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Your cat is out to kill you.

Clearly, a human with a flute pisses them right the hell off
 
Yes. And I'm plotting to kill it at the same time. If it weren't so damn fluffy and cute it'd be in deep shit!

so our relationship is mutual. Meanwhile, it's sitting on my knees and purring softly, and I kinda like it...
 
My cat is dead so I seriously hope not.
 
Have Lit.'s right and left-wingers run out of things to argue about?
So they're now turning to cats and dogs?
 
I have another cat missing. Damned cat has lived here for ...fifteen or sixteen years.
 
I read somewhere that cats are the only animal that domesticated themselves.
The basically hitched onto humans because we were a source of food (vermin that came to eat our grain etc.)
So, right from the start, cats have been opportunistic predators.

Makes sense that all this time they've been trying to figure out how to bring down the big one!
 
Ours definitely are, by trying to annoy us to death by always wanting to sleep in our laps, getting on things we're trying to work on and getting in every box or plastic tub we open or empty.
Except for the youngest one who's such a nervous nellie he runs and hides every time you make a sudden move near him. Or stroke him.
 
Nope. My cat loves me very much. Mostly because I'm very well trained. It turns out that as long as you're a good human she's cool. This includes but isn't limited to not ever closing doors, after you eat cereal she gets milk, your lap is for her and your hands are for. . .rubbing? She doesn't really like being pet you just hold out your hand and she'll figure it out on her own. If you're hand is not properly located she'd inform you by putting teeth on you. Not biting you mind, just a clear demonstration that you're too slow to escape and if she wanted to hurt you there would be claws in your arms and teeth in your wrist. At this point you show submission by moving very, very slowly to a better location. Also you don't have to eat her gifts but you damn sure better act like you care. If you don't she'll put the corpses where you sleep instead of where ever you were when she killed it. Also she's evil and there's at best a 50/50 chance she didn't kill it.
 
Every time one of my cats licks my hand or face I wonder if they are tenderizing my flesh... just in case
 
I'll show some concern when the cat stops endlessly chasing the little red laser dot around the dining room.
 
I have five cats. Yes, five. And they're all boys. And they have Italian male names ending in the letter O.

At the very least, I'm sure my Siamese isn't out to kill me. My black cat just flat-out doesn't care. At all. And my speckled black-and-white ninja cat is too busy hunting Q-tips and French fries to kill me.
 
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