Noor
Citizen of the World
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2003
- Posts
- 32,396
It is predictable and yet unpredictable.
There are so many levels and some many ways it is different from day to day, from moment to moment.
Given the events of this summer I think the Kubler Ross stages of grief were an interesting study in classification but nothing more. What is that word Phelia for studies of classifications?
Anyway last night I was playing around with my phone which has a bunch of stuff loaded on it from B's phone and Dum Transisset Sabbatum was on there as a ringtone, and it had the first few secs on it.
I keep trying to play this piece, I have Byron's cds of it and all but when I start at about 10 seconds in, I lose it. Mainly because that is moment when, within us both, the madness of whatever we were wound up about would stop and we would fall into the music and into the peace of each other. I guess I couldn't handle going there without him.
Last night I got through it, not dried eyed but at least calm enough to hear the music.
Dum Transisset Sabbatum
http://youtu.be/pTLx7aL7dIQ
Next to get through Spem In Alium. I think I will wait a bit.
####
This weekend, I was at a gathering where many of us were wearing black armbands for a mutual friend.
Someone remarked that they weren't sure which arm we should be wearing them on. The person we would have asked was unfortunately the one we were wearing the armbands for...
When Byron died, he was great, we talked about Victorian death rituals, and stuff we would be doing. He said you can always come here when you need to and in the weeks between their deaths I was there a lot. A week before his death during an event when I just kind of lost it for a moment, I didn't say anything, he just said I know and hugged me. He was like that.
He was a shining light, a drama queen of a very different sort, a person you could talk to about almost anything, he was great fun to even go food shopping with, everything was an adventure.
I went to his memorial, wore my tiara, his program is on the white board at the top of my stairs, and I see his smiling face beam out of it. I help to make sure the events he had planned will still happen. His death made me very sad but until today I didn't actually have the space to mourn him.
I think it maybe time for me to switch to purple mourning...
###
So many questions:
How long does one keep phone numbers of the dead in their phones? especially if they are attached to pictures? I realized last night that most of the people on my favorites page are dead.
Also skype?
I am leaving the friends status on facebooks because people still post on their pages.
How do you tell people that you don't want to do something because you would rather be home alone with your memories? I usually just say I am busy.
On the other hand I want to do everything and see everyone because I am only too aware that there maybe no more tomorrows for any of us.
I want to see my parents but I don't want them to see me like this, ill and grieving.
There are so many levels and some many ways it is different from day to day, from moment to moment.
Given the events of this summer I think the Kubler Ross stages of grief were an interesting study in classification but nothing more. What is that word Phelia for studies of classifications?
Anyway last night I was playing around with my phone which has a bunch of stuff loaded on it from B's phone and Dum Transisset Sabbatum was on there as a ringtone, and it had the first few secs on it.
I keep trying to play this piece, I have Byron's cds of it and all but when I start at about 10 seconds in, I lose it. Mainly because that is moment when, within us both, the madness of whatever we were wound up about would stop and we would fall into the music and into the peace of each other. I guess I couldn't handle going there without him.
Last night I got through it, not dried eyed but at least calm enough to hear the music.
Dum Transisset Sabbatum
http://youtu.be/pTLx7aL7dIQ
Next to get through Spem In Alium. I think I will wait a bit.
####
This weekend, I was at a gathering where many of us were wearing black armbands for a mutual friend.
Someone remarked that they weren't sure which arm we should be wearing them on. The person we would have asked was unfortunately the one we were wearing the armbands for...
When Byron died, he was great, we talked about Victorian death rituals, and stuff we would be doing. He said you can always come here when you need to and in the weeks between their deaths I was there a lot. A week before his death during an event when I just kind of lost it for a moment, I didn't say anything, he just said I know and hugged me. He was like that.
He was a shining light, a drama queen of a very different sort, a person you could talk to about almost anything, he was great fun to even go food shopping with, everything was an adventure.
I went to his memorial, wore my tiara, his program is on the white board at the top of my stairs, and I see his smiling face beam out of it. I help to make sure the events he had planned will still happen. His death made me very sad but until today I didn't actually have the space to mourn him.
I think it maybe time for me to switch to purple mourning...
###
So many questions:
How long does one keep phone numbers of the dead in their phones? especially if they are attached to pictures? I realized last night that most of the people on my favorites page are dead.
Also skype?
I am leaving the friends status on facebooks because people still post on their pages.
How do you tell people that you don't want to do something because you would rather be home alone with your memories? I usually just say I am busy.
On the other hand I want to do everything and see everyone because I am only too aware that there maybe no more tomorrows for any of us.
I want to see my parents but I don't want them to see me like this, ill and grieving.
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