Need to be controlled V's using safe words !

[definatelydifferent42]

How do you deal with the need to be controlled and the proper use of safe words ?

I find it very difficult as someone who needs to be controlled totally to use my safe words ,
i have a need to please and desire not to disappoint as well as craving complete control
which means that i find it very difficult to use my safe words ,i am unsure whether this is something i do consiously or not but i feel that because i do not wish to disappoint and need to please that is in some way preventing me from using safe words when i should

does anyone else have this issue or any advice about it ?

Thankyou
DD

 

[free_and_easy]

You'll probably get lots of different advice but I my (very limited) experience I'd say that maybe you're doing ok in that if you 'really' needed to use the 'safe' word you would have? Maybe you're on a cusp ?

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

I tend not to safeword unless I know that I absolutely can endure no more.
Master is very good though, he pushes me hard and close to my limit, but never pushes to my limit, then next time, my limits seem to expand.

If you need to, call it. No Dom wants a broken toy. The onus is on you to tell him. He can't read your mind.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Think of how disappointed he would be if he went to far and harmed you because you didn't use your safe word.

People think that safe words are there to protect the submissive/bottom from getting hurt. They are but they are also there to protect the Dominant/Top from the guilt, the pain, the getting their ass thrown in jail if they were to go too far.

I will only use my safe word if I absolutely have to. In 9 years i have never used Red and only a few times have I used Yellow. But my Dominant knows that if needed I would use them. In this way he feels comfortable enough to push my limits.

You are doing him a favor, a service by using your safe words when you need them. It is a way for him to learn limits you may not know yourself.

 

[definatelydifferent42]

Thankyou for your responses
i am not very self confident so it is definately my fear of disappointing possibly teamed with my need to please which made me ask the question here
but i do agree why the safe words are there are there and would never want any Dom to feel bad because of my behaviour
guess i need to go back to the drawing board and sort my own head out
Thankyou
DD

 

[bdsmchick94]

I kind of feel like that too. I've never used a safe word, and feel almost reluctant to do so because I want to please. But I do feel that if it was necessary I would use them.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Thankyou for your responses
i am not very self confident so it is definately my fear of disappointing possibly teamed with my need to please which made me ask the question here
but i do agree why the safe words are there are there and would never want any Dom to feel bad because of my behaviour
guess i need to go back to the drawing board and sort my own head out
Thankyou
DD

Perhaps you could look at it like giving the dominant partner the information needed to make decision? That would make not using your safeword witholding information.

 

[midwestyankee]

What is a need to be a controlledV? Forthat matter, what's a controlled V and why is it possessive here? The thread title is meaningless as written.

 

[InterestedInColumbus]

Removed

 

[subwannabe]

Good advice. It sounds to me like you are handling it well. I think a safe word is just that - a safe word. A word to use when you KNOW you have reached your limits. In a way it is an exhilirating feeling to know that you are going through something and yet you are either consciously or unconsciously struggling to decide whether you have reached your limit or not. It's got to make you drenching wet just thinking about not having a limit and in knowing that you might disappoint yourself in setting a limit by using your safe word. I think that's what a safe word is all about. If you set too many limits beforehand without needing a safe word it takes a lot of that exhilirating feeling away and makes it a lot harder for the Dom when they know ahead of time that they only have a finite list of things they can do. It's more satisfying when both parties know that just about anything can and will happen.

 

[SweetGrey]

That is brilliantly stated. As a budding Dom, this is exactly what I want from my sub and want my sub to understand. I'm not a sadist, I'm a giver of fantasy and pleasure. When it is no longer that, I don't want to give it. If I cause damage, I will be crushed.

You might have pulled this from my brain, it so perfectly describes what I feel. Well said!