Man problem

[TheNiteSiren]

I have always had a thing for one of my brother's friends. This guy is funny, intelligent and just so what I want in a guy. Up until recently I believed he was engaged but my twin informed me that his fiancee dumped him.

I'm not stupid. I know he's never seen me that way. My question is should I go for it? If i do, how do approach him about these feelings without making it awkward? How do I get him to see me as someone he could be with?

 

[LWulf]

Bluntness works generally. Guys are not generally swift in such matters.

I'd suggest the indirect approach.

I'd approach the situation as:
"Hey, I heard you weren't going with 'so-and-so' anymore." wait for general response "That's too bad. Some girl's just don't know when they have a good man sometimes. Her loss!" pause or wait for response " There's a (insert commonly appreciated social function) going on that I was gonna go to but I hate to go alone. Would you like to go ...just you and me?"

Unless he is ubber dense, he will either pick up on it and will response positively, which might include saying "no." He might actually have something else to do, so if he asks for a raincheck, then you know that he is interested. If he says no, then you have given him a chance to subtly discuss the chance of you two getting together without directly asking him.

 

[stickygirl]

Tell him you heard the news and maybe he'd like to come out with a group of your friends to find his feet again. He may be feeling a bit blue so the company would do him good but... do you want a rebound?? Tread carefully but just be a friend and take things from there.
Please forward payment to my PayPal account
thank you

 

[stickygirl]

Hi 5's LWulf

 

[LWulf]

Hi 5's LWulf

^5

...but I was post 2 and you are post 3 so the payment goes to MY paypal account

 

[suckonsimon]

Advice so far - from the high fivers - seems good to me.

If for some reason that stuff is not possible, can you trust your brother to play some part in getting a signal through to his friend that his hot sis may like him more than he has realised?

 

[StrayKat]

I have always had a thing for one of my brother's friends. This guy is funny, intelligent and just so what I want in a guy. Up until recently I believed he was engaged but my twin informed me that his fiancee dumped him.

I'm not stupid. I know he's never seen me that way. My question is should I go for it? If i do, how do approach him about these feelings without making it awkward? How do I get him to see me as someone he could be with?

Why not? What is the worst that can happen? To get friend zoned? You are already there, no?

As for how, I would start with light flirting. If he is as smart as you say he is and interested, he will pick up a hint fast. Not all men are obtuse when it comes to noticing a girl is willing.

 

[subwannabe]

Ditto. Don't over think it. Just tell him you're interested.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Be direct. Don't hint. We don't get or like hints.

 

[StrayKat]

Be direct. Don't hint. We don't get or like hints.

Bah. All I ever have to do is look at a guy in certain way and he will be all over me in no time.
You dont get hints when its about moods or shoes or anything that takes you out of your comfort zone and makes you think, but you get perfectly well all hints that are convenient for you, like sex invite. Half of the time you even see hints that are completely nonexistent.

 

[stickygirl]

^^^ *nods*

 

[Primalex]

Why not? What is the worst that can happen?

http://www.visualphotos.com/photo/2x2691603/boy_raising_hand_CB049280.jpg

 

[may_I_please]

Bah. All I ever have to do is look at a guy in certain way and he will be all over me in no time.
You dont get hints when its about moods or shoes or anything that takes you out of your comfort zone and makes you think, but you get perfectly well all hints that are convenient for you, like sex invite. Half of the time you even see hints that are completely nonexistent.

She's so right

 

[stickygirl]

This^

You mean like
http://www.peanuts.com/wp-content/themes/desktop-theme-peanuts/images/characters/main-snoopy.png

 

[Lord Pmann]

Bah. All I ever have to do is look at a guy in certain way and he will be all over me in no time.
You dont get hints when its about moods or shoes or anything that takes you out of your comfort zone and makes you think, but you get perfectly well all hints that are convenient for you, like sex invite. Half of the time you even see hints that are completely nonexistent.

I'd appreciate if you would stop the advances, please.

Hey, some guys get hints. Some don't. I've seen some girls really putting the moves out there and the guy is clueless. My friend Josh... Great looking guy. Girls love him. Clueless as can be.

 

[amofiga]

I have always had a thing for one of my brother's friends. This guy is funny, intelligent and just so what I want in a guy. Up until recently I believed he was engaged but my twin informed me that his fiancee dumped him.

I'm not stupid. I know he's never seen me that way. My question is should I go for it? If i do, how do approach him about these feelings without making it awkward? How do I get him to see me as someone he could be with?

Well, it actually seems easy to me. I checked your profile. You're not some college kid so it's really dumb to try playing high school games. I like the "blunt" approach that others have mentioned and you can do this without coming off as being too aggressive or needy.

I for one, would have been thrilled if some woman that I had known in a somewhat "platonic" way because I happened to be engaged or married, would approch me once I was "free" and simply say something like. "I'm sorry about your break up with your girlfriend/wife. I know you must be hurting and maybe you aren't even thinking about dating or seeing other people yet, but frankly, and I can't speak for you, I've always thought about you as something more than just a platonic friend. I'd love to go out sometime when you feel ready and see if enjoy each other's company." Hand him your phone number if he doesn't already have it and simply say, "Give me a call some time, even if you just want to talk. I'm a pretty good listener."

So, now he knows you're interested and you don't come off as a needy slut, unless of course he likes needy sluts and you like being one.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Be direct. Don't hint. We don't get or like hints.

Sure. I was minding my business at the Laundromat when my future wife sat atop the washer I was using. We've been married 41 years.

 

[twister947]

Ask him out. Just like that. It always works on me.

 

[Lord Pmann]

This girl loves him.

He's 17. A bit young, no?

 

[LWulf]

...Some don't. I've seen some girls really putting the moves out there and the guy is clueless.

Hey! I resemble that remark!

 

[BurningMonkey]

I was sitting in a bar one night with one of the women in a singles bridge club I belonged to. There was a moment when she said, "You know, I have to tell you that I think you're incredibly sexy."

Up until that point we had been friends, but that was as far as the interest went. We ended up having sex that night and dated for several months afterwards.

The key is to tell him how YOU feel, without pressuring him as to how HE feels. If he's interested, or becomes interested after you tell him, he'll take the ball and run with it. If he's not, he'll tell you so gently and you're back in the Friendzone. Which is no loss, really, since that's where you started.

You're a mature woman, and he's a mature man. Games are no longer necessary or desirable.
Be up front and matter-of-fact about it. It will work out as it should.

 

[liveforlust]

Bah. All I ever have to do is look at a guy in certain way and he will be all over me in no time.
You dont get hints when its about moods or shoes or anything that takes you out of your comfort zone and makes you think, but you get perfectly well all hints that are convenient for you, like sex invite. Half of the time you even see hints that are completely nonexistent.

Not so sure that just "looking at" some guys will send the message if he's only looked at you in the past as a "friend". Being a guy for lots and lots and lots of years, I'd say that many if not most guys are pretty stupid when it comes to reading signals and the minds of women. In many years I've seen more wasted time on both sides of the gender fence by both women and men who play high school games when they should be mature enough to put the cards on the table.

By the way, and for the record.....that is one hell of a great picture you have on your profile page. That cat may look strangled, but I'd love to trade places with him and do a little 180 to really say hello to the kitty kat.