Why?

[georgeblack]

My gf asked me during sex why I have the fetishes I have. I told her I wish I knew. There is nothing in my history that would trigger anything unusual. Do yo all wonder why these things turn you on so much? Can you trace it back to something or someone specific?

 

[positivetension]

My gf asked me during sex why I have the fetishes I have. I told her I wish I knew. There is nothing in my history that would trigger anything unusual. Do yo all wonder why these things turn you on so much? Can you trace it back to something or someone specific?

I can very clearly, but I've focused a lot of introspection in that area. For some of us it's fairly easy to pinpoint, if not at least get a general idea. But I wouldn't say all kinks have a defining event. I believe nature and nurture go hand-in-hand, and some of us are just "born this way", kinks included. Ultimately, I feel the origin of a kink is trivial, even though it may answer nagging questions or simple curiosity.

What's important is recognizing and accepting those parts of yourself. Denial is poison in your soul. It makes people frustrated and reckless. It makes people lash out at others or just punish themselves, usually without understanding why because they're blind to the source of their dissatisfaction. Understanding what makes you tick is the key to finding your own peace and building strong, stable bonds with the people close to you.

Even if it's just getting lashed while riding a rocking horse with disco music in the background.

 

[vibes]

getting lashed while riding a rocking horse with disco music in the background.

Does this really rock your boat? Really?

 

[positivetension]

Does this really rock your boat? Really?

That's between me and my therapist

 

[vibes]

That's between me and my therapist

And a few million Litsters no?

 

[Monica_112]

And a few million Litsters no?

I thought there were only 12 Litsters they just have multiple logins

 

[vibes]

I thought there were only 12 Litsters they just have multiple logins

You mean I have been nipped all these years?

 

[georgeblack]

Denial is poison in your soul.

You are so right.

I guess part of me wishes I was vanilla. But part of me likes that I am not. I guess if you find the right partner who ideally has similar fetishes or at least is open minded enough to explore, you get the best of all worlds. After all isn't the best part of a fetish sharing it with someone you are close too?

 

[sunandshadow]

You know how stories usually have a theme that makes them meaningful? And a reader or movie viewer or whatever tends to like a lot of books or movies that share the same theme, and dislike a lot of other ones that have a different theme? I think fetishes work the same way. Most fetishes symbolize some sort of abstract positive value, like growth, control, freedom, exploration of the exotic, hierarchy and animal instincts, ownership, creation, transformation, etc. The fetishes I am into tend to have similar themes, while the rest that I am not into have other themes that don't interest me. I figured this out when I was studying mythology; a lot of modern fetishes show up in a simpler form in myths and folktales.

 

[Blase]

Like positivetension, I have a pretty good idea where my fetishes come from. There are things about my upbringing and certain parts of my past that I wish I could remediate.

I find that explaining my fetishes makes relatively little difference to me - I still have the desires, even if I think I can explain them - and practically none to my partners. Either they can handle those things in a partner or they can't.

That's not to say that there's no flexibility in what I bring to relationships but, like everyone else, I have to be myself.

 

[Sutefani]

I definitely was not a fan of breast milk or breast play at all prior to lactating, and now I love it! I just tried something new and it stuck. can't know if you like or dislike something if you've never tried it haha

 

[positivetension]

You know how stories usually have a theme that makes them meaningful? And a reader or movie viewer or whatever tends to like a lot of books or movies that share the same theme, and dislike a lot of other ones that have a different theme? I think fetishes work the same way. Most fetishes symbolize some sort of abstract positive value, like growth, control, freedom, exploration of the exotic, hierarchy and animal instincts, ownership, creation, transformation, etc. The fetishes I am into tend to have similar themes, while the rest that I am not into have other themes that don't interest me. I figured this out when I was studying mythology; a lot of modern fetishes show up in a simpler form in myths and folktales.

This is amazing. It sounds like a really great way to help recognize patterns and motifs in your life. I'll be trying it to see if I can learn anything new

 

[JaxRhapsody]

Only a few have a background, the rest were just I found it existed and was like yay me, now to figure out how to make it happen.

 

[positivetension]

Only a few have a background, the rest were just I found it existed and was like yay me, now to figure out how to make it happen.

But would you consider those kinks or fetishes? Or just something fun to try and occasionally do?

 

[notnice66]

stop wondering

stop wondering and just accept

 

[klippert]

My gf asked me during sex why I have the fetishes I have. I told her I wish I knew. There is nothing in my history that would trigger anything unusual. Do yo all wonder why these things turn you on so much? Can you trace it back to something or someone specific?[/QUOTE]


Do I wonder why....NOPE, I don't buy into the Freudian (fraud) POP-Psychology, mundane bullshit of it...I embrace it. The more you think, the easier it is to get paralyzed.

I can trace one fetish...smooth pussy. I think the rest are just "heck ya" moments, and it's easier for me to talk about stuff that turns me off. My fetish list it to long

 

[SunDevilGirl]

My gf asked me during sex why I have the fetishes I have. I told her I wish I knew. There is nothing in my history that would trigger anything unusual. Do yo all wonder why these things turn you on so much? Can you trace it back to something or someone specific?

I wonder this all the time. I suppose if I really think about it I could make some connections but it doesn't really make sense. It seems the more it's forbidden the more I get off on it.

 

[blkjames]

That's between me and my therapist

and Dr black
love is in the house lol

 

[am_1967]

I wonder this all the time. I suppose if I really think about it I could make some connections but it doesn't really make sense. It seems the more it's forbidden the more I get off on it.

That explains sooooooo much!

 

[amofiga]

I think our "kinks" and turn-on's and the level of intrest we have in sex, especially non-traditional non-conservative sex, is part of our DNA. To most people, sex is a regular Saturday night missionary fuck with a husband or wife. To some, it's an obsession or addiction and they will have any sort of sex with anybody walking down the street. For a large mass of people, the level of interest can range from high to low and the degree to which they want to color outside the lines is hard to work back to something in their past.

For me, I was raised in a very traditional Catholic home where sex wasn't talked about much and for all I could see, it was something married people did regularly, but not necessarily in any way outside of regular fucking. Then, when I was about 11-12, I saw a "French Deck" that a friend of mine's father owned. Lots of pictures of cocksucking, pussy eating, 69, multiple guys on one girl, etc. That really opened my eyes and I started wondering a lot about that sort of stuff.

As I got older and started seeing porno movies, I saw more "kinks" but in my "real" sexual relationships with girls, it was always very "ordinary" and "normal". My growing interest in light bondage and dirty talking and the desire for "secret slut" women didn't come till later after I had more experience with these types of women. Most often it was the women who expressed interest in things outside the "ordinary" and eventually I learned to suggest it because I learned that more women than I realized liked to be spanked or tied up or fucked in the ass or "humiliated". However, I also learned that many are NOT into anything beyond page two of the standard marriage manual. Suggesting or attempting anything mildly kinky could either get you a great new girlfriend or have her calling you a pervert and throwing you out. It could often be a gamble.

 

[interestedtoknow]

I wonder this all the time. I suppose if I really think about it I could make some connections but it doesn't really make sense. It seems the more it's forbidden the more I get off on it.

Like meeting up with people you met online?

 

[wickedpanda]

My gf asked me during sex why I have the fetishes I have. I told her I wish I knew. There is nothing in my history that would trigger anything unusual. Do yo all wonder why these things turn you on so much? Can you trace it back to something or someone specific?

Not really I just ask myself are they illegal,fun and what are her's....that seems to work!

 

[UnderMyKilt]

Freud would say our fetishes were caused by improper toilet training. Who knows, in light of my specific fetishes, that may have more than a grain of truth.

First, and tiptoeing around how to say this in an acceptable manner, a certain early trauma may have, at the very least, led me to certain sexual knowledge long before I should have.

That said, I have been anally erotic, and derived pleasure from stimulation, touching, and penetration of my anus and rectum almost since I first became sexually aware. That’s led me to often (but certainly not always) incorporate anal penetration into masturbation and both straight and gay sex for close to fifty years.

That also led to what may be considered another fetish in the guise of a fascination with collecting and using sex toys. Large, small, short, long, wide, narrow, HUGE, seemingly IMPOSSIBLE, you name it and I’ve collected it and used it. I might not necessarily consider it a fetish were it not for the fact that the mere act of shopping for them and buying them, be it online or better still in a brick and mortar sex store, turns me on as much as using them. Just laying half a dozen of them out on the bed and pondering which one(s) to use is a turn on.

That, I assume, led to another fetish which is enemas. One night I happened to take a shower in my folks’ bathroom where my mom, probably thinking it was her private sanctum, had left her douche bag hanging. I took one look at it, thought “This could go there,” and didn’t think about it for but a second before I filled the bag, had the nozzle up my ass, and was taking an enema. Enemas and colonics, and again the collection of exotic enema equipment, has been a fetish ever since.

Then there’s the fetish for panties and other articles of lingerie and women’s clothing. Can I blame it on a house filled with the estrogen from three sisters? I don’t think so. It’s certainly not that every young man with three sisters develops a fetish for collecting and wearing panties and lingerie.

Is it a hormonal imbalance, a warped DNA strand, whacked out chromosomes, or the old Freudian theory of improper potty training that’s responsible….or none of the above? Nature vs Nurture…I don’t know and I’ve been pondering on it for much of my life.

In the end, and especially with a supportive and kinky wife, I don't worry about it and just go with it as part of who I am.

 

[4yourpleasureiam]

I trace mine back to the time the guys in my gang needed to fuck someone and they made me be the girl. Then the first time a man picked me up at a parade one night made me feel so special. His arms around me as he held me close and his lips on mine. I knew I was a girl then forever.

 

[Nezhul]

I think of human brain as a very complicated machine that keeps and links associations. You can never predict how it links it and in what order, and those chains of associations may be really unexpected and complex.

In my opinion, yes, you can track any behavioral pattern to a specific event or events that caused it to develop. In case of fetishes, they may not even be sex-related or fetish-related. They may have happened long in your past - a picture you saw as a kid, a scene from the movie, a game you have played that you thought was fun. Things get piled up and linked through secondary and tetriary associations, positive emotions make certain things more desirable, and make everything associated with those things feel better.

A scene of a villain scaring the heroine was meant to display how vile he was. But you thought as a kid that this scene was especially cool and well-written. Why? Because you have imagined a gloomy castle under green skies in the courtyard of which this all happened. Why did you like it? Because you've seen a glimpse of such castle in a TV commercial. Why did you like it? Because it was right after you've watched an episode of your favorite show.... and so on, and on, and on.
In the end, you've liked the scene of villain scaring the heroine. And later in life, you have liked many similar scenes in movies and books, because they had this special magical flavor that consciously or unconsciously you've liked to a gloomy castle under green skies.
And later on, you found out a fetish word, saw a Dom playing mind tricks with a blindfolded Sub, making her jump in fear, and knew - this was it. The origins of this fascination have been long forgotten now - you don't remember the story, or the castle, or even your favorite cartoon show. Those memories are there, burried deep in your mind, but out of reach. But the link of positive emotions - it stayed with you.

But in a broader sense - there's no unified answer as to "why?". We don't know ourselves enough to know why. And why does it matter anyway?