FAWC 5: Line, Please!

[SecondCircle]

On a further note, should they return, I'd like to extend thanks to Beast and Triple T for their comments on my story. It was more than the tale deserved. AMB went out of his way to give the story high marks in this thread as well, which I know had to help give it a little publicity. Thank you guys a lot.

I've noticed feedback and discussion in FAWC has been growing. To all authors and readers that took time to comment and add thoughts and critique, you make this exercise stronger and more rewarding. And you make me feel like less of an ass for posting my babbling ass story reviews. Keep it going.

I'm still reading, but work and home are a tumultuous storm, and Slycs story is huge. if anyone wants any eyes on their entry just let me know. I don't wanna leave anyone out, but stories will come down soon and I'll have to sniff them out. If I miss you, slap me in the face.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

On a further note, should they return, I'd like to extend thanks to Beast and Triple T for their comments on my story. It was more than the tale deserved. AMB went out of his way to give the story high marks in this thread as well, which I know had to help give it a little publicity. Thank you guys a lot.

I've noticed feedback and discussion in FAWC has been growing. To all authors and readers that took time to comment and add thoughts and critique, you make this exercise stronger and more rewarding. And you make me feel like less of an ass for posting my babbling ass story reviews. Keep it going.

I'm still reading, but work and home are a tumultuous storm, and Slycs story is huge. if anyone wants any eyes on their entry just let me know. I don't wanna leave anyone out, but stories will come down soon and I'll have to sniff them out. If I miss you, slap me in the face.

If the backpat is more than deserved howcome youre happy about it? That's the sort of t-ball trophy LIT is famous for.

 

[sr71plt]

If the backpat is more than deserved howcome youre happy about it?

Because it irritates you?

 

[slyc_willie]

I'm still reading, but work and home are a tumultuous storm, and Slycs story is huge. if anyone wants any eyes on their entry just let me know. I don't wanna leave anyone out, but stories will come down soon and I'll have to sniff them out. If I miss you, slap me in the face.

You think it's big now, wait until you see the rewrite. I've already got it at 27k words.

What the hell am I thinking?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Because it irritates you?

On 2nd thought I guess your tale got sorted correctly.

 

[sr71plt]

Your tail is getting kicked correctly too.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Your tail is getting kicked correctly too.

But I'm like Clint Eastwood.

 

[Swilly]

How's this for a plot bunny for a non-erotic story:

JBJ and pilot are actually the same person, suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Huh? Whaddya think?

 

[AMoveableBeast]

But I'm like Clint Eastwood.

Senile?

*JBJ talking to a chair* Your style's splintered and your word choice wooden. Your sentences just sit there. Everything about your writing chafes my ass. Park the adverbs!

Edit: Full disclosure: I love Clint Eastwood and JBJ. Unforgiven is my second favorite movie.

 

[SecondCircle]

If the backpat is more than deserved howcome youre happy about it? That's the sort of t-ball trophy LIT is famous for.

Its honest feedback and I thanked them for it. I can be happy because someone enjoyed my story and let me know so. I cherish negative comments too. Not ALL feedback has to be negative though. Ive given plenty negative and constructive thoughts and recieved as much. You're welcome to provide your own in whatever way you see fit.

I don't personally think my story was that great, but I can thank them for thinking so.

This is part of normal human interaction. Saying I really liked a movie doesn't mean I'm expecting a blowjob from the director. Some of us get along without constantly slap fighting and cursing through our mustaches. Could you imagine if you sat down to eat, and no matter how great your food was, you called the waitress an ignorant trollop and demanded she take the food back? Then had every cook ready to stomp your ass and the cops had to come break up a huge war that started in the parking lot just because SecondCircle saw his steak was the slightest bit browner than he'd like?

If that's how you wanna live, sure. Go ahead and cross your arms and grumble. Leave us to our "t-ball" trophies.

You can still have this chair at the bar by me. I'd wager I'm one of the few that would still, even now, pour you a drink.

 

[SecondCircle]

You think it's big now, wait until you see the rewrite. I've already got it at 27k words.

What the hell am I thinking?

Cool. I'd watch the movie to it. Has that "gunslinger" feel to it but manages fantasy so well.

 

[sr71plt]

But I'm like Clint Eastwood.

Yes, he seems to be suffering from dementia too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKFH2U3Lvrw

 

[slyc_willie]

So now it's my turn to spill the beans (and to get back to my fourth point from a previous post):

I have to thank Sheablue for inspiration. I liked what she had begun with The House of Serenity from FAWC 4, and after I decided on the line for this challenge, two ideas sprang out at me. One was an EH tale, the other an idea that would eventually become The True Oracle.

As I stated in an earlier post, Oracle was originally much smaller. I had this basic idea of a Gunslinger-esque main character traveling across some barren landscape, encountering a mysterious woman, and finishing a quest with a twist. That was pretty much it. I made up a few names and titles, just going off the top of my head. I didn't want to think too hard on the story. I just wanted to let it flow.

I wrote it in about two days, maybe ten total hours of writing.

But then it started to grow on me, and I started thinking of things I could add to it. The characters changed the more I thought of them. Gavin was supposed to be this cold, callous man willing to take advantage of a woman in dire straits. Basically, an Old West cowboy. And Adastriana was supposed to be something like a gypsy, complete with false divination. But they changed.

Instead of being a master of his own destiny, I reinvented Gavin as a duty-bound soldier who has never failed a mission. I wanted to have him slowly break out of his shell. And Adastriana I wanted to make sheltered, in need of protection. That's when the idea of the "zantrist" came to me. Like tantrists, they focus their otherworldly powers through a sexual medium. That sounded fun, and gave a good reason to include sex. I wrote more dialogue, something the original story lacked, and as my characters spoke, their personalities developed.

The more I added to it, the more I felt a compulsion to explain the world a bit more. The "dying world" trope is all over the place, but I've always found it a strangely romantic backdrop. So I decided to emphasize it. I hoped the reader would be able to envision this bleak wasteland beneath twin suns, with dust storms swirling all over the place and dangerous creatures that made life anywhere but in a fortified city practically impossible.

By the time I was halfway through, I had the ending already planned. But something nagged at me. I was already using the three items on the table, but I hated the idea that they were conveniently magical, with no backstory. But as I finished the scene at the inn in which Gavin and Adastriana made love, an idea struck me that changed the entire tale.

I had intended to have Gavin reach the Oracle, at which point the book would be opened, revealing two different prophecies. One had he and Adastriana dying, the other had them killing the Oracle and putting Adastriana in her place. Sort of a false/true Oracle.

But then I developed the idea that the Oracle had once been a powerful woman, but her power had waned. Still, she wanted to stay in power. How would she do that? How about she made a deal with the Devil? Or a similar figure, any way. That made my mind go off on any number of tangents, until I settled on the idea of the Minister's daughter having been the Oracle's first victim. And that just explained everything to me.

I feel like I ended up rushing it, because by the time I got to that point in the story I only had a couple of days left in the challenge. So the last few thousand words seem rushed to me, and that came out when I read it after it had been posted. I like the story -- a lot -- and am enjoying the additional material I've already added. I think after I post the finished draft here, I'll clean it up even more and publish it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Its honest feedback and I thanked them for it. I can be happy because someone enjoyed my story and let me know so. I cherish negative comments too. Not ALL feedback has to be negative though. Ive given plenty negative and constructive thoughts and recieved as much. You're welcome to provide your own in whatever way you see fit.

I don't personally think my story was that great, but I can thank them for thinking so.

This is part of normal human interaction. Saying I really liked a movie doesn't mean I'm expecting a blowjob from the director. Some of us get along without constantly slap fighting and cursing through our mustaches. Could you imagine if you sat down to eat, and no matter how great your food was, you called the waitress an ignorant trollop and demanded she take the food back? Then had every cook ready to stomp your ass and the cops had to come break up a huge war that started in the parking lot just because SecondCircle saw his steak was the slightest bit browner than he'd like?

If that's how you wanna live, sure. Go ahead and cross your arms and grumble. Leave us to our "t-ball" trophies.

You can still have this chair at the bar by me. I'd wager I'm one of the few that would still, even now, pour you a drink.

Your story wasn't that great.

Your sword cuts both ways, maybe I don't like to associate with asshats. I mean, youre known by the people who hate you. At AH I like that. It increases my prestige after noobs put their hands up enough skirts. Lotsa pricks here but I keep mine in sight.

 

[SecondCircle]

Your story wasn't that great.

Your sword cuts both ways, maybe I don't like to associate with asshats. I mean, youre known by the people who hate you. At AH I like that. It increases my prestige after noobs put their hands up enough skirts. Lotsa pricks here but I keep mine in sight.

<chuckle> Sword cuts both ways?

If you don't like to associate with asshats that trade t-ball trophies... what uh, why are you here? Are you here to prove them right? That you're just ruffling feathers to draw attention? What do you have to gain really?

About my story... tell me bout it. Lay it on me. You'll find no thicker skin. Matter of fact I might agree with you on most things you may say.

Go ahead. Make my day.

 

[drteetho]

I was looking back over the comments on the stories and it seems the persistent issue many of us had was that the stories needed more: more characterization, more description, more conflict. I usually look at stories (my own particularly) and primarily see the things that can and should be cut. When I was writing, I felt a real compulsion to keep my stories short so they would be read and commented on by more people.

Several stories were exactly as long as they needed to be - Lorelei's Call and midnight Ball are the two that come immediately to mind - but most left me hungry for more of the world created. How many FAWCkers are planning on expanding their stories to re-post?

I'll probably take a crack at changing mine at some point, but it's not my highest priority right now.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

<chuckle> Sword cuts both ways?

If you don't like to associate with asshats that trade t-ball trophies... what uh, why are you here? Are you here to prove them right? That you're just ruffling feathers to draw attention? What do you have to gain really?

About my story... tell me bout it. Lay it on me. You'll find no thicker skin. Matter of fact I might agree with you on most things you may say.

Go ahead. Make my day.

I'm the AH blockhead bouncer. If youre just too damn stupid I help you outta town.

 

[FAWCker]

Just to repost:

I've already received a couple of emails from people as to what they want done with their stories. For everyone else, please send me a PM (NOT an email) to this account only, telling me what you want done with your story. They can be deleted, re-authored, re-categorized, even renamed.

LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU WANT DONE WITH YOUR STORY BY THURSDAY THE 26th. If I don't get a PM by then, I will delete the story.

Thank you.

 

[AMoveableBeast]

Actually, speaking of what to do with a story, I'd love some advice on what category to put mine in, as I have no freaking idea.

 

[PennLady]

Actually, speaking of what to do with a story, I'd love some advice on what category to put mine in, as I have no freaking idea.

Erotic Couplings, perhaps? Seems a bit too short for Novels and Novellas.

 

[AMoveableBeast]

Erotic Couplings, perhaps? Seems a bit too short for Novels and Novellas.

You don't think the darkness will kill it there?

 

[jomar]

You don't think the darkness will kill it there?

You could always use an author's note to forewarn readers.

 

[PennLady]

You don't think the darkness will kill it there?

No, not particularly, although I can't be sure. But I can't think of where else it would fit. And as jomar said, you could add an author's note.

 

[AMoveableBeast]

You could always use an author's note to forewarn readers.

No offense to any who use them, but I despise those damn things. "Warning: This story was not specifically formulated with you in mind. You may find passages that appear, at certain points, to be from a different point of view than your own, and may therefore be unsettling when compared to your homogenous view of the world. Do not read further if you don't wish to question your own omnipotence."

I appreciate the suggestion, though.

Hope I'm not sounding too princess and the pea here. I have thought about it quite a lot, and I just can't figure out where to put it. Erotic horror, maybe, but it has none of the elements, just the darkness. Romance? Bet they'd love that. Too short for Novellas. Non-con, but the rough sex isn't eroticized, it's presented negatively for the most part.

Fuck it. LW it is.

(No, seriously. Help!)

 

[jomar]

No offense to any who use them, but I despise those damn things.

I appreciate the suggestion, though.

Fair enough. I got one bombed for not noting one was a chapter story.

Fuck it. LW it is.

...

Do it!