When do you throw up the white flag?

[Anomaly1964]

Over the last few months, I have broached a few ideas with my wife, I asked about anal play (for me as well) and got a very FIRM no...

The other night after some good sex I asked if she would like if I got her a vibrator to enjoy as well; again, another FIRM no...

I am now surrendering the fact that my very vanilla wife is not going to change...

We have been married for 23 years this month, love her, not going to leave but it is VERY frustrating...

 

[heyitsthatguy77]

Has she always been very sexually conservative or in the 23 years of marriage has she ever had any naughty little kinks at all? May be something you have to approach differently and talk with her about before ever making it to the bedroom. Maybe start by asking her to share any fantasies she may have and go from there.

 

[Anomaly1964]

Has she always been very sexually conservative or in the 23 years of marriage has she ever had any naughty little kinks at all? May be something you have to approach differently and talk with her about before ever making it to the bedroom. Maybe start by asking her to share any fantasies she may have and go from there.

She has always been conservative...

I'm gonna be 50 in September and not feeling old yet but wanna make this next decade really FUN!

She is VERY tight lipped when it comes to sexual conversations...

 

[gk6h]

Over the last few months, I have broached a few ideas with my wife, I asked about anal play (for me as well) and got a very FIRM no...

The other night after some good sex I asked if she would like if I got her a vibrator to enjoy as well; again, another FIRM no...

I am now surrendering the fact that my very vanilla wife is not going to change...

We have been married for 23 years this month, love her, not going to leave but it is VERY frustrating...

been there

 

[Little_Sister]

I feel your pain. I have received the same response from my husband when I ask for cunnilingus. You can't force someone to do what they dont want to do. No matter how much he asked, I would NEVER be into pee play or anything along those lines so I try to be understanding.

The fact is, we all have choices. She can't give you what you want. You either have to make the choice to live with out it or go and find it elsewhere. Either way the choice is yours and you will have to live with the consequences, whatever they may be. For me, I have chosen to live without. I have lit as my little pervy outlet but at this point, I have no interest in seeking out what he is unable to provide outside of my marriage.

 

[Anomaly1964]

I feel your pain. I have received the same response from my husband when I ask for cunnilingus. You can't force someone to do what they dont want to do. No matter how much he asked, I would NEVER be into pee play or anything along those lines so I try to be understanding.

The fact is, we all have choices. She can't give you what you want. You either have to make the choice to live with out it or go and find it elsewhere. Either way the choice is yours and you will have to live with the consequences, whatever they may be. For me, I have chosen to live without. I have lit as my little pervy outlet but at this point, I have no interest in seeking out what he is unable to provide outside of my marriage.

Very well said...

It does come down to choices for sure...

 

[heyitsthatguy77]

She has always been conservative...

I'm gonna be 50 in September and not feeling old yet but wanna make this next decade really FUN!

She is VERY tight lipped when it comes to sexual conversations...

Maybe there is a way to ease into the conversation. Try it over a couple glasses of wine and let it just "come up" in conversation. Put it in the sense of asking are there things she has ever wanted the 2 of you to try, and no matter how small that may be find ways to do those things with her and as she becomes more comfortable with her fantasies and sharing she may open up more. If not she may just be one of those that just keeps it bottled up and never wants to really act on anything she may have ever thought about.

 

[denicegirl]

I agree with what some of the others are saying. You need to get her talking to you one way or another. You need to know what she is thinking about and why she might not be open to trying some of the things you are suggesting. She might just really enjoy and be satisfied with your current sex life and not feel the need to spice things up as much as you do. Women are complicated and it should be no surprise to you that sometimes I don't think we even know what we want. There may be other things she is curious about or willing to try, but she might be too shy to share them with you.

 

[klippert]

Over the last few months, I have broached a few ideas with my wife, I asked about anal play (for me as well) and got a very FIRM no...

The other night after some good sex I asked if she would like if I got her a vibrator to enjoy as well; again, another FIRM no...

I am now surrendering the fact that my very vanilla wife is not going to change...

We have been married for 23 years this month, love her, not going to leave but it is VERY frustrating...

Before you cash it in...I suggest you put it on the table..

Ron White had a great skit. he and his new wife were on there honeymoon... the sex subject came up. so they each did a list of interests.... he described his as, A" to-do list". When he read his new wife's list....He called Her's a "Ta-DON'T list".

All I can say is put it out there, you maybe right. But, if she's a Ta-don't list, then she's tossing it in. NOT you

 

[saylervee]

My wife has been very vanilla for most of the 29 years we have been together (but hey, sometimes vanilla is really, really good!) then a couple of years ago she read the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy - several times.

Although she is not into the BDSM stuff (neither am I) it gave her the confidence to be a bit more assertive about what she wants in bed, and this has been a revalation. She also asked me to purchase her a vibrator, and now admits that she likes to use it to practice solo to improve her sexual response.

So there may still be hope!

Best of luck...

 

[Anomaly1964]

My wife has been very vanilla for most of the 29 years we have been together (but hey, sometimes vanilla is really, really good!) then a couple of years ago she read the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy - several times.

Although she is not into the BDSM stuff (neither am I) it gave her the confidence to be a bit more assertive about what she wants in bed, and this has been a revalation. She also asked me to purchase her a vibrator, and now admits that she likes to use it to practice solo to improve her sexual response.

So there may still be hope!

Best of luck...

I tell her to read 50 Shades, kinda of half kidding, she is like "are you kidding?"

 

[KinkyGAGuy]

I hate it when I read or hear this type of discussion. I am so very sorry for you. So many people (including myself at times) are hung up on not trying new things. I do not get why people cannot expand their horizons.

I know a woman that left her husband because of the lack of sexual experiences. I know many men have left their wives because of the same.

It is just crazy that in this day and age people cannot see that time and experiences make up who we are.

 

[may_I_please]

If you bought a wand and just left it in the bedroom, what would happen?

They are supposed to be good for muscles too (so I hear) ...for justification

You could try it on the insides of her wrists, her back ...amazing how many erogenous zones there can be apart from genitals ...also she might try it when you're not around out of curiosity?

Also you would enjoy it

if she won't play buy the toys for yourself ...

 

[Anomaly1964]

I hate it when I read or hear this type of discussion. I am so very sorry for you. So many people (including myself at times) are hung up on not trying new things. I do not get why people cannot expand their horizons.

I know a woman that left her husband because of the lack of sexual experiences. I know many men have left their wives because of the same.

It is just crazy that in this day and age people cannot see that time and experiences make up who we are.

Well said...

 

[coati]

Personally, I would refuse to allow anyone to so stringently control the limits of my sexual expression. I'll accept reasonable restrictions, but not perpetual mediocrity. Good sex is wild.

I suggest you model the behavior that you want to see in her, and she will then either shit or get off the pot. Be a little more wild in your demeanor-- there are ways to communicate that you have an active fantasy life other than "the conversation". Fill your mind with your ultimate dreams, stimulate yourself without inhibition, have some thundering orgasms, and do it in unusual places if possible. Think of yourself as James Dean, not a hen-pecked Walter Mitty. Some people respond to attitude more than conversation.

 

[Anomaly1964]

Personally, I would refuse to allow anyone to so stringently control the limits of my sexual expression. I'll accept reasonable restrictions, but not perpetual mediocrity. Good sex is wild.

I suggest you model the behavior that you want to see in her, and she will then either shit or get off the pot. Be a little more wild in your demeanor-- there are ways to communicate that you have an active fantasy life other than "the conversation". Fill your mind with your ultimate dreams, stimulate yourself without inhibition, have some thundering orgasms, and do it in unusual places if possible. Think of yourself as James Dean, not a hen-pecked Walter Mitty. Some people respond to attitude more than conversation.

VERY interesting...

 

[coati]

I mean, you know the sex is boring when you can do a better job of it on your own. Maybe, eventually, you could lick her to orgasm and then jack yourself off while penetrating your anus with your second hand or a dildo. You know, just let all your inhibitions go and get off good, with her watching. I did this several times, and I think my partner learned more than any amount of conversation could convey.

Don't be ashamed of your sexuality.