When the task is so hard.

[kimuk]

In every Ds relationship we interact uniquely with our P/ply. Sometimes we are asked to adhere to daily rituals to maintain the link, show obedience, cement the connection.

Sometimes a new order/instruction/task comes our way. We might be able to comply immediately. Be expected to do so. We may be given a time limit.
It might be something which needs preparation and planning before execution. We may have a deadline.

They might have expectations about our behaviour. An ideal that they wish us to achieve.

Or sometimes you might overtly ask for their help with something you have been unable to achieve alone. They might offer their support. Guidance or give an incentive.

Have you ever found anything so hard you worry how you will achieve it?
I have a new task something I desperately want to achieve. But it feels so hard.
Do you fear failure if you have ever been in that situation? Not because of the repercussions ( which have been agreed prior to it) because you know how awful letting him down will feel?

 

[Aphro]

I have to admit, I really want to know what this task is...

 

[kimuk]

Lol it's not sexual or erotic. More about personal improvement. I confessed to something he didn't know about as I wanted his help with it. Which he is giving me. But I thought with my subby enthusiasm I'd be able to follow his instructions easily but I'm finding it very hard.
Im sure many have been in the same situation

 

[quiveringpanda]

Yes its very hard at first. I had a master that was used to the role, and me being new, he wanted to break me quickly.
First it was no panties while at home, then none while shopping. Then he said none while working, this in only a three day time period. It was very difficult. Then he requested no bra while at work but i just couldnt do that. He was very upset unfortunately.

 

[Vixandra]

Yes its very hard at first. I had a master that was used to the role, and me being new, he wanted to break me quickly.
First it was no panties while at home, then none while shopping. Then he said none while working, this in only a three day time period. It was very difficult. Then he requested no bra while at work but i just couldnt do that. He was very upset unfortunately.

Not wearing appropriate undergarments can bite you in a bad way at work. Unless you're on the Itty Bitty Titty Commitee as a Chairwoman, you shouldn't skip the support in most dress or work clothing. Having a sub become unemployed to such activity isn't being a PYL, its being a fucktard with a powertrip.

 

[seela]

I have asked for J's help with some things that I have found difficult to achieve alone because of my own personal incapabilities of sorts, but I'm not sure that's any different than what would happen in any good relationship. I mean, isn't it a part of being in a (good) relationship that you get support when you need it?

We have never had punishment dynamic involved in these situations. He's just made sure to ask me frequently how the thing is going and asked if I need help with something specific. That has been enough for me to get my thing done. The things I've asked for help have been mostly about time management, because that is my Achilles' heel. Concrete examples include planning and sticking to a study schedule to be able to pass an important exam and last year I had to show J a certain amount of words being written each day when I was struggling with a particularly large work order. He didn't read it, he just wanted to see the text.


However, if it's a question of something larger, like a lifestyle change, losing weight, coming out of your shell or something else that cannot be very clearly defined to have a beginning and an end, I'm not sure if bringing D/s into the mix is the best solution. Getting encouragement and help is definitely a good thing when you're trying to change your life one way or another, but having to deal with punishments and the feeling of letting not only yourself but someone else down as well... I don't know, to me it just doesn't sound like a good idea and I wouldn't want to try it. I also believe that when it comes to big changes, the motivation and reasons for them has to come from within or they won't be lasting.

This might not have anything to do with your situation and I'm not trying to imply it does. Your question just reminded me of a friend who has twice lost quite a large amount of weight with the help of her dominant. Once the relationships ended and she no longer had the outside force to keep her in check she gained the weight back pretty fast.

That said, I think J has helped me change as a person even though I don't think it was ever his intention to change me on a deep level. I used to struggle a lot with finding positives about the things that I do or am. He noticed it and I've ever since had a standing order to do every day something that I can be proud of and he can be proud of. It has helped me to see the things that I do from a different point of view and now, looking back to when we first started doing this, I have changed a lot for the better.

Edit: I'm sorry this became a long ramble that doesn't really even answer your question.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Seela, you put words to a lot of the things that were swimming around in my head.

 

[MeekMe]

I'm in a similar situation to seela. My changes were gradual and were brought on by me for me. Though, not completely just for me. Before any d/s was introduced I took it upon myself to get better at things so that I could be better for us. It was all self motivation that achieved those goals, with the thought that it would be better for both of us.

He didn't give me tasks or incentives or punishments. He did introduce me to things that were outside of my comfort zone and I found I either had to sink of swim. I have social anxiety that makes for really awkward gatherings. My husband on the other hand, is pretty amazing in social situations and it turns out he's invited to a lot of social gatherings. Some of which are more upscale. So on top of being socially awkward, I had to learn a more sophisticated manner of socializing. Which I fail at occasionally.
>.<;;

When I started reading more about d/s, I too thought some subby motivation would work for some things. It really didn't. It just sort of added an unnecessary pressure to the situation that lead to a bigger failure crash. The only way I can improve is if I take it on myself and hold myself accountable. Outside pressure just makes it harder to concentrate and makes me even more nervous about failing.

I'd rather work hard on my own without the extra baggage.

 

[kimuk]

Thank you for your interesting comments. What I'm trying to achieve is something I've wanted for a very long time. But I can't do it alone. No one has ever been interested enough to help me. I knew when I told him about it he would. And we met today and talked about it ( sorry Sir if I went on about it a bit lol ). But he's supportive, understanding and reassuring that there is no time set to achieve it but we will.......together.
I think I was beating myself up about it ( were good at that arnt we? ). But he just wants to help. And as you said wouldn't any good partner want to.
I don't have an issue with punishment and our Ds dynamic being used to aid me getting to my goal. Its our choice and its how we work. For me it actually helps. I know he'll still love and want me no matter how long he takes. And I know he will help me get there.
As always when we can talk and laugh and hold hands and touch and see each other's responses face to fave everything is Crystal clear.
I think we made a huge step forwards today. Not only with this issue but about us. I think I'm extreamly lucky to have him. And I will never take that amount of care attention and concern for granted.

 

[quiveringpanda]

Not wearing appropriate undergarments can bite you in a bad way at work. Unless you're on the Itty Bitty Titty Commitee as a Chairwoman, you shouldn't skip the support in most dress or work clothing. Having a sub become unemployed to such activity isn't being a PYL, its being a fucktard with a powertrip.

Im sorry idk what PLY is. New ish still lol... yeah I told him itd be too risky. And unfortunately I am on that committee lmao.... luckily my master enjoyed them. But he understood after awhile.

 

[midwestyankee]

Im sorry idk what PLY is. New ish still lol... yeah I told him itd be too risky. And unfortunately I am on that committee lmao.... luckily my master enjoyed them. But he understood after awhile.

PYL and pyl were invented here to serve as all-inclusive abbreviations. Stands for Pick Your Label and refers to Dominants, Tops, Daddies, Sadists, you-name-it. The corollary, pyl, stands in for submissive, bottom, babygirl, masochist, what-have-you.

 

[quiveringpanda]

Oh thank you! Learning so much from this site