A Poet Walks Into a Bar . . .

[butters]

You eyes will glaze over, *nods*

which do you like best?

 

[HarryHill]

which do you like best?

I like the left one best oh are you talking 'bout ice cream again?

 

[butters]

I like the left one best oh are you talking 'bout ice cream again?

*raises eyebrow*

yes, dear, ice cream.

*shakes head*

 

[Hypoxia]

... lo-fat lo-cal ...

Sorry Hypoxia I couldn't hear anything after this

Lo! Sweet me not with artifice!

Pudgy budgies, eh? There's a methedrine to my madness. I'm at 80% of my goal of dropping 40% of my 1-year-ago bodyweight. I feel much better now. I get there by paying attention to fats and carbs, and by following the Chuck Taylor diet. CT was a fat schlub who realized he was a fat schlub because he ate too much. The simple Chuck Taylor diet: DON'T EAT TOO MUCH.

(Read about Chuck Taylor and much more in THE WILD TREES by Richard Preston, one of the most thrilling non-fiction books I've ever read.)

How not to eat too much? One tactic: imbibe LOTS of non-caloric drinks. If I adequately sweetened those with sugars or honey, I'd be consuming an extra few hundred dietary calories daily, enough to keep me fat. Fuck that. Stevia is a non-artificial non-sugar lo-cal sweetener. No, it doesn't taste as good as sugar, just as fat-free foods don't taste as good as LDS (Lipid Delivery System) foods. Imperfect -- but better than being a fat schlub.

IMHO sugar should be classed with opiates and other addictive substances.

 

[HarryHill]

*raises eyebrow*

yes, dear, ice cream.

*shakes head*

You must be holding on by sheer will power now suppers called wont be too long

 

[butters]

Pudgy budgies, eh? .

H definitely isn't, despite his love of apple pie.

as for me, i'm more like a pudgy pigeon

but i've dropped 29lbs by eating better, more, at regular intervals and not after 7 at night MOST the time

tonight it's almost 1 am and i just ate a ham and mustard sandwich and i'm drinking beer.

'grats on your weightloss

 

[Trixareforkids]

Pudgy budgies, eh? .

Yup, I'm a pudgy budgie, though I prefer flabulous. Took me a long time to not be super skinny, I'll hang at 125ish.

 

[butters]

You must be holding on by sheer will power now suppers called wont be too long

if willpower's a ham and coleman's sandwich with the same can of beer i'm still nursing, then yeah. i'm pretty sleepy, it's true.

 

[HarryHill]

if willpower's a ham and coleman's sandwich with the same can of beer i'm still nursing, then yeah. i'm pretty sleepy, it's true.

well. I'm pouring a whisky will power bedamned or praised
here's a toast my glass is raised, your ham, my rye, your beer,
all covered in a glaze of mustard far beyond the rape fields.
Mind the gap, cheers

 

[butters]

well. I'm pouring a whisky will power bedamned or praised
here's a toast my glass is raised, your ham, my rye, your beer,
all covered in a glaze of mustard far beyond the rape fields.
Mind the gap, cheers

cheers lol xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Hypoxia]

Yup, I'm a pudgy budgie, though I prefer flabulous. Took me a long time to not be super skinny, I'll hang at 125ish.

Pounds or kilos?

Meanwhile:

he sliced me thin
microtomed slivers of bone and skin
flayed and flensed and paid-for and cleansed
just another human sushi

a nanoscale layer-cake
very fast to prepare and bake
watch my cells in meta-mitosis, magnified
or is that meiosis?

beauty, only skin deep
much thinner when it's a lampshade
tattoos projecting flabulous patterns on the wall
call Quentin Tarantino

 

[Trixareforkids]

Pounds or kilos?

Meanwhile:

he sliced me thin
microtomed slivers of bone and skin
flayed and flensed and paid-for and cleansed
just another human sushi

a nanoscale layer-cake
very fast to prepare and bake
watch my cells in meta-mitosis, magnified
or is that meiosis?

beauty, only skin deep
much thinner when it's a lampshade
tattoos projecting flabulous patterns on the wall
call Quentin Tarantino

Haha, my weight in kg almost matches my height in inches.

If ever a movie were to be done about me, Quentin would be the one I'd choose to do it. He knows twisted and droll. And Flabulous would be the title, which would be funny if it only covered my younger years when I made Twiggy look like a porker.

 

[Hypoxia]

'grats on your weightloss

Many thanks. It ain't lost. I know exactly where it went.

Meanwhile, I have a huge stock of songs in my EAT IT! folder. Songs about artichokes and avocados and anise seeds and Armenian cannibals. Songs with talking hamburgers and hungry aphids. No songs about yogurt, sorry. Let's see, where is one of the bad ones... [/me shuffles through virtual lyric sheets]
_____________________________________

(I Just) GOT TO GET THIS PIZZA TO YOU

(A) Don't know just who you are
Don't care what you do
But I know, no matter how near or far
I just got to get this pizza to you.
--
(A) Don't know a thing about what ya think
Don't know what's your fav'rite brew
But the very most important thing
I just got to get this pizza to you.
--
(A) It might have pineapples and pepperoni
Mushrooms and anchovies too
Topped off with onion and Canadian Bacaon
I got to get this pizza to you.
--
(B) Now, you really should try a diet
This stuff'll kill you dead
But I know, once you try it
It really grabs your head
--
(A) I don't know your social status
or if you're born in a zoo
But while I drive this apparatus
O I'm just gonna get this pizza to you.
Yeah, I'm gonna get this pizza to you-ooooh-oooh...

 

[Trixareforkids]

Hey, could ya send that driver over here! They won't deliver in my 'hood.

 

[Hypoxia]

Hey, could ya send that driver over here! They won't deliver in my 'hood.

If you're in sectors Delta through Zulu, you're our of luck. Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Reindeer poop
Take your pick

 

[Trixareforkids]

If you're in sectors Delta through Zulu, you're our of luck. Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers.

Hey now! Ya talking to me or about me?

And there's no loose teeth here, what cha need dem pliers for?

 

[Hypoxia]

And there's no loose teeth here, what cha need dem pliers for?

It's an homage.

But I digress. The ukulele festival turned out to be a jug band festival but I didn't see any jugs -- well, not the ceramic kind, anyway. It was a hot day in the Gold Rush town of Sutter Creek, the jewel of the Mother Lode. Refugees from stinking Sacramento aka Sacratomato swarmed the covered cobbled sidewalks in as little garb as possible. Proprietors of shops selling overpriced real and fake antiques and tourist tchotchkes were trolling for suckers, as usual, and reeling-in a few. Rebuilt hot-rods interspersed with rumbling road rockets rolled down the narrow main street between false-front buildings. Midsummer burns the unwary. Selah!

 

[Trixareforkids]

It's an homage.

I looked it up. I'll give it a listen with the hubby in the next couple of days as it sounds like it'd be something he'd enjoy as well.

 

[Hypoxia]

I looked it up. I'll give it a listen with the hubby in the next couple of days as it sounds like it'd be something he'd enjoy as well.

Awesome stuff. Start with HOW CAN YOU BE IN TWO PLACES AT ONCE WHEN YOU'RE NOT ANYWHERE AT ALL. After that, DWARF follows (preter)naturally.

"You haven't seen the last of me, Danger!"
"No, but the first of you TURNS MY STOMACH!"

 

[Trixareforkids]

I'll let you know what we thought of it when we get a chance to listen.

My favorite comedy album is still Bill Cosby: Himself. I heard it before I saw the video of it and it's just as good without the few visuals, as he was mostly just sitting in a chair the entire time. "But Dad I'm Jesus Christ" LOL

 

[HarryHill]

Weather's just a bit iffy
pour me a drink, lets see
if alcohol absorbs water

 

[Trixareforkids]

Weather's just a bit iffy
pour me a drink, lets see
if alcohol absorbs water

Sorry Harry, if it did there wouldn't be beer guts...

 

[butters]

Weather's just a bit iffy
pour me a drink, lets see
if alcohol absorbs water

hey x didya get wet?

mind if i join you and mistress trix?

i could use something after visiting the past.

oh, hot fuzz is on - always makes me laugh

 

[HarryHill]

hey x didya get wet?

mind if i join you and mistress trix?

i could use something after visiting the past.

oh, hot fuzz is on - always makes me laugh

*pours the red* where ya been missus?