time I started to realize that the traditional rationale for women not being more sexually active was incomplete.....so maybe it wasn't even valid at all. That is going too far, but it seems quite likely that some women do have a substantial sex drive and the idea that women universally lack the capacity to enjoy variety seems rather absurd. And while the comfort of a loving monogamous relationship is preferable for some women maybe that is at least in part because that is the only context in which they can be sexually open and not immediately judged.

Then I started to recognize that women I knew were sexually active but didn't fit any of the stereotypes. They were quietly defying them and living the life that they wanted. And those women were infinitely more sexy and appealing than the stereotypical bimbo or the sexually pure but disinterested partner.

So just how reasonable is it to want a woman to be sexually desirous and adventurous but to have saved it all for you? In an equal world, where women do not exist simply to serve their man (or future man) that expectation is idiotic and unrealistic.

For me it started to become a clear choice. Do I want a woman who is sexually dynamic or one who is more mundane but sexually exclusive? No of course it isn't just a binary decision and there are lots of sexually dynamic and monogamous women. But why is monogamy the overriding criteria? When I strip away society's expectations and my insecurities what purpose does it serve? I don't try to restrict her having other friends even close ones with whom she has a personal relationship that doesn't really involve me. Yes the act of sex is one step further and laden with emotion and potential jealousy but is that the way it is by its nature or is that what we have made of it?

As time went on the adolescent views of female sexuality and my need to be the "be all and end all" every time I pulled out my cock just kind of fell away because I realized it wasn't real. Any woman can enjoy the sex of another man and no man is the best ever all the time. That doesn't mean she won't genuinely prefer monogamy but it is a trade off not an absolute and I can't pretend otherwise because I know better. With those delusions dropped there was nothing left to constrain my desire for a truly sexually desirous woman. And if I found such a woman it seemed absurd to expect her to bottle it up. If I found such a woman and she wanted to be monogamous that was fine, but if she didn't I wouldn't impose it upon her.

Enter my slut wife. Nothing but nothing communicates more clearly and emphatically a woman's sexual desire than the willingness to defy all convention to be herself. She loves me. She treats me well. i get more frequent and adventurous sex than any man I know. And she never let's her other lovers invade our life, undermine my position or denigrate her. I found, what is for me, the perfect sensual and desirous woman. That is one of my priorities. I am not saying it should be other people's priority.

I am drawn to her because of her sexuality and sharing her is a by-product of that reality. I can see the appeal of the sharing - taboo, etc. - but its the "who she is" aspect that holds me as opposed to the actual dynamic of sharing as fetish (that is just a bonus).

 

[geronimo_appleby]

i write a fair bit of cuckold stuff. i've looked at the subject in some depth (no pun), and while the reasons are myriad, one element seems to be the masochistic need to push the boundaries and then reclaim the relationship.

also, the revenge sex can be awesome.

i know of one lady, in her 50s, who claims her husband can't keep pace with her sexual appetite, which would drive her to infidelities if he wasn't actually 'okay' with her finding relief and release elsewhere. the guilt would destroy her, so she loves him because he has the capacity to set her free - sexually i mean.

 

[policywank]

My view has changed over time because as I matured I started to see just how much of our perspective on sexuality (especially female sexuality) is conditioned and obscured by faulty assumptions and half truths.

The reality is that women are sexually superior to men. Female capacity for sex is effectively limitless and (due to the nature of men) they can find a sexual partner much easier than men. We as men find this very disconcerting and a bit of a threat to our sense of control and competitiveness. So to the extent that women choose not to engage in more frequent and varied sex than we do we attribute it to their fundamental nature which sort of evens the playing field and neutralizes the "threat"- women have greater capacity, we have greater desire so it sort of levels out.

But that perspective is based upon a series of mistruths and incomplete perspective. We convince ourselves that women are inherently monogamous (evolutionary psychology), only enjoy sex with a man they love, have a lower sex drive and don't crave variety like men do. And when we observe a sexually active woman who defies convention we attribute it to insecure or dysfunctional women seeking validation. Its a neat little package of assumptions that reinforces what we want to believe.

Obviously we are all different and some or all of those factors may genuinely apply. But we conveniently ignore factors such as sexually active women are judged harshly and ostracized by society, for women sex is often mediocre or unsatisfying, being sexually open can literally be a source of physical danger and her chances at true love may well be compromised because that man expects her to be pure(ish). Not only are these sanctions applied to women, but men who are not equally disdainful of sexually promiscuous women will also find themselves being judged negatively by society.

In time I started to realize that the traditional rationale for women not being more sexually active was incomplete.....so maybe it wasn't even valid at all. That is going too far, but it seems quite likely that some women do have a substantial sex drive and the idea that women universally lack the capacity to enjoy variety seems rather absurd. And while the comfort of a loving monogamous relationship is preferable for some women maybe that is at least in part because that is the only context in which they can be sexually open and not immediately judged.

Then I started to recognize that women I knew were sexually active but didn't fit any of the stereotypes. They were quietly defying them and living the life that they wanted. And those women were infinitely more sexy and appealing than the stereotypical bimbo or the sexually pure but disinterested partner.

So just how reasonable is it to want a woman to be sexually desirous and adventurous but to have saved it all for you? In an equal world, where women do not exist simply to serve their man (or future man) that expectation is idiotic and unrealistic.

For me it started to become a clear choice. Do I want a woman who is sexually dynamic or one who is more mundane but sexually exclusive? No of course it isn't just a binary decision and there are lots of sexually dynamic and monogamous women. But why is monogamy the overriding criteria? When I strip away society's expectations and my insecurities what purpose does it serve? I don't try to restrict her having other friends even close ones with whom she has a personal relationship that doesn't really involve me. Yes the act of sex is one step further and laden with emotion and potential jealousy but is that the way it is by its nature or is that what we have made of it?

As time went on the adolescent views of female sexuality and my need to be the "be all and end all" every time I pulled out my cock just kind of fell away because I realized it wasn't real. Any woman can enjoy the sex of another man and no man is the best ever all the time. That doesn't mean she won't genuinely prefer monogamy but it is a trade off not an absolute and I can't pretend otherwise because I know better. With those delusions dropped there was nothing left to constrain my desire for a truly sexually desirous woman. And if I found such a woman it seemed absurd to expect her to bottle it up. If I found such a woman and she wanted to be monogamous that was fine, but if she didn't I wouldn't impose it upon her.

Enter my slut wife. Nothing but nothing communicates more clearly and emphatically a woman's sexual desire than the willingness to defy all convention to be herself. She loves me. She treats me well. i get more frequent and adventurous sex than any man I know. And she never let's her other lovers invade our life, undermine my position or denigrate her. I found, what is for me, the perfect sensual and desirous woman. That is one of my priorities. I am not saying it should be other people's priority.

I am drawn to her because of her sexuality and sharing her is a by-product of that reality. I can see the appeal of the sharing - taboo, etc. - but its the "who she is" aspect that holds me as opposed to the actual dynamic of sharing as fetish (that is just a bonus).

We are taking opposite gender advocacy roles here this morning. I believe that we as a society misunderstand or misrepresent male sexuality.

I have been with a lot of men including married men. Do you want to know what is the most prevalent reason they give for being with me (including my own husband)? It is because I genuinely want to be with them. That's it. Not my looks or what I wear or the things I do the other women won't. Though they enjoy those things what they really want is to be desired.

Our culture revolves around the false premises that: a) it is incumbent upon the man to express his devotion and interest and earn sex while the woman merely has to show up; b) male sexual desire is fundamentally dirty and wrong; and c) men don't care about a personal connection or desire as long as they get to stuff their dick into someone. Limiting our expressions of interest in or desire for men has become part of our MO.

Somewhat like SlutAddicted my own husband has stated explicitly that it is preferable to be desired and accepted by a slut than rejected and judged by a pious woman. A generation ago they would not have said that. And guys aren't as obtuse as we imagine. Passive aggressive comments about male desires or being more worried about what your girlfriends think than enticing your husband is enough for them to perceive rejection or at least lack of desire.

A slut wife is the ultimate representation of a desirous woman. For some men sharing is a small trade-off to be with her and her sexual activity can be an ongoing reinforcement of her acceptance of male sexuality.

How many women do you know that truly accept male sexuality without judgment or rejection? How many women do you know that are prepared to express desire for their man in a way that will please him without any consideration whatsoever for what others will think of her form of expression?

 

[naughtoldperv]

For me it began from my fetish of being a voyeur, something that has gotten me off since I was very young. As a young man I used to spy on my step sister, my dad's girlfriends, and my neighbors. Once I realized how much trouble I could get into I stopped those activities. After I got married to a woman who's sexual needs were far greater than anything I could fulfill, I realized that I could finally explore my voyeurism fetish, which I did fully explore during our marriage.

I also am not a jealous person, so, it was easy for me to allow her to have multiple partners. She, however, was very jealous and possessive, so only she got to have other partners (which was okay with me, because as I said, I was into voyeurism and she always had enough energy to take care of my needs).

Same same with me too, using our wives to satisfy our voyeur fantasies but my wife interprets my lack of jealousy as a sign that I don't love her any more and I'm wrong for my lack of jealousy. At the same time, she doesn't feel comfortable with me and another woman
I would be jealous if she were to go behind my back, so our agreement is that we only share each other with other NSA partners that we have no connection with other than sex and only with both of us present.

 

[Green_Knight]

SlutAddicted, you have clearly considered the situation in detail and which a lot of thought and I cannot attempt to answer every point you make otherwise this will end up as a dissertation rather than the essay it is becoming. Instead I will focus on three or four of your points.

The reality is that women are sexually superior to men. Female capacity for sex is effectively limitless and (due to the nature of men) they can find a sexual partner much easier than men.

Is it though? That is certainly not true in nature. One bull (the bovine variety) is expected to service a whole herd and the job is done once each cow becomes pregnant. And before anyone points out that this is a farming situation, a single stag caters for the needs of a herd of deer in the wild and the same is true of many other species. In those species in which the number of sexually-active males and females is more evenly balanced, examples of willing 'wife' sharing are almost unknown and attempts by another male to sneak in on a paired female can often result in bloodshed. So, if humans are different, what is it that has changed the situation so dramatically with them compared to other animal species? Have males become neutered by female emancipation?

On the other hand, is it really the case that women are sexually superior to men? What you really mean is that they can have more orgasms than men or that they can engage in sex for a great deal longer than men, on the basis that once a man has cum he is finished whereas the woman can move on to another man. That, of course, presupposes that the man cannot control his ejaculation. It is certainly possible for a man to control his ejaculation for such a period of time that the woman's lubrication can dry up (quite a few women stop lubricating once they have cum) and continued penetration becomes painful for her or she starts to feel battered and bruised. One should not believe everything one learns from porn that women are ready for sex with any available male and can go on and on endlessly. A few may be able to but the majority cannot.

We convince ourselves that women are inherently monogamous (evolutionary psychology), only enjoy sex with a man they love, have a lower sex drive and don't crave variety like men do.

Women, like men, may not be inherently monogamous but many people in our society, men and women, have decided that society and marriage works better that way. Many men and women do prefer and enjoy sex best with someone they love. In essence, that is one of the key things that sets humans apart from most other animal species. Both men and women, in large numbers, are prepared to trade variety for the stability of their partnership and most only move outside that partnership when it has become substantially weakened or, say, when alcohol has weakened their inhibitions. In the former case, when the participants stray it is often part of a process of moving between one monogamous partnership and another.

Of course, there are those who are able to develop polyamorous relationships though I would have thought that the number who can succeed on a long-term basis is probably quite small. I would also suspect, though I cannot find figures to justify it, that more poly relationships involve multiple women with one man than the reverse. Furthermore, I suspect that most poly relationships are more multi-monogamous than truly open to all. The number of poly relationships that involved four or more people is probably quite small and those that last even smaller. One only has to look at the dynamics of rock groups to see that those involving more than two or three members soon become unstable because it is difficult to get four or more personalities to co-exist over a long period.

So just how reasonable is it to want a woman to be sexually desirous and adventurous but to have saved it all for you? In an equal world, where women do not exist simply to serve their man (or future man) that expectation is idiotic and unrealistic.

Once again, this is far from being the one-way street you try to suggest. Substitute man for woman in your quote and it is equally as valid. A lot of women do expect their men to save it all for them and in the majority of partner-sharing porn - even accepting that most of it is written by men for men - it is men who are sharing their wives, not the women sharing their husbands.

For me it started to become a clear choice. Do I want a woman who is sexually dynamic or one who is more mundane but sexually exclusive?

Why do you assume that a woman who is sexually exclusive should be mundane and that only the sexually non-exclusive can be dynamic. Philosophically, that seems to imply that all one-to-one sexual relationships are mundane and that sexual dynamism is only achieved by involving different (but still mundane) people. (To that extent, dynamism is simply the sum of multiple mundanities and not really anything to be proud of.) That notion is supported by statistics that show that when you are divorced once, you are highly likely to divorce two, three or more times. When a person switches to a different partner it is new and exciting - one's sexual repertoire is suddenly increased but after a while it becomes clear that sex with the new partner, whilst different, is mundane in its own way.

I am drawn to her because of her sexuality and sharing her is a by-product of that reality... its the "who she is" aspect that holds me as opposed to the actual dynamic of sharing...

I think what you are saying that your relationship is enlivened by the wider experience that she gains through having multiple partners. That rather than being inventive and seeking to enhance your own sexual relationship with her (and perhaps others), you are content to rest on your laurels and allow her to be the once to keep your relationship alive. Tell me, what will happen if she encounters a man who is capable of offering her a relationship that is really exciting and dynamic? And what will happen if or when she is unable to maintain that process? How will your relationship survive then?

Above all, it is the term wife-sharing that bothers me. Contrary to much of what you seem to be claiming, the very phrase suggests that the wife is the husband's to share out, that the choice of lifestyle and the impetus behind it is, at least in the first instance, primarily the husband's. What you seem to be describing, though, is a situation in which your wife has sex with other men in a lifestyle that is primarily of her own choosing. I wouldn't call that wife-sharing but I am interested that you should use the somewhat derogatory term 'slut' for it.

 

[SlutAddicted]

SlutAddicted, you have clearly considered the situation in detail and which a lot of thought and I cannot attempt to answer every point you make otherwise this will end up as a dissertation rather than the essay it is becoming. Instead I will focus on three or four of your points.



Is it though? That is certainly not true in nature. One bull (the bovine variety) is expected to service a whole herd and the job is done once each cow becomes pregnant. And before anyone points out that this is a farming situation, a single stag caters for the needs of a herd of deer in the wild and the same is true of many other species. In those species in which the number of sexually-active males and females is more evenly balanced, examples of willing 'wife' sharing are almost unknown and attempts by another male to sneak in on a paired female can often result in bloodshed. So, if humans are different, what is it that has changed the situation so dramatically with them compared to other animal species? Have males become neutered by female emancipation?

On the other hand, is it really the case that women are sexually superior to men? What you really mean is that they can have more orgasms than men or that they can engage in sex for a great deal longer than men, on the basis that once a man has cum he is finished whereas the woman can move on to another man. That, of course, presupposes that the man cannot control his ejaculation. It is certainly possible for a man to control his ejaculation for such a period of time that the woman's lubrication can dry up (quite a few women stop lubricating once they have cum) and continued penetration becomes painful for her or she starts to feel battered and bruised. One should not believe everything one learns from porn that women are ready for sex with any available male and can go on and on endlessly. A few may be able to but the majority cannot.



Women, like men, may not be inherently monogamous but many people in our society, men and women, have decided that society and marriage works better that way. Many men and women do prefer and enjoy sex best with someone they love. In essence, that is one of the key things that sets humans apart from most other animal species. Both men and women, in large numbers, are prepared to trade variety for the stability of their partnership and most only move outside that partnership when it has become substantially weakened or, say, when alcohol has weakened their inhibitions. In the former case, when the participants stray it is often part of a process of moving between one monogamous partnership and another.

Of course, there are those who are able to develop polyamorous relationships though I would have thought that the number who can succeed on a long-term basis is probably quite small. I would also suspect, though I cannot find figures to justify it, that more poly relationships involve multiple women with one man than the reverse. Furthermore, I suspect that most poly relationships are more multi-monogamous than truly open to all. The number of poly relationships that involved four or more people is probably quite small and those that last even smaller. One only has to look at the dynamics of rock groups to see that those involving more than two or three members soon become unstable because it is difficult to get four or more personalities to co-exist over a long period.



Once again, this is far from being the one-way street you try to suggest. Substitute man for woman in your quote and it is equally as valid. A lot of women do expect their men to save it all for them and in the majority of partner-sharing porn - even accepting that most of it is written by men for men - it is men who are sharing their wives, not the women sharing their husbands.



Why do you assume that a woman who is sexually exclusive should be mundane and that only the sexually non-exclusive can be dynamic. Philosophically, that seems to imply that all one-to-one sexual relationships are mundane and that sexual dynamism is only achieved by involving different (but still mundane) people. (To that extent, dynamism is simply the sum of multiple mundanities and not really anything to be proud of.) That notion is supported by statistics that show that when you are divorced once, you are highly likely to divorce two, three or more times. When a person switches to a different partner it is new and exciting - one's sexual repertoire is suddenly increased but after a while it becomes clear that sex with the new partner, whilst different, is mundane in its own way.



I think what you are saying that your relationship is enlivened by the wider experience that she gains through having multiple partners. That rather than being inventive and seeking to enhance your own sexual relationship with her (and perhaps others), you are content to rest on your laurels and allow her to be the once to keep your relationship alive. Tell me, what will happen if she encounters a man who is capable of offering her a relationship that is really exciting and dynamic? And what will happen if or when she is unable to maintain that process? How will your relationship survive then?

Above all, it is the term wife-sharing that bothers me. Contrary to much of what you seem to be claiming, the very phrase suggests that the wife is the husband's to share out, that the choice of lifestyle and the impetus behind it is, at least in the first instance, primarily the husband's. What you seem to be describing, though, is a situation in which your wife has sex with other men in a lifestyle that is primarily of her own choosing. I wouldn't call that wife-sharing but I am interested that you should use the somewhat derogatory term 'slut' for it.

Thank you for your considered comments. I'll make a few follow-up points but won't attached the reference text as this could get pretty long.

Obviously there is nuance to every person's perspective and sometimes it just can't be captured in a few paragraphs.

As to the sexual superiority of women. Your reference to the animal kingdom applies equally to humans in a historical context. But that is because sex in those contexts is for procreation whereby the burden of carrying, delivering and raising the offspring is borne 99.9% by the female. So in that context the female capacity is extremely limited whereas the male's capacity to impregnate is effectively limitless. But as soon as you open up to the notion of sex primarily for pleasure - largely exclusive to modern humans - the dynamic changes 180 degrees. Women can basically fuck as long as they want with a $2 container of lube as a back-up. They may not want to and may not enjoy it but any woman willing to do so can quite readily adapt. Every whorehouse in the world has women (of no special skill, training or genetics) who spend hours every day on their back and are none the worse for wear - or if they are it is due to abuse and disease, not fucking. While men can exercise a substantial degree of control it doesn't compare.

I completely agree that most couples in society choose monogamy as a rational and informed choice. I am just making the case that this perspective isn't universal. And as you note it is a trade-off for all of us. But men like to tell themselves that women ONLY like and think about sex with their husbands thereby dismissing the possibility that she can contemplate with positive reception the possibility of other men. Why is it that when a man cheats we don't automatically attribute it to his wife's shortcomings, but the opposite is often true when a woman cheats? It is a uniquely male delusion to say that "if you were a real man she wouldn't have cheated" is if the possibility of her appreciating variety or just having a moment of weakness is simply not possible in isolation from a conclusion about her husband's adequacy.

I agree with your characterization of poly relationships. I don't know if more involve one man and multiple women but that would be more rooted in religious practice anyway. Nothing in what I described asserted that poly woman indiscriminately fuck any guy with a cock - that is a silly porn affectation. Most of the poly women I have met are discrete and every bit as discerning as any woman they just don't feel compelled to constrain themselves to a single partner.

I don't think I suggested that the idea of saving purity for marriage was wrong or a one-way street. I suggested that IF your objective is a sexually dynamic partner the chances of finding her are diminished if your key criteria is to choose someone with little or no sexual experience and little or no expressed interest in sex. Particularly in today's world where sexual experience is not so harshly judged there is the obvious question of why doesn't she have sexual experience. Maybe it is a conscious choice on her part for moral or religious reasons. Maybe she isn't that interested. Maybe she is cowed by the judgment of society. For all I know she will be a sexually voracious vixen just itching to swing from the rafters on her honeymoon. And I am not saying you SHOULD want a sexually desirous and open wife. But IF you do choosing a woman based primarily upon an expressed lack of sexual experience and interest is not a rational.

I did not say that sexually exclusivity means mundane. The very next sentence of my last post made exactly that acknowledgement. And the sentence after that addressed the question of why necessarily monogamy. Any time we make a decision based upon a hierarchy of criteria chances are that the ones at the top will be most likely to be reflected in the outcome. If monogamy is the overriding criteria and limited sexual experience is the second criteria it stands to reason that sexually dynamic and desirous is a lesser criteria and will be less reflected in the outcome. There is nothing wrong with that - it just isn't my order of priorities.

Our sex life is very good and I am not resting on any laurels. Our relationship is exciting and dynamic. It isn't the fact of her having sex with others that makes our sex life better. It is the fact of me letting her be herself and vice versa that makes our sex life better. 99% of men who need to believe that their wife could never contemplate sex with another man are asking their wives to be dishonest with them and that is not conducive to a good sex life. Did you read the sentence where I said "That doesn't mean she won't genuinely prefer monogamy but it is a trade off not an absolute"? If my wife wanted to be monogamous and confide in me that she was attracted to other men but doesn't want to act on it that is just as open and free.

I am not interested in debating terms. I do not intend wife sharing to mean at my behest. As you note ours is clearly a situation where she makes he own choices. Neither she or I sees slut as a 'dirty' word. Like so much of this discussion I am not trying to impose my views, I am expressing them and refusing to let others impose their views on me.