just curious : female bonding & a few more questions to lesbians

[bi_sub_lady_doc]

I am a little confused whether i am posting in the right forum.let me tell it first, i don't intend to hurt anyone's belief & if my questions do so, i am utterly sorry for that.opinions may differ.this thread is just out of my inquisitiveness, if anyone finds it offending, please ignore.
in the early part of last century, in sexually repressive surroundings ( particularly for women), it was believed that women used to take relatively lesser active forms than men while having sex.in other words, women were considered as pleasure providers ( feminists, don't pounce on me, i don't endorse that view).
my question is that, how does this active passive thing fits in while two women are having sex?
( though the assumption changed drastically in today's time as now the guys are perceived as pleasure providers, a job which i assume they would never shy away )
as a woman (bi curious) i have no problem to be on the receiving side from a woman.but, i never intend to play the active role.
my second question ( foolish one, i agree), is a lesbian's attraction toward another woman purely physical/ purely emotional or a mixture of both? i have a reason for asking this question.i have seen tremendous bonhomie among guys.one second they may be fighting, then u may find them laughing out loud the very next moment. i have never seen such bonding among girls.if my bf cheats on me, i may share the info with my closest female friend, but i would never expose my emotional vulnerability in front of her.
third & last one, i do believe that lesbians are born like that (though they may find the fact at a later stage of life), but i have seen a couple of girls whose change of sexual orientation were derived from their hatred for male community ( may be due to some unwanted past).what do the pure lesbians think of these girls? another thing, the so called dyke or butch are usually perceived as strong feminist or anti male, is this true? i have found one of my acquainted dyke actually imitating the spoiled guys, while continuously bad mouthing them.

 

[Dyslexicea]

I am a little confused whether i am posting in the right forum. let me tell it first, i don't intend to hurt anyone's belief & if my questions do so, i am utterly sorry for that. opinions may differ. this thread is just out of my inquisitiveness, if anyone finds it offending, please ignore.

in the early part of last century, in sexually repressive surroundings ( particularly for women), it was believed that women used to take relatively lesser active forms than men while having sex. in other words, women were considered as pleasure providers ( feminists, don't pounce on me, i don't endorse that view).

I'm surprised no one else has responded. Yes this is the place to ask, the only place as far as Literotica goes. No you didn't hurt my feelings and I'm not offended. I just hope I don't offend yours, it seems lately even when I don't intend to offend I do so.

I'm surprised, maybe shocked, that Imperial British colonialism could, evidently did, impose its Victorian repressive morals upon India, a country, although always very patriarchal, I felt was sexually enlightened.

my question is that, how does this active passive thing fits in while two women are having sex? ( though the assumption changed drastically in today's time as now the guys are perceived as pleasure providers, a job which i assume they would never shy away )
as a woman (bi curious) i have no problem to be on the receiving side from a woman.but, i never intend to play the active role.

If my understanding of male sexuality is correct, at least as it applies to the U.S., according to many of my hetero women friends and from what I read, your assumption about men being the willing provider's of pleasure for women is sadly mistaken, many aren't, unless you believe penis centered sex is all women desire, if that's all she getting she might as well be living during the Victorian era.

Lesbian sex for the most part is not passive, we pleasure and receive simultaneously. Although some of our sexual acts can at times be one being more passive and while the other is more active, our sex lives are not a little kissy face, a little breast play before our face is between our lovers legs. Of course there are times when my pleasure is to be only the provider of pleasure, I do at time drive the love of my life, my wife, to near exhaustion with the number of organisms I'll give her but even in that she not at all passive. She also does the same for me.

By the way we have a term for those who want to be pleasured but are unwilling to also provide pleasure which is pillow queen. Most of us don't want to be involved with a woman who is so selfish, she only wants to receive.

my second question ( foolish one, i agree), is a lesbian's attraction toward another woman purely physical/ purely emotional or a mixture of both? i have a reason for asking this question.i have seen tremendous bonhomie among guys.one second they may be fighting, then u may find them laughing out loud the very next moment. i have never seen such bonding among girls.if my bf cheats on me, i may share the info with my closest female friend, but i would never expose my emotional vulnerability in front of her.

We are human beings, we are no different than you are, other than our same sex orientation. We have emotions, we become emotionally involved with not only those we have romantic relationships with but also our friends, our daughters and/or sons, our mothers, our fathers, our sisters and/or brothers, need I go on. Why would we be any different than anyone else. The only difference is our orientation, We fall in love, we have all the same romantic emotions that anyone else has. It's not about sex, yes I have sex, yes I love having sex but sex is not the most important part of my life, if I could no longer have sex I'd still seek out and find love, if I didn't already have it.

I can only speak for myself, I bond with my close friends, many are not lesbians, I share activities with my friends, sports, camping, hiking, climbing, theater, concerts and much more. Unlike you or for that matter most men, I do, as do my friends, expose all of our emotional vulnerabilities to each other when those friendships are very close. That's me, those are the types of friendships I seek but not all women, lesbian or not, are exactly like me. We are human being, there is no stereotypical lesbian, just like there's no stereotypical woman or stereotypical man.

third & last one, i do believe that lesbians are born like that (though they may find the fact at a later stage of life), but i have seen a couple of girls whose change of sexual orientation were derived from their hatred for male community ( may be due to some unwanted past).what do the pure lesbians think of these girls? another thing, the so called dyke or butch are usually perceived as strong feminist or anti male, is this true? i have found one of my acquainted dyke actually imitating the spoiled guys, while continuously bad mouthing them.

Let us talk about Stud/Butch lesbians. First not all Stud/Butch women are lesbian some are straight, some bisexual, some pansexual, some asexual, in all cases they are women not fake men! They choose to express their more masculine nature, instead of excepting the cultural dictates of femininity, it's not about orientation, it's not about sexual stimulation, it's about expression, it's about freedom, it's about feeling comfortable in one's own skin, it's letting some of what's important on the inside out. I'm femme but I do realize when I dress feminine I'm only doing so to express one part of my nature to those around me and I do so in a way that my culture see as feminine. Likewise someone stud/butch dresses in clothes and may act in ways our cultures see as masculine.

As far as feminism goes I don't know any lesbian, no matter how she expresses herself, who isn't a feminist. Feminism has never been about hating men nor is it now, it's about equality for all, not just women, everyone including men.

Hate, it happens but it's no more likely for a lesbian to hate men than straight women. I just don't know any man hating lesbians, hate being raped by men, FUCK YES, hate being abused and beaten by men, FUCK YES, but hating all men because of what some men do, NO.

 

[haurni]

I'm surprised no one else has responded.

I figured I'd let a lesbian reply before jumping in with my white cis-male privilege

i do believe that lesbians are born like that (though they may find the fact at a later stage of life), but i have seen a couple of girls whose change of sexual orientation were derived from their hatred for male community ( may be due to some unwanted past).what do the pure lesbians think of these girls? another thing, the so called dyke or butch are usually perceived as strong feminist or anti male, is this true?

I know a couple of women who used to identify as lesbian that could have been described similarly. Both were strong feminists and active in the feminist community as well as being at a stage of their lives where they were disillusioned with and not interested in men romantically or sexually. At least one had no significant sexual encounters with women while lesbian-identified and later in their lives they both took male partners and now express that they are predominantly or exclusively heterosexual. (Both of them, incidentally, were and are more femme than butch).

I would call these women 'political lesbians' - many of the people with whom they associated were lesbians and feminists and their shared values and sense of community led them to identify with their friends in terms of orientation as well - something that was not contradicted by their sexual behaviours (or lack thereof) at the time.

Now, just because I happen to know two people who fall loosely into this category does not mean that all lesbians really like men deep down, or that all feminists are lesbians, or that all feminists (or lesbians) hate men. I suspect that women who find themselves in similar circumstances to the two I mentioned are only a small percentage of women/feminists/lesbians and to draw any general conclusions about women/feminists/lesbians on the basis of a few cases would be massively overgeneralizing and stereotyping.

People are different and have different reasons for doing things. Sexual orientation may change over time or as situations change and we should be wary of judging people by stereotypes. Most of the OPs comments seem to reflect beliefs based on stereotyping and I applaud her for questioning them.

in the early part of last century, in sexually repressive surroundings ( particularly for women), it was believed that women used to take relatively lesser active forms than men while having sex.in other words, women were considered as pleasure providers ( feminists, don't pounce on me, i don't endorse that view).
my question is that, how does this active passive thing fits in while two women are having sex?

This is another question about stereotypes, this time a sexist one. The OP appears to understand that the idea of woman = sexually passive is socially constructed but then asks how it works if women are passive (and mentions that she herself would never take an active role in sex), as if the stereotype was in fact true. She may as well have asked how two gay men could possibly have sex.

People as individuals have different personalities - some are more outgoing and aggressive, others less so, and this extends to sex as well. I'm going to suggest that a significant portion of these differences are culturally conditioned - women are supposed to be passive, men are supposed to be aggressive - and how these socially-constructed roles will play out in the bedroom depends on a) how intensely people have adopted them and b) how comfortable they are with their partners about exploring alternatives to 'conventional' behaviour. Yes, our society may have certain expectations about how the sexes are supposed to behave, but not everybody believes it and not everybody does it, and vive la difference.

The Gender Book deals with issues of sex and gender in general and might be worth a look by the OP if she is interested in the topic. It doesn't address sexual orientation much, though.

 

[bi_sub_lady_doc]

I'm surprised no one else has responded. Yes this is the place to ask, the only place as far as Literotica goes. No you didn't hurt my feelings and I'm not offended. I just hope I don't offend yours, it seems lately even when I don't intend to offend I do so.

I'm surprised, maybe shocked, that Imperial British colonialism could, evidently did, impose its Victorian repressive morals upon India, a country, although always very patriarchal, I felt was sexually enlightened.



If my understanding of male sexuality is correct, at least as it applies to the U.S., according to many of my hetero women friends and from what I read, your assumption about men being the willing provider's of pleasure for women is sadly mistaken, many aren't, unless you believe penis centered sex is all women desire, if that's all she getting she might as well be living during the Victorian era.

Lesbian sex for the most part is not passive, we pleasure and receive simultaneously. Although some of our sexual acts can at times be one being more passive and while the other is more active, our sex lives are not a little kissy face, a little breast play before our face is between our lovers legs. Of course there are times when my pleasure is to be only the provider of pleasure, I do at time drive the love of my life, my wife, to near exhaustion with the number of organisms I'll give her but even in that she not at all passive. She also does the same for me.

By the way we have a term for those who want to be pleasured but are unwilling to also provide pleasure which is pillow queen. Most of us don't want to be involved with a woman who is so selfish, she only wants to receive.



We are human beings, we are no different than you are, other than our same sex orientation. We have emotions, we become emotionally involved with not only those we have romantic relationships with but also our friends, our daughters and/or sons, our mothers, our fathers, our sisters and/or brothers, need I go on. Why would we be any different than anyone else. The only difference is our orientation, We fall in love, we have all the same romantic emotions that anyone else has. It's not about sex, yes I have sex, yes I love having sex but sex is not the most important part of my life, if I could no longer have sex I'd still seek out and find love, if I didn't already have it.

I can only speak for myself, I bond with my close friends, many are not lesbians, I share activities with my friends, sports, camping, hiking, climbing, theater, concerts and much more. Unlike you or for that matter most men, I do, as do my friends, expose all of our emotional vulnerabilities to each other when those friendships are very close. That's me, those are the types of friendships I seek but not all women, lesbian or not, are exactly like me. We are human being, there is no stereotypical lesbian, just like there's no stereotypical woman or stereotypical man.



Let us talk about Stud/Butch lesbians. First not all Stud/Butch women are lesbian some are straight, some bisexual, some pansexual, some asexual, in all cases they are women not fake men! They choose to express their more masculine nature, instead of excepting the cultural dictates of femininity, it's not about orientation, it's not about sexual stimulation, it's about expression, it's about freedom, it's about feeling comfortable in one's own skin, it's letting some of what's important on the inside out. I'm femme but I do realize when I dress feminine I'm only doing so to express one part of my nature to those around me and I do so in a way that my culture see as feminine. Likewise someone stud/butch dresses in clothes and may act in ways our cultures see as masculine.

As far as feminism goes I don't know any lesbian, no matter how she expresses herself, who isn't a feminist. Feminism has never been about hating men nor is it now, it's about equality for all, not just women, everyone including men.

Hate, it happens but it's no more likely for a lesbian to hate men than straight women. I just don't know any man hating lesbians, hate being raped by men, FUCK YES, hate being abused and beaten by men, FUCK YES, but hating all men because of what some men do, NO.

thank you..that elaborate answer of yours was able to satisfy all my queries.