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Innuendos in Public Conversation

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AlwaysSoaked

Literotica Guru
Joined
Oct 1, 2014
Posts
1,835
Hi Everyone! This is my first thread, forgive me if I do any of this wrong, I had to ask a kind Lit member how to even start it!
I have a busy mind and a quirky sense of humor and while out for supper and running errands a couple nights ago, I kept hearing things that taken out of context were sexual and hilarious!
Would love to hear more examples from you lovely people.

" So , you won't be needing your usual salmi tonight???" ( Deli worker at the supermarket)
 
Home Depot

"Yes I'm looking for your calk department. Do you have thick calk? I'm going to need the thick stuff for my tub.
 
AlwaysSoaked said:
Hi Everyone! This is my first thread, forgive me if I do any of this wrong, I had to ask a kind Lit member how to even start it!
I have a busy mind and a quirky sense of humor and while out for supper and running errands a couple nights ago, I kept hearing things that taken out of context were sexual and hilarious!
Would love to hear more examples from you lovely people.

" So , you won't be needing your usual salmi tonight???" ( Deli worker at the supermarket)
Click to expand...



Your user name is an interesting choice. Have you spoken with your doc yet about some of the new bladder control medications? I hear men past a certain age frequently have this problem.

Just razzing ya. Welcome to the GB. Prepare to be verbally accosted for this thread. It is sort of stupid for the GB, don't you think? Did you spend any time looking around first? You have to be here at least two years before posting something like this.

Also, read this: http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=736786
 
when i used to work for a structural engineer, they used to label certain drawings with a big red-lettered stamp which read "Steel Studs, Not For Erection".

which i always found ironic, and goofy :)
 
AlwaysSoaked said:
Hi Everyone! This is my first thread, forgive me if I do any of this wrong, I had to ask a kind Lit member how to even start it!
I have a busy mind and a quirky sense of humor and while out for supper and running errands a couple nights ago, I kept hearing things that taken out of context were sexual and hilarious!
Would love to hear more examples from you lovely people.

" So , you won't be needing your usual salami tonight???" ( Deli worker at the supermarket)
Click to expand...

I got sent to take a theft report one day. As I pull onto the residential block, there is an attractive, large-breasted lady on the corner. She waves to attract my attention and then points down the street. Then she begins jogging next to my patrol car. Let's say it was VERY evident she wasn't wearing a bra.

So we get to the address, I ask what was stolen.

She says "A bra." (I think, don't look. DON'T LOOK!)

(pause)

"A black bra." (Don't groan)

(pause)

"A black leather bra." (OMG!)

(long pause)

"From the hood of my Camaro." (Don't laugh)


Some people really know how to enjoy being victims.
 
pete said:
when i used to work for a structural engineer, they used to label certain drawings with a big red-lettered stamp which read "Steel Studs, Not For Erection".

which i always found ironic, and goofy :)
Click to expand...
Nice! Perfect. Thank you
 
Balladeer08 said:
I got sent to take a theft report one day. As I pull onto the residential block, there is an attractive, large-breasted lady on the corner. She waves to attract my attention and then points down the street. Then she begins jogging next to my patrol car. Let's say it was VERY evident she wasn't wearing a bra.

So we get to the address, I ask what was stolen.

She says "A bra." (I think, don't look. DON'T LOOK!)

(pause)

"A black bra." (Don't groan)

(pause)

"A black leather bra." (OMG!)

(long pause)

"From the hood of my Camaro." (Don't laugh)


Some people really know how to enjoy being victims.
Click to expand...
Laughed so hard! That is almost too funny to be real!
 
My red haired husband is always asking in public if I would like a ginger nut or two and I blush. Silly man. :D

Welcome to the GB. :)
 
Debbie said:
My red haired husband is always asking in public if I would like a ginger nut or two and I blush. Silly man. :D

Welcome to the GB. :)
Click to expand...
You are all making me smile. That sounds awesome, better a silly man than a miserable one any day!
 
AlwaysSoaked said:
Too bad that is too long for a t-shirt!
Click to expand...

It's not too long for a t-shirt.

But since the show is more than 5 years old, it is probably too obscure for most of the public. Hell, 3 years old. For the terminally hip, last season. 8)
 
I was working on fixing something at work one day, and had to kneel on the hard tile floor to fix it. So, being old and stuff, when I stood up, I was stiff and sore and moved like the old man I am.

Mandy, a co-worker said, "MNGuy, your getting old."

I replied, "I'm not like you Mandy, I'm not used to being down on my knees."

As soon as I said it, I realized the double meaning. Mandy just smiled, she got it. But a couple of co-workers chuckled.





Another Mandy story, God I wanted to fuck the shit out of that woman, involved her new cat.

I went back to their offices, and Mandy says to me loudly, "Hey MNGuy, do you want to see my pussy?"

Of course every head turned to see what was going to happen. I said, "Sure I would love to."

So Mandy whips out her phone and starts showing me her new little kitten. Then the conversation started and went something like this to the best of my recollection:

"Isn't it cute?"
"It's cute, I would love to pet it."
"It likes to be petted and played with."
"I could play with it all day long."
"Couldn't you just kiss it?"
"I would give it a big kiss."
"It's a little licker."
"I don't mind that."
"Me neither, I get a kick out getting licked."
"Does it go after fingers?"
"She loves fingers."
"When can I play with it?"
"Just come on over, and you can play with it."

At that point, Ellie, the just shouts across the office, "You two just go in the supply room and get it over with."

God I miss working with that crazy woman.
 
Balladeer08 said:
It's not too long for a t-shirt.

But since the show is more than 5 years old, it is probably too obscure for most of the public. Hell, 3 years old. For the terminally hip, last season. 8)
Click to expand...
I meant the whole missing bra story on the t-shirt!
 
MNGuy said:
I was working on fixing something at work one day, and had to kneel on the hard tile floor to fix it. So, being old and stuff, when I stood up, I was stiff and sore and moved like the old man I am.

Mandy, a co-worker said, "MNGuy, your getting old."

I replied, "I'm not like you Mandy, I'm not used to being down on my knees."

As soon as I said it, I realized the double meaning. Mandy just smiled, she got it. But a couple of co-workers chuckled.





Another Mandy story, God I wanted to fuck the shit out of that woman, involved her new cat.

I went back to their offices, and Mandy says to me loudly, "Hey MNGuy, do you want to see my pussy?"

Of course every head turned to see what was going to happen. I said, "Sure I would love to."

So Mandy whips out her phone and starts showing me her new little kitten. Then the conversation started and went something like this to the best of my recollection:

"Isn't it cute?"
"It's cute, I would love to pet it."
"It likes to be petted and played with."
"I could play with it all day long."
"Couldn't you just kiss it?"
"I would give it a big kiss."
"It's a little licker."
"I don't mind that."
"Me neither, I get a kick out getting licked."
"Does it go after fingers?"
"She loves fingers."
"When can I play with it?"
"Just come on over, and you can play with it."

At that point, Ellie, the just shouts across the office, "You two just go in the supply room and get it over with."

God I miss working with that crazy woman.
Click to expand...
That is epic. Both stories! Thanks for the laughter!
 
I actually rather loudly said this to my 7 year old while in the restaurant, "COME. HERE. NOW. If you make me angry, you'll wish you hadn't later!" ( he was running about and I worried for the safety of the waitresses)
 
my mother, to my nephew, encouraging him to put his seatbelt on...

''look! mummy has a strap on! grandma has a strap on!''
 
I have a female bandmate that often wears hats during gigs. She commented on stage that she was afraid of developing a bald spot from wearing hats.
In front of everyone I blurted " that's not where I heard your bald spot was"
 
The former Mrs. Query was explaining to her friend one of the reasons for the new haircut, just as the resident letch walked by her desk. "Because... every time I bent over I got it in my mouth."
 
Discussing beards at work,and whether woman would go for them when a young, hot, female work mate said "I'm a clean shaven girl"
 
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