Is This... Normal?

[1millionsecrets]

I am an extremely sexually driven woman in her younger years. I adore being touched, and loved, and felt... I am crazy about my boyfriend, but at times he seems so physically distant. As if he doesn't even wish to touch me at all...
What I am starting to wonder, is it me?
Am I not beautiful enough, or perhaps arousing to him?
Is this common...
Or is it me?

 

[daddy4romance3]

Sorry to hear that. I can imagine its not easy. While my reaction is to say its not normal at all, I would wonder why a man would do that. One thing I can say is that it cannot be you. There must be something going on with him.

 

[1millionsecrets]

Thank you sweetie.
I have gone through everything in my head, like body odor, appearance, time since intercourse, and the only conclusion I can draw is a pure lack of interest...

 

[Riley69]

Lack of interest

Usually, when there is a lack of interest it is because something else is monopolizing the person's attention. The key word is "usually", which is not the same as "each and every time".

Some guys get a lot on their mind, get depressed from all the thinking and pressure and they just want to escape the "normalcy" of the daily grind, and sometimes that means not paying attention to the one they should be paying attention to the most. I was in that situation with my first wife because I under a TREMENDOUS amount of stress from all sides in my life. Something has to give sometimes! At the same time, she was not willing to take the time to be patient, loving, caring or assistive in my time of need. Yep, recipe for disaster when it comes to marriage.

What is going on in his life? Maybe you don't need to grill him like a police detective to find out, which would probably make matters worse. Is he having problems with his parents or other relatives? Is he having problems with YOUR relatives? What is going on at work? Is he sticking to his daily routine, going to work on time, coming home on time? Look and listen for clues and you might just be surprised at what you learn.

 

[1millionsecrets]

Usually, when there is a lack of interest it is because something else is monopolizing the person's attention. The key word is "usually", which is not the same as "each and every time".

Some guys get a lot on their mind, get depressed from all the thinking and pressure and they just want to escape the "normalcy" of the daily grind, and sometimes that means not paying attention to the one they should be paying attention to the most. I was in that situation with my first wife because I under a TREMENDOUS amount of stress from all sides in my life. Something has to give sometimes! At the same time, she was not willing to take the time to be patient, loving, caring or assistive in my time of need. Yep, recipe for disaster when it comes to marriage.

What is going on in his life? Maybe you don't need to grill him like a police detective to find out, which would probably make matters worse. Is he having problems with his parents or other relatives? Is he having problems with YOUR relatives? What is going on at work? Is he sticking to his daily routine, going to work on time, coming home on time? Look and listen for clues and you might just be surprised at what you learn.

Thank you hun.
I try to be understanding and patient. I haven't said anything to him, and I didn't plan on saying anything. He works hard and I love him, I'm not blaming any of this on him.
His work life has been stressful, so perhaps that is it.
All I can do is be supportive and wait, even if it hurts sometimes. That appears to be my only option if this is the case.

 

[thecapt101]

Work stress can cause a lot of issues internally and externally. Maybe letting him you notice this can lead to him feeling better about it?

 

[1millionsecrets]

Work stress can cause a lot of issues internally and externally. Maybe letting him you notice this can lead to him feeling better about it?

Okay I will, thank you.

 

[HussarVanburen]

I would recommend being as kind, attentive, and loving as possible to him.

 

[suckonsimon]

Hey, lovely girl.

How do you, and how does he, feel about the 'chemistry' between you? Might it just possibly be that for some reason that mix has changed since you first were hot for each other? - or changed in him? I understand you are quite young; so I guess he is too? A guy's perception of what he really wants in a woman can be still changing though early 20s. What I'm saying may not be it at all, but, is there a way you can talk about that? Because, if it is that he has lost is attraction to you, the time to act on that is sooner rather than later. There are far too many couples stay as an item when internally it's all over: that, my dear, ends in misery. Sorry to be a bit alarmist. But, as you consider this, please keep in mind that what I'm saying here is not a comment on you at all! It's just a fact of life that people - should I say men? - can change quite profoundly in young adulthood in terms of their perception of what they really warm to.

Another possibility entirely: Is he pleasuring himself a bit too often, and then anxious that you'll see no arousal in him if you get intimate soon after? Sorry! it's another awkward one but not at all unusual!

Just wanting to set out all the possibilities on your thread, lovely.
You take care! Simon

 

[BareBackRider2]

I am an extremely sexually driven woman in her younger years. I adore being touched, and loved, and felt... I am crazy about my boyfriend, but at times he seems so physically distant. As if he doesn't even wish to touch me at all...
What I am starting to wonder, is it me?
Am I not beautiful enough, or perhaps arousing to him?
Is this common...
Or is it me?

Always remember that sex is one of many factors in a relationship.

I'm like yourself. I crave the physical and its very important to me.

Sadly my wife for many years was the complete opposite to the point where she'd even pull away from a kiss.

I knew she loved me but the physical was not important to her.

If I brought it up she'd claim I was pressuring her. And I kid you not, when we did have sex maybe once a month she acted like she was doing me a "favor" .

Needless to say I felt re rejected as you do and even thought about divorce more than once.

Communication is the key. You ARE normal. But so is he

There's all kinds of "normal" and what you need to do is new open and honest about your needs (and they are needs) and meet him in the middle.

You'll find many couples are happily miss matched in this way. Maybe it's for the best. If I'd have married a nympho I'd never leave the bedroom

As for me and the wife, we're still happy married and I'm more crazy about her everyday. She's my goddess.

I hope that helps.

 

[OpenMouth]

You say at times he's distant- at other times, is he more demonstrative?

You sound lovely; it's a crying shame you're not getting the physical attention you deserve.

I hope the two of you can work it out; communication is always the most important thing.

 

[klippert]

I am an extremely sexually driven woman in her younger years. I adore being touched, and loved, and felt... I am crazy about my boyfriend, but at times he seems so physically distant. As if he doesn't even wish to touch me at all...
What I am starting to wonder, is it me?
Am I not beautiful enough, or perhaps arousing to him?
Is this common...
Or is it me?

I dont' know your age's. but, it is common. we all have stress in out lives. I can't answer for him. I can go months without sex from the Mrs. we try to talk about it. You've asked these questions. Time to ask him. Just what you've written

 

[Cumference]

Women tend to over-complicate a lot of things.
He is male, he can basically handle one thought at a time.

But if you start nagging on him, rest assured that he will loose interest surprisingly fast!

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

not

It's not you. The brain wiring in humans is so complex with so very many variables that it is tough to generalize. If this pattern has been present for some time and his environment and situation are pretty stable, it is probably normal for him. We all, well, at least I, have quite an unfulfilled wish list in the area of intimate relationships and that's just the way it is going to be. You face a decision. Is what you get from him worth what it costs you?

 

[1millionsecrets]

I would recommend being as kind, attentive, and loving as possible to him.

I do my best to be nurturing and kind but I will try harder.

Hey, lovely girl.

How do you, and how does he, feel about the 'chemistry' between you? Might it just possibly be that for some reason that mix has changed since you first were hot for each other? - or changed in him? I understand you are quite young; so I guess he is too? A guy's perception of what he really wants in a woman can be still changing though early 20s. What I'm saying may not be it at all, but, is there a way you can talk about that? Because, if it is that he has lost is attraction to you, the time to act on that is sooner rather than later. There are far too many couples stay as an item when internally it's all over: that, my dear, ends in misery. Sorry to be a bit alarmist. But, as you consider this, please keep in mind that what I'm saying here is not a comment on you at all! It's just a fact of life that people - should I say men? - can change quite profoundly in young adulthood in terms of their perception of what they really warm to.

Another possibility entirely: Is he pleasuring himself a bit too often, and then anxious that you'll see no arousal in him if you get intimate soon after? Sorry! it's another awkward one but not at all unusual!

Just wanting to set out all the possibilities on your thread, lovely.
You take care! Simon

Thank you, you're words may be hard to handle but they are true. Things fade and live goes on. I have talked with him about it some, but I'm afraid to annoy him. I'm terrified to anger him, or insult him.

Always remember that sex is one of many factors in a relationship.

I'm like yourself. I crave the physical and its very important to me.

Sadly my wife for many years was the complete opposite to the point where she'd even pull away from a kiss.

I knew she loved me but the physical was not important to her.

If I brought it up she'd claim I was pressuring her. And I kid you not, when we did have sex maybe once a month she acted like she was doing me a "favor" .

Needless to say I felt re rejected as you do and even thought about divorce more than once.

Communication is the key. You ARE normal. But so is he

There's all kinds of "normal" and what you need to do is new open and honest about your needs (and they are needs) and meet him in the middle.

You'll find many couples are happily miss matched in this way. Maybe it's for the best. If I'd have married a nympho I'd never leave the bedroom

As for me and the wife, we're still happy married and I'm more crazy about her everyday. She's my goddess.

I hope that helps.

It does very much, thank you. I am glad you and your wife can work things out and continue to be happy.

You say at times he's distant- at other times, is he more demonstrative?

You sound lovely; it's a crying shame you're not getting the physical attention you deserve.

I hope the two of you can work it out; communication is always the most important thing.

When he loves me, it's amazing. I love him, and I know he loves me but it seems he must get motivated to make love to me... I don't know... Thank you though

I dont' know your age's. but, it is common. we all have stress in out lives. I can't answer for him. I can go months without sex from the Mrs. we try to talk about it. You've asked these questions. Time to ask him. Just what you've written

I have tried talking to him about it, but I abhor the idea of being that girlfriend who complains about everything.

Women tend to over-complicate a lot of things.
He is male, he can basically handle one thought at a time.

But if you start nagging on him, rest assured that he will loose interest surprisingly fast!

Thank you for your input, but I find your generalization about women insulting. I never nag, and when I do its so he goes to bed soon enough, or so he eats at least once during a day. I do not nag, because I try hard not to. I'm quiet, and docile, and keep many things to myself. The stereotypical nagging gf, wife, or what ever is bullshit. Please refrain from using it later on.
Again thank you for your input, have a nice day.

It's not you. The brain wiring in humans is so complex with so very many variables that it is tough to generalize. If this pattern has been present for some time and his environment and situation are pretty stable, it is probably normal for him. We all, well, at least I, have quite an unfulfilled wish list in the area of intimate relationships and that's just the way it is going to be. You face a decision. Is what you get from him worth what it costs you?

I have a high hope it will get better. I love him, and I am patient... It has been going on for several months, and I'm just still not comfortable with the idea that he doesn't want me any more. Its scary, and heart breaking.

 

[Cumference]

.......
Thank you for your input, but I find your generalization about women insulting. I never nag, and when I do its so he goes to bed soon enough, or so he eats at least once during a day. I do not nag, because I try hard not to. I'm quiet, and docile, and keep many things to myself. The stereotypical nagging gf, wife, or what ever is bullshit. Please refrain from using it later on.
Again thank you for your input, have a nice day.

I have a high hope it will get better. I love him, and I am patient... It has been going on for several months, and I'm just still not comfortable with the idea that he doesn't want me any more. Its scary, and heart breaking.

I certainly had no intension of insulting you, and you have my deepest apology, should you in any way have felt that I suspected you to be a nagging or over-thinking type.
It was merely meant as friendly way of reminding you, that it was a surefire way to make a man go sour.

Regarding whether it is bullshit, I have personally had the "pleasure" of a girlfriend who did spend a horrible lot of time interpreting my every move in a way as problematic as possible.
I'm also old enough to have seen quite a few marriages crash and burn, and nagging wifes are not uncommon at all.
Men who forget to appreciate their wife, and lets themselves grow fat, smelly and stupid are not uncommon either.


For some reason, people will adore a person, and put great effort into making that person their partner.
And then they put even more effort into trying to change the poor sod! Being changed is not nice, and having your loved one wanting you to be someone else certainly isn't.
If they wanted someone else, they should have found another person!

Accept your partner for who he is and speak openly and honestly.
Lady C knows full well, that I will not catch a hint, unless it is dangled in front of me. If something bother her, she will say it outright (and likewise), and so far, we've had the pleasure of each other for more than twenty years

 

[MrRandyWatson]

The first thought that popped into my head is communication. I wonder what's going on in his head and how readily he can express it. If he is not sexual and you are, that is a difficult gap to bridge, but if he expresses his sexuality differently, then there may be some common ground to be had.

I'm no professional, but if you really value this relationship, it may be worth it to talk to one.

 

[1millionsecrets]

I certainly had no intension of insulting you, and you have my deepest apology, should you in any way have felt that I suspected you to be a nagging or over-thinking type.
It was merely meant as friendly way of reminding you, that it was a surefire way to make a man go sour.

Regarding whether it is bullshit, I have personally had the "pleasure" of a girlfriend who did spend a horrible lot of time interpreting my every move in a way as problematic as possible.
I'm also old enough to have seen quite a few marriages crash and burn, and nagging wifes are not uncommon at all.
Men who forget to appreciate their wife, and lets themselves grow fat, smelly and stupid are not uncommon either.


For some reason, people will adore a person, and put great effort into making that person their partner.
And then they put even more effort into trying to change the poor sod! Being changed is not nice, and having your loved one wanting you to be someone else certainly isn't.
If they wanted someone else, they should have found another person!

Accept your partner for who he is and speak openly and honestly.
Lady C knows full well, that I will not catch a hint, unless it is dangled in front of me. If something bother her, she will say it outright (and likewise), and so far, we've had the pleasure of each other for more than twenty years

Thank you very much for the apology, and I am sorry for seeming snippy. Too many people on here have been unusually cruel to me for no reason at all. I am happy for your honesty, and like I said we have talked some. Actually this morning I mentioned how long it had been since he had held me, and loved me...
This morning was wonderful.

And congratulations on your happy 20 years of marriage, my mother and father have just had their 22 year way back in June. I hope there are many more to come for you and them both.

The first thought that popped into my head is communication. I wonder what's going on in his head and how readily he can express it. If he is not sexual and you are, that is a difficult gap to bridge, but if he expresses his sexuality differently, then there may be some common ground to be had.

I'm no professional, but if you really value this relationship, it may be worth it to talk to one.

If you read any of my response above, you'd see how wonderfully I communicated. It was awkward at first, but then he apologized. Oh, and the aftermath. Ahh, wonderful.
Thank you.

 

[Flyer742]

Find a boyfriend that wants to touch you more, a good test is to lay in bed and make out and touch each other, but do not let him have penetration. If he is willing to do this then he willgive you great sex later

 

[1millionsecrets]

Find a boyfriend that wants to touch you more, a good test is to lay in bed and make out and touch each other, but do not let him have penetration. If he is willing to do this then he willgive you great sex later

Okay hun... Thank you.