NYT: To Fall in Love With Anyone Do This

[LadyFunkenstein]

Interesting article. Who here volunteers to try and report back?

More than 20 years ago, the psychologist Arthur Aron succeeded in making two strangers fall in love in his laboratory. Last summer, I applied his technique in my own life, which is how I found myself standing on a bridge at midnight, staring into a man’s eyes for exactly four minutes....

I explained the study to my university acquaintance. A heterosexual man and woman enter the lab through separate doors. They sit face to face and answer a series of increasingly personal questions. Then they stare silently into each other’s eyes for four minutes. The most tantalizing detail: Six months later, two participants were married. They invited the entire lab to the ceremony.

“Let’s try it,” he said.

Link to full article

The list of questions

 

[Fala]

Interesting article. Who here volunteers to try and report back?



Link to full article

Whoa! I know some who have done the fuck-roll after 4 minutes of looking into a strangers eyes!

Interesting study! I'll go back and read the article, as I was rude enough to reply before doing so. ...

...the four minute fuck on me, eh.

 

[Liar]

anyone*


*who is willing to sit still and stare at you for four minutes

 

[Fala]

anyone*


*who is willing to sit still and stare at you for four minutes

Yeah...I was thinking that same thing. No wonder some of my buddies opted to fuck them instead.

No matter what they looked like...it's a win-win.

LF...I jumped into a thread to fuck around...sorry it was yours.

 

[gotsnowgotslush]

ah, GB, you have taught me well. A snarky answer to this strange phenomena, popped into my mind

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Yeah...I was thinking that same thing. No wonder some of my buddies opted to fuck them instead.

No matter what they looked like...it's a win-win.

LF...I jumped into a thread to fuck around...sorry it was yours.

You can make it up to me by performing the experiment and reporting back.

 

[Fala]

You can make it up to me by performing the experiment and reporting back.

Yeah, I can do that! Will report back.

 

[Noor]

I find this a bit unnerving.

Although Byron and I never stared into each eyes for exactly 4 mins, we did ask and answer all those questions for each other pretty early on. Have we been in front of each other back then I supposed we might have gotten distracted and ended up having sex instead, interesting... We also had a discussion about that.

What if it's not the causality, what if it's just the wanting to know all those things about someone you are already falling in love with? Or what if there is a gate you throw down, like sex so people don't get to know you too closely?

Byron used to watch me sleep, which was not something I usually let people do but it never bothered me when he did. It was actually kind of cool because when I woke up, I could just immediately talk to him

 

[Fala]

I find this a bit unnerving.

Although Byron and I never stared into each eyes for exactly 4 mins, we did ask and answer all those questions for each other pretty early on. Have we been in front of each other back then I supposed we might have gotten distracted and ended up having sex instead, interesting... We also had a discussion about that.

What if it's not the causality, what if it's just the wanting to know all those things about someone you are already falling in love with? Or what if there is a gate you throw down, like sex so people don't get to know you too closely?

Byron used to watch me sleep, which was not something I usually let people do but it never bothered me when he did. It was actually kind of cool because when I woke up, I could just immediately talk to him

Noor,

I found the 1992 copy of the publication Yellow Silk for this poem I wanted to send to you. It's called "Thief's Perfume" by Stephen Perry. This poem reminds
me of you and Byron...


"I have a thief's eyes, but do not mean it:
I would take your form and have you
naked, breasts like honeyed stories, desire
in your most private grotto. I would have you
in a field, in a house, wherever you are
whether or not you know I'm looking.

I have taken you gently, without your body,
when you've laughed, when there was least to expect,
I've been in you. At night, when all are asleep
in their rooms and you're asleep in your room,
you ride me, fast and furious, a tight sucking pull
which may make you turn in your dream, wonder

why you're wet, why you want the swarm of shudders
so much, you place your hand on your secret place
not knowing it is mine. Forgive me, I have wanted
to touch you, so you tighten in the same place I tighten,
want to rush to that center, which is lower than we either
want. But we have already felt each other's heart pulse,

hips locked, the throb coming both up and down, skin
on skin, innocent, my aggressive wet and your yesing
wet, though consent was never given. When after we separate
in perfume, which I carry to remind me
I have never been with you, in you, over you, never over you,
your perfume is richer, stronger, sweeter, for being miles away.

 

[gotsnowgotslush]

Ah, I have not seen a copy of Yellow Silk, for a very long time.

 

[Que]

The other thing about the experiment is there is the matter of pheromone production and reception. Anytime you get yourself proximate to someone else in an intimate way your chemical receptors are giving you a go, no-go signal.

As described, it is an intimacy building exercise, so it stands to reason that if you are not being turned "off" in the other's presence, you are being turned on.

There are couples that could do with such an exercise to either connect better, or to reconnect.

There is a girl I know. In person the attraction is electric, for me. She says and does things to suggest the chemistry has a similar effect on her. One of the things she remarks on is the level of eye-contact. This was not intentional on my part, nor is it something that I usually get similar feedback for, so I suspect it is something I am drawn to to with her. She tends to look a bit nervous but interested in the attention and holds the eye contact. Like I said I was not doing this for effect, it just is. Away from her direct presence, the relationship simply withers.

Do we know how often this technique was tried and result in the giggles or having to look away or uncomfortable obfuscation on the questions?

I think anyone that would be willing to sit and go through each of those questions with me openly, and honestly would be a pretty decent partner, all other considerations being equal.

None of those questions, to my eye. have deal-breaker pitfalls inherit in them; there are no "wrong" answers if they are heartfelt ones.

Feeling someone's heart is sexy.

 

[Fala]

Ah, I have not seen a copy of Yellow Silk, for a very long time.

Oh, I know gsgs! Luckily, my husband kept every copy we came across. We used to lay in bed late at night and read them together....oooooh

...those were the best nights ever.

If there are any writing's or poems that you particularly remember and you'd like me to send it to you, I'd be happy to.

 

[Noor]

Noor,

I found the 1992 copy of the publication Yellow Silk for this poem I wanted to send to you. It's called "Thief's Perfume" by Stephen Perry. This poem reminds
me of you and Byron...


"I have a thief's eyes, but do not mean it:
I would take your form and have you
naked, breasts like honeyed stories, desire
in your most private grotto. I would have you
in a field, in a house, wherever you are
whether or not you know I'm looking.

I have taken you gently, without your body,
when you've laughed, when there was least to expect,
I've been in you. At night, when all are asleep
in their rooms and you're asleep in your room,
you ride me, fast and furious, a tight sucking pull
which may make you turn in your dream, wonder

why you're wet, why you want the swarm of shudders
so much, you place your hand on your secret place
not knowing it is mine. Forgive me, I have wanted
to touch you, so you tighten in the same place I tighten,
want to rush to that center, which is lower than we either
want. But we have already felt each other's heart pulse,

hips locked, the throb coming both up and down, skin
on skin, innocent, my aggressive wet and your yesing
wet, though consent was never given. When after we separate
in perfume, which I carry to remind me
I have never been with you, in you, over you, never over you,
your perfume is richer, stronger, sweeter, for being miles away.

Lovely!

 

[parodyluvr75]

I do always make good eye contact and smile a lot, this actually explains problems I've had in the past. Men being more into me than I am with them. I'm always asking people questions or getting them to open up. I'm just interested in what makes people tick. I guess for those who normally never reveal much, it is intimacy. My guess it would be effective. I always say if you want to be interesting, be interested.

 

[Noor]

I do always make good eye contact and smile a lot, this actually explains problems I've had in the past. Men being more into me than I am with them. I'm always asking people questions or getting them to open up. I'm just interested in what makes people tick. I guess for those who normally never reveal much, it is intimacy. My guess it would be effective. I always say if you want to be interesting, be interested.

I am the same usually, men more into me than I am them. In the case of Byron it was that way at first but he grew on me

Yes people talk to me too, even shy people who don't usually talk.

 

[parodyluvr75]

I am the same usually, men more into me than I am them. In the case of Byron it was that way at first but he grew on me

Yes people talk to me too, even shy people who don't usually talk.

You probably make good eye contact too. I can find something in common withmost people. Ha, that's how my one friend was. He chased after me for 2 years before I went out with him. If anything he was persistent.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Its not an experiment. Its a nifty idea with no controls or variables.

Most pair bonds occur when the contestants satisfy the essential criteria on the list of specifications each person has. People can be ideal and have vaginal infections that kill the deal quicker than ebola. We usually bite the bait that's missing from our lives...money, sex, good health, drama, etc.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

You probably make good eye contact too. I can find something in common withmost people. Ha, that's how my one friend was. He chased after me for 2 years before I went out with him. If anything he was persistent.

Desperate.

 

[parodyluvr75]

Desperate.

Him, no, he had a ton of ladies. I'm not sure why he chased me, probably because I was running.

 

[toubab]

The lingering eye contact thing is funny. Not ha ha funny. Just funny. Sometimes it happens in the oddest of circumstances. Like when a beautiful young cashier looks you in the eyes while asking how you are, and doesn't look away for what seems a very long time, despite there being a line of people behind you waiting to check out. Especially if, after you pay, she looks you in the eyes again for another minor eternity while bagging your purchases and saying goodbye, and you leave the store wondering why she looked at you that way. After thinking about it, you realize she may have simply been wondering why you were looking at her that way, what with her being young and beautiful and all, and you not. But still, it makes you wonder, and you remember those eyes, and that smile, and that face. It's funny. Maybe even a little ha ha funny.

 

[Que]

Its not an experiment. Its a nifty idea with no controls or variables.

Most pair bonds occur when the contestants satisfy the essential criteria on the list of specifications each person has. People can be ideal and have vaginal infections that kill the deal quicker than ebola. We usually bite the bait that's missing from our lives...money, sex, good health, drama, etc.

Ewww.

I had a buddy that was quite the swordsman in this small town. We were rooming together so I got the details, which was OK when it was a vicarious thrill, not so much when he had complaints about hygiene. Nobody actually wants to hear about that. It sounded to me like he was overly particular.

Finally one that he had warned me about, ended up with me. It kind of irritated me to be thinking about that, when it looked like I was in like Flynn. It had been several months, surely she had gotten that taken care of...

Nope.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Ewww.

I had a buddy that was quite the swordsman in this small town. We were rooming together so I got the details, which was OK when it was a vicarious thrill, not so much when he had complaints about hygiene. Nobody actually wants to hear about that. It sounded to me like he was overly particular.

Finally one that he had warned me about, ended up with me. It kind of irritated me to be thinking about that, when it looked like I was in like Flynn. It had been several months, surely she had gotten that taken care of...

Nope.

A neighbor of mine brought home a gal who shit on his bed while he was showering and brushing his teeth.

 

[Que]

A neighbor of mine brought home a gal who shit on his bed while he was showering and brushing his teeth.

As I said, nobody really wants to hear these things. SMH

I hope she was at least drunk to have done that...

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

As I said, nobody really wants to hear these things. SMH

I hope she was at least drunk to have done that...

No. He called me to come over afterwards, and I saw the evidence.

 

[Que]

I'd love to sit and stare at people for four minutes. I think it would be fascinating.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/07/12/article-2172822-140A5F2A000005DC-928_310x440.jpg