duranman
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2011
- Posts
- 2,207
ARIES: Selfish fucker, gullible, unhygienic. Way too possessive to be a swinger. Arguably the heaviest masturbators of all. Men have big cocks but go bald very early in life. Women have wonderful tits but need loads of work to bring off.
TAURUS: Normally over indulgent and fat. Tend not to have many lovers in a lifetime but often that's not through choice. Always on diets and dreadfully insecure. Men are natural endomorph with tiny pricks, the women have huge arses and love it doggie.
GEMINI: As nutty as fruitcakes. Most Gemini marriages are in the confines of a nuthouse. Artistic, but nobody else but themselves understands their art. Men love foreplay but ejaculate prematurely, the women are actually great shags but insist on bizarre fantasy every time. They're always up for a threesome.
CANCER: Allegedly the best parents, but more paedo's are Cancer than any other sign. You are often schoolteachers or priests. So ridiculously possessive you should be avoided by everyone and everything. Flatulence is always a problem and you're lousy shags to boot.
LEO: Arrogant bastards. But bark always worse than bite so probably the biggest cowards. Women always disappointed with Leo men in bed as he bigs himself up so much. Women tend to carry a broken heart around with them from a young age. Nice hair though.
VIRGO: Irritating perfectionists. Men are little wimps and women like being trodden on. Not an aesthetically appealing sign, often ugly bastards. They're not keen on sex, preferring stamp collecting or botany. Fuck 'em..
LIBRA: Narcissistic and often gay. Many contract AIDS. Treat sex as an art form but all their partners want is a good fucking. Tend to die young.
SCORPIO: Have large noses and one mother of a temper. High libidos but don't know what to do with it and normally become lovers with sheep. They never listen and are often rapists. Women have great tits though.
SAGGITARIUS: Materialistic bores. They look good but that's because they've stolen money to do so. Never tell the truth. Drug addicts. Lousy shags.
CAPRICORN: Very good with money, or should we say tight arsed misers. They enjoy sex, but only on their terms. Personal hygiene could be better, but women adore sitting on your face.
AQUARIUS: Ideas of grandeur, but normally end up tramps/ hobos. Compulsive gamblers or alcoholics. Were very beautiful, in their youth. Now they can't even get it up..
PISCES: Complete dreamers who effectively say nothing. Even when having sex you don't hear a word. Often attend sex clubs as voyeurs but never participate. Geeks.
TAURUS: Normally over indulgent and fat. Tend not to have many lovers in a lifetime but often that's not through choice. Always on diets and dreadfully insecure. Men are natural endomorph with tiny pricks, the women have huge arses and love it doggie.
GEMINI: As nutty as fruitcakes. Most Gemini marriages are in the confines of a nuthouse. Artistic, but nobody else but themselves understands their art. Men love foreplay but ejaculate prematurely, the women are actually great shags but insist on bizarre fantasy every time. They're always up for a threesome.
CANCER: Allegedly the best parents, but more paedo's are Cancer than any other sign. You are often schoolteachers or priests. So ridiculously possessive you should be avoided by everyone and everything. Flatulence is always a problem and you're lousy shags to boot.
LEO: Arrogant bastards. But bark always worse than bite so probably the biggest cowards. Women always disappointed with Leo men in bed as he bigs himself up so much. Women tend to carry a broken heart around with them from a young age. Nice hair though.
VIRGO: Irritating perfectionists. Men are little wimps and women like being trodden on. Not an aesthetically appealing sign, often ugly bastards. They're not keen on sex, preferring stamp collecting or botany. Fuck 'em..
LIBRA: Narcissistic and often gay. Many contract AIDS. Treat sex as an art form but all their partners want is a good fucking. Tend to die young.
SCORPIO: Have large noses and one mother of a temper. High libidos but don't know what to do with it and normally become lovers with sheep. They never listen and are often rapists. Women have great tits though.
SAGGITARIUS: Materialistic bores. They look good but that's because they've stolen money to do so. Never tell the truth. Drug addicts. Lousy shags.
CAPRICORN: Very good with money, or should we say tight arsed misers. They enjoy sex, but only on their terms. Personal hygiene could be better, but women adore sitting on your face.
AQUARIUS: Ideas of grandeur, but normally end up tramps/ hobos. Compulsive gamblers or alcoholics. Were very beautiful, in their youth. Now they can't even get it up..
PISCES: Complete dreamers who effectively say nothing. Even when having sex you don't hear a word. Often attend sex clubs as voyeurs but never participate. Geeks.
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