Ghosting-poll to follow

[Noor]

Exes Explain Ghosting, the Ultimate Silent Treatment


What is your opinion of ghosting?
Have you ever done it?
How did you feel afterwards?

Had it done to you?
Have you ever accepted someone back after being ghosted?

Have you done it and changed your mind?
Do think it is socially acceptable in adults?

 

[Conager]

Exes Explain Ghosting, the Ultimate Silent Treatment


What is your opinion of ghosting? It is childish
Have you ever done it? No
How did you feel afterwards? N/A

Had it done to you? Yes
Have you ever accepted someone back after being ghosted? No

Have you done it and changed your mind? N/A
Do think it is socially acceptable in adults? No

It is a continuum though, I will (rarely) ignore something negative that is not worth responding to. If they send something different I pick up where we left off.

Other people are hot and cold about responding to texts and the like. If it starts feeling lopsided I diminish my effort until it eventually is nothing. I am not happy that things go that way, but most seem to over time. Friendships take a certain work ethic. Most people lack it.

 

[cleaver]

ghosting works

it both
sends a message
and leaves clean dishes in your cupboard

 

[hssh345Alt]

no4. poor decision-making

 

[Magnetron]

Is it anything like Tebowing or Planking?

 

[Aquagal]

Never had it done nor done it to someone else, but what a lame way to let a relationship go. Cowards.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I thought we were talking about writing term papers for sex.

 

[BotanyBoy]

Never done it or had it done but what the fuck ever........

Someone pulls that shit then replace them.

 

[Aquagal]

Never done it or had it done but what the fuck ever........

Someone pulls that shit then replace them.

This. I don't get it.

 

[Noor]

I think it is particularly bad when you are in a relationship with someone and they just disappear esp. if they initiate plans with you and just don't show up and never explain.

In cases of weddings or vacation plans, it often leaves the other person seriously inconvenienced and out of pocket.

Someone attempted to ghost me a few years ago, and it took a lot for me to trust them again. They did explain why they did it, it was all about fear, and they also couldn't stay away.

Ghosting people can also have consequences. It often involves the ghost's breaking their word without explanation, which makes them appear unreliable.

You never know when you might need someone, how they might turn out or who they might be connected to.
This is true in all aspects of life.

I know of people who lost work that could have made a big difference in their career at a time when they really needed work because they ghosted someone who then couldn't recommend them.

 

[hssh345Alt]

Someone attempted to ghost me a few years ago, and it took a lot for me to trust them again. They did explain why they did it, it was all about fear, and they also couldn't stay away.
.

was it a friend or bf ? what happened after that ?

 

[Noor]

ghosting works

it both
sends a message
and leaves clean dishes in your cupboard

In my world, and granted it is not your average world, guys who ghost tend not to get dates or projects with friends or friends of theirs who ghost.

You may not live as a member of a community that depends on other people having your back and vice versa but many of us do.

Saying "I no longer want to be in this relationship or do this thing" at least gives the other person the knowledge of what is happening.

People disappearing causes worry and concern esp. if the person being ghosted has had tragic disappearances in their life before. I have had 4 to date.

If someone who says they care deeply for me suddenly disappears off the face of the earth, my first fear is that they are dead.

 

[BotanyBoy]

This. I don't get it.

Right....I mean if you live so remote you only have like 20 potential partners to choose from it might be difficult and likely wouldn't happen in a group that small.

But most of us live among thousands if not millions. The day someones partner has such a lack of respect they can't even text a "Kiss my ass it's ova!" is the day you need to drop them and get on with the next prospect because....
http://i.imgur.com/TONDq.gif

Which is prob part of what leads to ghosting.

You can do it when you don't have to really worry about consequences.

 

[Killswitch1]

https://tribwtic.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/ghostbusters-e1422396271578.png?w=220

 

[hssh345Alt]

Right....I mean if you live so remote you only have like 20 potential partners to choose from it might be difficult and likely wouldn't happen in a group that small. But most of us live among thousands if not millions.

http://i.imgur.com/TONDq.gif

so realistic & true ..

 

[Aquagal]

Right....I mean if you live so remote you only have like 20 potential partners to choose from it might be difficult and likely wouldn't happen in a group that small.

But most of us live among thousands if not millions. The day someones partner has such a lack of respect they can't even text a "Kiss my ass it's ova!" is the day you need to drop them and get on with the next prospect because....
http://i.imgur.com/TONDq.gif

Which is prob part of what leads to ghosting.

You can do it when you don't have to really worry about consequences.

I wasn't even thinking of potential partners, but basic dignity. Eh, someone without the balls to tell it like it is just...meh.

 

[Jennifer]

Right....I mean if you live so remote you only have like 20 potential partners to choose from it might be difficult and likely wouldn't happen in a group that small.

But most of us live among thousands if not millions. The day someones partner has such a lack of respect they can't even text a "Kiss my ass it's ova!" is the day you need to drop them and get on with the next prospect because....
http://i.imgur.com/TONDq.gif

Which is prob part of what leads to ghosting.

You can do it when you don't have to really worry about consequences.

Sweet Brown! I love her.

 

[cleaver]

In my world, and granted it is not your average world, guys who ghost tend not to get dates or projects with friends or friends of theirs who ghost.

You may not live as a member of a community that depends on other people having your back and vice versa but many of us do.

Saying "I no longer want to be in this relationship or do this thing" at least gives the other person the knowledge of what is happening.

People disappearing causes worry and concern esp. if the person being ghosted has had tragic disappearances in their life before. I have had 4 to date.

If someone who says they care deeply for me suddenly disappears off the face of the earth, my first fear is that they are dead.

you are right in this...
and perhaps in my flippancy
i misstate my flimsy point

i cannot condone ghosting as a first final step to disassociate...
but as a final step;
once reason and social contract have been addressed,
ghosting can serve to sever whatever
the cling-on
may still harbour
of the once was...

there comes a time,
past attempts of civility
where silence is the only message that might get through...

true ghosting...
the immediate shutting off of the tap
is indeed cowardly
and cruel
....unless in response to some gross or endangering incident(?)

 

[Noor]

was it a friend or bf ? what happened after that ?

I am not big on definitions such as BF. It was a special friend who had just literally gotten through asking me how I felt and telling me how they felt about me.

He didn't do a good job of ghosting, he kept an eye on me, at one point there were fireworks and he realized how upset I was. He started talking to me and fixing things. I forgave him but neither one of us forgot. He would get worried that I would just walk away from him at some point but I wasn't worried that he would.

 

[Noor]

you are right in this...
and perhaps in my flippancy
i misstate my flimsy point

i cannot condone ghosting as a first final step to disassociate...
but as a final step;
once reason and social contract have been addressed,
ghosting can serve to sever whatever
the cling-on
may still harbour
of the once was...

there comes a time,
past attempts of civility
where silence is the only message that might get through...

true ghosting...
the immediate shutting off of the tap
is indeed cowardly
and cruel
....unless in response to some gross or endangering incident(?)

I understand and we are agreed.

 

[hssh345Alt]

I am not big on definitions such as BF. It was a special friend who had just literally gotten through asking me how I felt and telling me how they felt about me.

He didn't do a good job of ghosting, he kept an eye on me, at one point there were fireworks and he realized how upset I was. He started talking to me and fixing things. I forgave him but neither one of us forgot. He would get worried that I would just walk away from him at some point but I wasn't worried that he would.

You were lucky. Mine didn't have that much of a concept of what feelings are. He cheated on me the 1st time, and then the 2nd time.

 

[Sunshine]

I would never do that to someone. I think a person who can do that is lacking a conscience and empathy ~ A sociopath or psychopath. I know a guy who has routinely ghosted women. Sick bastard.

 

[Noor]

You were lucky. Mine didn't have that much of a concept of what feelings are. He cheated on me the 1st time, and then the 2nd time.

Many things have a time and place aspect to them.

Some people don't really don't get the importance of other people in their lives unless they are afraid of losing them or have lost someone in the past.

I have seen that with cheaters, they cheat until they are hurt by being cheated on or until they do something which is unforgivable even in their eyes.

 

[Littlefinger]

I've never heard of it referred to with that term and I've never done it so abruptly. I've cut people out of my life but usually it's not a "wonder what I did to deserve that/I thought things were going so well" situation that precedes it. There is no question that I've hit my bottom line when it happens.

That being said, it's not the go-to when ending relationships for me. I'm a Leo, so, love and admiration of me, even when I'm gone, are important. I'm mercurial at times with moods and perceptions of people. I can count on one hand the relationships that have ended to the point where when I see these people now, I do not acknowledge that they exist. I don't owe them a damn thing, certainly not the opportunity to explain, to lie, to waste my time, to infect me with more of their toxicity. This is a life preserver strategy for me, not a "I don't want to face them/I don't want to work on it with them/I'm insecure/I'm scared of them leaving me/I'll come back at a later date because I'm pathetic and sorry". No. None of that. This is purely a "you have hurt me for the last fucking time, motherfucker. I do not need to suffer any more of your bullshit."

I'm not even sure it's in the same category or even the same thing? Because from the article, it sounds like passive-aggressive, insecure, petty bullshit. I never pretend "everything is fine" if it's not, let alone before it is time to nuclear fucking ignore some asshole in real life.

 

[hssh345Alt]

I've never heard of it referred to with that term and I've never done it so abruptly. I've cut people out of my life but usually it's not a "wonder what I did to deserve that/I thought things were going so well" situation that precedes it. There is no question that I've hit my bottom line when it happens.

That being said, it's not the go-to when ending relationships for me. I'm a Leo, so, love and admiration of me, even when I'm gone, are important. I'm mercurial at times with moods and perceptions of people. I can count on one hand the relationships that have ended to the point where when I see these people now, I do not acknowledge that they exist. I don't owe them a damn thing, certainly not the opportunity to explain, to lie, to waste my time, to infect me with more of their toxicity. This is a life preserver strategy for me, not a "I don't want to face them/I don't want to work on it with them/I'm insecure/I'm scared of them leaving me/I'll come back at a later date because I'm pathetic and sorry". No. None of that. This is purely a "you have hurt me for the last fucking time, motherfucker. I do not need to suffer any more of your bullshit."

I'm not even sure it's in the same category or even the same thing? Because from the article, it sounds like passive-aggressive, insecure, petty bullshit. I never pretend "everything is fine" if it's not, let alone before it is time to nuclear fucking ignore some asshole in real life.

I think we are referring to different things.

We were talking about men who can't keep it in their pocket