Anyone in a long distance D/s relationship? I.e different time zones

[VirgoNotVirgin]

Just wanted to throw a thread out there, particularly as a discussion group for LDR subs. (like myself) How do you talk, have you met, intricacies of the dynamic, etc.

 

[BlondieSinner29]

I've been in the ones, with people i've never met. But i'm in one right now with my fiance, It's a long story but he'll be back in like 1-3 weeks. So I know how hard it can be to have all that free time and no freedom to get laid anymore. You just gotta masturbate, fill your time with books, and focus on things one day at a time. If you put love on the backburner, it will come right back to you once you get your priorities straight.

 

[seela]

I've been in a long distance relationship, but it was on different timezones (a whopping 1 hour difference) only for 6 months, and during that time we met twice. We went from being local to being long distance, to living together, to being on different timezones and finally to living together again.

For us being LD never was too big of a problem, because it was always supposed to be temporary. We tried to break up when we first went long distance, but somehow that didn't stick and we found ourselves visiting each other at least once a month.

I know there are people here who are, or who have been, in LDRs crossing multiple timezones. There was a huge thread, for LDRs, but it was closed for discussion resently. You can still read it, though. http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=474229

 

[Endless_Night]

I know there are people here who are, or who have been, in LDRs crossing multiple timezones. There was a huge thread, for LDRs, but it was closed for discussion resently. You can still read it, though. http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=474229

I'm curious. Is there any reason the new thread for LDRs didn't take off? The old thread still seemed reasonably active, but the new, while a having a few initial posts, has none since last year.

 

[isabellepain]

Long distance as in 100 miles apart and only on weekends. Sucks enough for me but I think he prefers the distance ha ha

 

[LWulf]

I can't stand long distance relationships. I've had several and they always went south. Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder for me. Perhaps because I never had a relationship that lasted over 4 years. My dad was married to one woman (after my mom) for 12+ years and after they were married 5-6 years, the more he was gone for months at a time (building a bridge or whatnot), the happier they both seemed to be.

IDK

For the record, you can have a relationship with someone in the same time zone and it is still a LDR. I was in New York, and my gf was in south Florida. We were still in the same time zone.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Ten hours, a little over ten thousand miles. Twelve years, though with a lacuna in the middle.

Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's heavy going. At the moment it's the latter; my lover has been working through major life changes and we haven't had much quality time. But we have a Skype date coming up, and I'm hoping to visit next April, so we'll see.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I've been in a LDR for 9 years. I also have a partner at home. I've lived in 3 different states in the last nine years each time getting a little closer. It is now a 4 hr car drive instead of a 5 hour plane trip.

Oddly we actually communicated more when we lived further away. He's a night owl and usually wanted to chat after 11 pm his time. My kids were young then so they would be in bed by 8. I liked to be in bed by 11 or so my time so we had hours to chat. Our daytime schedules worked out best when we lived 2500 miles away too.

At least living closer the visits are a little more often and alot less expensive.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I'm curious. Is there any reason the new thread for LDRs didn't take off? The old thread still seemed reasonably active, but the new, while a having a few initial posts, has none since last year.

Good question. I used to post quite often in the old thread. There is some great information in that thread.

 

[StrayKat]

I had online relationship with my present husband. Took about 6 months, we met twice in that time for a week, then I moved to another country to be with him. That was 2001., when we met online, and since I only got internet somewhere 2000., I guess I was kinda fast in finding someone.

Then I had another one, lasted about 5 years. He was my gaming partner and I cant really point my finger at when he became something more. It just happened. He was 21 when we met, I was twice older. But for all his young age he was assertive, smart and very capable of getting exactly what he wants. Apparently he wanted me and I got caught in emotions I wasnt sure how to deal with. In the end I managed to break up, call me whatever but I just could not get over the age difference. He finished college, got a job and was making plans for us. I freaked out...

I truly hope I will never have to deal with LDR again. It is too frustrating and lacking for me.

 

[KlaytonFrost]

I've never been in an LDR, as I know it definitely wouldn't work for me. But it's really illuminating to read about other people's experiences. I'm humbled and amazed by the level of commitment people show to making these things work.

 

[Endless_Night]

< Ten hours, a little over ten thousand miles. Twelve years, though with a lacuna in the middle. >

< I've been in a LDR for 9 years. >

This blows my mind. I've never done LDR, but I can't even imagine having the dedication to stick one out for YEARS.

~ Admiration ~

 

[sereneone4u]

He is Pacific time, I am Eastern time.

It will be a year Sept 13th.

It can be so frustrating but it is so worth it.

 

[ecstaticsub]

This blows my mind. I've never done LDR, but I can't even imagine having the dedication to stick one out for YEARS.

~ Admiration ~

I know I wouldn't have been able to do it if he was my one and only, if I was monogamous. I need to have physical touch and physical sex on a regular basis. I don't know if I could even have a not long distance relationship for more than a couple years without moving in together. I enjoy waking up and going to bed with someone I love way too much to have patience with not having it.

 

[Bramblethorn]

This blows my mind. I've never done LDR, but I can't even imagine having the dedication to stick one out for YEARS.

~ Admiration ~

Non-monogamous, FWIW; makes it easier in some ways but harder in others.

At the moment we're on the "harder" end of things, compounded by some massive changes in their life, but I'm hopeful that we can work through it. Time will tell.

 

[damselfly_]

I've been in a long distance relationship, but it was on different timezones (a whopping 1 hour difference) only for 6 months, and during that time we met twice. We went from being local to being long distance, to living together, to being on different timezones and finally to living together again.

For us being LD never was too big of a problem, because it was always supposed to be temporary. We tried to break up when we first went long distance, but somehow that didn't stick and we found ourselves visiting each other at least once a month.

I know there are people here who are, or who have been, in LDRs crossing multiple timezones. There was a huge thread, for LDRs, but it was closed for discussion resently. You can still read it, though. http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=474229

Thank you for the link, seela. I spent some time going through there yesterday, great stuff.

I ended up writing so much that my session timed out. I think I'll try again tomorrow, and use my clipboard.

 

[CalmInControl]

Just wanted to throw a thread out there, particularly as a discussion group for LDR subs. (like myself) How do you talk, have you met, intricacies of the dynamic, etc.

While it's not d/s related I've had two long-distance relationships in my relatively short life (I'm in my late 20s) in two different periods. Apologies if it's completely off-topic because of it.

Firstly, there was a 4 year puppy-love long-distance relationship when I was really young and that was difficult. Skype wasn't even a big thing back then (dial-up days and ICQ) but I was quite young so the physical intimacy wasn't a huge requirement.

Secondly, there was a 1.5 year inter-continental long distance relationship where we met about six times and spent about a month together each time. It was expensive and frustrating at times but if I feel a connection with someone and see a future I think it's worth the chance.


In modern times I think long-distance isn't as bad as one would imagine for a few reasons:

1) Using Skype (or other video chat software) you can see and speak to the person as though they're there. You lack the touch but the visual and sound is far better than yesteryear. We used to leave Skype on while I'd work from my computer and she'd be wandering around her house in the mornings.

2) Generally speaking travel is becoming much more affordable so meeting occasionally is more viable. Despite having to travel between continents we still managed to meet six times (four times in her location, once in mine, and once in a mutual holiday destination).

3) A few 'teledildonic' gadgets are seeking to bridge the intimacy gap. We never used any but I'm sure that'll help a little.


However, I feel I should stress that in my opinion long distance relationships only work where:
a) It's meant to be a limited time-frame thing (i.e. your relationship has a defined sunset clause); or
b) You have a solid plan for one of you to move. And by solid plan I mean you've a good idea of who is moving and that they're intending to move within X years. And hopefully X < 2 or it gets tough.

If neither a nor b apply, I'd try and avoid the LDR as it'll probably end badly.

 

[prettyserpentine]

My beau and I have been in an LDR for just over a year now.

3900 miles and 6 hours. He's in Alabama and I'm in Ireland. We just met for the first time in May when he came to visit for three weeks. I'm heading over there in November.

It's tough, but what relationship isn't?

But I tell you what, when you meet up, it's just amazing.

 

[KoPilot]

Hubs and I are LDR and have been for 5+ years now. I tell folks that the hardest part is that doing this is expensive (airfare), and the rest is easy because that's just how we are as people. We're both completely monogamous, but I'm asexual, mostly aromatic, and touch-averse most of the time (I have a switch for that sort of thing that I can pretty much turn on and off as will when it comes to him).

In fact, we like having our own respective spaces, lives, and finances so much that we don't actually ever want to move in with each other. Not LDR, but we just think we'd make much better neighbors than cohabiting partners.

 

[Wickedglinda]

I've been in an LDR for almost three years now, sigh ** it's hard with so much going on in the real world. I never thought I would be in along distance relationship but it found me, well we found each other. And we are 3 hour time difference and I am in love with him and count the days until I get to see him again. It is a D/S relationship so it is very hard but worth it.

 

[unicorn64]

I've been in a LDR with a truck driver for 5 months. We talk on the phone a lot and have met and been together for 2 weeks but the rest of the time has been phone internet and it is not easy. But it is happening. I use toys and masturbate sometimes with him on the phone and sometimes on my own. We also have somewhat an open relationship and I sometimes play on line. He approves and just wants me to tell him about it.

At the same time I have a LDR with a man in Australia for over a year and we only email and talk on line. He is talking about sending me an airline ticket to bring me over for a visit. Sounds like fun though it will just prove that where there is a will there is a way. Both know about each other and accept it for what it is. I love it.

 

[MissJW]

Me and my "subby hubby" are in a LDR from time to time, thanks to his job. At the moment it's a bit tough, as he's been away for a week and there's still 2,5 weeks to go Unfortunately 2014 is a very busy year for him, and this is already our third multi-week "break up", the longest took five weeks. Usually he's gone for 3-4 days at a time - a week max. Our time difference is never too massive, usually only 1-3 hours, but later this year he will travel to the other side of the world, so it will be a challenge to plough through the nine or so hours between us...

Anyway, as mentioned above, thank god for wifi, WhatsApp, Skype, smart phones etc. Pics and vids are our lifeline during these LDR periods. In D/s terms he uses them to send me whatever pics I tell him to, for example to show that he's a good boy and wore the panties I ordered. Not to mention pictures and videos of him masturbating for me, showing his hard-on, self-applied restraints, the usual stuff. He never ever cums without my permission, so needless to say it's very important to have easy and affordable way to communicate.

I've noticed that the first week of LDR is always the most intensive one in terms of D/s. I give him orders on the previous night and he sends me pictures / texts from the morning onwards. It doesn't have to be anything big, usually I just tell him what to wear, when / how to pleasure himself, ask him to describe certain things / memories of us, tell him he's to wear a plug and so on. We've talked about this alot, and noted that it gives us both hope and eases the acute heartbreak of being physically apart.

As days pass I usually stop giving orders, and we end up just texting this-and-that during the day and then enjoying "normal" phone sex during bedtime, unless either of us is feeling extra "playful". Mind, as weeks pass and our reunion draws closer, the tension obviously builds back up and we start planning our next physical play session. And holy shit how good it is...!

It's never easy when he goes off his ways, and there's never a time when we don't shed tears during long lonely hours. So that in mind I just can't stress enough how important it's to keep the spark alive, even if it's done with such small things as sending a picture to tease him. The relationship doesn't go on hold while we're physically apart, so it's absolutely vital to have reminders of how much we love and care for each other, and that all this distance will be worth it in the end.

Hope I didn't bore anyone with my ramblings! The situation is just very sore right now, as I miss him like crazy...

 

[Scotsman69]

Ten thousand miles takes a lot more than ten hours. My LDR was over ten thousand miles, and the direct flights between us took 22 hours in the air, and another two for interlining at Dubai, so 24 hours total airport to airport. We lasted three years, and managed to be together for over twenty weeks in that time.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I've been in a long distance relationship, but it was on different timezones (a whopping 1 hour difference) only for 6 months, and during that time we met twice. We went from being local to being long distance, to living together, to being on different timezones and finally to living together again.

...

I know there are people here who are, or who have been, in LDRs crossing multiple timezones. There was a huge thread, for LDRs, but it was closed for discussion resently. You can still read it, though. http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=474229

Ten hours, a little over ten thousand miles. Twelve years, though with a lacuna in the middle.

Ten thousand miles takes a lot more than ten hours. My LDR was over ten thousand miles, and the direct flights between us took 22 hours in the air, and another two for interlining at Dubai, so 24 hours total airport to airport.

"Ten hours" = timezone difference. Trust me, I'm very much aware of how long it takes to travel that distance.

 

[needtoexpress]

I was and kinda still am in a LDR with my husband. When we first started talking he was in Alberta Canada, and I was in NYC. There was a two hour time difference, and it was horrible. We usually talked over facebook or yahoo, and we met once before I moved in with him. I was there for a couple of months than back to NYC for college. Immigration is a slow process so eventually I will be living with him, but its LDR every couple of months.

You get used to being LDR, its hard, but its worth it in the end. Doing D/s was difficult, we couldn't do a lot of the things we do when we are together. You just tweak everything a little bit so it will work while you are apart.

When we were apart, I loved wearing my collar casually. It was the connection to him and it made things easier when they were tough.

Being LDR is hard, being LDR while D/S is even harder, but if you can make it work the times you are together are even more gratifying.