Where do babies come from?

[SweetErika]

My just-turned-5-year-old asked me this today. Now, normally I answer his questions factually and immediately, but today I put him off so I could have some time to think about how to approach this.

The problem is that he has high-functioning autism and has no filter, social skills are a challenge, and one of his strong interests/obsessions is medicine. So, I can easily envision him reciting my answer (even though it'll be very bland) verbatim to his fellow preschoolers and friends (some of whom likely aren't ready for the concept and/or have far more conservative parents).

He does already know that a baby grows in a mommy's uterus, gets nutrients from the mom through the umbilical cord and comes out through the vagina or a c-section, and he has shared that information inappropriately on occasion. I tried to remind him of this, but he cut me off, saying, "Mom, I KNOW THAT ALREADY! I want to know how the baby gets there in the first place!" And at that point I told him it was a really great question, and it's answer I'll give another day when he's a teensy bit older. That probably wasn't a shining moment in my parenting, but it was what I came up with as I was putting him into his car seat.

Should I get an age-appropriate book? Give him the "a sperm from a daddy meets an egg from a mommy" line and hope he doesn't press for more details? He's incredibly smart, though, and almost always does, so I'd be foolish to not plan for the whole conversation. If he asks how the sperm get to the mom, what can I say that's factual but quite vague? If I have to go into any sort of detail, I'll likely need to explain that it isn't appropriate conversation for friends or school, but it's certainly something we can talk about at home and with our doctor. I hate to do that, but I think it's necessary in this particular case.

I distinctly recall having this conversation with my mom when I was about my son's age, and her incredible discomfort with the topic. She also asked where I first heard "sex" and didn't react positively to my answer that my friend kept saying "sex dex." So I want to approach this with comfort AND preferably not have the kid who's perceived negatively for over-sharing.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

My just-turned-5-year-old asked me this today. Now, normally I answer his questions factually and immediately, but today I put him off so I could have some time to think about how to approach this.

The problem is that he has high-functioning autism and has no filter, social skills are a challenge, and one of his strong interests/obsessions is medicine. So, I can easily envision him reciting my answer (even though it'll be very bland) verbatim to his fellow preschoolers and friends (some of whom likely aren't ready for the concept and/or have far more conservative parents).

He does already know that a baby grows in a mommy's uterus, gets nutrients from the mom through the umbilical cord and comes out through the vagina or a c-section, and he has shared that information inappropriately on occasion. I tried to remind him of this, but he cut me off, saying, "Mom, I KNOW THAT ALREADY! I want to know how the baby gets there in the first place!" And at that point I told him it was a really great question, and it's answer I'll give another day when he's a teensy bit older. That probably wasn't a shining moment in my parenting, but it was what I came up with as I was putting him into his car seat.

Should I get an age-appropriate book? Give him the "a sperm from a daddy meets an egg from a mommy" line and hope he doesn't press for more details? He's incredibly smart, though, and almost always does, so I'd be foolish to not plan for the whole conversation. If he asks how the sperm get to the mom, what can I say that's factual but quite vague? If I have to go into any sort of detail, I'll likely need to explain that it isn't appropriate conversation for friends or school, but it's certainly something we can talk about at home and with our doctor. I hate to do that, but I think it's necessary in this particular case.

I distinctly recall having this conversation with my mom when I was about my son's age, and her incredible discomfort with the topic. She also asked where I first heard "sex" and didn't react positively to my answer that my friend kept saying "sex dex." So I want to approach this with comfort AND preferably not have the kid who's perceived negatively for over-sharing.

Jesus! Make it complicated and traumatic. A century ago no parent needed to explain anything to Junior or Sis.

 

[Que]

I suspect the neighbors can handle a child with no filter.

20 years ago my then very pregnant wife and I moved with our five year old son to a new neighborhood. She gave birth shortly thereafter and our only child stepped into his role of big brother with pride.

He was a very sociable child and would often introduce himself to adults. One day while she was resting with the brand-new baby, he slipped outside and went door to door announcing the good news.

One of the neighbors related the conversation later.

"Hi! I'm ___________. I have a new baby sister! My mom breast-feeds."

 

[CWatson]

Can you just tell him that you'll explain the rest when he's older?, because it's something he won't understand yet? It depends on his faith in you and his willingness to accept your wisdom, but I think that card works if it's played sparingly. Of course, the only thing I've ever raised are two kittens who are currently out of control, so I'm one to talk.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Interestingly, I had that question this afternoon from my 5 year old.

SweetE, I'm not convinced that the likelihood of him passing information on should be a factor in how you approach it. I am 100% certain my daughter will tell everyone she comes into contact with tomorrow, and I'm ok with that - I would much rather her tell the truth than some tall tale about storks, and give other parents credit to manage their own children's take on it should that happen. They will hear all sorts of things at school as they grow, this is just the beginning and if the truth is the worst of it... well you know where I'm going with that.

Also, E, ALL kids overshare.... all the time. I wouldn't even let that be part of your thinking.

We have always used appropriate language and terminology to describe our anatomy, and have continued to do so whilst having that talk this afternoon. If it's no big deal to you, it will be no big deal to him, and that's how it should be. The last thing you want to do, is unintentionally plant some seed of shame, embarrassment, or inappropriateness in talking with you about things and deferring and delaying these kinds of conversations can inadvertently do that.

Ultimately only you know what is going to work best for HIS understanding. I would definitely not start with handing him a book though. I would have the conversation THEN hand him the age appropriate book to reflect on and allow him to re-visit on his own, then perhaps YOU bring it up again a day or too after he last days so he knows it's an open door to talk about it with you.

Good luck, and look, whatever happens as long as you're open and honest and keep the communication open it'll all be just fine.

This.
The other parents can be as conservative as they like with their kids, but they can't demand that you should let that influence the way you inform your own child.
Other kids will eventually find out that their parents lied about the stork, with or without your sons help. Some might precieve it as negative if he mentions it, but people who have kids mostly have had their own awkward moments whith them.


Be prepared to answer any question he has and let his curiousity lead the conversation.
If you want to, you can tell the grownups at preschool that you had this talk, so they can be prepared for further questions or lectures.

 

[Harold_Hill]

Why lie to the kid! But at the same time, don't tell a child more than they can understand. At 5 years old, a child's understanding of human anatomy is limited.

 

[fire_breeze]

I was around your son's age when I got the facts (in a straight forward manner, although I didn't quite understood how erections worked until I was a bit older ); however, I received them on the Friday of the long-weekend, so by the time Tuesday rolled around, the novelty worn off (at least for me) as I went to the science museum and saw an outdoor exhibition and built a box with my dad and visited my friends and got a new set of pencil crayons and baked cookies with my neighbour and and and...

I don't know if it was by design or not, but it might be an idea if oversharing with his peers might be an issue.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I was matter of fact with my daughter when she asked me where babies came from.

I said to her HOW MANY HOLES YOU GOT? She counted in her head. And I replied, WELL IT AINT FROM YOUR MOUTH OR EARS OR THE HOLE IN YOUR HEAD. She squeals, MY BUTT? I said NO. And she says, OH!

I dont go beyond the question. She didn't want a FIREBREEZE encyclopedic moment, she wanted to know where babies come from....the short answer.

 

[simplegirl]

How about "from a seed from mommy and a seed from daddy"...if he asks how it gets there, just tell him "we put it there". I don't think you need to elaborate at this juncture. Keep it factual, but simple.

 

[SweetErika]

Interestingly, I had that question this afternoon from my 5 year old.

SweetE, I'm not convinced that the likelihood of him passing information on should be a factor in how you approach it. I am 100% certain my daughter will tell everyone she comes into contact with tomorrow, and I'm ok with that - I would much rather her tell the truth than some tall tale about storks, and give other parents credit to manage their own children's take on it should that happen. They will hear all sorts of things at school as they grow, this is just the beginning and if the truth is the worst of it... well you know where I'm going with that.

Also, E, ALL kids overshare.... all the time. I wouldn't even let that be part of your thinking.

We have always used appropriate language and terminology to describe our anatomy, and have continued to do so whilst having that talk this afternoon. If it's no big deal to you, it will be no big deal to him, and that's how it should be. The last thing you want to do, is unintentionally plant some seed of shame, embarrassment, or inappropriateness in talking with you about things and deferring and delaying these kinds of conversations can inadvertently do that.

Ultimately only you know what is going to work best for HIS understanding. I would definitely not start with handing him a book though. I would have the conversation THEN hand him the age appropriate book to reflect on and allow him to re-visit on his own, then perhaps YOU bring it up again a day or too after he last days so he knows it's an open door to talk about it with you.

Good luck, and look, whatever happens as long as you're open and honest and keep the communication open it'll all be just fine.

I get that all kids overshare, and I probably should have mentioned that. I'm fine with that, and I expect it. If he had asked in a month or so when school's out, I'd have no issue, but my intuition is saying it's not such a great idea when he's in this particular class. You're right, Rainy, I know my munchkin better than anyone else, and given that my intuition is pretty strong, I think it's probably wise to listen to it. I may just wait to see if he brings it up again before school gets out.

He can't read yet, so handing him a book would be fruitless, plus it's not the way I parent. I was thinking more of using a book if he needed further explanation or age-appropriate pictures.

I suspect the neighbors can handle a child with no filter.

20 years ago my then very pregnant wife and I moved with our five year old son to a new neighborhood. She gave birth shortly thereafter and our only child stepped into his role of big brother with pride.

He was a very sociable child and would often introduce himself to adults. One day while she was resting with the brand-new baby, he slipped outside and went door to door announcing the good news.

One of the neighbors related the conversation later.

"Hi! I'm ___________. I have a new baby sister! My mom breast-feeds."

Ah, those comments are always cute and funny, even when they're embarrassing!

Can you just tell him that you'll explain the rest when he's older?, because it's something he won't understand yet? It depends on his faith in you and his willingness to accept your wisdom, but I think that card works if it's played sparingly. Of course, the only thing I've ever raised are two kittens who are currently out of control, so I'm one to talk.

Not really; the truth is that he WILL understand and I believe that honesty is usually the best policy. The prevailing wisdom is that it's best to be honest with kids in an age-appropriate way when they're asking for information. I don't know for sure that he'll ask for details, but I think there's a very good chance because he's so fascinated with medicine and he typically presses for more info when we discuss his topics of interest.

 

[jomar]

Ask him why he wants to know. Maybe he wants to know how the stork gets into the hospital. You don't want to answer a question he's not asking.

 

[SweetErika]

Why lie to the kid! But at the same time, don't tell a child more than they can understand. At 5 years old, a child's understanding of human anatomy is limited.

Agreed.

I was around your son's age when I got the facts (in a straight forward manner, although I didn't quite understood how erections worked until I was a bit older ); however, I received them on the Friday of the long-weekend, so by the time Tuesday rolled around, the novelty worn off (at least for me) as I went to the science museum and saw an outdoor exhibition and built a box with my dad and visited my friends and got a new set of pencil crayons and baked cookies with my neighbour and and and...

I don't know if it was by design or not, but it might be an idea if oversharing with his peers might be an issue.

That's an idea. He has a 3-day weekend every week, and I have to keep us super busy on weekends right now so he doesn't dwell on how much he misses both his dad and grandma, who are both on extended trips.

How about "from a seed from mommy and a seed from daddy"...if he asks how it gets there, just tell him "we put it there". I don't think you need to elaborate at this juncture. Keep it factual, but simple.

My guy is extremely literal, so I'll use the proper terminology, but I think the seed metaphor is a good one, and I like the "they put it there" idea. If he pressed at that point, I'd be comfortable diverting until he's more mature.

 

[talikat]

My just-turned-5-year-old asked me this today. Now, normally I answer his questions factually and immediately, but today I put him off so I could have some time to think about how to approach this.

The problem is that he has high-functioning autism and has no filter, social skills are a challenge, and one of his strong interests/obsessions is medicine. So, I can easily envision him reciting my answer (even though it'll be very bland) verbatim to his fellow preschoolers and friends (some of whom likely aren't ready for the concept and/or have far more conservative parents).

He does already know that a baby grows in a mommy's uterus, gets nutrients from the mom through the umbilical cord and comes out through the vagina or a c-section, and he has shared that information inappropriately on occasion. I tried to remind him of this, but he cut me off, saying, "Mom, I KNOW THAT ALREADY! I want to know how the baby gets there in the first place!" And at that point I told him it was a really great question, and it's answer I'll give another day when he's a teensy bit older. That probably wasn't a shining moment in my parenting, but it was what I came up with as I was putting him into his car seat.

Should I get an age-appropriate book? Give him the "a sperm from a daddy meets an egg from a mommy" line and hope he doesn't press for more details? He's incredibly smart, though, and almost always does, so I'd be foolish to not plan for the whole conversation. If he asks how the sperm get to the mom, what can I say that's factual but quite vague? If I have to go into any sort of detail, I'll likely need to explain that it isn't appropriate conversation for friends or school, but it's certainly something we can talk about at home and with our doctor. I hate to do that, but I think it's necessary in this particular case.

I distinctly recall having this conversation with my mom when I was about my son's age, and her incredible discomfort with the topic. She also asked where I first heard "sex" and didn't react positively to my answer that my friend kept saying "sex dex." So I want to approach this with comfort AND preferably not have the kid who's perceived negatively for over-sharing.

Books! I never would have gotten through that talk with my son without using one.

My doctor said if he's old enough to ask, he's old enough to know, but only tell them what they ask.

"where did I come from?" is a good one. The library has it or you can get it online to have for future questions.

Easy, age appropriate drawings to follow which are cartoonish but accurate.

Shop around for a more current one, there's a ton out there.

Good luck!

 

[SweetErika]

Books! I never would have gotten through that talk with my son without using one.

My doctor said if he's old enough to ask, he's old enough to know, but only tell them what they ask.

"where did I come from?" is a good one. The library has it or you can get it online to have for future questions.

Easy, age appropriate drawings to follow which are cartoonish but accurate.

Shop around for a more current one, there's a ton out there.

Good luck!

My son likes books a lot, and I was thinking that it might be a helpful tool in keeping our conversation simple and focused. I'll see what our library has to offer.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

My son likes books a lot, and I was thinking that it might be a helpful tool in keeping our conversation simple and focused. I'll see what our library has to offer.

Youre a dolt.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

When I used to teach childbirth and parenting, one of my favorite classes was the Big Brother/Big Sister class. It was designed for kids ages 4-9. (too much younger and they couldn't sit still long enough.. too much older and they were bored)

The class did go into detail about how the baby lives in a special place in mommy's tummy called a uterus and drinks through a big straw called the umbilical cord.. etc etc.. all the way through "comes out through mommy's vagina." Some of the kids would look puzzled, but it was always a very curious time for the kids because it gave them a chance to understand as much as they wanted to while leaving the rest.

One Saturday, as class was nearing an end, a little boy was studying the anatomy posters with a very confused look on his face. I walked over and reviewed with him the different parts of mommy's body.. until he finally burst out

ooOOOOHHHHhhhhh... I thought you said that the baby came from China

and once we'd cleared that up, he was content to return to his Goldfish cracker snack.

In my experience, kids were more concerned with how the baby "grows" more than how the baby "gets there." It was never a sexual question, but more one of development. It was enough to say that a baby started very, very small inside of a mommy and go from there, leaving out the part about fertilization.

have fun.. it is kind of a cool topic.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

50 years ago kids observed animal sex and birth, and were much less ignorant.

Take Junior and Sis to watch your next abortion.

 

[Emerson40]

...wheezings of an old fart trying to pull on pigtails...

C'mon ol' fella, you just looking ridiculous lately.
Nurse leave you sitting in your soiled grampy pants again?

Try and catch up.

 

[Athalia]

50 years ago kids observed animal sex and birth, and were much less ignorant.

Whereas now they have porn to watch.

"See, the mommy and the daddy get naked and the daddy puts his thingy into the mommy's thingy. Then he takes it out, and puts his thingy on the mommy's tongue, and the seed comes out and swims down her mouth and down into her womb, and that's how babies are made."

 

[Tigersman]

Pregnancy talk

My son was 5 1/2 years old when my wife became pregnant for the second time. My wife and I discussed how we would answer any questions our son asked. We decided to answer in the simplest terms just what he asked about. At first this seemed to work. One day he asked something that it was evident someone else had to be feeding him questions. My wife and I had another discussion about how much to tell him. Since this was way before computers and the Internet, my wife suggested digging out one of the Playboy magazines to help explain things. Using the magazine as a visual aid, I ended up explaining what I would have talked to him about when he reached age 12 years. After that discussion, he never asked another question nor did he ask to see the magazine again.

Kids will always pass information back and forth. There is no way any parent can prevent it from happening.

 

[SweetErika]

I saw a friend of ours the other day. We have a lot of mutual friends, she has a daughter who's just a little older than my son, and she has known my son his entire life. While the kids were busy playing, pregnancy came up and I asked her if her daughter had asked how babies get there yet. She said they're almost there, and she thought it was best to wait until the kids are out of preschool in June because they do talk so much and there are a lot of parents who aren't as matter-of-fact as we are.

So, I'm going to wait until school's out unless he asks again in the next month. That's what my intuition says, my husband agrees (he's probably just glad I'm dealing with this subject for the most part! ), and my friend confirmed that many parents have different expectations for their kids when they're 4 or5 and in preschool than when they're 5 or 6 and in kindergarten.

As an aside, I was waiting in line with my son today, and a 5-year-old boy in front of him made a comment about men marrying each other. My son tapped my leg and said, "Is that true, Mom? Can a man marry a man?" I told him it was true, and women can marry other women as well. I'm thankful the other boy shared that with my son and it gave us a chance to connect.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

C'mon ol' fella, you just looking ridiculous lately.
Nurse leave you sitting in your soiled grampy pants again?

Try and catch up.

I don't own a blow-up JELLY doll like some sick twisted folks around here.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Whereas now they have porn to watch.

"See, the mommy and the daddy get naked and the daddy puts his thingy into the mommy's thingy. Then he takes it out, and puts his thingy on the mommy's tongue, and the seed comes out and swims down her mouth and down into her womb, and that's how babies are made."

Around here the kids have teachers who take care of the sex ed.

 

[albertaboy]

The best approach might be to tell him the truth in a wildly technical way so he loses interest and couldn't repeat it anyway.

I have a funny story of the opposite to the, when my daughter was exactly one year old I had a vasectomy.

Our son was 5, I joked about getting spayed like a dog to him and he went into his kindergarden class and announced his Dad was getting fixed today.

If I had told him I was having my Vas deferens snipped, cauterized and clipped he wouldn't have cared anymore and probably wouldn't have repeated it because he didn't understand it.

The teacher had relayed his comments to us at parents night two weeks later when she asked me how my vasectomy went, it was pretty funny for all of us.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

The best approach might be to tell him the truth in a wildly technical way so he loses interest and couldn't repeat it anyway.

I have a funny story of the opposite to the, when my daughter was exactly one year old I had a vasectomy.

Our son was 5, I joked about getting spayed like a dog to him and he went into his kindergarden class and announced his Dad was getting fixed today.

If I had told him I was having my Vas deferens snipped, cauterized and clipped he wouldn't have cared anymore and probably wouldn't have repeated it because he didn't understand it.

The teacher had relayed his comments to us at parents night two weeks later when she asked me how my vasectomy went, it was pretty funny for all of us.

A great way to make him know youre a gelded pussy.