Going back to a relationship...

[sufisaint]

Never done it before but this ended on good terms and she is a really good person but we are just so different and i just cannot see myself changing my life and i cannot see her being happy living the way i do...so unstructured. I just dont think its fair to go back...give me some constructive advice.

 

[marshalt]

Watch out for your cornhole, bud...

 

[Disgustipated]

Never done it before but this ended on good terms and she is a really good oerson but we are just so different and i just cannot see myself changing my life and i cannot see her being happy living the way i do...so unstructured. I just dont think its fair to go back...give me some constructive advice.

I doubt she can live with a bat shit crazy paranoid freak.

 

[sufisaint]

I doubt she can live with a bat shit crazy paranoid freak.

Still better than a lying shit like you...

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

Being a lonely hermit only goes so far.

 

[Disgustipated]

Still better than a lying shit like you...

What have lied about?

 

[Que]

A friend of mine decided that the girl he was seeing casually was a little passive aggressive, and would be dismissive when he would try to accommodate, so earl on, he just went radio silent for a while as she blew up his phone.

Finally she said to him. Well....it looks like you don't want a relationship, but if you ever want to hook-up give me a call, the sex was good!

He is a serial monogamist. Something I associate more with women unwilling to acknowledge a straight physical interest.

He tells her, "I can't use you in that way." she says, "How is it you, using me, if I am the one suggesting it?"

So at this point, they are more or less together. his concerns are still there, and neither are available to find someone better suited.

I vote no. Your reasons for not wanting to be in the relationship are still there, and her being a "good person" means she's perfect for someone, maybe just not you.

The exception would be if the things that you did not value before have become more of a priority in your life now.

 

[smoothg103rd]

I never really been in a relationship to go back on but I seen a lot of people that did it. It only last a while. You got to remember that yall broke up for a reason.

 

[sufisaint]

What have lied about?

Go create more alts...

 

[Disgustipated]

Go create more alts...

Care to name just one?

 

[warrior queen]

You can go back, but for it to work there need to be new rules.
Everything that caused you to break up must be spoken about and sorted or it will come back bigger and badder than before.
New rules, new boundaries, and with luck it might just work out.

I say 80/20. No, maybe 70/30, 60/40. Against.

 

[sufisaint]

Being a lonely hermit only goes so far.

If i could only find someone who just wants a quarter of my time..

 

[bronzeage]

Never done it before but this ended on good terms and she is a really good person but we are just so different and i just cannot see myself changing my life and i cannot see her being happy living the way i do...so unstructured. I just dont think its fair to go back...give me some constructive advice.

It depends on why the relationship failed the first time. I broke up with a highschool girlfriend because she was too immature. We met again 20 years later. It was good for a while, but I had to let her go, because she was too immature.

If she can't be happy living the way you do, you'll be the first to know.

 

[sufisaint]

The short story of why we broke up was she had to move to take care of her mother and i could not leave here but now i can but i want to be more gypsy like for awhile...

 

[Noor]

Never done it before but this ended on good terms and she is a really good person but we are just so different and i just cannot see myself changing my life and i cannot see her being happy living the way i do...so unstructured. I just dont think its fair to go back...give me some constructive advice.

Tell her this ^^^ Ask what she wants, maybe she wants what you want or something in the middle.
What I have seen happen in this kind of case is the first person says this is what I want or don't want as the case maybe, and the second person agrees. Then the first person changes their mind and wants more. I notice this esp. with guys but perhaps that is because I am female.
I would just leave things open for re-negotiation later on if need be.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

I think there's a old saying that roughly goes:

The best thing about getting back together with someone? You already know each other.

The worst thing about getting back together with someone? You already know each other.

If both of you want to find a way, you'll find way. And if either of you don't, welp, there you go. Such is life.

 

[Noor]

I think there's a old saying that roughly goes:

The best thing about getting back together with someone? You already know each other.

The worst thing about getting back together with someone? You already know each other.

If both of you want to find a way, you'll find way. And if either of you don't, welp, there you go. Such is life.

This is true but you have to communicate and both want to find the same way.
People also change with time and experience so you may find that you don't completely know each other as you once did.

 

[sufisaint]

This is true but you have to communicate and both want to find the same way.
People also change with time and experience so you may find that you don't completely know each other as you once did.

We still talk on the phone everyday...so we are in touch...but i do know her very well and she still has has the move into a little town house in a culdasac dream and i rather be dead than live that kinda normal existence...but when we are just together eberything is good.

 

[Noor]

We still talk on the phone everyday...so we are in touch...but i do know her very well and she still has has the move into a little town house in a culdasac dream and i rather be dead than live that kinda normal existence...but when we are just together eberything is good.

Can you both live your dream? She lives in the dream house and you live as you wish and commute between dreams?

 

[Comshaw]

Never done it before but this ended on good terms and she is a really good person but we are just so different and i just cannot see myself changing my life and i cannot see her being happy living the way i do...so unstructured. I just dont think its fair to go back...give me some constructive advice.

I don't think you should speak for her, speak only for yourself. She may or may not be happy living as you do, but it's her choice if she wishes to try.

From my view you have four choices:

1) If she will not change and she will not stay otherwise, you must if you want the relationship to work.

2) If you won't change and she says she is willing to, allow her the right to try

3) If you feel neither of you will change and you do not want to take a chance, walk away and don't look back.

4) If you are both very evolved beings, you can allow each to be who they are without placing such restrictive and damaging conditions on your relationship.

All of those choices are filled with emotional trip wires.

Choose wisely.



And good luck.


Comshaw

 

[sufisaint]

Can you both live your dream? She lives in the dream house and you live as you wish and commute between dreams?

That's how it was before but she struggling to make ends meet and i cant see that happening now circumstances have changed.

 

[Noor]

At one point early on, Byron decide he could not give me what he thought I wanted, should want or something, then melted down. I was shocked, I had no idea where he got the idea of what I wanted. I am pretty much a free spirit so I don't tend to want what I am supposed to, I guess.

After I took his head off, I told him that any agenda would have to be from consensus, and any joint decisions we both had to own. Also at that point, I just wanted to play things out as they were.

Byron is the one who stepped things up, not I, but I was fine with it. I would probably have been fine with most things, I just wanted him around, he made me smile, all the time.

I bring this up because until you really talk and start trying stuff, it is hard to know what the other person wants, they may not even totally know themselves.

 

[Noor]

That's how it was before but she struggling to make ends meet and i cant see that happening now circumstances have changed.

Well she will be struggling to make ends meet whether you are in the relationship or not, right? So you might as well make her smile. Or are you saying this is an economic exchange of some sort and that is what concerns you?

 

[neci]

We still talk on the phone everyday...so we are in touch...but i do know her very well and she still has has the move into a little town house in a culdasac dream and i rather be dead than live that kinda normal existence...but when we are just together eberything is good.

you're stuck on the townhouse.

look at the spirit.

inside the townhouse resides her sanctuary.

when invited in, treat it as such.

 

[sufisaint]

Well she will be struggling to make ends meet whether you are in the relationship or not, right? So you might as well make her smile. Or are you saying this is an economic exchange of some sort and that is what concerns you?

She could easily find some nice normal guy to take care of her if she tried...i survive on almost nothing and love that freedom even though a have more than most in investments.