Tom Swifties

[Balladeer08]

These were a form of joke that was briefly popular and died out 50 years or so ago.

Being bored, I thought I'd invite everyone here to invent some and post them.

For background, "Tom Swift" was a series of adventure books, pre-dating the Hardy Boys.

Tom Swiftie jokes worked liked this:

"We need to hurry up," said Tom, swiftly.

"Turn on the light," said Tom, brightly.

Got it?

Let's get started then. A pun and a two....

 

[Balladeer08]

I would have expected people to wade right in.

"It's only a small body of water," said Tom, ponderously.

 

[eyer]

You remind me of a pastor I knew:

Whenever he insisted on teaching Sunday School class to the kids...

...they all fell asleep.

ZZZZzzzzzzzzz...

 

[Balladeer08]

You remind me of a pastor I knew:

Whenever he insisted on teaching Sunday School class to the kids...

...they all fell asleep.

ZZZZzzzzzzzzz...

Can't think of any, huh?

"I think we have a flat," said Tom, tiredly.

 

[bronzeage]

"I wouldn't eat that fish if I was starving," Tom carped.

 

[Balladeer08]

"I wouldn't eat that fish if I was starving," Tom carped.

I love it!

But I don't suppose we can expect any contributions from Eyer.

"His wit isn't sharp enough," said Tom, dully.

 

[Que]

I don't remember many, and cannot seem to create one at the moment. I used to love those puns.

"Hand me that file," he rasped coursely.

 

[Queersetti]

"Go fuck yourself", Tom inserted.

 

[Ramone45]

I like Tom Swifties. We used to do them at the bar after our Kiwanis Club meetings.

 

[Ramone45]

"My wife is a nag", Tom said hoarsely.

 

[Paul1949]

I'll take the prisoner downstairs,

said Tom condescendingly.

 

[Mad_Jack_Rabbit]

"She wanted an innuendo," said Tom, giving her one.

 

[Colonel Hogan]

"Not the best thread you've ever authored," Tom offered magnanimously.

 

[Balladeer08]

I don't remember many, and cannot seem to create one at the moment. I used to love those puns.

"Hand me that file," he rasped coursely.

I think that counts as 2 points.

 

[Balladeer08]

I'll take the prisoner downstairs,said Tom condescendingly.

SWIPE!

At some point, I'm going to use that. 8)

 

[Balladeer08]

SWIPE!

At some point, I'm going to use that. 8)

"I dropped the toothpaste," said Tom, crestfallen.

 

[EmpressJosephine]

"I need some clothes," Tom barely managed to say.

 

[Que]

"I am frankly surprised!" Gasped Frank Lee with astonishment at being awarded the Big Sur Prize.

Ok, there is no Tom. I just wanted to see how far I could contort this concept.

 

[Balladeer08]

"I am frankly surprised!" Gasped Frank Lee with astonishment at being awarded the Big Sur Prize.

Ok, there is no Tom. I just wanted to see how far I could contort this concept.

Keep going. There must be a limit out there somewhere. 8)

 

[Emerson40]

"I thought this was a thread about Tay-Tay, for guys named Tom," said Tom, shaking it off.