tiny_tits journal and random thoughts

[Bert_Fegg]

I've been following this thread with interest and I have a few thoughts to toss into the mix:

People don't cheat if their relationship is working
If your needs aren't being met then your relationship isn't working
If you're not communicating then the relationship is doomed anyway

Have you thought that maybe you're just not the monogamous type? have you even discussed what type of relationship you have, or want to have, with your bf?

Seems to me that you're in a situation whereby you either fulfill your needs and upset the bf or put up with frustration - Personally I'd vote for upsetting the bf - He'll recover from that in far less time than you'll spend being frustrated otherwise - and eventually resentment will drive you apart anyway.

I'm often accused of being overly simplistic - feel free to laugh at this, but one thing I've found to be universally true is that important decisions are always simple - and simple decisions are always hard.

Hope whatever you do doesn't stop you from posting pix though - you are utterly delicious

 

[DallasDonna]

He probably wouldn't have even met me if I never found and posted on Lit.
I would still be sulking back in Dallas.

<rationalization much?>

Rationalizing isn't necessarily incorrect.

 

[TheOlderGuy]

Speaking of cheating, do you think it is cheating to post naked pics and discuss my sex life here without his knowledge?

Or, again, are there degrees of cheating?

Any secrets you keep from each other will, to some extent, eat away at the bond, the essential trust and honesty, between you. But every relationship has its own dynamic that can't be governed by the rules of someone else's relationship. So if you spend $500 on a pair of shoes, and you know it's just going to drive him crazy that you could spend that much money on shoes, but it makes you feel sexier and he benefits from your altered state of mind--is keeping it secret a bad idea? Probably not.

What you do here may have a similar effect. It may improve your relationship with him, whereas his knowledge of your activities here probably wouldn't. It's a fine line, and only you can really judge whether your time here has hurt your relationship with him. My impression is that you have gone through tremendous growth in your time here. Some of that may be Kevin's effect on you, but I think most of it is your own hunger to grow, and a thoughtful use of the tools at your disposal.

Tread cautiously--it's all a fluid mess of moving parts. Don't let guilt or fear rule your decisions, but be ever mindful of how your choices change things.

 

[tiny_tits]

I've been following this thread with interest and I have a few thoughts to toss into the mix:

People don't cheat if their relationship is working
If your needs aren't being met then your relationship isn't working
If you're not communicating then the relationship is doomed anyway

Have you thought that maybe you're just not the monogamous type? have you even discussed what type of relationship you have, or want to have, with your bf?

Seems to me that you're in a situation whereby you either fulfill your needs and upset the bf or put up with frustration - Personally I'd vote for upsetting the bf - He'll recover from that in far less time than you'll spend being frustrated otherwise - and eventually resentment will drive you apart anyway.

I'm often accused of being overly simplistic - feel free to laugh at this, but one thing I've found to be universally true is that important decisions are always simple - and simple decisions are always hard.

Hope whatever you do doesn't stop you from posting pix though - you are utterly delicious

As far as revealing and discussing my issues, I feel less guilty about that. What's different from me posting with y'all or with girlfriends over drinks, as 'normal' people do? And here, I get lots more input <love crowdsourcing>

But posting naked pics and getting off on the comments?
Probably cheating.

PS. We can see where this is heading, can't we?

 

[sexywriterfla]

As far as revealing and discussing my issues, I feel less guilty about that. What's different from me posting with y'all or with girlfriends over drinks, as 'normal' people do? And here, I get lots more input <love crowdsourcing>

But posting naked pics and getting off on the comments?
Probably cheating.

True...and input from here is simply because there are more varied types of people. Lots of opinions. But let's say you weren't on Lit but had a healthy fantasy life and masturbated regularly from it...is that cheating? I don't think so...

 

[Horus_rules]

Let's break that down.
I get emotional fulfillment from being able to discuss anything, no matter how bad, and not keep it bottled up. Can I do that with K? No, but nobody IRL either.

Get off sexually? Hells yea! But not 'rather than him'.

But probably the bigger point...
Keeping a part of my life a secret from him? (Posting my issues and naked pics here)
Guilty.

It is nice to have this "community" of friends to give you advice and listen to your problems. It is one of the things that has kept me here for so long.

Wouldn't be nice to be with someone who not only knows about your love of Lit, but finds it as erotic as you do? I have had this conversation with other Lit-friends and there is part of them that likes their secret exhibitions here. But they also would love to be able to share it with a partner.

I noticed in an earlier post that you said you loved being 'with' K, not necessarily loved K... I have to tell you that I think you are too young to get tied down to one guy at this point of your life. I remember your first postings here and have delighted in seeing you grow in not only your confidence, but your own sexuality. You are an amazingly sensual and sexy lady, please don't limit yourself before you have truly discovered who you are. If you and K are meant to be, he will be there for you when you're done. If not, you will find a man who deserves you.


H

 

[Blase]

Tiny, you really have to think about whether your love for this guy is stronger than your desire to experience different situations and different people. I *don't* recommend cheating; You'll always know, even if he doesn't find out, and that won't feel good.

Also, if you feel like you would need to lie in order to stay in a relationship, it says something about the needs and expectations that the two of you have of relationships, and each other.

 

[tiny_tits]

As far as if I love K, I'm not ready to say yes or no.
I've jumped too fast in the past, and really really got hurt.
There are times I would say yes! Others, meh.

 

[albertaboy]

As far as if I love K, I'm not ready to say yes or no.
I've jumped too fast in the past, and really really got hurt.
There are times I would say yes! Others, meh.

Then I would let your relationship run it's course for a while before I did anything either way.

You have undergone some serious life changes in a very short period of time...that's the older Father figure in me talking.

 

[tkinsc]

So my new dilemma is this:
There are things I want to experience sexually that won't happen with Kevin.
Talked about it with him, no go.
But I really really like (love?) being with him.
Do I:
(1) Forget the new experiences, stay with my man?
(2) Break up with Kevin and fulfill my fantasies?
(3) Have a secret weekend and don't tell him (yes... cheat)?

Number three should be out. It would be the easiest option in the short term, but would eventually have devastating effects on your relationship.

People may tell you number one is a good option, and it may be in the short term. However, I’m not sure that is your best long term option. How deep and burning are your desires? If they are really deep and burning, will not fulfilling these eventually doom your relationship and lead to number two or three?

Is number two your best option? I would never tell you to break up with your boyfriend just to fulfill sexual fantasies. However, if your desires are a key point for you, and you are convinced he will never be able to fulfill those desires, you will eventually get to number two or three.

Is there another option? Is there a fantasy he may be willing to fulfill? If so, start there and see where it goes. There were a number of sexual things in our relationship that were no goes at one point that are goes now. A few were easy agreements; a few took years to get too. However, we love each other and want to make each other happy. There are things we have done once, but won’t do again, and some we found we enjoy. We would have never gotten there with a strong relationship and discussion.

I would not consider posting pictures of having discussions on here as cheating. However, my opinion is not the one that counts. If Kevin found out, which he eventually will, what will he think? If he considered it cheating, you have probably doomed your relationship.

There are no easy answers. You know your relationship better than anyone else. Could he be Mr. Right, or is he just Mr. Right Now? If he has the potential for being Mr. Right, you owe it to yourself to try to find a way to make things work, which for you will probably involve trying to stretch his boundaries a bit.

Good luck to you.

 

[Horus_rules]

As far as if I love K, I'm not ready to say yes or no.
I've jumped too fast in the past, and really really got hurt.
There are times I would say yes! Others, meh.

I have been there too and am still a little jaded by it. It about taking risk with love and there maybe someone I am willing to risk that on again, but only time will tell if it works out...

Best of luck, no matter which way you decide and you know you will have some friends here to support you no matter what happens!

 

[WiseMind]

So my new dilemma is this:
There are things I want to experience sexually that won't happen with Kevin.
Talked about it with him, no go.
But I really really like (love?) being with him.
Do I:
(1) Forget the new experiences, stay with my man?
(2) Break up with Kevin and fulfill my fantasies?
(3) Have a secret weekend and don't tell him (yes... cheat)?

I'll never advocate cheating. As a man who's been cheated on, that can be a pretty heavy hit. Especially if the relationship is going well otherwise.

I'm pulling a little bit from column 1 and 2. I think it depends what the experiences are, and how many. If it's just one thing, it may be easier to push it aside and forget about it. If it's 5 or 6 things, that's a little harder.
I also think it's important to be with someone who is a good match, both in and out of the bedroom. When I'm in a relationship, I want to fulfill all of my partners fantasies (within reason). Drawing a hard line in the sand leads to resentment and can have ill effects on the relationship.

Take out of that what you will, and good luck!

 

[norfolklad]

Speaking of cheating, do you think it is cheating to post naked pics and discuss my sex life here without his knowledge?

Or, again, are there degrees of cheating?

I don't see your discussing your sex life on here as being any difference to discussing it with any bunch of friends - which lots of people do.

The pictures - well, you were posting those before you met him.

Is it cheating?
Yes - in the sense that you're hiding something from him.
No - in the sense that we all need the odd private corner in our lives.
Take your pick.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

People don't cheat if their relationship is working
If your needs aren't being met then your relationship isn't working
If you're not communicating then the relationship is doomed anyway

So this is the take home message.
Why drag K through a relationship with you if you "already know where this is heading"

 

[tiny_tits]

PM: "How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

hmmm... If I found K posting cock picks and getting off on the girls commenting...
Very good question.
Probably hurt a bit.

Posting questions about whether or not to see other girls?
More so.

This is one reason I could never tell him about lit- he would want to see, and that would lead to all my revelations... the blowjob I gave to a co-worker, the desire to have a mff with or without him- that would destroy him, more (probably) than the pics, most of which he took.

He would actually appreciate y'all's advice more than my admissions

 

[tiny_tits]

So this is the take home message.
Why drag K through a relationship with you if you "already know where this is heading"

I think you misunderstood me...

But posting naked pics and getting off on the comments?
Probably cheating.

PS. We can see where this is heading, can't we?

the PS referred to me not posting pix anymore.

While I still have doubts, I'm not ready to toss in the towel on the relationship yet...

 

[gsrs2120]

PM: "How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

hmmm... If I found K posting cock picks and getting off on the girls commenting...
Very good question.
Probably hurt a bit.

Posting questions about whether or not to see other girls?
More so.

This is one reason I could never tell him about lit- he would want to see, and that would lead to all my revelations... the blowjob I gave to a co-worker, the desire to have a mff with or without him- that would destroy him, more (probably) than the pics, most of which he took.

He would actually appreciate y'all's advice more than my admissions

I am of the opinion that it is good that you do have some way you can have a truly honest conversation about how you're feeling. Whether you can do that with your significant other or not, sadly can't be helped. Being able to talk things out is almost always good.

It sounds like you have tried to talk about this stuff with him, and he really didn't want to hear it, at all. Considering that you may love him, that is the saddest part. If he cares for you as much as you obviously care for him, you'd think he'd want to be the person you can talk to about anything and everything.

 

[gsrs2120]

I think you misunderstood me...



the PS referred to me not posting pix anymore.

While I still have doubts, I'm not ready to toss in the towel on the relationship yet...

If not posting pics anymore is what you feel you need to do to stay in a relationship that you feel can make you happy, then as much as it saddens me, that is what you should do.

Your happiness is most important.

 

[tiny_tits]

I am of the opinion that it is good that you do have some way you can have a truly honest conversation about how you're feeling. Whether you can do that with your significant other or not, sadly can't be helped. Being able to talk things out is almost always good.

It sounds like you have tried to talk about this stuff with him, and he really didn't want to hear it, at all. Considering that you may love him, that is the saddest part. If he cares for you as much as you obviously care for him, you'd think he'd want to be the person you can talk to about anything and everything.

I've always thought of that as 'living in the real world'.
While some may have that perfect SO, don't most of us have flaws that we just live with, and not expect a fairy tale?

 

[deltha]

"Any relationship, "romantic" or otherwise, is going to involve compromise. That's a given. We also each have things we are NOT willing to compromise about."
Eventually we find out that I, you cant have it all: in life, in a relationship. So I would focus on finding out whats really, really important for me. What kind of a relationship do you want? Open? Exclusive?
I am a firm believer in the second type. I believe in fidelity as a cornerstone in a relationship. I don't cheat because I fear being caught, but because that is what I believe is right. If my partner tries to convince me into a 3some or more even if its MFFF... I would say not. And if I finally give in, it would destroy who I am, what I believe in. So I have always been very upfront about this.

 

[gsrs2120]

I've always thought of that as 'living in the real world'.
While some may have that perfect SO, don't most of us have flaws that we just live with, and not expect a fairy tale?

You're right, perfection doesn't exist. I believe conversation and caring about your partner's feelings and desires is an extremely important part of a relationship though.

Anyone who would just close their mind to even considering and discussing the feelings/desires of their partner is doing the relationship a disservice, in my opinion. I may be in the minority in feeling that way, I don't know.

 

[tiny_tits]

"Any relationship, "romantic" or otherwise, is going to involve compromise. That's a given. We also each have things we are NOT willing to compromise about."
Eventually we find out that I, you cant have it all: in life, in a relationship. So I would focus on finding out whats really, really important for me. What kind of a relationship do you want? Open? Exclusive?
I am a firm believer in the second type. I believe in fidelity as a cornerstone in a relationship. I don't cheat because I fear being caught, but because that is what I believe is right. If my partner tries to convince me into a 3some or more even if its MFFF... I would say not. And if I finally give in, it would destroy who I am, what I believe in. So I have always been very upfront about this.

Hey Kevin!
You found my thread

Yes, this could be him exactly...

 

[tiny_tits]

You're right, perfection doesn't exist. I believe conversation and caring about your partner's feelings and desires is an extremely important part of a relationship though.

Anyone who would just close their mind to even considering and discussing the feelings/desires of their partner is doing the relationship a disservice, in my opinion. I may be in the minority in feeling that way, I don't know.

While I don't think he is close minded, I will say he feels more like the above post.

 

[LWulf]

Similar but opposite to deltha.

relationships ARE about compromise.
My tendency is to be exclusive but I don't mind entertaining a MFM or MFF encounter as long as my gf comes back to me. Now if she had an MFM without me, that would hurt me, yet I have no problem with my gf's being a stripper.

 

[deltha]

Ok it seems K is likeminded, so I will expand my thoughts.
I don't believe myself to be closed minded, I am willing to explore many things (it seems so does he). But not sharing, swinging, etc. (In may case also not hurting or humiliating the other person). I believe in fidelity not because I am old fashioned or because she is only mine; I believe there is a very deep connection and bond in a relationship (which even borders into the spiritual). It provides trust, stability, emotional deepness. But yes it means its just a couple thing. And again pushing me into willingly share my partner would basically destroy my believes (and me).