A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Neve Do Again

[sheablue]

A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again

There's been talk a bit here about one of my favorite authors, David Foster Wallace. Is anyone else here a fan? If you aren't familiar with him, here is a bit of information:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Foster_Wallace

He wrote a brilliant book of essays titled: A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again. The titular essay is a brilliantly hilarious and sad evisceration of the 7-Day Caribbean Cruise. He also wrote one about the Illinois State Fair. I had to stop reading the one that explained competitive juniors tennis using math equations, because it hurt my brain.

He was a genius, and some day I will finish Infinite Jest, I really will.

So ... in the sprit ... what is a Supposedly Fun Thing YOU"LL Never Do Again?

 

[slyc_willie]

I doubt I'll ever jump out of a perfectly good airplane again.

As part of my military training, way back in the early nineties, I jumped out of numerous planes, and afterward, for a time, did it for recreational reasons. Skydiving is a hell of a rush, but I seriously doubt, given my current circumstances, that I'll ever have the opportunity again.

 

[MrFoxwood]

(Deliberately) assist in the conception of a baby, in the traditional sense at least, maybe someone will want me to observe and offer words of encoragement. Not only do we not want another one but I've had half a vasectomy towards making it impossible.

 

[Hypoxia]

Write a new computer language. That used to be fun but the last couple were tedious. Well, maybe another robotics control language, but nothing general-purpose, no way.

I was going to say, "Solder together another electronics kit," but I hope to teach that to my grandkids, so I guess I'll burn my fingers again after all.

I also probably won't setup another darkroom for photo processing. Don't think I can handle the chemical odors any more. Developing and printing is vastly fun, but shooping is much more relaxed. Might as well sell my enlarger.

 

[big9000]

Party for a week ++ God damn, its good times, but so many days (even 2-3 days in a row) is killing even the most resilient body:/ Good times, but this is not going to happen!

 

[Saxon_Hart]

Drink every size bottle Jack Daniels makes consecutively. The gallon nearly killed me.

 

[patientlee]

Ski. It might kill me.

 

[MrFoxwood]

Drink every size bottle Jack Daniels makes consecutively. The gallon nearly killed me.

When my little brother was 17 he drank a 70cl (that's apparently 1.6 US pints) bottle of Jack Daniels over about 3 hours. He would've been fine except he fell trying to get from his chair to his bed and the noise alerted our parents in the room below. We ended up taking him to hospital in the middle of the night but he was fine, the nurse was more concerned that it was a waste to drink so much that he was just going to puke back out.

 

[lovecraft68]

I'll never sleep with my best friend's sister again. The little minx was damn hot, but it was not worth the bullshit when he found out.

Of course at this point my wife would have something to say about it as well.

Okay seriously, camping. A lot of people love it, but I am not an outdoors person and my sister talked me and my family into going with her family a few years back for a week.

Yeah forget it.

 

[patientlee]

I'll never sleep with my best friend's sister again. The little minx was damn hot, but it was not worth the bullshit when he found out.

Of course at this point my wife would have something to say about it as well.

Okay seriously, camping. A lot of people love it, but I am not an outdoors person and my sister talked me and my family into going with her family a few years back for a week.

Yeah forget it.

I camp with heat, AC, shower, memory foam mattress, and my laptop. Somebody asked me recently why we camp so much. I'm pretty sure this is true. When you camp, it is socially acceptable to drink beer as soon as the coffee pot is empty.

I will never sleep in a tent again. 30 ft. Travel trailer has spoiled me.

 

[Handley_Page]

I camp with heat, AC, shower, memory foam mattress, and my laptop. Somebody asked me recently why we camp so much. I'm pretty sure this is true. When you camp, it is socially acceptable to drink beer as soon as the coffee pot is empty.

I will never sleep in a tent again. 30 ft. Travel trailer has spoiled me.

Here here.
In my case, however, it's a motor-caravan.

 

[Aynmair]

...but I've had half a vasectomy towards making it impossible.

All right, I'll bite - what's half a vasectomy?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

I'll never ride out a hurricane in a 26-foot cabin cruiser again, though it did seem like fun when I was 16.

 

[sheablue]

For me, it's roller coasters. I used to enjoy the insane thrill of fear that came with the certainty that I was going to die, but now they just make me dizzy. And not in a fun way. I could be talked into the littler ones ... maybe.

 

[Hypoxia]

All right, I'll bite - what's half a vasectomy?

Insufficient.




But I digress. Well, if "certain people I won't fuck again" is an appropriate response, then I have a long list. You might recognize some names.

As for tenting: Yes, that will happen, but no, I probably won't hang a hammock between trees on opposite sides of a stream again. Especially with crocodiles in the water.

Also: I won't sneak out to Area 51 with a long lens and tripod rig again. I won't peer down into the crater of an active volcano again. I won't run for office again. And I won't play trombone again. Y'all should be grateful.

 

[patientlee]

I played the flute for the first time in 22 years last night. It wasn't pretty.

(My 5th grade, tone-deaf, rhythmically-challenged daughter needed help. She has quizzes to pass on Monday or she won't get to go to the amusement park trip, which I paid $60 for.)

Insufficient.




But I digress. Well, if "certain people I won't fuck again" is an appropriate response, then I have a long list. You might recognize some names.

As for tenting: Yes, that will happen, but no, I probably won't hang a hammock between trees on opposite sides of a stream again. Especially with crocodiles in the water.

Also: I won't sneak out to Area 51 with a long lens and tripod rig again. I won't peer down into the crater of an active volcano again. I won't run for office again. And I won't play trombone again. Y'all should be grateful.

 

[patientlee]

For me, it's roller coasters. I used to enjoy the insane thrill of fear that came with the certainty that I was going to die, but now they just make me dizzy. And not in a fun way. I could be talked into the littler ones ... maybe.

I'm done with those too.

 

[patientlee]

(Deliberately) assist in the conception of a baby, in the traditional sense at least, maybe someone will want me to observe and offer words of encoragement. Not only do we not want another one but I've had half a vasectomy towards making it impossible.

I will add that to my list as well. Hubby had the Big V when I was pregnant with #3.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

All right, I'll bite - what's half a vasectomy?

One testicle.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

One testicle.

Where you get you medical and anatomical knowledge, Jimmy? A trailer park, perhaps. Testicles are removed in castration, not in vasectomies. The "vas" refers to the vas deferens, Jim Boy, not the testicle. Oh, wait...is that what your doctor did when you went for your "vasectomy?" Didn't you notice it?

 

[sr71plt]

I took a vacation to Baguio, Philippines, once when intel told me insurgents were about to strike. They overran it the week after I left.

 

[AMoveableBeast]

Hooray, DFW love!

I went drunken rock-climbing once. It was a bad decision on infinite Earth's. Nothing like being two inches from the sun, clinging to a craggy surface for dear life, while Jose and Jack have a fistfight in your stomach over border-control issues. And if you get sick on yourself on the side of a cliff, it's just you and the heat and whatever fresh hell Marie Calendar baked into that fucking pot pie. Between the sodium and the alcohol, I was practically hallucinating. That, or there really was a sad old Indian man standing at the crest looking down at me and shaking his head in disappointment.

 

[MrFoxwood]

All right, I'll bite - what's half a vasectomy?

I love it when people ask that Half a vasectomy is when the surgeon stops after a disconcertingly long period of tugging and sighing and says 'this has never happened before in my career, but I cannot get to what I need to cut. I've done the other side fine but here there is a cluster of vessels that I might hit. I'll give it one more go and if it doesn't work we'll have to book you in to a full operating theatre where we can deal with the blood if it goes wrong.' So he gave it one more go, and then the anaesthetic wore off!

So I was supposed to arrange another appointment but the following week my mother in law had a stroke (I've just realised how inappropriate that sounds in this context) and the week after that I lost my job. Needless to say my wife and I weren't really in any position for me to sit around with stitched balls. So here I am, half-fixed.

 

[oggbashan]

...

I went drunken rock-climbing once...

So did I. I was so drunk that I didn't and don't remember it, only what other people told me afterwards.

The short version is that a group of us had arranged to have an autumn beach party that grew and grew until it became enormous.

We wanted a bonfire and fireworks. The mistake was in challenging groups of Royal Marines and Army Infantry to build two bonfires. They built massive ones, but we considered that we would be OK because we had a few dozen off-duty Firemen as well.

I was with a large nurse most of the evening. But she was due to be on duty at 7am. An hour before then I tried waking her up from her drunken sleep but she wasn't really with it. Neither was I.

But we had a problem. The tide had come in and cut off every exit from the beach except one, and that exit was blocked by the Royal Marine's bonfire. That wouldn't matter because the tide was ebbing and the next exit would be usable within an hour - but too late for the nurse to be on duty.

Apparently I said "That's not a problem. I'll just take her up the cliff."

At the time I was a member of the local cliff rescue team.

I slung her over my shoulders in a fireman's lift and went up the 80 feet cliff without any aids. She weighed 165-170lbs. The Marines, the Army and the Firemen all watched, worried that I might slip and drop her. I made it to the top and drove her to her nurses' home to change into uniform. But one of her friends saw the state she was in, called her in 'sick' and covered her shift.

The cliff I had climbed was very fragile shale that crumbles easily. It was also wet. It is not recommended for any climbing without a rope, and certainly not carrying a heavy nurse.

Within the next year I rescued three people stuck on that cliff, and they were climbing without heavy nurses to weigh them down.

I could never have done it sober.

 

[AMoveableBeast]

.I could never have done it sober.

Excellent story! Liquid courage indeed.