Feeling shameful after masturbating.

[xtinelauren1]

I actually kept this in mind earlier today, and I felt a little better. Not so much ashamed, but just dirty? But not in a good way haha. I just wanted to get in the shower and then wash my sheets.

 

[stickygirl]

NM and Firebreeze make good points and the 'shame' is something that has plagued me. I thought at first that my gender dysphoria and sense of bitterness I felt after (sometimes during) masturbation, were unique to a trans person, but perhaps not?
Perhaps it is the mental projection one makes during masturbation: letting our imagination take us outside of the four walls and beyond our own reality, that can lead to a post-high crash? The hormonal rush that accompanies an orgasm are subtlely different between the sexes ( typically men have a sharp peak and fast decline in sensation and emotion, whereas women's tends to be a slow rise that leaves a lingering feeling of bliss after the moment has gone ).
How does the OPs own emotional wave correspond with the sense of shame?

I'm not a fan of porn vids, but that's why I read Erotica instead.

As others have commented, I think we learn to like dirty things by association, whether they be thoughts or actions. We learn to appreciate things by practise: I used to hate carrots when I was a kid, but now I love them; I used to hate hairy chests but I'm coming around to liking them… I suppose I may develop a liking for jizz as so many people on Lit

As a side note - thanks xtinelauren1, for posing questions that go against the trend here at Lit. It's too easy to go with the flow and not have a chance to discuss topics that are often dismissed with smartass replies

 

[mynameisfluttershy]

I'm still not totally over it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Resentment is the #1 ingredient in guilt. I feel guilt killing and eating meat, and now I learn veggies have feelings too. I s'pose offspring is how deer and corn escape death.

We resent how our needs must violate our principles. It robs us of our delusions of dignity.

 

[Cumference]

I actually kept this in mind earlier today, and I felt a little better. Not so much ashamed, but just dirty? But not in a good way haha. I just wanted to get in the shower and then wash my sheets.

Great!

Remember the words of Woody Allen:

Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right!

 

[SweetSam42]

xtinelauren1, you're not alone in feeling shameful or dirty after masturbation. For me, that shame would sometimes carry over into sex, specifically to sex before I was married. This has had very negative effects on my marriage - we've had sexual problems since before we were married that I refused to address because I didn't feel sex was a "worthy" enough issue to try to solve and improve. That because I was having sex prior to marriage, I was in the wrong and if it was a problem, then I had to suck it up because I wasn't supposed to be enjoying myself sexually at that point in my life.

In this and in many cultures, there is a strong association with women's sexuality and everything bad, vulgar, and dangerous. I suspect there are several reasons you find expressing your sexuality by yourself shameful, but an overarching negative attitude toward women finding pleasure in their bodies could be a contributing factor.

Keep trying to fight those voices -- just know that you're not alone, and that finding pleasure in your own body and your own sexuality is a wonderful and natural experience.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

(My bolding)


My guess is, that the fact that your parents did NOT talk about sex has installed a bit of taboo in you.
Not much, because it does not stop you.... but it is still there.

I would buy this.. except that her parents waited until she was ten.
Ten.

It's ok to feel a little guilty
a little dirty
a little like you did something secret

 

[GimpyIntellect]

Why would you feel ashamed or embarrassed about masturbating? You're not doing it in Times Square, are you?

 

[xtinelauren1]

Nah. I did do it in the back of a bus though, that was interesting.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

Nah. I did do it in the back of a bus though, that was interesting.

hahahaha.. it's good to see that you're overcoming this lil problem!

 

[GimpyIntellect]

Nah. I did do it in the back of a bus though, that was interesting.

Unless you gave the bus driver a good viewing, while he was driving through rush traffic, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[Cumference]

I would buy this.. except that her parents waited until she was ten.
Ten.

10 !

But do you mean, that it is too early or too late?

And I'd say, that it is a question of how you "wait".
If you give the impression that the subject is filthy and taboo, even small children can learn, that it "BAD!".

It's ok to feel a little guilty
a little dirty
a little like you did something secret

I agree!

If it is really good, that feeling adds the extra spice.

 

[BiTodd]

I would buy this.. except that her parents waited until she was ten.
Ten.

It's ok to feel a little guilty
a little dirty
a little like you did something secret

I agree. This could lead to exploring even more taboo sexual ideas, yay!

 

[JCSTREET]

I know there's nothing morally wrong with it and that it's natural and healthy, and as much as I love it I can't seem to shake the guilt afterwards. I know oftentimes guilt associated with masturbation is because of religious backgrounds, but I'm not religious at all nor have I ever been. In fact, my parents completely refused to talk to me about sex until I begged my mother to when I was maybe ten.

How do I get over the embarrassment and shame that I experience pretty much whenever I masturbate/after I orgasm? Has anyone else experienced this?

I will say that I've noticed it's a lot worse when porn is involved. Especially anything with females because I know in the back of my mind how awful the porn industry can be for them. I have a love/hate relationship with it, and I'm sure that doesn't help. Even when I just let my imagination do the work, it doesn't make me feel any better after I orgasm. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Try downloading pix and videos from tumblr.com where few or fewer are denizens of the porn industry (some presumably are via reposts but many seem amateur which is preferable for several reasons)

There's not really any basis for guilt unless you masturbate to the point at which you're foregoing other activities or shortchanging a partner/partners on quality time.

However, letting someone give you a good spanking can be one way to reduce or eliminate anxiety which is an obvious product of guilt

 

[Athalia]

I had this hangup myself. I realized that it was caused when my mother caught me masturbating and spanked me and told me that nice girls didn't do that, only weak girls with no morals. I think I was six or seven at the time.

When I was in my teens, I would be forced to masturbate some of my male relatives. But it was all about their sexual gratification, not mine. That might have reinforced my feeling of shame, that I was getting something that they made me think that I wasn't entitled to. And I felt shame as they orgasmed, because I had once more caved in to their demands. I was becoming the "weak girl with no morals" after all, and there was nothing I could do about it.

What got me out of it was masturbating with other people. They were there to reassure me after my orgasm, telling me how beautiful it was to watch and share. Once I was actually able to climax in front of other people, it was healing beyond belief. Every time I wank now, I thank my stars for those lovers.

 

[redwolf121990]

From a bio standpoint any shame/guilt probably can be tied back to just getting off. Once your finished, the euphoria of arousal wears off and you start thinking about all the stuff you could have done instead, how inappropriateness of the place you beat off, and so on. At least that's what goes through my mind whenever I feel bad after beating it.

 

[xtinelauren1]

I think I'm feeling a lot better about the act of masturbation. I just try to focus on how good it feels and that's been helping, but it leads me to another problem. I can't actually remember the last time I had a satisfying self-pleasure session. Aside from the inevitable feeling of emptiness afterward(which I've just come to accept as a fact of life), my actual orgasm is either lame or my clit gets so sensitive I have to stop before I actually climax. Any advice with my new issue would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Bigspurt]

Masturbation Male of Female

The only thing that I can say that is bad about masturbation, at least in males, is that if you do have a partner in life, the volume of ejaculate is smaller for them when to do have sex with them.
Personally, I pull one off almost daily. I think it's a great way to start the day! I don't feel at all bad about it. If my partner/wife wanted to have sex every morning that would be fine, but she doesn't, so.....

 

[jomar]

Become Presbyterian or Methodist and you're gold and bring on the hitachi!

 

[GrrlFriday]

Have you noticed any changes in your over-sensitivity or 'lameness' of orgasm if you've exercised or danced before masturbating?

 

[stickygirl]

I had this hangup myself. I realized that it was caused when my mother caught me masturbating and spanked me and told me that nice girls didn't do that, only weak girls with no morals. I think I was six or seven at the time.

I had the same thing happen - Mum caught me and scolded me, telling me that I'd have to go to hospital to have an operation if I carried on doing it. She was right of course

 

[Kitty]

I know there's nothing morally wrong with it and that it's natural and healthy, and as much as I love it I can't seem to shake the guilt afterwards. I know oftentimes guilt associated with masturbation is because of religious backgrounds, but I'm not religious at all nor have I ever been. In fact, my parents completely refused to talk to me about sex until I begged my mother to when I was maybe ten.

How do I get over the embarrassment and shame that I experience pretty much whenever I masturbate/after I orgasm? Has anyone else experienced this?

I will say that I've noticed it's a lot worse when porn is involved. Especially anything with females because I know in the back of my mind how awful the porn industry can be for them. I have a love/hate relationship with it, and I'm sure that doesn't help. Even when I just let my imagination do the work, it doesn't make me feel any better after I orgasm. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Are you me? I get this, and I'm sure many people suppress that they feel this way as well. I lost my cherry when I was 15 and felt bad and went on a drought and it made me even more sexually experimental and curious. So I got into fetishism and masturbation, erotica, some B&S and like it's not necessary to have intercourse. But it still doesn't help me knowing that this is like kinda crazy lol The best thing for me is to keep busy but sometimes you just gotta unwind.

 

[Deleted member 1655181]

I know there's nothing morally wrong with it and that it's natural and healthy, and as much as I love it I can't seem to shake the guilt afterwards. I know oftentimes guilt associated with masturbation is because of religious backgrounds, but I'm not religious at all nor have I ever been. In fact, my parents completely refused to talk to me about sex until I begged my mother to when I was maybe ten.

How do I get over the embarrassment and shame that I experience pretty much whenever I masturbate/after I orgasm? Has anyone else experienced this?

I will say that I've noticed it's a lot worse when porn is involved. Especially anything with females because I know in the back of my mind how awful the porn industry can be for them. I have a love/hate relationship with it, and I'm sure that doesn't help. Even when I just let my imagination do the work, it doesn't make me feel any better after I orgasm. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

You may find this hard to believe, but as a guy I too used to feel guilty about masturbation. I do have a religious background and believe God exists. I've been married for 20 years. It took maybe 5 of those years before my wife felt comfortable enough to masturbate in front of me. Now, we masturbate together all the time. I know about her history of self pleasure and her current solo masturbation practices, and she knows about mine. So, I've come to an understanding that almost everyone self-pleasures, either out of compelling need when others aren't around or because they just like to do it. God knows we do it, and probably just considers it part of the human nature...nothing to feel particularly guilty about. My wife would rather I just come to her for relief, but is not surprised or hurt if I don't for whatever reason. I still try to keep it private from her (try not to make it obvious what's going on) out of respect. So, rub that thing all you want, 'cause I (and almost everyone else) sure as hell do!

 

[Que]

I was talking by PM to a friend tonight and the subject of my upbringing and shame came up. She asked me to tell her about as she put it "the first time you jerked off"

I may edit that down and put it here. I had a lot of shame about that for years.

 

[coati]

I think I'm feeling a lot better about the act of masturbation. I just try to focus on how good it feels and that's been helping, but it leads me to another problem. I can't actually remember the last time I had a satisfying self-pleasure session. Aside from the inevitable feeling of emptiness afterward(which I've just come to accept as a fact of life), my actual orgasm is either lame or my clit gets so sensitive I have to stop before I actually climax. Any advice with my new issue would be greatly appreciated.

I've known both women and men who have a difficult time reaching orgasm. Being part of the community of men who have had their prostates removed or blasted with radiation due to cancer, I have the same problem at times.

But, here is what I have observed: Love and affection from another human during sex can make the difference between a lame orgasm and one that causes the busy world to stop for a while. This has been true with both women and men I have been with. Sometimes I can get to that lingering blissful state with solo masturbation, but it tends to be much easier to get there when I am with a considerate person, someone who understands that our basic needs are very similar.

A strong orgasm followed by post-orgasm bliss may be a temporary state, but it is a great reminder of our common humanity. Generally, my best orgasms have been with people who aren't afraid of communicating this common humanity with touch, both before and after orgasm. It can get very wild (we are animals, after all), but if you are with people who are tuning into the common need, the results can be very satisfying. And, those are the experiences that can fuel the fantasy needed for a strong solo experience at another time.

People who are considerate and sexually expressive tend to be good lovers, because they know we are all animals at a very basic level, but they also understand the healing power of bonding through sexual synergy.