Ask a MtF TG a question

[stickygirl]

I just read an interesting article and since it is about a couple who live in the same area that I live in and George Takei posted it on FB, I thought I'd post it here and ask you a question.

Their Baby Was Born With Male & Female Parts. Here’s Why They’re Suing the State

Here's my question -- to which there is no meaning at all behind, it's pure and simple (probably because White Patricians like me are very simple), I have no hidden agenda and it's only to ask my friend, Sticky -- What do you think of the people who are suing the state over this?

In 2012, the most recent year that data is available, surgeons at U.S. hospitals performed various intersex procedures at least 2,991 times on children under 18 years of age, and 1,759 of those surgeries were on children younger than 5.

"The intersex condition happens in one out of 2,000 kids. Surgery is usually done while the children are quite young so parents can help the child identify with the chosen sex."

I'm guessing the article is swapping the word 'sex' and 'gender' as often happens. What this suggests is that 'sex' or rather gender, is something that can be imposed on a child… really?? No, not really at all, ever.

I'm saddened that the 20th century attitude of "doctor knows best" still persists and that medical professionals think that with a few elegant flicks of a scalpel, they can impose a gender. They may as well use a fucking magic wand and say "abracadabra". This is the fear of professionals to admitting that they JUST DON'T KNOW, because then they'd look stupid. Instead they perform unnecessary and aggressive surgery, pat the kid on the head and say BEHOLD a GIRL/BOY. Who the fuck are they kidding?
I hope they win their case ( they should ) and sue the fuck out of the state for millions. Only then will common sense get through to arrogant pedatricians trying to play God.

 

[stickygirl]

A creative way to explain the mechanics of sex reassignment surgery: http://ptgmedia.pearsoncmg.com/images/chap4_9780321834737/elementLinks/04fig13_sexchange_alt.jpg

I don't read Portuguese, but the graphics go a long way.

I always suspected my genitals were edible

 

[pdmminip]

hi

someone please tell me. how long does it take to convert m2f?cost?is it very painful?healing time?post op medication for how long?how is orgasm achieved after op? knowledgeable people pl enlighten.

 

[stickygirl]

someone please tell me. how long does it take to convert m2f?cost?is it very painful?healing time?post op medication for how long?how is orgasm achieved after op? knowledgeable people pl enlighten.

Once you've been on Lit more than two days, I'll get around to answering. Forgive me for saying so, but we get a lot of trolling on Lit...

 

[TomBoner]

Once you've been on Lit more than two days, I'll get around to answering. Forgive me for saying so, but we get a lot of trolling on Lit...

Can I troll you?

 

[Dyslexicea]

I don't feel awful because of that. I didn't think that what I said might have embarrassed you at all because it wasn't meant in the way that some people assumed it was. You know that and I know that. And that's what matters to me.

Anyway...

I just read an interesting article and since it is about a couple who live in the same area that I live in and George Takei posted it on FB, I thought I'd post it here and ask you a question.

Their Baby Was Born With Male & Female Parts. Here’s Why They’re Suing the State

Here's my question -- to which there is no meaning at all behind, it's pure and simple (probably because White Patricians like me are very simple), I have no hidden agenda and it's only to ask my friend, Sticky -- What do you think of the people who are suing the state over this?

I see you've taken what I've said much more personally than I'd intended. Regardless it needed to be said. Your first question asking Sticky if she was attractive may have been simply curiosity. Your second question about Sticky's Adams apple was about her passing, a question which in my opinion was completely inappropriate. We all make mistakes I'm not trying to make you out to be an evil villain, just pointing out that those kinds of questions can cause real pain.

I'm not sure what upset you the most, my questioning the intent of your questions or my reference to a white male patriarchal society, which of course is an oversimplification of the society we live in but accurate enough when expressing the point I was making.

As for the question which you only asked Sticky to answer, I'll express my opinion as to the the law suit. I hope the child and his parents win a large monetary award which hopefully is going to help prevent these tragedies in the future.

As for your question as asked.

What do you think of the people who are suing the state over this?

I am curious as to why you asked the question as you did, instead of just asking how Sticky felt about the parents of this boy. As a trial lawyer I have some strong opinions, maybe I even look for hidden agendas, as to why these kinds of questions are worded and asked as you have. Rather than jump to conclusions, which may taint how I feel about you, could you see fit to enlighten me as to your reason for asking the question as worded?

I'll answer my own question. How I feel about the parents of this boy? The parents of this child are very special people, they've adopted, loved and still love a child most people looking to adopt would not have even considered, a nice way to say rejected, I hate to say this but they also would have seen him as damaged goods.

 

[stickygirl]

I'll take Brad at his word in that he had no hidden agenda. I'll also put my hand up and admit I answered the wrong question, which is why I never excelled at exams. So...
I think they are courageous and principled parents. In a parallel situation, I read about a mother in Australia who has challenged the legal requirement for transgender children to have to apply to the courts twice, to initially use puberty-blocking drugs and then later to have to prove the child had sufficient understanding to make an informed decision ( the Gillick test??) for any gender reassignment treatments.

I also watched a YTube video of word association that asked transgender people for their reaction to the word 'tranny'. Some thought it was entirely negative, whilst others had reclaimed the word and used it with pride.
Does that make the word 'bad' because some people are offended? Or is it more important to be aware that it can offend and so to take great care when using it? We modify our language according to context and to our audience.
Dys, I welcomed your reminder that quizzing a trans person about potentially offensive topics can cause distress, but in this thread and in the context of my friendship with Brad, it's ok. I think you're putting words into his mouth tbh.
I'd be the first to kick his shins if he were to ask inappropriate questions in a different situation.

Thanks to everyone for contributions, but please limit the discussion to broader trans related issues such as...

the upcoming Personal Privacy Protection Act in California
http://www.transadvocate.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/BradDacus_PrancingVoyeursStatement_thumb.jpg

Since we're talking about offence, I take huge offence as being described the type of person who might "prance" into a restroom to visually "violate" another persons privacy. It's all the usual suspects, falsifying evidence or just making stuff up with express purpose of vilifying, victimising and prosecuting trans people for trying to take a leak.

 

[BradBigBrain]

My last question to you ever, my dear friend, in your highly educational thread.

Did you know that the best feature on this board is the ignore function? I love it and I use it often.

Love you, my friend. I hope you keep up the good work. You know where you can find me.

Bye!

 

[Chrissi]

Happy B-day!

And to answer for her, (although she doesn't need the help)...of course she is attractive! If you can't see that in her posts, then you need to read more of them.

I like to think that we are all attractive. There is something in each of us that makes us special...makes us human...despite what others may think, judge or feel. Find the attractiveness in yourself, then in others and you will have a much better (happier) life. . A smile is so much easier than a frown, and it just might brighten up someone's day. I love it when I pass someone in a store or on the sidewalk, and they double take, then smile back...because I always give a big warm smile.

Again HAPPY BDAY (won't use your real name) sticky!!!!!! Hope your candle was bright and your wish comes true biggest hugs
Chrissi

 

[Messier82]

Whatever happened to beauty is in the eye of the beholder?
Personally I think 'being attractive' involves things other than simply your appearance. I personally find gum chewing makes a person look less attractive, as does smoking, or bad eating habits. Conversely, a plain looking person can become irresistible by the way the speak, or make you laugh, or as already said, by a nice smile.

I thought Brad was basically angling for a date, sounded like an obvious chat-up preamble to me. I don't understand his 'last post' if he is Sticky's friend, sounds like taking a huff to me.

As for Mr Dacus of California - how dare you sir! Being visually violated by someone watching me take a leak is my right and I demand a retraction I heard a great new bit of swearing today that fits: "Yer a fuckin' knob's-arse lad!"

 

[stickygirl]

Happy B-day!
Hope your candle was bright and your wish comes true biggest hugs
Chrissi

Thanks hone and I like that "half-full" philosophy Better that we look for our similarities than our differences.
But, lets be honest, being trans is far from being a walk in the park and I have been exceptionally lucky: I was born white, I speaka der English, I have a supportive family and network. I heard somewhere that courage is like capital - you can use it up and then you have nothing. I think happiness is the same. I had some very dark days along the way and yes, I contemplated suicide - maybe every teen does? When people taunted me and doubted me, Life seemed pretty black, but I always had my family to loan me some hope when I got into happiness-debt.
I want to shout out to trans folk who have no bank of last resort and no one to bail them out. For the women who have no choice but to turn tricks to eat and risk their lives in doing so.
There is so much I'd like to say, but I don't want this to turn into a lecture, so I'll just say this.
If you have one just chance to show support for transgender people, then take it. You'll feel better for it, I promise. It doesn't matter if it's challenging an idle comment in conversation or signing a petition to stop discrimination: we each have an opportunity in some small way, to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to think outside the confines of old-fashioned strait-jacket doctrine and put the question - Why not?

 

[stickygirl]

I thought Brad was basically angling for a date, sounded like an obvious chat-up preamble to me. I don't understand his 'last post' if he is Sticky's friend, sounds like taking a huff to me.

I think he was flirting at worst and asking a provocative question, that has promoted some discussion, at best. Brad's like 400yrs old in cat years But hey - he's a grown man, he can defend himself, but I knew where he was coming from. If there's questions I can't handle, I duck them.

 

[Messier82]

I heard somewhere that courage is like capital - you can use it up and then you have nothing. I think happiness is the same. I had some very dark days along the way and yes, I contemplated suicide - maybe every teen does? When people taunted me and doubted me, Life seemed pretty black, but I always had my family to loan me some hope when I got into happiness-debt.
I want to shout out to trans folk who have no bank of last resort and no one to bail them out. For the women who have no choice but to turn tricks to eat and risk their lives in doing so.

An obvious comment perhaps but, have you considered writing a book?
Triumph over adversity has a timeless appeal.

It's the mental-strength aspect of your situation which I find most intriguing, the perseverance and self-belief required must be enormous, yet I can understand how you managed to find these qualities within yourself because there was no other option than to do so.

I've had some dark times in my life (currently in one now but there's a potential light at the end of the tunnel, we'll see next week...)

And yes, teenage suicidal thoughts are alarmingly common:
"According to a report from the new mental health charity MindFull, based on a YouGov survey of more than 2,000 young adults, one in five children has symptoms of depression and nearly a third (32%) have thought about suicide before the age of 16." From The Guardian, July, 2013 . Naturally Morrissey gets a big mention

Come to think of it, at least five of my ex-partners who I've had relatively long-term relationships with have either self-harmed or attempted suicide prior to me knowing them.

 

[haurni]

of course she is attractive! If you can't see that in her posts, then you need to read more of them.

What he said.

the upcoming Personal Privacy Protection Act in California

Arrghnarglfnaaaarghnrrrrr*(&%(*)+_@QW#

God, these people make me sick. The PJI is one of those homo/transphobic organizations that disguise their prejudice and hatred as 'promoting family values'. They and their ilk are trying to spread this shit in Canada too, but they can only whine 'what if' and 'wont somebody think of the children' when questioned because THEY HAVE NO FUCKING CASE. They have NO statistics of any trans person having done any such thing. If there were any such stats, I have no doubt that the incidence of such cases is far, far lower than the number of children abused by priests, pastors or parents - by far men who identify as men. I don't doubt that some trans people have committed sexual assaults but one or two or even a dozen such cases a year in a country like the US pales in comparison to the number of assaults and rapes by men-men. In fact, I'll bet good money that even the number of assaults by 'womyn-born-womyn' exceeds the number by trans people of any gender. there Clearly their agenda is to demonize trans people, not to 'think of the children'. Fucking hell.

/end rant

 

[stickygirl]

An obvious comment perhaps but, have you considered writing a book?
Triumph over adversity has a timeless appeal.

I've started - working title is Fashion tips from a Physics nerd

It's the mental-strength aspect of your situation which I find most intriguing, the perseverance and self-belief required must be enormous, yet I can understand how you managed to find these qualities within yourself because there was no other option than to do so. ....
one in five children has symptoms of depression and nearly a third (32%) have thought about suicide before the age of 16." ...

I hate it when people describe suicide as being 'the cowards way out' - said by people who have never faced demons and who prize the status quo above the level of a human life. I think it takes courage, of a sort, to take your own life. Leelah Alcorn had courage - the strength of her resolve to be the person she was, come what may and so if it comes to taking your own life, if there is no other choice, then so be it. It was the people around who were the cowards: too embarrassed and too locked into their small minds to accept her - they still are.
When your back is really against the wall, your options are limited, so you focus on them and put all your energy into it.
We're not all strong, we don't all have some mystic pool of resolve on which we can draw. Trans people are ordinary people in extraordinary situations, and people do amazing things, don't they?

 

[Messier82]

I hadn't heard of Leelah Alcorn before. From what Wikipedia says it does seem that her parents were instrumental in bringing about her death - so much for Christian love and tolerance eh?

I have personal experience of the devastation that comes when a central member of your group family commits suicide. Sometimes the motive is far more sinister than teenage despair.

35 years ago my stepfather killed himself in the car park of his work place. The guy who found him was very badly affected by his discovery, at the Inquest months later he was clearly a wreck. My stepfather left several letters to be opened after his death. One was addressed to me, I was 17 at the time. My mother destroyed it without showing it to me. Later I got an inkling of why.

Back then counselling wasn't ladled out the way it tends to be today, my mother didn't get any and only one person bothered to speak to me about what this meant to my life. I don't even know who this person was, I had the impression he was a Doctor or Psychologist of some kind. I just remember that at the Inquest some rather official, but kindly, character took me to one side and said quietly: "Consider yourself very lucky young man, sometimes a suicide is a murder turned inwards."

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[stickygirl]

I just don't understand this rest room issue. At my home we use the same bathroom, even sometimes at the same time, as a student, my housemates and I were relaxed in our code house and if someone were too long in the bath ( a surprisingly common place to study) then they could expect to be interrupted by someone needing to pee.

I've also used mixed sex public restrooms, and as someone entitled to use disabled loos, those are almost always not single sex.
Elle

Thank you for your support and if you see an opportunity to sign a petition then I'm sure you will
Yea, this is basically a move by some very bigoted groups,as Haurni mentions, to target transgender people. Let's make one thing clear too, that this isn't simply banning us from restrooms and prosecuting us if we do, it's about outing us in public. That itself is dangerous, because if a trans woman is forced to use a men's room then she is at risk of attack. One of my mtf friends gave herself a kidney infection by repeatedly not taking a pee. I used to end up really dehydrated to avoid using loos.
It's all scaremongering but there is a nasty, mean intention behind it.

 

[stickygirl]

Back then counselling wasn't ladled out the way it tends to be today, my mother didn't get any and only one person bothered to speak to me about what this meant to my life. I don't even know who this person was, I had the impression he was a Doctor or Psychologist of some kind. I just remember that at the Inquest some rather official, but kindly, character took me to one side and said quietly: "Consider yourself very lucky young man, sometimes a suicide is a murder turned inwards."

I'm sorry to read of your own experiences
If counselling is offered more than it used to be I think it's because it's benefits are recognised, along with better drugs than were available a few years ago. Most recently counselling is offered to Vietnam vets who have a chance to speak openly about their experiences so many years later.
It's a pity that some of the quasi Christian pressure groups don't take some counselling themselves... I could certainly recommend some drugs for them

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Messier82]

I'm sorry to read of your own experiences

Thank you.

It's a good juncture to mention Change.org. Anyone who wants to highlight any issue is free to use it. AFAIK we don't have this 'restroom' use issue in the UK, but we seem to import most things from the US eventually.

 

[stickygirl]

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B_4K0sIUwAAb_-k.jpg
https://www.frontiersmedia.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Carnes-Plett.jpg

2nd pic from the proposed Canadian legislation.

So many of the conservative religious groups are outraged about gay marriage rights. as part of their attack on LGBT in general, the very few trans people are an easy target.

It's a good juncture to mention Change.org. Anyone who wants to highlight any issue is free to use it. AFAIK we don't have this 'restroom' use issue in the UK, but we seem to import most things from the US eventually.

Without getting into one upmanship between countries, the UK has always been a more tolerant country. There are numerous exceptions and I'm sure per capita we have just as many crazies as the USA but we don't let ours buy guns

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[stickygirl]

Halloween petition

You've probably read about the businesses trying to make a quick buck out of Caitlyn Jenner, with a halloween costume. Yea...
Here's a change.org petition to register your view. I would have put it on LGBT News, but it would just get trolled, so...
https://www.change.org/p/dear-spirit-halloween-stop-exploiting-caitlin-jenner-with-a-transphobic-costume?recruiter=2611049&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_facebook_responsive&utm_term=mob-md-no_src-custom_msg

 

[stickygirl]

Found on TransAdvocate

“To be clear, within trans discourse should I speak in terms of identity, I am speaking in terms of personal and expressive form; should I speak in terms of role, I am speaking in terms of cultural function. I as a trans person did not transition in order to choose a new gender role. Being placed into a role is something that culture forcibly does to people; nobody can choose to live in a gender role. Should society deem that one is a male, that person will be placed into a male role by culture; should society deem that one is female, that person will be placed into a female role by culture. A gender role isn’t chosen, it’s inflicted and much of trans discourse is situated around ways of challenging and undermining those roles.

*And no, being trans isn’t the same thing as wishing to be paralyzed or to have sections of one’s body removed (body dysmorphic disorder). This “analysis” is popular with smug cis people who think trans people want to “chop off” parts of their bodies. If you think that trans surgery is about chopping off body parts, you probably need to sit down, shut up and listen to trans people talk about their experience without assuming that you understand it better than they can”.

Why is listening to a trans person so difficult?
https://38.media.tumblr.com/fe83bc06bec024fb4cb1654632d90d72/tumblr_mqv9lkSINV1rt987lo1_500.gif