Litiquette3

[ChainedUp]

It's Saturday morning and the deep thought mojo is evasive. Enjoy the day. Be in the sunshine, run through the nighttime. Let you inner glow guide you as you go.

 

[All_4_Love]

It has been my close men friends at Lit who have taught me to accept, value and enjoy my curvy, squishy, jiggly, eight-baby body.

Awe... 8 babies! My heart runneth over. I've never seen you but somehow I still know that you're beautiful, lady. That's because you stand out to me as a woman, the kind that has all of the beautiful qualities of femininity.

I'm barely 5'1" and I weigh 110 pounds. Most women label me skinny, and that's usually followed by the word bitch. When I look in the mirror, I still see a curvy woman. Women are just simply beautiful creatures no matter their weight or proportions.

While I'm supportive of the whole "love your body" movement, it is starting to take a turn toward labeling women who are built like me as unattractive somehow. You can't promote love and acceptance by preaching hate at the same time. I saw something on FB yesterday that said something to the effect of "real men like curves; only dogs chase bones". I am small framed, not voluptuous, although I would love to be, but I am far from a bag of bones. *smile*

What I hope to see in the future of our society is a shift back toward a time when women were just simply encouraged to embrace their beautiful femininity, the part that comes from within, our souls, the part that radiates beauty from the inside out.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

I think this ignores or overlooks the men that do know what real women look like, and appreciate them. I've been around the block enough to know the difference between the models and natural beauty, and I know what to expect. Seeing someone allows you to see all their beauty - their smile, their laughter, their eyes. You can see feeling, and real passion. You can see when the time calls for support or caring more than play; when you can see something is hurting them.
Men are visual, I agree 100% - but I don't think that what we're all looking for is as shallow as your post suggested. We do want visual, but we want real too.

I couldn't agree with you more. Yes, natural beauty and intelligence is amazing. Wanting to dig deeper and discover more in that person. And when that happens, a wonderful connection is made on both ends.
I don't feel I was calling men shallow or passing judgement. (Chainedup was asking if he was shallow.) If that was the way it came across, I apologize. Not my intention at all.

My reference to what "real" really looks like was based on appearances alone.
Media bombarders us with beautiful and flawless images to the highest degree, in both women and men everywhere. And with this being said, sometimes personification sneaks up on reality and gives it a run for it money. I feel it's easy to want, compare, desire and maybe even expect what you constantly see. This seems somewhat natural, and at times so very unrealistic.

I think everyone wants real beauty and sometimes the definition is a little different for each of us. And honestly, that's perfectly okay.

All-4-Love-- couldn't agree more with your last paragraph.

 

[ChainedUp]

Many of us are here without the knowledge of our partner. Many of us are here in total secrecy, not having ever told a soul about being her or ever mentioning Lit out loud to another person. What drives is to be here? What is it about being bad that keeps us here? We try to leave but the void created pulls us back. Why do we love being bad, so much?

 

[stellarmuse]

It's somewhere between the thrill of the illicit and having the opportunity to express a side of myself that others (in my real life sphere) rarely see.

We tend towards easy descriptors when it comes to how we see people and that leads to being pigeonholed. So being here is a kick in the pants to embrace the complexities of myself and other people.

 

[rubydlite]

Many of us are here without the knowledge of our partner. Many of us are here in total secrecy, not having ever told a soul about being her or ever mentioning Lit out loud to another person. What drives is to be here? What is it about being bad that keeps us here? We try to leave but the void created pulls us back. Why do we love being bad, so much?

For me it wasn't just the thrill of being bad...it was the thrill of being me...discovering myself in a safe place. I usually come back because my circle of people weren't people who I felt comfortable sharing this life with.
Lately, with my new found singleness I wonder if I'll put lit and what brings me to lit on the table when I meet people?

 

[ChainedUp]

It's Monday which means it's only 4 more days to Friday, the glass is definitely half full.

Not to get preachy, but life really is about perspective. Don't let the highs take you too high, nor the lows take you too low. When you can find that sweet spot, right in the middle, life gets pretty damn fun.

So what's your sweet spot and how do you get there or stay there? Do you need another or can you manage on your own?

 

[All_4_Love]

For me it wasn't just the thrill of being bad...it was the thrill of being me...discovering myself in a safe place. I usually come back because my circle of people weren't people who I felt comfortable sharing this life with.
Lately, with my new found singleness I wonder if I'll put lit and what brings me to lit on the table when I meet people?

I can certainly agree with much of this...

When I first discovered Lit years ago, I would only lurk here. I knew better, out of fear of my husband at the time, not to even register. Regardless of whether I was being bad or not wouldn't have mattered to him. He was so possessive that I lost my ability to trust myself. I didn't know the difference between what was right and what was wrong.

I told my current partner some time ago, after we first met, that I came here. I didn't keep it a secret. In gaining the freedom and ability to trust myself, I post here still, but I watch my private interactions here very closely. Only this time it doesn't come from fear of another, but from respect for myself and my relationship.

For me, being bad doesn't feel good, not from the standpoint of hiding something from my partner. Deep down the reality is that I came to Lit because something was missing. If I were to continue being honest with myself, I'm still here, so in many ways, I guess it still is.

 

[Endless_Night]

Many of us are here without the knowledge of our partner. Many of us are here in total secrecy, not having ever told a soul about being her or ever mentioning Lit out loud to another person. What drives is to be here? What is it about being bad that keeps us here? We try to leave but the void created pulls us back. Why do we love being bad, so much?

I don’t have any insight to add, but I wanted to post my appreciation of the question. I’ve never really understood the allure of Lit secrecy, and I like to understand what motivates people.

I have an SO. He knows I’m here; he has from the beginning. At first Lit was a novelty, a curiosity, a place to read stories. It wouldn’t have even occurred to me to hide my time here. Later, when I found the forums it became a place to learn. When the possibility of play came to the table, things changed. I’d agreed to monogamy. My personal integrity would never survive the hit of such a large lie, even one of omission. My SO is monogamous and non-kinky by nature. Painful negotiations ensued. We ended up surviving, and in our case the relationship is stronger and happier.

I don’t really understand the drive to be “bad”. The desire to be wild strikes me occasionally though, a need to do something out of character, unexpected, surprising.

I’ve seen mention several times of Lit giving people a place to explore a side of themselves they don’t normally get to express. I find that curious, and possibly just a little worrying. I am pretty much just me, all out on the table. I’m not sure I’m capable of that type of compartmentalization, certainly not long term. I’ve never been quite sure whether that implies a lack of depth on my part. Or shallowness, a lack of complexity.

Definitely a little worrying. Maybe I’m just boring.

Anyway, I appreciate the insight.

 

[All_4_Love]

I’m not sure I’m capable of that type of compartmentalization, certainly not long term. I’ve never been quite sure whether that implies a lack of depth on my part. Or shallowness, a lack of complexity.

No, absolutely not. Quite the opposite, as far as I'm concerned.

Great post, EN. So much of it resonated with me.

 

[Endless_Night]

No, absolutely not. Quite the opposite, as far as I'm concerned.

Great post, EN. So much of it resonated with me.

Awww. Thanks, Love.

I'm always a little hesitant to make a post where my view is different. Perhaps because it happens so often that my view is different.

 

[All_4_Love]

Awww. Thanks, Love.

I'm always a little hesitant to make a post where my view is different. Perhaps because it happens so often that my view is different.

Ah...yessss. But that's you and that's part of what makes you beautiful.

And, no! I don't listen to One Direction, okay?

 

[Endless_Night]

It's Monday which means it's only 4 more days to Friday, the glass is definitely half full.

Not to get preachy, but life really is about perspective. Don't let the highs take you too high, nor the lows take you too low. When you can find that sweet spot, right in the middle, life gets pretty damn fun.

So what's your sweet spot and how do you get there or stay there? Do you need another or can you manage on your own?

My sweet spot is attainable on my own. A steady routine does it for me. I need work, preferably a project, that I can focus on. Goals drive me. Toss in steady exercise and a healthy diet to ensure I feel good physically and I’m good to go.

However…I like a few added highs, which I generally get from interaction with other people. Not too much of an upswing perhaps; those long falls down aren’t much fun. (Besides, people can be so exhausting!) But I’m a serious personality and something of a workhorse. The occasional reminder that I’m a capricious human being is reassuring.

< And, no! I don't listen to One Direction, okay? >

I had to google.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Without a doubt, I am relationally oriented and motivated. I can have all of my other ducks in a row, but if my relationship is out of whack, then my whole game is off.

But when things are humming along nicely with my SO, not only does my productivity and efficiency increase enormously, but any difficulties encountered are seen as inconveniences rather than catastrophes.

The idea of a sweet spot that doesn't include a partner doesn't appeal to me at all. It's kind of like a vibe without batteries-- what's the point?

 

[stickygirl]

It's Monday which means it's only 4 more days to Friday, the glass is definitely half full.

Not to get preachy, but life really is about perspective. Don't let the highs take you too high, nor the lows take you too low. When you can find that sweet spot, right in the middle, life gets pretty damn fun.

So what's your sweet spot and how do you get there or stay there? Do you need another or can you manage on your own?

First off, hello everyone! I had no idea the thread was active again - it could be a real Lit life saver cos *looks outside* there's a lot of strange folks around...

You mean a happy-medium kinda sweet spot? In my mind I want to be swinging off the chandelier of life, waking up hungover and heart broken over some hunk but somehow it's not like that. It's all a bit ..... ordinary and that doesn't feel so sweet to me. I suppose there's contentment on the one hand and boredom on the other.

 

[jameslewis]

I think the sweet spot is usually short lived; if you're reaching for the highs you can't stay there too long. It's sort of a place to rest and recharge, then off on another challenge of some type. At least for me.
I think happiness is something you have to learn to find on your own - and then you have something to share, something to offer. If you have to have another to be happy, you're always needing or taking. Another person is a positive addition, they just increase the happiness; but you shouldn't need them just to maintain happiness. At least that's the ideal I think.

 

[Suz_anne]

It's Monday which means it's only 4 more days to Friday, the glass is definitely half full.

Not to get preachy, but life really is about perspective. Don't let the highs take you too high, nor the lows take you too low. When you can find that sweet spot, right in the middle, life gets pretty damn fun.

So what's your sweet spot and how do you get there or stay there? Do you need another or can you manage on your own?

I don't need another to find/stay in my sweet spot, but it certainly makes it even sweeter. I have had stretches of time where I was not in a relationship for a year or more. I thoroughly enjoyed those times. And after being married for more than 10 years now, I sometimes miss those times.

But those times (along with the lows) made me really appreciate the relationship I have with my husband and our ability to ride out the ebbs and flows together. So far, so good anyways.

And as for your previous question, my time here was a secret at first. But I talk with him about it eventually and we laid out some ground rules. Since then, it is no big whoop. But I have also never had a Lit relationship that went beyond relatively innocent flirting. So that may have something to do with the no big whoopiness of it.

 

[Aquagal]

It's Monday which means it's only 4 more days to Friday, the glass is definitely half full.

Not to get preachy, but life really is about perspective. Don't let the highs take you too high, nor the lows take you too low. When you can find that sweet spot, right in the middle, life gets pretty damn fun.

So what's your sweet spot and how do you get there or stay there? Do you need another or can you manage on your own?

I would get bored with the middle ground.

 

[ChainedUp]

It would appear I have labelled myself as a boring, middle ground guy. I'll need to work hard to shake off that reputation

Speaking of which, we all have an image of ourselves, good or bad, that we are for the most part comfortable with. How do you respond when someone you know rather well makes an assessment of you, based on pure observation, that is completely not what you want/thought/or imagined yourself to be. Is it life changing? Do you stop and reasses? Do you care because only you know the real you?

 

[Mindfondler]

... we all have an image of ourselves, good or bad, that we are for the most part comfortable with. How do you respond when someone you know rather well makes an assessment of you, based on pure observation, that is completely not what you want/thought/or imagined yourself to be. Is it life changing? Do you stop and reasses? Do you care because only you know the real you?

If it's based on pure observation (i.e. behavioural), then I have to stop and re-assess because it's unarguable.

Having said that, my perception of myself has broadened a lot over the last few years as I've discovered and embraced new aspects, so it's more likely now that I'd be able to fit that assessment into my own internal model.
.

 

[All_4_Love]

My answer is all of the above.

If it's a negative observation, one in which I could be causing pain or distress for others, then yes, I stop and reassess. I do a lot of self reflecting. I determine if it's something that I can change, or even want to change. Sometimes, what one person sees as a flaw, to me, may not be a flaw after all. From that point, I know what I need to do. I work hard for change, or I work hard for acceptance.

If it's a positive observation, then that serves as encouragement for me to cultivate that in myself even more.

Then, there are those observations, neither good or bad, such as "you're such a quiet person", for instance, where others have a tendency to assume that must mean many other things, such as anti-social, stuck-up, depressed, etc. Those are the times when knowing myself enables me to dismiss those things and move on with confidence that there is no work on my part that needs to be done.

 

[Endless_Night]

Those I know well rarely surprise me with any earth-shattering observations. Others do on occasion, not strangers, but people I interact with in a limited or short-term fashion.

I generally reassess. Not necessarily because I'm concerned about how I'm perceived, but rather that I like to understand what motivates my behavior.

First off, hello everyone!

Hi, Sticky.

 

[ChainedUp]

A simple question today, and feel free to provide as much or as little detail as you wish. Is/was your current/recent Lit relationship more than you expected or less. The key word is expected as that varies from person to person and from relationship to relationship.

My answer is more. I honestly don't ever have expectations going in as experience has taught me those expectations are always way off. But having said that its always the quality of the person involved. And i do mean the quality of the whole person.....

Hey, look at me, I answered my own question. Runs to find a gold star to proudly wear

 

[LinusRules]

A simple question today, and feel free to provide as much or as little detail as you wish. Is/was your current/recent Lit relationship more than you expected or less. The key word is expected as that varies from person to person and from relationship to relationship.

My answer is more. I honestly don't ever have expectations going in as experience has taught me those expectations are always way off. But having said that its always the quality of the person involved. And i do mean the quality of the whole person.....

Hey, look at me, I answered my own question. Runs to find a gold star to proudly wear

Like you I don't set expectations or if I do set minimum low requirements. Therefore any people I form "relationships" with are ones that have passed the initial tests. My requirements are fairly easy and they involve people looking to have fun and are easy to get along with.

 

[All_4_Love]

I don't have an answer to the question, but I do have an observation. *wink*

There has been a few times, and I do mean few, where it seems as though you've answered your own question within your question.

If I'm right, those are the lucky days, when we get to see your answer, too.

One of the reasons I look forward to reading this thread.