Dominant women, not so Dominant

[asimtold2]

Like most things in life, people have different interpretations and perceptions of subjects, not to mention opinions. With that being stated, my interpretation of a Dominant is an individual that has themselves and their affairs in order. They can manage and conduct themselves proficiently, without the need of a sub/slave's servitude.

I know a few Dominants, of both genders, and in my personal experience, almost every female is not a true Dominant, other than in a fetish dynamic maybe. They seem to have issues from their past, many are out of shape, many are lazy, many have little going on career wise and MOST cannot manage their life much less a sub/slave.

Then there are the fit, beautiful and successful "Dominants". They are usually prodommes. That's a whole different thread. I have NO use for a prodomme, but I do see their need. They are good for the sub/slave that is just a sub/slave out of sexual fetish and not a way of life. You know the ones. They are the ones that "act up", so they are punished.

Anyway, has any other subs/slaves (or potential) experience this issue with females? I have time after time. I'll meet a female, claiming to be Dominant, and she starts out with stating that she is very busy and will be limited with time to respond to messages. I guess this works for the completely submissive individuals, but what about those of us males that are "alpha sub" ? I am considered a Dominant man in general, but has and desires a female that will be Dominant with me in a long term relationship.

 

[CutieMouse]

Remove the D/s from the equation...

Are there a lot of people out there, who don't have their shit together? And do a lot of those people who don't have their shit together, still want relationships? Further, out of those people (who don't have their shit together), do all of them have the same measuring stick re: "success"?

There is no "true". Your "true" isn't my "true"; my "true" isn't the same as the next guy's.

Now, does that mean you should ignore your personal standards? Nope, not in the least. It does mean that your standards are just that - YOURS. And although I do understand some of your arguments, the way you express them may not earn you the results you're seeking.

TL; DR version?

Yes, it's hard as hell to find a compatible partner. It's hard without kink; it can be even harder with kink. It took me... 6? 8? years to find someone I clicked with in damn near every way imaginable. And, for the record, when we met he was about as financially unstable as possible, along with facing a zillion other "un-domly" real life issues.

It didn't make him "fake"; it made him human.

 

[Dianthus]

Remove the D/s from the equation...


It didn't make him "fake"; it made him human.

This.

Even the most 'alpha' and dominant people can lose 'it' (whatever it is: the job, financial solvency, health, balance...).

Compassion and understanding that you, too, might be in the same place given the right combination of circumstances go a long way.

 

[LWulf]

Are there a lot of people out there, who don't have their shit together? And do a lot of those people who don't have their shit together, still want relationships? Further, out of those people (who don't have their shit together), do all of them have the same measuring stick re: "success"?

Now, does that mean you should ignore your personal standards? Nope, not in the least. It does mean that your standards are just that - YOURS. And although I do understand some of your arguments, the way you express them may not earn you the results you're seeking.

TL; DR version?

Yes, it's hard as hell to find a compatible partner. It's hard without kink; it can be even harder with kink. It took me... 6? 8? years to find someone I clicked with in damn near every way imaginable. And, for the record, when we met he was about as financially unstable as possible, along with facing a zillion other "un-domly" real life issues.

It didn't make him "fake"; it made him human.

Why ya gotta beat me to the punch every time cutiemouse?
I was posting something that said what you said almost verbatim... well, after you take out the plethora of verbose sentences and comedic parallels and if you resort it to be more succinct, then it was identical!!

I'd also like to add my two cents that I think he was saying, or trying to say, that a dominant should take responsibility for their life, which I do agree with, but that doesn't mean their life is in order like he suggests.

Aside from the axe he seems intend to grind.

I'd also be less nice than you and suggest he lower his standards, because with them as they are, no one will meet them and he will likely grow old and die alone. I see this a lot in a lot of people nowadays. They expect "perfect" cookie-cutter relationships.

The same as that submissive in the other thread who met her online guy this past Easter. He didn't fit her vision of fantasy walking in in jackboots, a crop tucked in firmly under his arm, barking orders to her. He tried to show he was a nice guy, so she kicked him to the curb without even a backward glance.

 

[CutieMouse]

I'd also like to add my two cents that I think he was saying, or trying to say, that a dominant should take responsibility for their life, which I do agree with, but that doesn't mean their life is in order like he suggests.

I'd make a small adjustment to that statement:

People need to do their best to take responsibility for their own lives, as much as possible.

For every dominant type out there, wandering about irresponsibly failing to stay on top of things, there is a submissive type out there looking for a white knight to sugardaddydominate him or her.

 

[LWulf]

I'd make a small adjustment to that statement:

People need to do their best to take responsibility for their own lives, as much as possible.

For every dominant type out there, wandering about irresponsibly failing to stay on top of things, there is a submissive type out there looking for a white knight to sugardaddydominate him or her.

True, that.

I'd quibble about how that adjustment fits into a D/s relationship, but we could go on and on adjusting each other for all of eternity and come back around to the same place again. Such actions aren't worthwhile to me.

I hope you realize I wasn't saying: responsibility = "stay on top of things"?

 

[Stevesteveson]

I know a few Dominants, of both genders, and in my personal experience, almost every female is not a true Dominant, other than in a fetish dynamic maybe. They seem to have issues from their past, many are out of shape, many are lazy, many have little going on career wise and MOST cannot manage their life much less a sub/slave.

Then there are the fit, beautiful and successful "Dominants". They are usually prodommes. That's a whole different thread.

People arn't perfect, lives are complex and no one can do everything. Sounds exactly like the women I have known looking that were for their knight in shinning armour or the men looking for "the one". Everyone has baggage and things going on in life. Same with pros. They are just paid very well to pretend they are perfect for a few hours.

I prefer my partners, lovers, friends and everyone else imperfect. The only perfect people are in films or lies.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

(Yes, I too love the comment about someone 'being real.')

I have had involvements with genuinely dominant women who have few if any flaws in any area, and all of them were introduced to me by bisexual women who I have relationships with.

I have never been able to tell which women are actually dominant (for real) in my initial interactions with women generally, although I think 'some' women have much better abilites at discerning such qualities than do I.

There are women I have been or are still involved with who are completely submissive to the absolute max - and even these are totally not obviously submissive sexually or erotically on the surface. Well, at least not as far as I could have said.

Sure, there are always a number of loud aggressive people around who you might pre-suppose to be 'dominant,' but I'm assuming that is not what the OP is talking about.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Waah, waah, wahh, I want a perfect 24/7 Ice Queen in shiny black leather that I never have to interact with in any meaningful way, just like in my favorite porn movies.

I DESERVE ONLY THE BEST DAMMIT, I'M THE BEST SUBMISSIVE!

etc etc.

Put your money on the barrel dude, because you're asking for professional service.

Oh, wait-- you did say that you have no use for prodommes.

Keep looking I'm sure you will find your rare-- and low cost*-- pearl some day, yep.


*Low cost as in you don't want to spend money or emotional support on your sex partner

 

[DirtyAllie]

Oh, yes because every male dom has rippling biceps and abs of steel right?

Please when I've gone to munches and clubs half the "doms" look like the before in the gym commercials, but the women have to be porn stars?

Post a pic of yourself studly. Let's see it.

Obviously another man with issues about women in control.

 

[Loverskitten]

Thank you Stella and Allie! The responses to this post were far too nice, but I was too busy being lazy to respond, ya know like all "females".

 

[DirtyAllie]

Thank you Stella and Allie! The responses to this post were far too nice, but I was too busy being lazy to respond, ya know like all "females".

You're welcome!

BTW I am still awaiting the pic from the OP.

 

[gretchenmilliner]

It's possible that the original poster has never come across a well-balanced, healthy, active, aspiring, organised, female dominant because they are also going to be intelligent, imaginative, exceptionally popular and very spoilt for choice.

 

[Netzach]

Consider that there are completely different criteria motives and interests for considering a woman and a man an alpha - and that you're possibly expecting alpha male criteria from women and having a shitfit when they don't care about the same metrics you do - because they're not men.

I can't imagine why the women you've contacted are trying to fit you into a schedule rather than sitting up and taking notice when you're approaching them based around your NEEDS.

Like dominant women are not burnt out on other people and their NEEDS. News flash - women are expected to drop everything they want in life the minute a man says "I need..." the entire point of female dominance is basically not-that.

A charming and seductive alpha sub gets on the front of my roster. Funny how these guys tend to just BE it not claim it.

 

[satindesire]

Waah, waah, wahh, I want a perfect 24/7 Ice Queen in shiny black leather that I never have to interact with in any meaningful way, just like in my favorite porn movies.

I DESERVE ONLY THE BEST DAMMIT, I'M THE BEST SUBMISSIVE!

etc etc.

Put your money on the barrel dude, because you're asking for professional service.

Oh, wait-- you did say that you have no use for prodommes.

Keep looking I'm sure you will find your rare-- and low cost*-- pearl some day, yep.


*Low cost as in you don't want to spend money or emotional support on your sex partner

THIS.

THIS THIS THIS. ALL DAY ERRY DAY.

 

[BiBunny]

Consider that there are completely different criteria motives and interests for considering a woman and a man an alpha - and that you're possibly expecting alpha male criteria from women and having a shitfit when they don't care about the same metrics you do - because they're not men.

I can't imagine why the women you've contacted are trying to fit you into a schedule rather than sitting up and taking notice when you're approaching them based around your NEEDS.

Like dominant women are not burnt out on other people and their NEEDS. News flash - women are expected to drop everything they want in life the minute a man says "I need..." the entire point of female dominance is basically not-that.

A charming and seductive alpha sub gets on the front of my roster. Funny how these guys tend to just BE it not claim it.

My God, story of my life. Particularly the part I bolded.

I mean, I don't count myself among the dominant women of the world, but fuck, let's talk about me and what I want/need/would like to have for dinner for a little while. I am so sick of entertaining the rest of the world, yo. I'd like to have the monkeys dance for me for a little while.

 

[KoPilot]

We need an """"alpha sub"""" version of this meme:

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma7karvB6G1qd96a1o1_500.png

 

[midwestyankee]

Apparently for some people the Easter Bunny doesn't go away; she just grows tits and grabs a whip.

 

[MeekMe]

When I first seen this at 8:00 this morning I laughed thinking about the responses. It went just as I thought it would.

Wonder where OP went.

What's an "alpha sub" I've never heard this title.

 

[midwestyankee]

When I first seen this at 8:00 this morning I laughed thinking about the responses. It went just as I thought it would.

Wonder where OP went.

What's an "alpha sub" I've never heard this title.

They were a fictitious form of Russian nuclear sub mentioned briefly in The Hunt for Red October.

In other usage, the top-dog submissive in a poly relationship that includes more than one submissive.

 

[MeekMe]

They were a fictitious form of Russian nuclear sub mentioned briefly in The Hunt for Red October.

In other usage, the top-dog submissive in a poly relationship that includes more than one submissive.

！(◎_◎) Oh, I see! *takes notes*

 

[CutieMouse]

They were a fictitious form of Russian nuclear sub mentioned briefly in The Hunt for Red October.

In other usage, the top-dog submissive in a poly relationship that includes more than one submissive.

It's also sometimes used to describe someone who is very Type-A personality, but identifies as submissive in their relationship. No need for multiples, poly, hoysehold, stable, etc.

 

[twister947]

While no one is perfect, I'm not about to submit to a fuck up...a certain amount of competence is necessary.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Apparently for some people the Easter Bunny doesn't go away; she just grows tits and grabs a whip.

Best quip. Do you expect attribution when I use it?

 

[SoulTrain]

Oh goodness.

The OP is very much topping from the bottom, it seems. They want to submit, but only to someone who is /obviously/ their equal, because they are at the very top of the food chain and there is no one better. /snark ends

They need to learn the very first thing about being submissive, which is, tuck their needs and their ego into a small box, and then lock it away. They are giving up control. This is the very basics of the D/s relationship.

Granted I could see there might be trust issues if someone's schedule is flaky, but hey, who's the one in charge? The sub? NOT.