This is not a good idea.

[Scrivener_]

So my father is getting remarried to a wonderful guy next May. I love weddings! And I'm super happy for my dad!

However.

The wedding theme is "50 Shades of Grey." Just let that sink in for a moment.

I wish I were kidding.

Yesterday when we were doing wedding stuff, his fiance goes, "We're going to have the bridesmaids walk down the aisle with whips instead of bouquets!" and it was so, so, so hard for me not to give him the biggest death glare of ALL TIME. I'm not outwardly kinky, so you wouldn't know it to look at me, and I'm not about to be the go-to de facto BDSM educator for the entire relatively-vanilla wedding party. I'd be really bad at it. I'd basically just shout EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG and rant about how submission is a gift and Pretty Serious Business and eventually need to leave to breathe into a paper bag.

So, what petty offenses have you encountered in the name of BDSM in the vanilla world? What grinds your gears?

And yes, I would welcome any ideas on how best to get through this whole endeavor with my sanity and dignity intact. Please and thank you.

 

[MeekMe]

You wouldn't know it by looking at him, but my husband is half Japanese. People make all kinds of racist Asian jokes around him. They say things wrong or make wild assumptions about the language and culture. He usually just laughs it off and goes about his day. If he lost it every time that happened, he'd have died of high blood pressure or something. So I suggest you make like Taylor Swift and shake it off.

Yeah... I went there.

 

[Scrivener_]

Haha, that was actually really funny, for real. I'm sure I'll get used to it after a bit, but it just threw me off guard hearing about it for the first time yesterday.

 

[Endless_Night]

Yikes! I have absolutely no practical advice, but you certainly have my sympathy.

 

[MeltformySir]

Honestly, this made me giggle. I haven't read the books, I've heard they're pretty awful on a lot of levels, but I would absolutely love to go to a wedding with this theme. The sense of humor and fun of the couple will shine through. So, it's not going to necessarily be very accurate as far as "real" BDSM. So what? Only you and the other odd 5% who are there who really DO it will know that. Everyone else will just have fun. It's exposure to vanillas of our world, and that's only good in my opinion, especially if it's in a fun (albeit not accurate) way. Who knows what kind of ideas guests might get and go home and learn about and try. This could be a major membership drive for our club, you know. lolol

I'm imagining all the puns and inside jokes you could plant. A "chocolate" fountain? Handcuffs instead of jewelry? Collars instead of necklaces? Little paddles as party favors? Floggers in vases in the center of the table instead of flowers? Think of the endless possibilities!

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Go and be stunning with perfect hair and dressed in a smart grey suit and demand nothing less than your own private helicopter to take your drunk self home after.

 

[desertslave]

And yes, I would welcome any ideas on how best to get through this whole endeavor with my sanity and dignity intact. Please and thank you.

My advice would be to not take BDSM, yourself, or the wedding quite so seriously. There are folks out there who don't believe the whole "submission is a gift" thing, and....oh hell, probably more variations and takes on the scene/lifestyle/latest book-movie promo than there are actual people. Love your father, marvel in the fact that he can actually marry his partner, and just have a good time.

 

[brianna24]

I've been passed over for promotion at my job like 4 times now over the last two years... it kind of sucks to be honest when the people that legit tell me, "Oh you are the next manager." ONly to have that same person talk to another person about how easy it would be for someone else to be trained as a manager.

Thats a bit more vanilla than what you were probably looking for.

Something a bit more in the lifestyle is I hate when people assume I'm not willing ot compromise. I ask for something and they immediately assume I want it and only it.

I try to be vague on purpose; I guess that's not a good idea, but still it sucks.

Moral of the story people: NEVER ASSUME!!!!

 

[Netzach]

So my father is getting remarried to a wonderful guy next May. I love weddings! And I'm super happy for my dad!

However.

The wedding theme is "50 Shades of Grey." Just let that sink in for a moment.

I wish I were kidding.

Yesterday when we were doing wedding stuff, his fiance goes, "We're going to have the bridesmaids walk down the aisle with whips instead of bouquets!" and it was so, so, so hard for me not to give him the biggest death glare of ALL TIME. I'm not outwardly kinky, so you wouldn't know it to look at me, and I'm not about to be the go-to de facto BDSM educator for the entire relatively-vanilla wedding party. I'd be really bad at it. I'd basically just shout EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG and rant about how submission is a gift and Pretty Serious Business and eventually need to leave to breathe into a paper bag.

So, what petty offenses have you encountered in the name of BDSM in the vanilla world? What grinds your gears?

And yes, I would welcome any ideas on how best to get through this whole endeavor with my sanity and dignity intact. Please and thank you.

Get over yourself.

Just because your sexuality is Serious Business doesn't mean that kink is inherently *not* light and ridiculous and a weekend romp for some people who do it and belong in it and deserve to explore. More of them than us, in fact. If you can't step back from what it is that we do and laugh at the absurdity of it, you're too deep in this echo chamber.

In the GLBT world, you're being the Harley Momma leatherdyke who is bitching about the existence of bisexual-when-tipsy neophytes with nose in air, instead of getting some hot action with one of them or getting her a ride and a vomit bucket if she's too far gone. Be devious, be nice, but don't think you're the owner of sex done right.

Seduce someone of your preferred gender at the wedding and become an impromptu sex educator if that's your calling in life. (Hello, awkward how to have this sex conversation moment eliminated by silly theme!) Otherwise be very nice about everything on THEIR day. Sorry, but gay guys getting married late in life trump the fuck out of their kid's fee fees about their OWN personal kinks being honored and expressed correctly as if they own whips and chains. (Is it even possible that Dad and co. are a little less naive than you think?)

Oh - maybe DO give these dudes a copy of Mr. Benson for a wedding present - now they can have camp BDSM fantasies without all that boring heterosexuality in it!

You presumably get to hold hands in public without a problem, putting on a collar is a chosen level of expression beyond that, whatever your orientation. Be nice. Have a drink. Shut yo mouth. This is no different from a really ugly maid of honor dress, but at least gay guys won't do that to you, in general.

 

[EroticRomanticMan]

I am very surprised at your reaction to your father's choice of a wedding theme. Have you thought that maybe your father is into BDSM? I assume you have his genes. He sounds pretty "out there" being gay and getting married. I think you should be proud of him. Like 50 Shades of Grey he is helping to bring our lifestyle out into the open. I say go with it and have fun!

 

[Netzach]

I am very surprised at your reaction to your father's choice of a wedding theme. Have you thought that maybe your father is into BDSM? I assume you have his genes. He sounds pretty "out there" being gay and getting married. I think you should be proud of him. Like 50 Shades of Grey he is helping to bring our lifestyle out into the open. I say go with it and have fun!

This this a million times this. I think it's amazing that he's "going there" - there's a comfort level with gay men as long as the actual idea of sexual desire is absolutely scrubbed from every point of contact with them - these guys have some stones and some smarts in incorporating sauciness in a way that won't freak people out in general.

 

[Stella_Omega]

This this a million times this. I think it's amazing that he's "going there" - there's a comfort level with gay men as long as the actual idea of sexual desire is absolutely scrubbed from every point of contact with them - these guys have some stones and some smarts in incorporating sauciness in a way that won't freak people out in general.

As long as they go shopping with their straight girlfriends, and never talk about their dicks, yes.

...but don't think you're the owner of sex done right.

I'll be quoting this to the end of my days.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

As long as they go shopping with their straight girlfriends, and never talk about their dicks, yes.

See, maybe it's the just the knowledge-seeker in me, but I would have thought it'd be BEST to speak with homosexual men about dicks. I'd imagine they have a high level of knowledge and expertise?

 

[MeekMe]

My initial reaction was the "did not consent to be part of dad's kink" refrain, but I suppose as long as the wedding invitations are explicit, people can decide for themselves whether to attend, and if they choose not, it's not necessarily for lack of support for a gay couple.

The real question then is; did you and the other members of the wedding party consent to this theme (sounds like not)? Were you offered an out if you were not comfortable with this?

I don't think consent is something to worry about in this case. Anyone who doesn't want to be involved can just not attend. Like if a bridesmaid really hates the dress, she can either wear it or not be a bridesmaid. Of course, just because they have this theme doesn't mean they won't take suggestions from those involved.

Also, this doesn't sound all that extreme. Holding whips instead of bouquets? Let's do a country western wedding and everyone can hold lassos.

Though I don't care for 50SoG, this theme sounds fun. It sounds like a wedding you don't get to go to very often. I've been to a few including my own, it's mostly the same. Boring ceremony, dancing, food, and get a drunk as possible if it's s open bar.

If they can make that interesting, good for them.

 

[NickiC]

They want the wedding they want and have a right to it. Let your love for your father override any discomfort because it is only one day and a few hours out of your life. As long as he is happy long term that is all that matters. People have traditional weddings and spend thousands of dollars to only be divorced 3 months later. They aren't hurting anyone.

 

[MeekMe]

BDSM/ 50SoG theme, guess I'll find a baby sitter.

Country Western? find yourself another groomsman.

Lol, not my thing either. I might go if there's a lot of booze available, though.

 

[DVS]

I had some friends who got married and I played the music. I have this song that is very up tempo and they wanted me to play it as they skipped out of the church, forgoing the normal exit music and style. They were dressed to the nines, and the rest of the ceremony was pretty typical except for that exit. I thought it was a bit "out there" for them to do that, but it was their wedding, not mine, so I went along with it. From what I remember, everybody there were OK with it, even though they knew nothing about it beforehand. The couple had kept it quiet.

We all seem to prefer to hear nothing about the sex lives of our parents and in your case, your father's sex life is being pushed upon you with this ceremonial theme they've planned. But, this isn't your wedding, it's his. If he's OK with all of the arrangements, let it go. The only thing you might do is talk to him in private and make sure he's a willing party to the show and not just going along with his partner's wishes. But, if your father is all for this, leave it alone. It's his life, his choice. More than likely the guest list will be full of BDSM friendly people or they wouldn't be invited.

Or, is this your dad's way of coming out to the world? Even if this is the case, it's his life and he's living it his way. We all should be so bold.

 

[Loverskitten]

Reminds me of this "30 Rock" lol. http://youtu.be/fNw88WirPkE

 

[AmphetamineObama420]

So my father is getting remarried to a wonderful guy next May. I love weddings! And I'm super happy for my dad!

However.

The wedding theme is "50 Shades of Grey." Just let that sink in for a moment.

I wish I were kidding.

Yesterday when we were doing wedding stuff, his fiance goes, "We're going to have the bridesmaids walk down the aisle with whips instead of bouquets!" and it was so, so, so hard for me not to give him the biggest death glare of ALL TIME. I'm not outwardly kinky, so you wouldn't know it to look at me, and I'm not about to be the go-to de facto BDSM educator for the entire relatively-vanilla wedding party. I'd be really bad at it. I'd basically just shout EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG and rant about how submission is a gift and Pretty Serious Business and eventually need to leave to breathe into a paper bag.

So, what petty offenses have you encountered in the name of BDSM in the vanilla world? What grinds your gears?

And yes, I would welcome any ideas on how best to get through this whole endeavor with my sanity and dignity intact. Please and thank you.

I saw show up in full BDSM gear, kidnap the bride and groom, and make them come
100 times each before you relase them.

That's a better gift than anything at bed bath and beyond