Succubus Story

[ironmaiden13]

Um, here we go.

The world is in peril and humans do not know it. Heaven does not intervene and hell is going crazy that their angelic counterparts aren't doing anything to prevent it. Taking things into their own hands, the denizens of the hell decide to for once save the world and keep the "Destroyer" from bringing about the apocalypse. Why do they want to save the world? Because humans make the most amusing crap ever!

Fallen Angel Lucian, a once proud and mighty archangel, has already spotted the "Destroyer". His spirit now dwells in a young woman named Aria. Knowing this, Lucain gathers together three succubus for a desperate mission to save the world. What is this mission? To prevent the "Destroyer" from being born and take its soul back into hell. How must they do this? They must make sure that Aria must NOT get pregnant before the soul is taken back.

The task falls upon three succubus: Rava, Helena and Nix. Rava is a dominatrix succubus who enjoys BDSM and making others lick her boot. She's power hungry and downright cruel.

Helena is a succubus completely obsessed with Fallen Angel Lucian, who does all that he can to avoid her advances. Being devoted only to him, Helena refuses to give her virginity to anyone, but the fallen angel. So how does she accomplish her job as a succubus? Let's just say she doesn't necessarily need to use her flower to suck men dry.

Lastly is Nix, an absolute pervert of a succubus who enjoys teasing and draining men. A succubus's task is to drain the life force of sinful men. Unfortunately, Nix goes beyond her job description and even attacks the innocent. She often gets in trouble with her superiors.

Keep men away from Aria? Doesn't sound too difficult, right? But wait, just how exactly are they supposed to get the "Destroyer's" spirit out of Aria and drag it back to hell? Well, they don't have magic powerful enough to simply pull out the "Destroyer's" spirit and they surely cannot kill her. So they are left with one option that made their jaws drop to the floor. So how will they do it? The very same way they get seed from men.

That's right, three demons, whose profession revolves entirely around men, must now use whatever techniques they know on a woman. Will they succeed, or will they inadvertently get the whole world destroyed and rid hell of most of its entertainment?

So what do you think?

 

[TheMalevolence]

Hey, new person, welcome to the forums!

I'm not a huge fantasy fan, the closest thing to a angel/demon based story I've ever read is a Dan Brown novel or two, but I like the premise, seems like it could be the base for a lot of arousing scenes and still provide a satisfying plot. If you do write the story, make sure you keep the beginning pace slow, stories like this benefit hugely from good character development, maybe a flashback to one of the succubus's previous encounters with men, just to clarify the basic idea?

 

[ironmaiden13]

Hey, new person, welcome to the forums!

I'm not a huge fantasy fan, the closest thing to a angel/demon based story I've ever read is a Dan Brown novel or two, but I like the premise, seems like it could be the base for a lot of arousing scenes and still provide a satisfying plot. If you do write the story, make sure you keep the beginning pace slow, stories like this benefit hugely from good character development, maybe a flashback to one of the succubus's previous encounters with men, just to clarify the basic idea?

Thanks for the input! I was actually making this part comedy also, since these three will be trying to do something they do not completely understand, whilst also having to deal with their own personal agendas and desires.

 

[TheMalevolence]

Maybe the ending twist is that they end up getting used to it and begin experimenting with each other?

 

[ukbicuriousguy]

I think the comedy will be a nice twist (things are too serious on here, sometimes!). Helena's conflict, particularly.

 

[TheMalevolence]

Comedy always helps to lighten the mood, sex is fun, after all, sexual writing should be too

 

[CyranoJ]

That's right, three demons, whose profession revolves entirely around men, must now use whatever techniques they know on a woman. Will they succeed, or will they inadvertently get the whole world destroyed and rid hell of most of its entertainment?

So what do you think?

Sounds fun.

Just one question: isn't hell also supposed to have incubi in its arsenal to use on women? Are they all occupied or out of commission or on strike, or do they just not exist for purposes of this concept?

 

[Hypoxia]

Just one question: isn't hell also supposed to have incubi in its arsenal to use on women? Are they all occupied or out of commission or on strike, or do they just not exist for purposes of this concept?

The universe swarms with numerous types of demons, possibly of competing orders. An opposing team of incubi contend with the succubi for Aria's possession, oh yeah! Psycho demons, elemental Aspects, neglected demigods, and misplaced aliens get into the fray, too. Hilarity & mayhem ensue.

All these entities manifest as humanoids, of course, for the fuckfests. When Aria is conscious, the Destroyer is hidden away inside her. She doesn't know why all these interesting 'people' are approaching her, or that the Destroyer pops-up every now and then to fend them off. It's a complex game of hints and misdirections, secret power-plays and sudden doom. Ewwww...

 

[ironmaiden13]

Sounds fun.

Just one question: isn't hell also supposed to have incubi in its arsenal to use on women? Are they all occupied or out of commission or on strike, or do they just not exist for purposes of this concept?

Well, the thing about that is that I consodered Incubi as mainly seed giving demons, who mainly get women pregnant. Considering that Hell wants to avoid giving birth to the "Destroyer", they're not exactly very favorable in the situation.

Speaking of which, why was this transferred to the feedback section? This is just an idea, not a posted story.

 

[DarkPleasures]

Well, the thing about that is that I consodered Incubi as mainly seed giving demons, who mainly get women pregnant. Considering that Hell wants to avoid giving birth to the "Destroyer", they're not exactly very favorable in the situation.

Speaking of which, why was this transferred to the feedback section? This is just an idea, not a posted story.

It looked more like a story snippet seeking feedback than an idea. (Titling it "Succubus Story" and asking "So what do you think?"

 

[sr71plt]

And Darkpleasures (who is an alt for the MyRubolips mod of Story Ideas--the one MyRubilips uses when she doesn't want to own up to the post) has never caught on that this part of the forum is for feedback on stories that have already been posted to Literotica. (Post your feedback about Literotica stories you love or hate!)

Story Ideas was, in fact, the proper place for this thread.

 

[CyranoJ]

Well, the thing about that is that I consodered Incubi as mainly seed giving demons, who mainly get women pregnant.

Ah. Makes sense.

 

[robertreams]

If the minions of hell are fallen angels, aren't they all men? All angels are male, but without the capacity to reproduce because god did not give them female angels. Isn't that why they were supposed to have revolted against god, because he gave them no EVE? I know Michael and Gabriel and a few others, but I have never heard of an angel with a female name.

 

[Hypoxia]

If the minions of hell are fallen angels, aren't they all men? All angels are male, but without the capacity to reproduce because god did not give them female angels. Isn't that why they were supposed to have revolted against god, because he gave them no EVE? I know Michael and Gabriel and a few others, but I have never heard of an angel with a female name.

That's one theology. Another is that angels (heavenly messengers) are genderless, or assume whatever visage is appropriate. Another is that ANY divine messenger is an angel, including talking serpents and bushes. Of course, one could always gargle for female angels and see what's said. Hint: there are biblical references to female angels. Personally, I'd explore non-Xian theologies and mythologies -- hotter angels there.

 

[Sean Renaud]

Okay in no particular order here are the good, the bad and the technical issues I see.

1. If heaven is absent at some point you really have to address why. Is it like Supernatural where they were sick and tired of how fucked up we are and just wanted to be done? Is something preventing them?

2. Why not confront the destroyer? He's been spotted, is he truly so powerful that everybody jumping wouldn't work? If so then you need to put a MacGuffin or at a search for one because you need a goal.

3. There is a lot of detail there, sure you don't want to write this yourself with a bunch of people here to help you bounce ideas around?

4. I think you've got more moving parts that are necessary or even useful. Have you ever heard of Bondage Fairies? It's a somewhat similar concept to what you seem to be aiming towards but without the mythology getting in the way. You've just got a like three (it's been like six years since I last read one) faires with various personalities and we follow them around on their little adventures.

I honestly think unless you're aiming for a full length novel (or possibly longer) that Lucian and the Destroyer, and the motivations of why the demons are trying to save the Earth is just going to get in the way of the fun bits. And quite possibly worse the fun bits are going to get in the way of the story. It's a difficult act to have both.

Not impossible mind you but very, very difficult. Imagine if you will Terminator. Can you imagine instead of a relatively tame (especially by today's standards) sex scene between Sarah and Kyle that lasted a few minutes that right in the middle of this action flick they they fifteen minutes out for a porn shoot? On the other side of the coin with the arguable exception of Brazzers (I think their skits are so fucking funny that they are worth watching) who doesn't fast forward through that crap? You want a story that's got MORE of that. I think you're looking for a very specific audience.

Of course the good news is a specific audience if you can tap it will be loyal unto your death.

There are probably other things.

 

[Hypoxia]

Okay in no particular order here are the good, the bad and the technical issues I see.

Fortunately, an author can build or borrow/adapt a consistent theology to avoid mythos issues. Roz did so rather well in Purely Sinful (altho she did get a bit cluttered at the end). I can see this working anywhere between a flash story and a series of novels, depending on how long an author wishes to string it out.